Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 June 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Hare Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Carious, and Laughable—The Week's Humor. Bet Cs All Lanch. The only office that seeks the man is the Sheriff's office.—Hallo. In this lamb like weather even the ilouds are fleecy. —Lowell Courier. The man who loses is never accused of not playing fair.—Siftings. Tiie weigh of the world is about fourteen ounces to the pound.—lowa Gazette. It is very natural for men to fly in a passion when anything makes them lore. —Siftings. “What did your pa give you for your birthday, Johnny?” “He had me hair cut.”—Hallo. Andrews —What is the extreme penalty for bigamy? Briggs—Two mothers-in-law. —Tid-Bits. “I am on the trail again,” said the old scout when he trod on the woman’s dress.—Florida Times. A fireman who undertook to fight a Are the other night was severely licked by the flames. —Grip. Almost any man is inclined to permit his customers to keep their own opinions.—Galveston News. A man with a wheel in his bead does not necessarily suffer from that tired feeling.—West Union Gazette. “Change for the better, ” said the cashier of the pool-room as he paid out the cash to the winner.—Siftings.

Closeleigh— “lt gives me great pleasure to offer you this cigar.” Jones—“ Great Scott! is it that bad?" Life. A new color is known as invisible blue. It will probably be used in the policemen’s new uniforms.—Philadelphia Record. Benedict— “ Why won’t she marry you? Is there another man in the case? Singleton—“ Yes; her father.” —Boston Traveler. Wagge—Why don’t you get a bicycle, Pat? Pat—Bicycle nothin’; whin I want to walk I prefer to do it stannin’ up!—Grip. The “room for improvement” which you hear persons speaking of is certainly not the one you And in a flat. —Yonkers Statesman. The average dwarf is at very serious disadvantage. No matter how large his income, he is always sure to be short.—Buffalo Courier. For those who are troubled with “that full feeling” after eating, we recommend day board at Mrs. bkimpey’s boarding house.—Grip. The Rector—“ You don’t mean to say you went to a dog show on Sunday?” Penelope—“ Yes; but I looked at the St Bernards only.”—Judge. Court —What do you mean by saying you were once in the higher walks of life? Tramp—l wuz in de mountains wid Coxey.—Detroit Tribune. “The Telescope’s Mystery” was the subject of a lecture delivered the other night in Chicago. Anybody could see through it.—Philadelphia Ledger.

Dmaos—“Can a man serve two masters?” Henpeck—“ Well, that depends. He may have a wife and a grown daughter, you know.”—The Waterbury. “There was great consternation on the stage of the Oriental last evening, ’’.wrote the critic, “when Ah Sing, the leading actor, lost his cue.” —Boston Courier. The establishment of a coffee clearing house is projected by the Coffee Exchange of New York. The white of an egg is said to be effective.—Philadelphia Ledger. “What sort of a collection have you, Will?” asked the visitor. “Perhaps lean help you.” “Well, sir," said Will, “I’m collecting American coins.”—Harper’s Young People. i Servant— “Yis, sorr, Mrs. Jones is in. What’s yer name, sorr?” Visitor—“ Prof. Vandersplinkenheimer. ” Servant—“Ochl Sure ye’d better go roight in and take it wid ye.”— Judge. A little girl’s father had a round bald spot. Kissing him at bedtime not long ago, she said: “Stoop down, popsy dear, I want to kiss the place where the lining shows.”—Pearson’s Weekly. Job Lott —One never loses anything by keeping his engagements punctually. Kirby Stone—My experience is he is apt to lose half an hour’s time waiting for the other fellow.—Tid Bits.

Mother —“ Mabel, stop pounding your little brother! What do you mean?” Mabel—“ Well, I told him we’d better play we was only engaged, but he wanted to play we was married.”—Frank Leslie’s. “Tain’t no disgrace to be sent to the Island,” said Haggles. “Look at Napoleon Bonyparte. He was sent up to the Island for years, an’ yet nobody thinks the less of him for that ” —Harper’s Bazar. She pushed back the heavy bang from his forehead and said: “Oh, Tommy, will it tell on your diploma that you won the place of valedictorian by your rushes and tackles?”—Washington Star. Johnny, on his first visit to the country, saw a little mule colt trotting after its dam. “How do you like Bessie’s colt?” asked Uncle George. “Why, is it her colt?” said Johnny, much surprised.' “I thought it was an orphan.”—Kate Field’s Washington. She —“ But how can you think I’m pretty when my nose turns up so?’ 1 He—“ Well, all I have to say is that it shows mighty poor taste in backing away from such a lovely mouth. Standard. The Young Doctor— “ Just think, six of my patients recovered this week.” The Old Doctor—“lt’s your own fault, my boy. You spend toe much time at the club.”—Life. “That’s what I get for my pains,” sobbed the small boy, as he swallowed a dose of castor oil.—Philadelphia Record, i