Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 May 1894 — Page 6

glje Brtnorr att cSr:: ti tt ti RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J. W. McEWEN. ... Puihjshku.

MISERIES OF MATING.

THE SUFFERINGS MEN UNDERGO WHILE COURTING. Lonn and Their Ways—The Jokes Made at Their Expense—Deafness and Blindness Are Undisguised Blessings—Pre paring to Engage a Father-In-Law. Chapter on Courtship. "My dear.” said a prim aunty to a newly engaged niece, ‘do you know that it is a solemn thing to be married?" “Yes, aunty.” was the pert rejoinder, "but it is a great deal solemner not to be." From the standpoint of youth and beauty, the girl was undoubtedly right, for whatever may be the side issues of bangs and toilet powder, of gold embroidered dresses, ham-shapea sleeves, and the extravagant costumes that the arbiters of fashion declare shall be worn by the beauties of the day, there can be no doubt that the ultimate end and aim of each and every adornment is, for the young lady at least, nothing more nor less than matrimony. In his curious book on “Natural Selection," Darwin shows with great circumstantiality and force how important is the part played by brilliant and elaborately displayed plumage in the improvement of successive*generations of the feathered tribes, and also how distinct species have originated from the preference, j erhaps unconsciously displayed, by male birds for elegantly adorned females. Interesting as ail these things are to women, thev are none the less so to men, for no matter how streuously the latter may protest their indifference to affairs anticipatory of mat imony, it is a settled historic fact that whenever a woman is married a man is found entering the holy estate of matrimony at the same time, to say nothing of the additional circumstance that the men usually do the courting, and, save in very rare and exceptional cases, women are never married until urged to change their condition by members of the sterner sex. If, however, young gentlemen, or even old.bachelors, fully realized the load of responsibility they were incurring in undertaking seriously the business of getting married, there is little doubt that a bear movement in matrimonial stock would at once begin, which would sweep away

AS IT IS DONE IN THE COUNTRY.

more than one margin which has already been advanced to the broker. For getting married, both in the preparatory and in the tinal stages of the process, is, in the opinion of a St Louis Globe-Democrat writer, undoubtedly a very solemn thing. In the first place there is the courting, for, save in France, where everything is managed by the parents, or in Iceland, where a go-between attends to the business, or in Timbuctoo, where girls are bought and sold, like sheen, the young lady must be courted, and courting is oi itself a serious matter, involving no little sacrifice ol time, disregard of personal comfort, aid occasionally a liberal pecuniary outlay. As far as time is concerned, the expenditure is made with some degree of cheerfulness, for courting, like virtue, is its own reward, and more than one man has realized, in the words of Owen” Meredith, that he deed in the doing It reaches its aim. And The fact has a value apart from the fame. When the matter of comfort enters Into consideration, a field is opened, as the clergymen say, too wide to enter, for one of the most astonishing things about that phase of idiocy known as love is the peculiar influence it e erts in changing the nature: sometimes intensifying traits already existing, somelimes bringing out qualities whose existence was altogether unsuspected. As a general thing love is an incentive to exertion. The lazy ycuth who with difficulty drives himself or is driven to his daily tasks, under the influence of the tender passion displays an energy before unknown. He' takes long walks, not because he likes walking; in fact he may despise it, but he feels the need of working off his superfluous energy and walking suits the purpose- a little better than labor. While walking he can think and does so, and if his walks take him in the direction of her house, so much the better, for he finds his mental operations much quickened by that circumstance. When he gets back he is tired, to death, it is true, but that is a mere trifle; only his muscles have given out, his mind is as fresh as ever. If his miseries ended with the aching of his tired limbs, however, he would be singularly blest. But.they do not, for one of the penalties of being in-love is the fact that the man who is courting somebody is never exactly certain about his footing. He is like a boy walking on rotten ice, who takes step after step in dismal uncertainty

BY THE STREET CAR METHOD.

whether at each the thin crust may not give way beneath bis feet and let him through. To be sure, he might make a rush and so end the suspense, but somehow or other he prefers the suspense. In every matter other than love-making a certainty is infinitely to lx> oroferrod to a doubt:.Amt one of the curious cranks to which a lover is rubjocted is that of preferring his own f uspiojbns and fears to the post-eotab-lishcd knowledge that any one else can give him. In other words, be wants to bo miserable, and generally gets what ho wants. Nor, in this rosjwot,

does he nsuallv receive much comfort from the fair object of his regard, for if there is one thing a woman delights in more than in all sorts, kinds and conditions of finery, it is to keep two or three admirers on the tenter hooks of expectation, each alternately hoping and fearing, Jtnd each afraid to open his mouth to her on the subject for fear of hearing that fatal no, yhich he can not but believe all th * happiness that life has for him, and even clothe the heavens in a figurative black that would, he fancies, aptly portray his feelings. • To hint to him that he is mistaken, and that, if refused, at the end of a twelve-month he

SOLO: “AREN’T HIS LETTERS LOVELY?" SOLO: “PERFECTLY LOVELY!"

would probablv be just as devoted to some Other girl, he regards as an insult, as to him, for the moment,, at least, the world contains but one woman, and she is the deity at whose nod his little universe fairly trembles.' While to lovers themselves their business is of the most momentous consequence, to people who are not in love, or, having been so, found their complaint speedily and permanently cured by matrimony, it is a triviality endurable only because it is so funny. For it is not to be denied that to the world at large the lover is a source of infinite quip and jest, a standing butt of jokes and humor. Nor is the fact without a reason, for, as a rule, lovers carry ou their businert so openly that even the unobservant can not fail to see what they are about, and to be amused or annoyed accordingly, as temperament or caprice may indicate. A pair of lovers in a street ear, for instance, never fail t&u*dvertise themselves and their calling as Openly as though they wore placards on their backs, for as soon as they are seated the billing and cooing begin, and go on without intermission until they get out again. The people across the aisle may smile and nudge each other, the conductor may tip a wink to the motorman, who looks back from time to time in grinning enjoyment of the spectacle, regardless of the fact that he is endangering human life by indulging his merriment; the rough fellow in the end seat may burst into a loud guffaw as he leaves the car, and in audible tone t allude to the “antics of them two loonies,” but the lovers themselves see nothing, hear nothing, their ears catch no sound but the murmur of the voice that is sweeter than the music of the spheres, their vision hag no horizon beyond the eyes; Eye, so transparent That through them one sees the soul. It is well that the lover is blind; he is additionally fortunate in being deaf, and other people would be sometimes

PREPARING TO ENGAGE A FATHER-IN-LAW.

in luck if he were also dumb. But that never happens save when the lovers are alone. It is a curious fact which may be ccmmended for observation and study to the students of sociology, that two lovers who can sit in a parlor a whole evening Without making noise enough to keep the mice in their holes, can go into a public hall and by their clatter cause 44)6 people in three rows of seats to become inwardly profane. Why the tender passion assumes symptoms so diverse in different places and at times so inopportune is nbt even to be conjectured', it is one of those mysteries of which the universe is k full, and which must be received in the arms of faith without even so much as an effort at explanation. After the courtship have been endured for. a Reason the misery of a proposal is in order,and if there were no otner objection to getting married than the necessity of making a proposal, this of itself would seem to be sufficient, to diminish the number of marriages 75 per cent in a single year. To a man not ig love asking a woman to marry him seems to be a very simple and easy matter, but to the lover, turn to pieces with anxieties for which there is no valid reason, a proposal is a veritable slough of despond. Somehow or other, though, he must struggle through it, and generally does so, in the most absurd and'ridiculous manner. making himself an object of ridicule to the Jady, who, in later years, if she accepts him, rarely falls to remind him how cheap and iffsignificant he looked whenf.W/th sheepish aspect and hesitating words, he as,l<ed her to do him the honor of lookirg after his raiment until death should them part. Men never talk about their proposals, for no matter how .carefully they may have prepared for this momentous occasion, a prop9i*l.'-ttkefa fall down Stairs, or a death-in the famflv, always comes with a shock, and the studious preparation goes for naught. Blessed,

therefore, is the man who does not have to propo-e, for there are a lew cases where the twain understand each other so fully that a proposal is a superfluity. They simply take the whole thing for granted, and, with the most perfect confidence in each other, regard it as settled. But even in such cases, while everything may be perfectly satisfactory for # the young lady, the trouble of the youth has ju>t begun, for in all wellregulated families papa’s consent to the engagement must be obtained, and ai the necessity "for this formality is presented to the interested youth by his inamorata, he may be excused for

feeling that, as the biblical proverb says, “therein a time for all things," this is the proper time for a cold sweat. And he has it, too. for as the dismal words are pour ed into the portals of his reluctant ears, he feels that death would be a relief. But there is no help for it, so he arranges with himself a time when he will call on his prospective father-in-law and adjust matters. He does not, in the language of Old Virginia, “hanker after the job." He has a dim consciousness that an interview with a hangman on the gallows would be a jovial, not to say hilarious, occasion by comparison. He Refers the matter from time to time, giving him-

“SOMEBODY'S COMING!"

self a reprieve from the inevitable. When, however, it can be no longer deferred, he puts on as bold a face as in his depressed condition he can possibly assume, and starts for the house. Courageous as he may have been at starting, however, he becomes a pitable picture before he reaches nis destination. His courage oozes out in an inverse ratio to the distance; that is, the nearer he gets the faster it oozes. He discusses with himself whether he would better go on or run away out of town, or go off somewhere and quietly die. He tries to think of something to say and fails. He tries to think what he shall answer if the father-in-law,

that is to be, asks him any questions almut himself and scores another failure He walks past the house half a dozen times before he can make up his mind to enter, momentarily dis.cussing with himself the propriety of bolting and letting the whole thing go by default. He fails to see the necessity of a girl having any parents, and although devoutly thankful to Providenceafor having provided him with a sweetheart entirely to his taste, can not understand why Providence could not just as well have sent him an orphan. .Yet all this time he is, in all probability, gravely in error, for the parents of the young lady are perhaps

A NECESSARY OUTLAY.

dreading the'interview just as much as himself, and will be just as much relieved as he when it is at an end. Blind as a kitten, however, he can not see that their love for their daughter imj els them to be careful of her into est, and'tpat the obstacles which they see to the union are created solely by regard to future happinesd of their child. As a rule, he finds that the ordeal is. by. no means -so dreadful as he feared it would be, and before the business is half over he realizes that parents, are not ogres lying

In wait to scare timid lovers Into fits, but kindly, considerate, wellmeaning people, ready’to overlook his embarrassment, and even, when necessary, to hold out a helping hand to a suffering fellow-creature in distress and smooth his path when they see he is about to make a disgraceful stumble. In fact, before the interview is over, he has experienced a radical change of heart with regard to parents-in-law, and has made up his mind that as a young lady's mother is to her the dearest one on earth, that husband must be either a brute or a boar who could, in terras of disrespect, allude to his mother-in-law. But time would fail to tell of the miseries of the engagement and how the young lady keeps it secret by telling all her friends about it. She does it, of course, because she is proud of him. She probably has no cause to be, for the chances are that he is a very ordinary fellow with nothing to commend him to the attention of anybody but herself, and the other girhs, after reading his letters to her, kindly tendered for that purpose, and pronouncing! them “just lovely, ”go away and wonder what she can see in that man to admire: but then she has said just the same thing about their beaux, and so the honors are about even. The poor fellow thought that the whole trouble was over when he had asked the lady and obtained the consent* of her parents, but to his terror finds that it was only just begun. For there are the miseries of the engagement with the twitting of his friends going on in a never-ceasing stream; the preparations for the wedding, and, worst of all, the wedding itself, with the solemn preacher in front, his own trembling self as an aim for curious eyes, and the grinning and giggling audi ence in the background. Of c urse. when the affair passes from the state of the engagement to the condition of a public wedding, the groom loses his prominence and passes into insignificance when compared with the bride. He is a sort of necessary nuisance, tolerated because there is no getting along without him, but long before the close of the ordeal he usually subsides into a state of harmlesi idiocy, mechanically grinning and snaking hands with every one who comes near him. that being the only thing he can do, for in his state of mental vacuity, such a thing as conversation is out of the question. Such are some.of the miseries that men will undergo in order to get a wife, and it is perhaps a merciful dispensation of nature that lovers are deaf an:l blind to what is said and done about them, Nature often makes wonderful provision for the comfort of her creatures, but in all the list Of blessings none is more kindly in its beneficence than this. People in their right minds would fight or go crazy over the half that lovers stand without so much as a pang. The lover is a pachydermatous animal, and so long as he is forced to endure the gibes of all creation it is well that this is the ease.

Wonders of Ancient Glass Blowing. The glass blowers of ancient Thebes are know to have been equally as proficient ia that particular art as is the most scientific craftsman of the same trade of the present day, after a lapse of forty centuries of socalled “progress.” They were well acquainted with the art of staining glass, and are known to have produced that commodity in great profusion and perfection. Rossellini gives an illustration of a piece of stained glass known to be 4,000 years old, whicHf displayed artistic taste of high order, both in tint and design. In this case the color is struck through the vitrified structure, and he mentions designs struck entirely in pieces from a half to three quarters of an inch thick, the color being perfectly incorporated with the structure of the piece and the same on both the obverse and reverse sides. The priests of P’tah at Memphis were adepts in the glassmakers’ art, and not only did they have factories for manutacturing the common crystal variety, but they had learned the vitrifying of the different colors and of imitating precious stones to perfection. Their imitations of the amethyst and of the various other colored gems were so true to nature that even now after they have lain in the desert sands from 2,000 to 4,000 years it takes an expert to distinguish the genuine articles from the spurious. It has been shown that besides being experts in glassmaking and coloring they also used the diamond in cutting and engraving. In the British Museum there is a beautiful piece of stained glass with an engraved emblazonment of the monarch Thothmes 111., who lived 3,400 years ago.—St. Louis Republic.

A Winter Bath at Alaska.

“Up in Alaska the method of taking a bath is somewhat historic,” remarked John McGee. “Every trading post has a bathhouse, and the people are supposed to avail themselves of its privileges once a week. A person accustomed to living in a milder clirqat? woul<J Joavq p good deal of. hesitancy about undressing in one of these places, as the temperature is always below zero. In an inner room an arch of stone is built, so that a tire made beneath can penetrate through.. A trap door in the roof answers for a chimney. After the stones have become thoroughly heated and the smoke has passed out, all the coals are removed and the trap door closed. In this room stands a cask of warm water and another that is ice cold. When the bather enters, he pours hot water on the stones until the room is filled with steam; then, taking a seat on s bench, he waits till the perspiration streams from every pore in his body. Next he takes a bunch of dried twigs and leaves, prepared for the purpose, with which he scrubs himself till all the impurities have been removed from the skin, following this with a wash-off in warm water and soap. He concludes his bath by dashing a bucket of ice-water over his body, and then rushing to the dressing room, where with his teeth chattering he resumes his clothes.”

An American Man-Of-War.

The modern American man-of-war is a little world in itself, or, perhaps, more properly, a floating city, with its inhabitants of many trades and professions. Not only is there a doctor to dose you and a chaplain to care for your spiritual welfare, but many cooks, several carpenters, skilled machinists, electricians, tailors, musicians add barbers. There is at least one clever sailorman told off as ship’s writer, which officer corresponds closely to the old-fashioned scrivener. It thus happens that one can have almost anything yuade aboard ship, from an engrossed copy of a complimentary resolution to a complicated piece of machinery or cabinet work.

FLATHEAD VALLEY.

A PICTURESQUE AND DECIDEDLY FERTILE REGION. Rleh Farming Lind*— Excellent Timber— Varied Mineral Wealth Large Hirers and Lakes—Mild and Healthful Climate—* A Paradise for Sportsmen. Garden of the Northwest. Kalispell. Mont, correspondence: In only two localities in the United States can the Rocky Mountains be seen from a steamboat, and both of these are in Montana; first on the Missouri River at Fort Benton, east of the range, and then on the Flathead river and lake, west of it. Surprises await the tourist who descends into the moun-tain-girted valley of the Flathead, where he finds everything of a magnitude in keeping with the general features of Western Montana, where Nature has created rivers, lakes, forests, prairies, and valleys upon a large scale. The Flathead, instead of being a shallow rivulet dashing down the mountain sides, is a majestic stream larger than the Mississippi at St. Paul, r iathead Lake is th*e largest body of fresh water west of the great lakes, and is but one of a number of pretty bodies of water scattered over the valley. Situated upon the Pacific tide of the continent, the climate giies mild winters and fine summers, much in contrast with the seasons in the same parallel on the Atlantic coast. There are no blizzards and cyclones. The liberal rainfall has nurtured forests of pine and other trees, not only on the mountain sides, but in the valley itself, the timber being interlaced with prairies which give the country a park-like appearance resembling the oak openings of Michigan, Ohio, and New York. Unlike the soil where pir.e grows in other localities, here it is rich loam and makes the best kind of agricultural land when cleared. “Seeing is believing” is an adage as old as it is true, and taere are those so incredulous that only with reluctance will they accept any'but this kind of proof. To all such a visit to this valley is a source of delight, and the common admission is that "the half has never been told.” What a change, too, after the magnificent trip through the Rockies, ovqr which the railway has conquered a path, solid and safe, to pass down among peaceful and attractive prairies with cultivated fields and gardens, and see busy towns with hundreds of people engaged in the pursuits of peace and home-seeking, where only a short time ago a few Indians roamed in search of game and fish. A few years and thousands more whites will be here sharing the plenty industry is certain to give all willing to woo the earth with its treasures of field, mine, forest and water. Flathead County, formed by the last Legislature, has an area of 7, ioo square miles, a territory larger than the States of Connecticut and Rhode Island combined. The Great Northern Railway from its first station in the county on the cast to its last on the west runs a distance of miles. The Flathead River and tributaries, with logging waters aggregating 60J miles in length, converge at Kalispell, and the manufacture of lumber and shingles is becoming an important industry. The principal forest trees are the cedar, fir, birch, pine, and tamarack, the latter often attaining a diameter of six feet, instead of being a mere lelegraph pole as in the east. It makes fine furniture, samples ofiwhich were seen in the Montana Building at the World’s Fair.

There is much that is attractive from a health-giving, tcenic and sporting standpoint in this region. Snow peaks are in view all the year round, and the winters are seldom cold enough to close the streams to navigation. Lake McDonald, near by, is becoming a noted resort. Among the visitors last summer were Bishop Whipple, of Minnesota, and Vice President Webb, of the New York Central Railroad. Lakes and streams abound with trout and the hunter has chances to look along his gun barrel at deer and grouse. Farmers distant from town are said to build high fences around their gardens to keep the deer out. Skins to be seen at stores show that bear are still to be found.

The mountains in ajl directions cot»tain precious and base metals, and in the northern part of the county large beds of coal and petroleum s-prings exist. Railway surveyors have bean over a route to this semi n and also on a line south to Anaconda and Butte. New sources of wealth making are being constantly brought to light as settlement progresses- from the common centers along the railway, which gives connections between St. Paul, Minneapolis and Puget Sound. Much of the country is still Government land, and valuable traces of timber and fa-ming land can be taken up under the horned stei'd law. Two years ago the site of Kalispeh wai a vacant spot on the prairie; now it has over 2,-iOO people, several banks, three newspapers, schools, churches, electric lights, Wj.tcrwcrks, large flouring mill, saw mills, business houses and excellent holers. 1 The other towns along the Great Northern Railway in this country are C dumbia Fails, Pleasant Valley, Jennings, Troy and Libby Creek, the latter being a prominent point in the Kootenai mining district. Jennings is a steamer point L r the Fort Steele gold district in British Columbia. Kalispeil is county seat and di’vision point of the Great Northern Railway, wrtn a two-story brick passenger depot and office building. The writer is under obligations t > C. E. Conrad, President of the Conrad National Bank, Kalispell, Mont., for printed matter and other information. All applicants and inquirers will get prompt attention from the same gentleman.

JOHN HARRINGTON.

Miscellaneous Items.

When you bid your sin srood-by, don’t shake hands with it. It is exercise alone that supports the spirits and keeps the mind in vigor. —Cicero. If it is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, why not do it with all thy heart? No man doth safely rule but he that hath learned gladly‘to obey.-r-Thomas a’ Kempis. The man who is anxious to serve God never has to wait long for a chance to go'to work. Faith is a sure support at all times. No matter where it steps, it always stands on solid rock. Nothing but the infinite pity is sufficient for the infinite pathos of human life.—John Inglesant. Good manners are a part of good morals, and it is as much your duty as your interest to practice both.—Hunter. Words are seeds of deeds. Be sure you sow good seed, for they will appear in kind ih otter lives. Mrs. Jane G. Austin, the wellknown novelisfc'who has just died, was married ip I^3l to Lorin G. Austin, a descendant) of the old Boston family which figured so Urgely in the Revolution.

HINDOO CREMATION.

The Way the People of *le Eaat Dtapoee of Their Dead. The practice of burning the dead is universally practiced by the Hindoos and is a very curious spectacle. A writer gives the following description of the cremation among them of a poor man which he himself witnessed? Two coolies carried the body upon a rude litter, woven from coarse grasses, and held together by outlines of bamboo. Two of the dead man's brothers followed, chatting pleasantly. Four stout sticks of wood were driven upright into the ground, at the corners of an imaginary parallelogram about six feet by tvo. Retween these four posts were loosely laid sticks of dry, cheap wood. When the pile was a little more than three feet high the body was laid upon it. A dirty piece of crash, of the quality the coolies wear about their loins, partly wrapped the dead. One of the brothers stepped up and poured about four ounces of oil over the body. More wood was plied upon the dead. The pile was lighted and the cremation began. The tiro brothers appeared very interested in the igniting, and decidedly pleased when it was accomplished. They squatted down, upon the ground, just so far ifrom “ the' pile that they might feel that their scant, filthy garments were fairly safe from the sparks, but

CREMATING A BODY.

near enough to watch all the changing phases of the and to see when it was consummated. • They untibd a dirty rag from about a small bundle one of them had broughtAvith them. They’; took out bowl. Itfiwas clean and shining, and so was the brass chattee each lifted from' his filthy head. The chattees held water. The bowl held curry and rice. They fell to eating with gusto. And. pray, why not? They were eating to live, Their brother was burning to live—to live in Hindoo paradise. From the Hindo point of view this state was far more blessed. The cremation was finally completed. Two distinct kinds of ashes were left. The human ashes were carefully gathered into an old chattee. The authorities do not allow these ashes to be thrown into the river, and they are never thrown there in the presence of Europeans. The ashes of the wood were swept swiftly away. The bits of wood not burned were frugally collected to be utilized in the next funeral pile.

SHADOWGRAPHS.

Some Suggestions for a Bit of Home-Made Amusement*

“DON’T CARE A RAP, SIR.”

“Mamma,” asked the high-school girl, “may I study Browning - -”’ “Why. yes, child,” said her mother; “I am glad you have come to your senses at last. Just wait a minute and I’ll get out the flour, butter, lard and eggs, and show you how to begin.”—Boston Courier. At the Whist Party.—Wife—“Come, Jess go home; it is 11 o’clock, and you know you didn’t come homo till 1 this morning.” Husband—- “ That’s just it—you surely cin’t expect me to come home twice in. one day?”—Fljegende Blaetter. “You say he is a bad egg. How did you And it out? “He showed it the moment he was broke.”— Sparks.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANO DO. INGS HERE ANO THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Bnppoeed to Hare Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doing* that Are Odd. Cnrione, and Laugh-able--The Week - * Humor. Let C» AU Laugh. A dog’s tall is no teamster, but it generally has a wag-on.—Dansville Breeze. If you can “raise the wind.” the “dust” is quickly collected Philadelphia Record. A beetle can draw twenty times its own weight So can a mustard plaster. —Siftings. Teacher—What did Casar say when Brutus stabbed him? Bright boy—Ouch!—Hallo. No matter how low a fashionable dress may be cut, it always comes high.—Dallas News. Dude—Do you think I have the brain fever, Doctor? Doctor—Oh, no, but you have the fever. If you will notice,’ the experienced waiter is seldom upset, no 'matter how big a tip he gets.—Buffalo Courier. “Is Jenks in the swim nowadays?” “Guess he must be. His best girl has just thrown bimoverboard. ” —Buffalo Courier. Just about now one naturally expects the poultry raisers’ conversation u> abound in set phrases.—Buffalo Courier. Blest is the man who has music in bls soul, except him who walks up the church aisle with creaking shoes. —Lowell Courier.

This is the season of the year when the awning-maker begins to put the remainder of mankind in the shade. —Buffalo Courier. Few people can stand prosperity; but they are legion compared with the people who never have a chance to stadd it.— Puck. " Johnny—Pa, did you know ma before you were, married? Pa (with a sigh)—l thought I did, Johnny.— Boston Transcript. Rich Aunt—lt seems to me as if you only came when you needed money. Poor Nephew— But I can’t come oftener.—Hallo. Ordinary beer is sold by the barrel, but bock, notwithstanding its goat emblem, is not disposed of by the butt.—Philadelphia Times. A Still Hunt.—Nervous wife —I hear a burglar. Nervous husband— Woo! I’ll crawl under the bed and see if he is there. —New York Weekly. _ Clara— are you reading now? Dora—Historical novels. “Do you like them?” “Yes, indeed; there is so much I can skip.”—New York Weekly. Sobbing wife—Three years ago you swore eternal love, and Brutal husband—How long do you expect eternal love to last, any wav? —Hallo. * Jillson says it ill becomes a clergyman to rail against Board of Trade men simply because they make their living by dealing in futures.—Buffalo Courier.

Teacher—“ Name some of the great inventions of the age?” Little Girl—“ ’Lectric lights, telephones, talkin’-dolls, an’—an’ safety pins.”— Good News. “Is Smartler just right in saying that he speaks French without any noticeable accent.” “Yes, indeed, without even a French accent.” — Chicago Record. Hotel Proprietor—“We don’t allow any games of chances here.” Gambler —“This isn’t a game of chance. My friend here has no chance. ” —Brooklyn Life. Employer—Boy, take this letter, and wait for an answer. New boy— Yes, sir. Employer—Well, what are you waiting for? New boy—The answer, sir. —Harper’s Bazar. Sunday School Teacher—“ What crime did Joseph’s brothers commit when they sold him for twenty-flve pieces of silver?” Practical Boy—- “ Sold him too cheap.”—Hallo. “Haven’t you made Mr. Bulger’s portrait a good deal more than life size?” said one artist to another. “Perhaps. You see, that’s as big as he thinks he is.”—Washington Star Girl (weeping)—l’m so sorry you have to go on the road again. It almost breaks my heart. Drummer— Don’t cry, Fanny; I’ll manage to pick up another girl somewhere.— Siftings. . - : ■ ■j-s. Curiosity.—“ Grandpa,” said Tommy, examining critically the bald head of his ancestor, “may I ask you a question? “Certainly, Tommy. “Do you comb your hair with a razor?”— Texas Siftings. Judge—Well, Doctor, what is the condition of the burglar’s victim? Doctor —One of his wounds is absolutely fatal, but the other two are not dangerous and can be healed.— Fliegende Blaetter.

■ Mr. Grum-ps—“What earthly good would it do if women should be allowed to take a hand in politics?” Mrs. Grumpps—“Well, for one thing, we’d clean house a good deal oftener than you men voters da”—New York Weekly. fl 1 Husband (vittfperatively)—l was a fool when I married you, Mary! Wife (quietly)—Yea, Tom, I knew you were! But what could I do? You seemed my only chance, and I thought then that you might improve a little with time!—Grip. '

Magnetized the Bayonets.

A singular aberration of the sidearms of marines on board English ships is reported. It appears that the bayonets belonging to the marines have, in many cases, become highly magnetized through contact with, or close proximity to, dynamos, and the result is that compasses have becopie affected by sentries passing nea&ibere when wearing these sidearmsi An order has bedn issued that tutu re sentries are not to wear sidearms when on duty in theneighborhood of dynamos,! and. it is expected that this will overcome the difficulty.—Electrical Review.