Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 May 1894 — MISERIES OF MATING. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

MISERIES OF MATING.

THE SUFFERINGS MEN UNDERGO WHILE COURTING. Lonn and Their Ways—The Jokes Made at Their Expense—Deafness and Blindness Are Undisguised Blessings—Pre paring to Engage a Father-In-Law. Chapter on Courtship. "My dear.” said a prim aunty to a newly engaged niece, ‘do you know that it is a solemn thing to be married?" “Yes, aunty.” was the pert rejoinder, "but it is a great deal solemner not to be." From the standpoint of youth and beauty, the girl was undoubtedly right, for whatever may be the side issues of bangs and toilet powder, of gold embroidered dresses, ham-shapea sleeves, and the extravagant costumes that the arbiters of fashion declare shall be worn by the beauties of the day, there can be no doubt that the ultimate end and aim of each and every adornment is, for the young lady at least, nothing more nor less than matrimony. In his curious book on “Natural Selection," Darwin shows with great circumstantiality and force how important is the part played by brilliant and elaborately displayed plumage in the improvement of successive*generations of the feathered tribes, and also how distinct species have originated from the preference, j erhaps unconsciously displayed, by male birds for elegantly adorned females. Interesting as ail these things are to women, thev are none the less so to men, for no matter how streuously the latter may protest their indifference to affairs anticipatory of mat imony, it is a settled historic fact that whenever a woman is married a man is found entering the holy estate of matrimony at the same time, to say nothing of the additional circumstance that the men usually do the courting, and, save in very rare and exceptional cases, women are never married until urged to change their condition by members of the sterner sex. If, however, young gentlemen, or even old.bachelors, fully realized the load of responsibility they were incurring in undertaking seriously the business of getting married, there is little doubt that a bear movement in matrimonial stock would at once begin, which would sweep away

more than one margin which has already been advanced to the broker. For getting married, both in the preparatory and in the tinal stages of the process, is, in the opinion of a St Louis Globe-Democrat writer, undoubtedly a very solemn thing. In the first place there is the courting, for, save in France, where everything is managed by the parents, or in Iceland, where a go-between attends to the business, or in Timbuctoo, where girls are bought and sold, like sheen, the young lady must be courted, and courting is oi itself a serious matter, involving no little sacrifice ol time, disregard of personal comfort, aid occasionally a liberal pecuniary outlay. As far as time is concerned, the expenditure is made with some degree of cheerfulness, for courting, like virtue, is its own reward, and more than one man has realized, in the words of Owen” Meredith, that he deed in the doing It reaches its aim. And The fact has a value apart from the fame. When the matter of comfort enters Into consideration, a field is opened, as the clergymen say, too wide to enter, for one of the most astonishing things about that phase of idiocy known as love is the peculiar influence it e erts in changing the nature: sometimes intensifying traits already existing, somelimes bringing out qualities whose existence was altogether unsuspected. As a general thing love is an incentive to exertion. The lazy ycuth who with difficulty drives himself or is driven to his daily tasks, under the influence of the tender passion displays an energy before unknown. He' takes long walks, not because he likes walking; in fact he may despise it, but he feels the need of working off his superfluous energy and walking suits the purpose- a little better than labor. While walking he can think and does so, and if his walks take him in the direction of her house, so much the better, for he finds his mental operations much quickened by that circumstance. When he gets back he is tired, to death, it is true, but that is a mere trifle; only his muscles have given out, his mind is as fresh as ever. If his miseries ended with the aching of his tired limbs, however, he would be singularly blest. But.they do not, for one of the penalties of being in-love is the fact that the man who is courting somebody is never exactly certain about his footing. He is like a boy walking on rotten ice, who takes step after step in dismal uncertainty

whether at each the thin crust may not give way beneath bis feet and let him through. To be sure, he might make a rush and so end the suspense, but somehow or other he prefers the suspense. In every matter other than love-making a certainty is infinitely to lx> oroferrod to a doubt:.Amt one of the curious cranks to which a lover is rubjocted is that of preferring his own f uspiojbns and fears to the post-eotab-lishcd knowledge that any one else can give him. In other words, be wants to bo miserable, and generally gets what ho wants. Nor, in this rosjwot,

does he nsuallv receive much comfort from the fair object of his regard, for if there is one thing a woman delights in more than in all sorts, kinds and conditions of finery, it is to keep two or three admirers on the tenter hooks of expectation, each alternately hoping and fearing, Jtnd each afraid to open his mouth to her on the subject for fear of hearing that fatal no, yhich he can not but believe all th * happiness that life has for him, and even clothe the heavens in a figurative black that would, he fancies, aptly portray his feelings. • To hint to him that he is mistaken, and that, if refused, at the end of a twelve-month he

would probablv be just as devoted to some Other girl, he regards as an insult, as to him, for the moment,, at least, the world contains but one woman, and she is the deity at whose nod his little universe fairly trembles.' While to lovers themselves their business is of the most momentous consequence, to people who are not in love, or, having been so, found their complaint speedily and permanently cured by matrimony, it is a triviality endurable only because it is so funny. For it is not to be denied that to the world at large the lover is a source of infinite quip and jest, a standing butt of jokes and humor. Nor is the fact without a reason, for, as a rule, lovers carry ou their businert so openly that even the unobservant can not fail to see what they are about, and to be amused or annoyed accordingly, as temperament or caprice may indicate. A pair of lovers in a street ear, for instance, never fail t&u*dvertise themselves and their calling as Openly as though they wore placards on their backs, for as soon as they are seated the billing and cooing begin, and go on without intermission until they get out again. The people across the aisle may smile and nudge each other, the conductor may tip a wink to the motorman, who looks back from time to time in grinning enjoyment of the spectacle, regardless of the fact that he is endangering human life by indulging his merriment; the rough fellow in the end seat may burst into a loud guffaw as he leaves the car, and in audible tone t allude to the “antics of them two loonies,” but the lovers themselves see nothing, hear nothing, their ears catch no sound but the murmur of the voice that is sweeter than the music of the spheres, their vision hag no horizon beyond the eyes; Eye, so transparent That through them one sees the soul. It is well that the lover is blind; he is additionally fortunate in being deaf, and other people would be sometimes

in luck if he were also dumb. But that never happens save when the lovers are alone. It is a curious fact which may be ccmmended for observation and study to the students of sociology, that two lovers who can sit in a parlor a whole evening Without making noise enough to keep the mice in their holes, can go into a public hall and by their clatter cause 44)6 people in three rows of seats to become inwardly profane. Why the tender passion assumes symptoms so diverse in different places and at times so inopportune is nbt even to be conjectured', it is one of those mysteries of which the universe is k full, and which must be received in the arms of faith without even so much as an effort at explanation. After the courtship have been endured for. a Reason the misery of a proposal is in order,and if there were no otner objection to getting married than the necessity of making a proposal, this of itself would seem to be sufficient, to diminish the number of marriages 75 per cent in a single year. To a man not ig love asking a woman to marry him seems to be a very simple and easy matter, but to the lover, turn to pieces with anxieties for which there is no valid reason, a proposal is a veritable slough of despond. Somehow or other, though, he must struggle through it, and generally does so, in the most absurd and'ridiculous manner. making himself an object of ridicule to the Jady, who, in later years, if she accepts him, rarely falls to remind him how cheap and iffsignificant he looked whenf.W/th sheepish aspect and hesitating words, he as,l<ed her to do him the honor of lookirg after his raiment until death should them part. Men never talk about their proposals, for no matter how .carefully they may have prepared for this momentous occasion, a prop9i*l.'-ttkefa fall down Stairs, or a death-in the famflv, always comes with a shock, and the studious preparation goes for naught. Blessed,

therefore, is the man who does not have to propo-e, for there are a lew cases where the twain understand each other so fully that a proposal is a superfluity. They simply take the whole thing for granted, and, with the most perfect confidence in each other, regard it as settled. But even in such cases, while everything may be perfectly satisfactory for # the young lady, the trouble of the youth has ju>t begun, for in all wellregulated families papa’s consent to the engagement must be obtained, and ai the necessity "for this formality is presented to the interested youth by his inamorata, he may be excused for

feeling that, as the biblical proverb says, “therein a time for all things," this is the proper time for a cold sweat. And he has it, too. for as the dismal words are pour ed into the portals of his reluctant ears, he feels that death would be a relief. But there is no help for it, so he arranges with himself a time when he will call on his prospective father-in-law and adjust matters. He does not, in the language of Old Virginia, “hanker after the job." He has a dim consciousness that an interview with a hangman on the gallows would be a jovial, not to say hilarious, occasion by comparison. He Refers the matter from time to time, giving him-

self a reprieve from the inevitable. When, however, it can be no longer deferred, he puts on as bold a face as in his depressed condition he can possibly assume, and starts for the house. Courageous as he may have been at starting, however, he becomes a pitable picture before he reaches nis destination. His courage oozes out in an inverse ratio to the distance; that is, the nearer he gets the faster it oozes. He discusses with himself whether he would better go on or run away out of town, or go off somewhere and quietly die. He tries to think of something to say and fails. He tries to think what he shall answer if the father-in-law,

that is to be, asks him any questions almut himself and scores another failure He walks past the house half a dozen times before he can make up his mind to enter, momentarily dis.cussing with himself the propriety of bolting and letting the whole thing go by default. He fails to see the necessity of a girl having any parents, and although devoutly thankful to Providenceafor having provided him with a sweetheart entirely to his taste, can not understand why Providence could not just as well have sent him an orphan. .Yet all this time he is, in all probability, gravely in error, for the parents of the young lady are perhaps

dreading the'interview just as much as himself, and will be just as much relieved as he when it is at an end. Blind as a kitten, however, he can not see that their love for their daughter imj els them to be careful of her into est, and'tpat the obstacles which they see to the union are created solely by regard to future happinesd of their child. As a rule, he finds that the ordeal is. by. no means -so dreadful as he feared it would be, and before the business is half over he realizes that parents, are not ogres lying

In wait to scare timid lovers Into fits, but kindly, considerate, wellmeaning people, ready’to overlook his embarrassment, and even, when necessary, to hold out a helping hand to a suffering fellow-creature in distress and smooth his path when they see he is about to make a disgraceful stumble. In fact, before the interview is over, he has experienced a radical change of heart with regard to parents-in-law, and has made up his mind that as a young lady's mother is to her the dearest one on earth, that husband must be either a brute or a boar who could, in terras of disrespect, allude to his mother-in-law. But time would fail to tell of the miseries of the engagement and how the young lady keeps it secret by telling all her friends about it. She does it, of course, because she is proud of him. She probably has no cause to be, for the chances are that he is a very ordinary fellow with nothing to commend him to the attention of anybody but herself, and the other girhs, after reading his letters to her, kindly tendered for that purpose, and pronouncing! them “just lovely, ”go away and wonder what she can see in that man to admire: but then she has said just the same thing about their beaux, and so the honors are about even. The poor fellow thought that the whole trouble was over when he had asked the lady and obtained the consent* of her parents, but to his terror finds that it was only just begun. For there are the miseries of the engagement with the twitting of his friends going on in a never-ceasing stream; the preparations for the wedding, and, worst of all, the wedding itself, with the solemn preacher in front, his own trembling self as an aim for curious eyes, and the grinning and giggling audi ence in the background. Of c urse. when the affair passes from the state of the engagement to the condition of a public wedding, the groom loses his prominence and passes into insignificance when compared with the bride. He is a sort of necessary nuisance, tolerated because there is no getting along without him, but long before the close of the ordeal he usually subsides into a state of harmlesi idiocy, mechanically grinning and snaking hands with every one who comes near him. that being the only thing he can do, for in his state of mental vacuity, such a thing as conversation is out of the question. Such are some.of the miseries that men will undergo in order to get a wife, and it is perhaps a merciful dispensation of nature that lovers are deaf an:l blind to what is said and done about them, Nature often makes wonderful provision for the comfort of her creatures, but in all the list Of blessings none is more kindly in its beneficence than this. People in their right minds would fight or go crazy over the half that lovers stand without so much as a pang. The lover is a pachydermatous animal, and so long as he is forced to endure the gibes of all creation it is well that this is the ease.

Wonders of Ancient Glass Blowing. The glass blowers of ancient Thebes are know to have been equally as proficient ia that particular art as is the most scientific craftsman of the same trade of the present day, after a lapse of forty centuries of socalled “progress.” They were well acquainted with the art of staining glass, and are known to have produced that commodity in great profusion and perfection. Rossellini gives an illustration of a piece of stained glass known to be 4,000 years old, whicHf displayed artistic taste of high order, both in tint and design. In this case the color is struck through the vitrified structure, and he mentions designs struck entirely in pieces from a half to three quarters of an inch thick, the color being perfectly incorporated with the structure of the piece and the same on both the obverse and reverse sides. The priests of P’tah at Memphis were adepts in the glassmakers’ art, and not only did they have factories for manutacturing the common crystal variety, but they had learned the vitrifying of the different colors and of imitating precious stones to perfection. Their imitations of the amethyst and of the various other colored gems were so true to nature that even now after they have lain in the desert sands from 2,000 to 4,000 years it takes an expert to distinguish the genuine articles from the spurious. It has been shown that besides being experts in glassmaking and coloring they also used the diamond in cutting and engraving. In the British Museum there is a beautiful piece of stained glass with an engraved emblazonment of the monarch Thothmes 111., who lived 3,400 years ago.—St. Louis Republic.

AS IT IS DONE IN THE COUNTRY.

BY THE STREET CAR METHOD.

SOLO: “AREN’T HIS LETTERS LOVELY?" SOLO: “PERFECTLY LOVELY!"

“SOMEBODY'S COMING!"

PREPARING TO ENGAGE A FATHER-IN-LAW.

A NECESSARY OUTLAY.