Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 May 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANO DO. INGS HERE ANO THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Bnppoeed to Hare Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doing* that Are Odd. Cnrione, and Laugh-able--The Week - * Humor. Let C» AU Laugh. A dog’s tall is no teamster, but it generally has a wag-on.—Dansville Breeze. If you can “raise the wind.” the “dust” is quickly collected Philadelphia Record. A beetle can draw twenty times its own weight So can a mustard plaster. —Siftings. Teacher—What did Casar say when Brutus stabbed him? Bright boy—Ouch!—Hallo. No matter how low a fashionable dress may be cut, it always comes high.—Dallas News. Dude—Do you think I have the brain fever, Doctor? Doctor—Oh, no, but you have the fever. If you will notice,’ the experienced waiter is seldom upset, no 'matter how big a tip he gets.—Buffalo Courier. “Is Jenks in the swim nowadays?” “Guess he must be. His best girl has just thrown bimoverboard. ” —Buffalo Courier. Just about now one naturally expects the poultry raisers’ conversation u> abound in set phrases.—Buffalo Courier. Blest is the man who has music in bls soul, except him who walks up the church aisle with creaking shoes. —Lowell Courier.

This is the season of the year when the awning-maker begins to put the remainder of mankind in the shade. —Buffalo Courier. Few people can stand prosperity; but they are legion compared with the people who never have a chance to stadd it.— Puck. " Johnny—Pa, did you know ma before you were, married? Pa (with a sigh)—l thought I did, Johnny.— Boston Transcript. Rich Aunt—lt seems to me as if you only came when you needed money. Poor Nephew— But I can’t come oftener.—Hallo. Ordinary beer is sold by the barrel, but bock, notwithstanding its goat emblem, is not disposed of by the butt.—Philadelphia Times. A Still Hunt.—Nervous wife —I hear a burglar. Nervous husband— Woo! I’ll crawl under the bed and see if he is there. —New York Weekly. _ Clara— are you reading now? Dora—Historical novels. “Do you like them?” “Yes, indeed; there is so much I can skip.”—New York Weekly. Sobbing wife—Three years ago you swore eternal love, and Brutal husband—How long do you expect eternal love to last, any wav? —Hallo. * Jillson says it ill becomes a clergyman to rail against Board of Trade men simply because they make their living by dealing in futures.—Buffalo Courier.

Teacher—“ Name some of the great inventions of the age?” Little Girl—“ ’Lectric lights, telephones, talkin’-dolls, an’—an’ safety pins.”— Good News. “Is Smartler just right in saying that he speaks French without any noticeable accent.” “Yes, indeed, without even a French accent.” — Chicago Record. Hotel Proprietor—“We don’t allow any games of chances here.” Gambler —“This isn’t a game of chance. My friend here has no chance. ” —Brooklyn Life. Employer—Boy, take this letter, and wait for an answer. New boy— Yes, sir. Employer—Well, what are you waiting for? New boy—The answer, sir. —Harper’s Bazar. Sunday School Teacher—“ What crime did Joseph’s brothers commit when they sold him for twenty-flve pieces of silver?” Practical Boy—- “ Sold him too cheap.”—Hallo. “Haven’t you made Mr. Bulger’s portrait a good deal more than life size?” said one artist to another. “Perhaps. You see, that’s as big as he thinks he is.”—Washington Star Girl (weeping)—l’m so sorry you have to go on the road again. It almost breaks my heart. Drummer— Don’t cry, Fanny; I’ll manage to pick up another girl somewhere.— Siftings. . - : ■ ■j-s. Curiosity.—“ Grandpa,” said Tommy, examining critically the bald head of his ancestor, “may I ask you a question? “Certainly, Tommy. “Do you comb your hair with a razor?”— Texas Siftings. Judge—Well, Doctor, what is the condition of the burglar’s victim? Doctor —One of his wounds is absolutely fatal, but the other two are not dangerous and can be healed.— Fliegende Blaetter.

■ Mr. Grum-ps—“What earthly good would it do if women should be allowed to take a hand in politics?” Mrs. Grumpps—“Well, for one thing, we’d clean house a good deal oftener than you men voters da”—New York Weekly. fl 1 Husband (vittfperatively)—l was a fool when I married you, Mary! Wife (quietly)—Yea, Tom, I knew you were! But what could I do? You seemed my only chance, and I thought then that you might improve a little with time!—Grip. '