Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 May 1894 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Pb-me of Hama* Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fun. * Sprinkles of Spire. The message of the March winds: “Hats off, there!”—Philadelphia Record. To the victim of influenza a fan is always a “fad. "—Yonkers Statesman. The blarney stone at the World’s Fair was a sham rock.—Rochester Post When a man is vaccinated he usually sees the point—West Union Gazette. \ Sometimes a man feels the lightest when he has a heavy load on.—Glens Falls Republican. When a man’s countenance falls it naturally lowers its face value.— Yonkers Statesman. Mrs. Mulligan—l’d rather hevthe hull family sick than you’ Mr. Mulligan—So would I. —Hallo. She—Would you go through fire for me, Algernon? He—Ya-as, If I was dwessed for it—Harper’s Bazar. Woman’s hand may be pale and delicate, but she can pick up a hotter plate than a man.—Texas Siftings. The servant-girl problem may properly be referred to as the hire education of women.—West Union Gazette.

“Were you a bull or a bear?” asked an acquaintance of a speculator. “Neither,” he replied; “I was an ass.” Tid Bits. Jillson says he has noticed that the outsider who takes a little flyer in stocks usually comes back with his wings clipped.—Buffalo Courier. A citizen of Georgia has in his keeping -two eggs said to be forty years old. Here’s $lO says that those eggs can’t be beat.—Arkansaw Traveler. “Your business is picking up, I see,” said the cobbler to the ragpicker. “Yes. And I see yours is mending,” was the quick reply.— Grip. You would certainly expect trained speakers to articulate distinctly, but they all do not. Look at the elevated railroad guards, for instance.—Siftings. “H’m,” said the burglar, after he had found that the safe was empty, “this thing lacks a whole lot of what it was cracked up to be.”—lndianapolis Journal. Miss Gush—“Oh, Colonel, just look at those magnificent elms! I’m sure you love trees.” Col. Blank—“ Dearly, Miss Gush, I learned to love them during the war.”—Life. “Freddie Van Twiggen says he thinks it must be very easy to be funny,” said Maud. “It is,” replied Mamie, “for Freddie unless he tries.”—Washington Star. “Now, as to the degree of justifL able homicide,’* said the Eastern judge in charging the jury, “that is where a man is killed in self-defense or in college.”—Plain Dealer. “There is at least one place,” said the statesman, who looked very weary, “where men of all parties must stand together.” “Where is that?” “In a crowded horsecar.”— Industries.

Beloved —“So you touched papa with your impassioned words, did you?” Lover—“ Did I? “Where did you suppose I got the stuff to pay for a box and a supper after the show?” —Detroit Free Press. Little Boy—“ That lady gave me candy.” Mother—“l hope you were polite about it” “Yes’m.” “What did you say?” “I said I wished pop had met her before he got ’quainted with you.”—Good News. Excited Man—“l must have a hundred dollars. Can’t you lend it to me?” Cool Friend—“Oh, certainly, but not all at once. I can let you have ten cents every two or three weeks.”—Texas Siftings.

She ' (in affright)—“Oh, Tom, why do you make such awful faces at me?” He (contritely)—“l can’t help it, dear. My eye-glasses are falling off, and 1 don’t want to let go of your hands. ” —Boston Journal. Employer—“ Why were you dismissed from your last place?” Servant—“ Because just once I got drunk,” Employer—“ How long were you employed there?” Servant—- “ One day!"—Fliegende Blaetter. Mother—Walter, see that you give Beatrice the lion’s share of that banana. Walter—Yes, mamma. Beatrice —Mamma, Walter hasn't given me any. Walter —Well, that’s all right. Lion's don t eat lanana-.—Brooklyn Life. i “You must have made several dollars out of your theatricals.” “I? Oh, no. Those theatricals were for the poor.” “I know; that’s why I supposed you divided up the receipts among the performers. They were the poorest I ever saw.”—Harper’s Bazar. Young Doctor —“Here I’ve had my shingle out two weeks, and not a case yet I’ve been sitting here like patience on a monument” Friend—- “ Never mind; you will eventually get a chance to put the monuments on the patients.”—Philadelphia Record. The other day a young man gave a reason for not dancing, the spirit of which might be made to apply to a good many failures in life. “I should like to dance, ” he said, “and I should dance, only the music puts me out and the girl gets in my way.”—TidBits.