Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 May 1894 — Page 6

ttjeJcmocratirScntinri RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J, W. McEWEN. - - PvßusHth.

EARTH’S EVOLUTION.

THE PLANET FROM ITS BIRTH TO ITS PRESENT STAGE. foe Fire Period and the Stage of Water Appearance of Dry Land—Beginning of Life —How the World Looked at Different Periods. From a lecture recently delivered at Chicago by Mr. Olney H. Richmond, the following Interesting itory of the earth’s •volution is taken: The evolution of the earth point where it ceased to be a part of Its mother Bun, up to time when It Is a full-fledged world, In Its prime, cannot but be an Interesting theme to persons of Intelligence. We will take this Infant, after a few millions of years had elapsed. The ring of matter which parted from the sun about 46,400,000 years ago, had slowly gathered Itself into a disk, thick In the middle and thin, comparatively, at the outer edges: ready to form itself, under the unerring law of nature into a small system. Of but Tittle Importance to the universe was the forthcoming insignificant globe and satellite, but of the greatest importance to the •ountless millions of beings who were des-

THE EARTH IN A GASEOUS FORM, WITH THE RING OF LUNA.

lined to evolute upon the surface of one or the other of these tiny specks. We need no engraving to present to our eight the thinly distributed mass of matter, for the place was as near being a dark ▼old as we can conceive. This disk, when a million miles wide In Us- diameter, must have contained matter attenuated to at least one-eigbt-hun-dredth the density of air. In other words, apace occupied by it was a greater “void” than the most perfect vacuum producible by our air pumpa Yet, strange as it may seem, this state represented a condensation of matter that had been going on for thousands of millions of years, extending back to a period long anterior to the birth •f Neptune. Our first view of Terra exhibits her as a ring led planet, somewhat like Saturn, except that the ring is not compound as with Saturn, and the planetary matter had not condensed to near the extent. » L The Birth of the Moon. OUe earth, ak the stage shown in engraving Na 1, was about 445 times greater In bulk than at present; so its density must have been still far less than that of water. The moon having parted from this Infant earth we will leave her to fulfill her own density; to become an inhabited globe, with seas and continents, mountains, lakes and Islands; io afterwards die out to a cold and airless rock as we sow behold her, a fit type of what our earth is to become in the fullness of time. While our gentle attendant was passing through her cycle of life she possessed several brightly shining luminaries to warm and vivify her. The brightest and largest of these suns, apparently, because so much nearer to her, was the one upon which we bow reside. “A sun. say you?" Yes, a sun. For we are living pnd moving upon the ashes of a

THE EARTH AS A SPOTTED, BLAZING SUN.

dead sun—upon tbe storm-beaten and earthquake shaken mass of cinders left from the dying out of a small sun. Engraving Na 2 shows this sun after she was well advanced in years. Her once white hot surface had become yellow, while many spots obscured her fair face These spots were vast masses of scoria, which had become slightly cooler and had in many cases anchored themselves to tbe more condensed material of the core of the body. Around these “islands of red-hot lava” gigantic cyclones of fire swept and swirled, while the war of elements was so great that a mass of basaltic rock ths site of Rhode Island might have been tossed about as a pea in a boiling pot. It has been 13,000,000 years since she parted from the parent sun; still, she is an infant. - " Five million years must pass and we ▼lew her once more in Na 3. Ah' what a Change. The blemishes we saw co long ago have Increased until they have Inclosed her melted interior within a shell of lava; sed-bot about her equator; gray and dark about her slowly turning poles. Why is this? you ask. Let me explain. Under the well-known principles of gravity, cenfrlpetal and centrifugal force, a floating body on a circularly moving surface will seek the parts that move with the least velocity, even as chips floating In a tub of water will seek the center of motion when the water Is whirled about the tub with a stick. Therefore, the poles became loaded with masses of cooling rock ages before the equator became cool enough to become ‘ dark red. Up to this time the central sun, although blazing away with twice Its present power, had but little effect upon the earth, because her own heat was so great. But now the cooling process was to go on store rapidly at the poles by reason of the slant rays of sun upon them. So tbe crust

THE EARTH AS A RED-HOT GLOBE—THE FIRE STAGE.

gradually thickened and hardened at those pointe, while it was constantly eracked and Assured by enormou* upheavals and the bursting forth of the pent- up matter within. A Belted Planet. Ths engraving shows the earth in this afaigwof fire as a belted planet like Jupiter; the belts being composed of dark masses of aqueous vapor mingled with carbon and ether gases. These formed a belt about the equator 1.000 miles in thickness and U3steutled nearly to the poles That belt •■utetued tbe future seas and oceans, the •o*l beds end rich earth that were millions and mltlkms of years later to render tbe eaitb a fit abode for man. These carbonic and hydrogen vapors

were constantly condensing. *s they came in contact with the extreme cold of outer space, thereby becoming precipitated to the hot earth below, to again be sent flying upward in the form of steam and gas. This produced a constant rain night and day tor more than 500,000 years, and a period followed this when rain storms were violent and almost constant for millions of yiurt Our world being now formed in the shape of a ball slightly flattened at the poles,' we will watch It during Its further development, for a grand and mighty work

OUR GLOBE IN ITS EARLY STAGE OF LAND FORMATION.

must yet be done upon her by tue forces of Vulcan before she can become the abode of lite. Wo have left her astronomical history now, and must begin upon her geological career. Wo first behold her as an azoic earth 10.000,000 years later, during which period mighty changes have taken place. The crust has cooled slowly until the white-hot core Is covered with many miles of stone But the pent-up fires within are constantly heaving and gushing upward through vsst rents in the warm rock. Were It not for this the level earth would be covered with water, impregnated to saturation with carbonic acid gas, to the depth of hundreds of feet. But the contraction of the crust under the cooling process has folded up great ridges of rock, and has thereby lifted it above the terrible abyss of waters so that dry land appeara But what an Inhospitable shore it la A great, dry, hot granite rock a thousand miles long marks the birth of a new continent, the first one south of the Arctic Circle. America, called the “New World,” is geologically the old. “We may walk,” says Agassiz, “along its summit and feel that we are treading upon the granite ridge that first divided the waters into a northern and a southern ocean, and if our imaginations carry us so far, we can look down to its base and fancy the sea washed against this earliest shore of a lifeless world. ” A little land at the poles, a V-shaped strip extending from the north polar land downward to where Lake Superior now is, and from thence northwesterly to the Arctic Sea, together with a few Islands widely scattered, and all the rest a wilderness of black watera That is the azoic earth 28,000,(X)0 years ago. The Paleozoic Earth. Our next view shows the earth after another tremendous phrlod had elapsed, estimated at 8,000,000 yean. The first paleozoic period was characterized by terrific convulsions, during which thousands of mountain - tops were thrust upwards

EARLY LIFE STAGE OF EARTH-THE ISLAND PERIOD.

through the waters, forming Islands Thus the earth might be said to have been In Its “Island period." This period is divided for convenience of study into the Silurian, Devonian and Carboniferous Ages. To whatever conclusion geologists may arrive regarding earlier forms of life, thero Is no doubt whatever that the Silurian Age developed billions upon billions of mollusks, while the Devonian Age following it found the warm seas literally swarming with flsbea These animals existed In such Immense quantities during the two periods named that their fossilized remains build up thousands of feet of rocky formations. The third part of the Palaeozoic period, called the Carboniferous Age, abounded in such a growth of aborescent forms of life that we can not even grasp an Idea of what It was. Plants that are now tiny spores, scarcely to be seen by the passer-by, were In that age gigantic trees. The massive coal beds laid down upon our continent show plainly that an enormous amount of carbon must have been precipitated from the air, as well as laid down In the form of vegetation, in order to form the great beds of coal. In some places more than twenty-five thick and covering In one State, Missouri, 100, - 000 square miles. So long were each of these “ages," Into which geologists divide the Palaeozoic time, that they subdivide the Silurian Age Into the upper and lower, which are again subdivided into three divisions each. The Devonian Age Is subdivided Into four great periods and the Carboniferous Into three, the one called the Permian being the third. As an inkling of the wonderful formations during this period, we will say that the Hamiltonian series of the Devonian subdivision of the Palaeozoic formation. In the State of New York, comprise more than 5,000 feet of rocky strata—nearly one mile in thickness! The estimate of time for the Palaeozoic period Is as follows: Six periods of the 81-

SECOND LIFE STAGE OF EARTH—INCREASE OF CONTINENTS.

lurlan, 2,630,000 years; four periods of the Devonian, 2,150,000 years; three periods of the Carboniferous. 2,200,000 years'; total Palaeozoic time. 7,000,000 years—bringing us down to about 16,000.000 years ago. The Mesozoic Stage. Our next view Exhibits the earth as It advanced Into the Mesozoic stage of "existence, or middle life of nlstory. The framework of tbe Americas has been filled out more completely from the vertebrate of rocky Islands shown in the previous view. The carboniferous area has been added. 'J he great Appalachian chain has been uplifted above the sea. New England was a peninsula The Gulf of Mexico washed the sides of tbe Sierra Nevada Tbe great United States was a vast basin of salt water dotted With islands, while the Northern Atlantic' -was. filled with a mass of land which was to be hurled by gigantic currents ahd upheavals upon the surface of the North American continent Mesozoic time Is divided Into tbe Triassic period, the Jurassic period, and the Cretaceous period, each of which lasted long enough to develpp the most remarkable class of animals of which Imagination could possibly conceive. Reptiles of all patterns and sizes ruled the earth. Gigantic lizards, “with eyes two feet in diameter;” turtles nearly large enough to lay out into city lots, and numerous other reptiles, some of them with wings, and all of them having Greek names long enough to paralyze any luodern animal to carry. Nature had a partly made egrtp, warm and dank, with the air filled with carbonic gas; so she developed a lot of monsters to fill lu the time and keep things moylngi We estimate the time during 'this period a* 6,000,000 years, although thqre are grave reasons for assigning Part of this time to the preceding'period; Butthe Naw Red Sandstone perloj, which is assigned to the Devonian by some geologists, belongs in this formation. When we consider the vast chalk deposits laid down by microscopic animals, together with niipierous other strata, such as the rock salt beds of the Triassic period and the sandstones of the Jurassic, interstratifled with goldbearing quartz, We must concede a very long period to the Mesozoic. In England there are immense beds of

ehalk; also In Fraac* we find the same formation Now, the mlcroecope reveals to os that every Inch of thU stratum Is composed of liny, indestructible shells. Indestructible. that la, by ordinary convulsions of nature, because they are so exceedingly small One cubic inch of chalk contains over 58.000 microscopic sheila The chalk beds, thousands of feet thick, were laid down under water at the rate of the thickness of a sheet of tissue paper annually. During the Mesozoic time, vast mountain chains were forced upward and then slowly degraded or worn down, leaving the upturned eoges of the strata of preceding edges exposed. Upon theseedges the newer formations were laid down. As one geologist exclaims, “The surface of the earth seems to have teetered up and down as If the land rested upon a water-soaked bog. ” That exactly expresses the facts as revealed by an examination of the rocky leaves from the Silurian upward. It was a “water-soaked bog,” but the bog rested upon a thin crust of rock, which In turn pressed upon a mass of white hot senilllquld earth material The thinness Is only so by comparison with the size of the earth, however, for It Is estimated that at this period the crust averaged about thir-ty-eight miles In thickness Many miles of this crust would be red hot, though consistent. We must not linger longer with this fascinating earth. but hasten onward to the age of mammals, those forerunners of man. The Cenozoic Earth. d The great continental areas are better defined. The United States Is nearly bisected by en enormous arm of the Northern Sea. while in South America the valleys of the Amazon and the Bio de la Plata are united in a vast sea. which divides the continent Into two parts. It was during this long period that some of the most stupendous changes took place in the configuration of the globe, so far as the

THIRD STAGE OF LIFE—THE GREAT INLAND SEA PERIOD

surface was concerned. Previous changes were mostly beneath the waters, but a grand fashioning of the land must now take place. The Cenozoic time Is divided into two great periods, the tertiary and the post tertiary. Ihe tertiary Is subdivided Into three grand periods, called the eocene, mlocene, and the pliocene. The post tertiary extends upward through the glacial epoch and the terrace epoph. We cannot stop to examine the wonderful animals which developed upon the land during the Miocene and Pliocene periods, but we will examine the geographical changes. During the millions of years which supervened we find that the great sea arm of North America was cut off by the rising of great walls of rock In the north. Then the sea grew smaller and smaller by slow degrees while Its salt was deposited slowly’ln layers upon Its bottom, until after an enormous time had elapsed the great sea became a comparatively small lake, still somewhat Impregnated with salt and other soluble minerals. But, though small In comparison. It occupied an area five times the size of Lake Superior, at the close of the Miocene period. It covered the spot where Golden City and Denver now stand, and the “Bad Lands” and sage brush plains of the West, over an area of 150,000 square mllea The Mississippi and Ohio Rivers then emptied Into the Gulf of Mexico near where Cairo, IIL, now stands. In addition. we notice that the Islands of the North Atlantic had risen Into a broad continent which was a continuation of the oldpr North-polar continent, and was. with Its outlying Islands at the south of It, destined to become a great highway, over which the early races of men could flee from the gathering cold of the Northland. The estimate of time we make as follows: The Eocene period, 1,4(10.000; the Miocene period, 1.600,000; the Pliocene period, 2.000,000; the great Quaternary epoch. 1,000,000. Total Cenozoic time, 6,000,000. The Glacial Period. This brings us down to the great glacial period of the earth, which Is reckoned as

THE EARTH IN THE GREAT DRIFT PERIOD.

belonging to the quaternary period by most geologists. We show the earth at the beginning, or near the beginning of that time. Our poor, tortured earth has been tried by fire, by water and by earthquake shocks for ages upon ages. But now she must pass the ordeal of the air. For the air now conspired with all the others together to bring upon her the most extraordinary series of experiences that could be conceived. First, we ask you to dismiss from your minds the idea that the glacial period was brought about through extreme cold. Cold could never have done it alone, nor could heat, but a combination of tbe two could. What Is needed to make enormous quantities of suow? Plenty of steam or water vapor. What is needed to generate this vapor? Plenty of heat 6o we have, as so ably qhown by Prof. Donnelly', tne conditions for a glacial epoch: (1) A place where much aqueous vapor could be generated; (2) winds to carry it to a colder ptace on the globe; (3) cold air to turn the vapor to snow. AU these conditions came when tbe air above tbe poles became cold through tbe shotting off of the Internal heat of tbe earth by the thickening of tbe polar crust and tbe lessening of the sun’s effectiveness by reason of Its diminished size and the pelar angle of the earth to the sun’s rays. During this awful period, life, both vegetable and animal, bad a hard struggle for existence. It was driven first to the north, then to the south. In waves or vibrations, corresponding to the “great astronomical year" of the earth. But the work or evolution went on slowly, step by step, to more perfected forms, as the environments would permit. While this tremendous work was going on. Plulo had not ceased his labors by any means, for we find that our continent >as lifted bodily, and again dropped down beneath its load of ice, several times. After the “Champlain epoch" came the great period called the Terrace epoch (Steel), during which period the land all over the earth oscillated up and down, like a ship at sea. It was during this time that the,gigantic terraces or star-like ridges were formed, such as those we see at Mackinac and elsewhere, 'ibis' feature is especially noticeable In the West or Rocky Mountain region, where the great lakes are shown In the engraving. The Atlantic

THE POST-GLACIAL. PERIOD.

continent is seen almost submerged, to again uprise, while Its mate sinks, on this “continental teeter.” The mouths of the Mississippi, Amazon, and Rio de la Plata are still several bundled miles Inland from' their positions at abater period. Tbe State of Michigan and part of Wisconsin are under water, forming one large lake.

W» next come to the period called the “Post Glacial," and give a view of the earth during»that period. The Americas have assumed an appearance nearly tbs same as the present, yet there Is a great difference In details, too small to be shown. The river systems have changed a great great deal also the lake systema Atlantis, the “gem of the ocean," has become well defined during this period, while the Atlantic continent has been broken up and partly washed away, leaving numerous Islanda Greenland has re-

THE EARTH IN THE ALLUVIAL AND RIVER PERIOD.

treated farther northward, leaving the place where*tbe Atlantic continent stood, with its millions of beings, to become ths great submarine ocean plateau of our day. The Beginning of Man. There has been much controversy had over the question as to the particulal point In geologic time when man first became a development which could be distinguished from the quadrumana. Scientific authorities differ very widely upon estimates, and every new discovery has a tendency to place the acceptable estimate farther back. Taking all the evidence at hand from various sources, we are of the opinion that the first distinct type of men appeared upon the earth about 650,000 years aga There was a great and dlsMnct change in the animal life during the glacial period, where the mammoth and cav« bear seemed to have existed with early man. Long ages of time elapsed, during which tremendous vicissitudes occurred to our earth and Its inhabitants. Man was obliged to fight his way upward, oven as his progenitors had done before him, step Dy step, sometimes retrograding for a time, then advancing. We give another view of our earth, In the alluvial or present stage of time, when the rocks over a large part of the continental divisions are deeply covered with the rich debris from former lands, now pulverized and scattered. America is one vast cemetery of burled and forgotten forms of life, man befog Included among them. Other nations have arisen upon this continent. fought the battle of life, and have fallen Into oblivion. Fourteen thousand years ago a flourishing nation occupied the soil where we now strut about as upon the stage of life. Other nations will follow us and still others; lands will sink and Hinds will rise, as step by step the cold of the arctic regions will drive men south. Lake Michigan will dwindle gradually to a river. Chicago, after attaining the grand position of a leading city of the world, with 6,000,000 Inhabitants, will sink beneath the quicksands, Inch by Inch, and will disappear from the sight of man. New York City will be under 400 feet of salt sea water, and Boston will be a memory; The lakes and rivers become slowly congealed as the great Ice walls of the arctic sea press downward over our devoted and doomed country, stop by step, until the whole Is covered with the crystal palL But while this change is going on, kind Nature provides a home for her children. She raises vast bodies of land from the broad bosom of the Pacific, whose thousands of Islands become continents Although our snn Is diminished in splendor at this far-off date, the loss of heat Is compensated for by its perpendicular rays upon the land surface of our globe.

An Expert Trailer.

All who have been on the frontier have heard of the remarkable faculty of Pedro Espinosa, the famous Mexican trailer, whose powers border upon the mythical. General Dodge tells the following story of an experience with this remarkable man, which will give a good idea of what an expert trailer can do: “I was once sent In pursuit of a party of murdering Comanches, who had been pursued, scattered, and the trail abandoned by a company of socalled Texas Rangers. On the eighth day after the scattering, Espinosa took the trail after a single shod horse. When we were fairly into the rough, rocky Guadaloupe Mountains, he stopped, dismounted, and picked up from the foot of a tree the four shoes of the horse ridden by the Indian. With a grim smile, he ha’nded them to me, and informed me that the Indian intended to hide his trail. “For six days we journeyed over the roughest mountains, turning and twisting in apparently the most objectless way, not a man in the whole command being able to discover, sometimes for hours, a single mark by which Espinosa might direct himself. Sometimes I lost patience, and demanded that he show me what he was following. * Poco tiempo ’ (in a short time), he would blandly answer, and, in a longer or shorter time, show me the clear-cut footprints of the horse in the soft bank of a mountain stream, or point with his long, wiping stick to other most unmistakable ‘sign.’ Following the devious windings of this trail for nearly pne hundred and fifty miles, arid only once or twice dismounting more closely to examine the ground, he finally brought me to where the Indians had reunited."

Neat Footwear.

Almcst all of the low dress shoes are open over the instep and fasten by one or more bands. One very pretty shoe has simply points of leather at each side of the Instep.

LOW DRESS SHOES

These points have eyelets and are laced with a cord. All the strapped and laced shoes are without tongues, and as a natural consequence the styles in hosiery are becoming decidedly prettier and more elaborate.

Why She Was Proud of Him.

. “Your husband seems to have the artistic temperament,” said the lady who was calling on the recently married young woman. “Do you think so?” was the response, with a happy little smile. “Yes. 1 should think he might have made a good painter.” “I never saw him try to paint,” replied the little wife. “But he can whitewash beautiful.” The seeds most valuable for a florist are pro-ceeds.

ANOTHER AIRSHIP.

It la th« Invnatlon. of • 8m FraneUeo Cobbler. Jean Baptiste Gerber, inventor by Inclination, but cobbler through necessity, has constructed an airship, or the model of one. which he is confident is destined to solve the problem of aerial navigation and at the same time place him in affluence—yes, make him a millionaire. , To the eye of the uninitiated it seems a jumble of fans, flywheels and ropes, but each has an appointed purpose. There are the side propellers to lift ft into the blue empyrean, and the screws to drive it forward when it has attained the desired level. Its rise is assisted by a cigar-shaped affair that surmounts the whole, and which it is intended to fill with hydrogen or some light gas. This balloon, if it might be so called, is collapsible, and would then act as a parachute to ease the ship in descending to the earth. To this end there are also arranged on the bottom of the boat a number of heavy springs, which would give resilience to the structure and cause it to rebound should the contact be severe. At either end are curiously shaped sails, which are designed to aid the progress of the machine. The one aft is bell-shaped and the forward is cone-shaped. With the wind abaft they would materially aid the elec-

COBBLER GERBER'S AIRSHIP.

trical machines in driving the ship through the air, and with it forward their slngular/shape would lessen materially the resistance and act, as it were, as the sharp prow of a clipper in cleaving the waves. The structure is to be built of aluminum and is to be used in war for the destruction of cities and ships and m peace for the transportation of passengers and freight.—San Francisco Examiner.

MARY AND THE MESSIAH.

Said to Have Been Sheltered by This Syc« a more Tree. At Matrieh, in Egypt, which tradition represents as being the residence of Christ and his mother dur-

SYCAMORE TREE AT MATRIEH.

Ing their exile in the land of Pharaoh, a sycamore is shown as having given its refreshing shade to the Messiah and to Mary. A traveler says that while visiting there a Moslem guide'conducted him to the sycamore, saying, “this is the tree of Jesus and Mary.” Vansleb, a priest of Fontainebleau, France, states that the ancient sycamore fell of old age in 1058, but that the stump remained and from it sprang the tree that now exists. Another writer says that the tree stands in the center of a garden, close to a well of water, and that'it is surrounded with the most beautiful roses and Egyptian jasmin.

Thought of Her Improvidence.

A couple, well advanced in years, recently got married. But, alas! a dark cloud overhung their otherwise bright prospects. The husband kept one room continually locked up, into which the wife was not allowed to look on any pretense whatever. At last, however, by a deal of persuation he was induced to open the door and revealed to her astonished gaze a great pile of whole cheeses. Her curiosity was now greater than ever. So, in answer to her appeals for an explanation, he said: “Well, my dear, every time I had a fresh sweetheart I bought a cheese the first time I kissed her.” The newly wed bride at this wept bitterly. “But,” he said endeavoring to console her, “I have never had anything to say to another since I knew you— I give my word for that." “It’s n-n-not tha-tba-that,” she replied betwe’en her sobs“What, then, is it that causes you such distress?” he asked. “Why, I-I-I was thin-thin-thinking if I had o-o-only be-be-been as thoughtfu-ful as yo-yo-you, and had bo-bo-bought a 10-10-loaf every time I was ki-ki-kissed by a-a-a fresh sweetheart, we mi-mi-might have had bre-bre-bread and cheese all our lives.”— London Tit-Bits.

The Cheapest Route.

In his younger days Henry Labouchere, when attached to the British Embassy at Rome, received instructions to make inquiries about Florence or some distant place. He wrote for expenses, but they were not allowed. However, Mr. Labouchere started. Nothing was heard of him for weeks. Eventually, in reply to many dispatches sent out to ask how he was getting on, a letter arrived; “As expenses are not allowed, Mr. Labouchere is obliged to walk. He expects to reach his destination by the end of the year. ”

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Pb-me of Hama* Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fun. * Sprinkles of Spire. The message of the March winds: “Hats off, there!”—Philadelphia Record. To the victim of influenza a fan is always a “fad. "—Yonkers Statesman. The blarney stone at the World’s Fair was a sham rock.—Rochester Post When a man is vaccinated he usually sees the point—West Union Gazette. \ Sometimes a man feels the lightest when he has a heavy load on.—Glens Falls Republican. When a man’s countenance falls it naturally lowers its face value.— Yonkers Statesman. Mrs. Mulligan—l’d rather hevthe hull family sick than you’ Mr. Mulligan—So would I. —Hallo. She—Would you go through fire for me, Algernon? He—Ya-as, If I was dwessed for it—Harper’s Bazar. Woman’s hand may be pale and delicate, but she can pick up a hotter plate than a man.—Texas Siftings. The servant-girl problem may properly be referred to as the hire education of women.—West Union Gazette.

“Were you a bull or a bear?” asked an acquaintance of a speculator. “Neither,” he replied; “I was an ass.” Tid Bits. Jillson says he has noticed that the outsider who takes a little flyer in stocks usually comes back with his wings clipped.—Buffalo Courier. A citizen of Georgia has in his keeping -two eggs said to be forty years old. Here’s $lO says that those eggs can’t be beat.—Arkansaw Traveler. “Your business is picking up, I see,” said the cobbler to the ragpicker. “Yes. And I see yours is mending,” was the quick reply.— Grip. You would certainly expect trained speakers to articulate distinctly, but they all do not. Look at the elevated railroad guards, for instance.—Siftings. “H’m,” said the burglar, after he had found that the safe was empty, “this thing lacks a whole lot of what it was cracked up to be.”—lndianapolis Journal. Miss Gush—“Oh, Colonel, just look at those magnificent elms! I’m sure you love trees.” Col. Blank—“ Dearly, Miss Gush, I learned to love them during the war.”—Life. “Freddie Van Twiggen says he thinks it must be very easy to be funny,” said Maud. “It is,” replied Mamie, “for Freddie unless he tries.”—Washington Star. “Now, as to the degree of justifL able homicide,’* said the Eastern judge in charging the jury, “that is where a man is killed in self-defense or in college.”—Plain Dealer. “There is at least one place,” said the statesman, who looked very weary, “where men of all parties must stand together.” “Where is that?” “In a crowded horsecar.”— Industries.

Beloved —“So you touched papa with your impassioned words, did you?” Lover—“ Did I? “Where did you suppose I got the stuff to pay for a box and a supper after the show?” —Detroit Free Press. Little Boy—“ That lady gave me candy.” Mother—“l hope you were polite about it” “Yes’m.” “What did you say?” “I said I wished pop had met her before he got ’quainted with you.”—Good News. Excited Man—“l must have a hundred dollars. Can’t you lend it to me?” Cool Friend—“Oh, certainly, but not all at once. I can let you have ten cents every two or three weeks.”—Texas Siftings.

She ' (in affright)—“Oh, Tom, why do you make such awful faces at me?” He (contritely)—“l can’t help it, dear. My eye-glasses are falling off, and 1 don’t want to let go of your hands. ” —Boston Journal. Employer—“ Why were you dismissed from your last place?” Servant—“ Because just once I got drunk,” Employer—“ How long were you employed there?” Servant—- “ One day!"—Fliegende Blaetter. Mother—Walter, see that you give Beatrice the lion’s share of that banana. Walter—Yes, mamma. Beatrice —Mamma, Walter hasn't given me any. Walter —Well, that’s all right. Lion's don t eat lanana-.—Brooklyn Life. i “You must have made several dollars out of your theatricals.” “I? Oh, no. Those theatricals were for the poor.” “I know; that’s why I supposed you divided up the receipts among the performers. They were the poorest I ever saw.”—Harper’s Bazar. Young Doctor —“Here I’ve had my shingle out two weeks, and not a case yet I’ve been sitting here like patience on a monument” Friend—- “ Never mind; you will eventually get a chance to put the monuments on the patients.”—Philadelphia Record. The other day a young man gave a reason for not dancing, the spirit of which might be made to apply to a good many failures in life. “I should like to dance, ” he said, “and I should dance, only the music puts me out and the girl gets in my way.”—TidBits.

Canada's Coal.

Some years ago an enormous deposit of anthracite coal was discovered in Canada, and it was thought that if a duty was not placed upon it our miners in Pennsylvania would be driven from the field. Somebody secured a specimen of the Canadian anthracite and sent it to asa vant at Yale, who was asked to give his opinion upon it. He made an examination of it, and wrote back: “Myopinion, after a careful examination of this coal, is that the man who sits upon it on the day of judgment wi|l be the last to burn."

DURING A STORM.

The Pertlow Predicament nt Paaeeaffere Aboard a Steamship. “Every one has heard of the way In which passengers on some European railroads are locked in the cars,” said Henry L. Luker, of Denver, who has just returned from a European trip and passed through St Louis on bis way home. “The way passengers are treated on some, at least, of the ocean liners seems to me even more unreasonable. In a locked car, with no conductor in range, a passenger appears to be in a bad scrape in case of a collision, but a passenger who is locked in the saloon of a vessel during a storm is worse off stilt While we were crossing the ocean eastward in January we were caught in what I thought the most terrible storm the ocean had ever seen, although my views were not shared apparently by the members of the crew. Still the water was so high that the hatchways were nailed down, no passengers were allowed on deck, and there was a general consultation among us as to what our chances would be if the ship went down to the bottom. It would be too late then open the hatchways and provide us with life belts or boats, and it certainly looked as though we should lust die cooped up like a lot of prisoners Without any redress or assistance being possible. I mentioned the matter to the captain the following day, and he told me that there was no more chance of his boat sinking than of the world, coming to an end. That reassured me a good deal, but on my return trip the captain of the steamer told me that the one I had crossed in before was no safer than it ought to be, and that he would hate to be on it in a genuine hurricane. The latter estimate, although perhaps as prejudiced as the forflier, was far less satisfactory in every respect, and rather weakened my feeling of confl dence in oreqn greyhounds.”

Moral suasion in South Dakota.

New Teacher (from Philadelphia)— Sobieski McClosky, you have broken the rules, but I will suffer in your stead. Take this rattan and strike me. Strike, Sobieski, and spare not

Sobieski (swinging concealed brick) —One cigar!—Judge.

London Servants’ Wages.

The item of wages opens up the whole question of servants and domestic home rule. One need only refer to the monthly reviews and magazines to see that here we have indeed a chronic subject for discussion. The professional philanthropist, the enlightened and benevolent peeress, the lady journalist, even Sarah Jane herself, all have a word to say. Our own experience I can give very shortly. There has been, on the whole, very little, trouble except with the cooks. Wages have run on an average as follows: Nurse, £2O; cook, £lB to £2O; house parlormaid, £l6. When the life and income of a domestic servant is compared with that of many a girl in business, or even with that of many working men, lam prepared to say that she is exceedingly well off and, if thrifty, could very soon save £IOO. Servants are often very good to their relatives and friends, and can be taught to save money, but it Is idle to blink the fact that a great deal of their wages goes upon their backs in the shape of unsuitable finery. Putting all this aside, what can you get for a wages budget of £54? Well, you can, with luck, get well served in every department except the kitchen. “God sends the food, but the devil sends the cooks.” The difficulty is mainly this—the impossibility of getting a plain cook t 6 cook plain things well every day. She will boast of her pastry and “ongtrays,” but if you ask her to cook chop or fry a potato properly, it is too often utterly beyond her, and as a rule she is above being taught. The middle-class breadwinner can in London be certain at a hundred restaurants, or at his club, of getting a repast of three courses excellently cooked and presented to him at a moderate cost. The same certainly cannot be had at home. My own explanation is a very simple one. The British plain cook does not consider, in the flrat place, that her employers are entitled to hava food at all better prepared than she herself knows how to prepare it. This knocks on the head any idea of teaching her the art. She simply listens to her mistress with silent contempt and ignores her plain directions. That is one phase of the cook difficulty.—The National Review.

Sheridan's Preferences.

One day a group of staff officers were discussing in Sheridan’s presence the qualities most essential for a soldier. Some thought personal bravery, others moral courage, strong love of country, while one insisted > rather obtrusively that obedience—unreasonibg obedience—was everything. “Give me the man who always obeys orders,” he declared, then appealing to Sheridan, this officer asked: “Isn’t he the perfect soldier, General?" “No," replied Sheridan, shortly, “I prefer the soldier who knows when to disobey them.” Never judge a woman’s cooking by the cake she takes to a church social.—Texas Siftings.