Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 June 1894 — THE JOKER’S BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

•ESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Th* Reason Why--During the Home Run -- Rank Heresy -- A Change, Etc , Etc. THE BEASON WHY. He loves to rise at early dawn When others love to lie. This is the finest time for him, Because he is a fly. —[Judge. DURING THE HOME RUN. He heard not the coacher’s yelling, Nor heeded the captain’s call, For the centre field he was whistling, “After the ball.” RANK HERESY. Jess —Reverend Dr. Thirdly does not officiate at Society weddings any more; the girls have turned him down. Bess—Since when? Jess—Since his sermon on “Put not your trust in Princes. "—[Puck.

A CHANGE. Mistress—Not going to marry that sweep after all. Jane? Why, I thought it was all settled. Jane—So it was, mum; but the fact is, I saw him with a clean face for the first time last night, and I can’t marry him. You’ve no idea how ugly he is when he’s washed, mum.—[Philadelphia Life. HEAVY. Pickly—What’s that derrick in front of your house for? Munson—Don’t know? My wife must be baking biscuit. ON THE WAY. “Is my article in the soup?” inquired the good natured litterateur. “Not yet,” replied the editor, “but I’m going to boil it down pretty soon."—[Washington Star. A QUICK RECOVERY. She—l am so surprised to see you out after your sudden illness. He—What do you mean? She—Why, they told me after the dinner the other night you had to be carried home.—[Truth. WHEN WORDS FLOWED FREELY. Ethel—l think Clara Perkins has the largest vocabulary and the greatest eloquence of any woman I know. Isabel—Why, she never says a word during club discussions. Ethel—No; but you should hear her talk to her eanary.—[Judge. TOP OF THE LIST. 1 ‘There goes a man who leads in letters.” “Ah, indeed! 'What’s his name?” “A. A. Adams.”—[Truth. A POOR BARGAIN. Jess—l’ll give you a penny for your thoughts. Chappie—l was thinking of myself. Jess—Well, that’s the usual way with bargains. IT WOULD BE A GIVE AWAY. Dags—l see they have at last deciphered the Hittite hieroglyphics, supposed to be 4,000 years old. Wags—Really? I hope there are none of my jokes among them.

UNPROFESSIONAL OPINION. In the studio of a professional painter before his latest picture. “Well, what do you think of it?” “In the first place, I ought to tell you, sir, that I am no judge.” “Never mind, let us have your opinion.” “To tell the truth, I—l think it splendidl” “There, you see what a capital judge you are!" —[La Figaro. AT OLD POINT COMFORT. Penelope Peachblow—Great Heavens, Cholly Chapleigh looks as though he were wearing second-hand clothes. Dickey Doolittle (with awe) —He is. They were the Duke of Worcestershire’s once, and he is so stuck up about them that he won’t speak to us fellahs any more.

HIS WEAK SPOT GONE. “Chappie and Wilkins had a dispute at the club the other night, and Chappie got so excited he lost his head.” “Bear me, how fortunate! Chappie’s head was his only weak spot.” —[Harper’s Bazar. A BIBLIOPHILE. “He’s very intellectual and literary, isn’t he?” “Why do you think so?” “He told me he never felt himself till he was snugly ensconced in his library.” “Well, you see, his folding bed is a bookcase.”—[Judge. TWO POINTS OF VIEW. Flushly—lt is easy to acquire a taste for terrapin. Dedbroke—Yes; easier than to acquire the terrapin.—[Truth. WISHED HE WAS THEBE. He had just eaten of her biscuits for the first time, and was pensive. “Darling,” asked the bride with a joyous smile, “of what were you thinking?” “I was thinking,” he said slowly, “of Samoa.” “It must be a beautiful place,” she said, “but why Samoa?” There was a far-away look in his eyes as he remarked: “Bread grows on the trees there.” —[New York World. AFFORDING HER AMUSEMENT. Watts—Do you always agree with your wife when she makes an assertion? Potts—Of course I don’t. Do you suppose I want the poor woman to have no amusement at all?—[lndianapolis Journal. FASTIDIOUS. Young Wife—John, dear, I'm so glad you are coming home to dinner. Now I ami going to make a pie for you by my own self. John (nervously)—Very well, dear, mind you do, but not too much crust, you know. I never touch pie crust. Young Wife—All right, Johnny, then the pie shall be extra nice inside, with a lovely gravy. John (trying to speak cheerfully)— Yes, darling, but don’t put too much inside, you know. I never eat the inside of pies, and I don’t care much for gravy.