Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 April 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANO DOINGS HERE ANO THERE. Jokea and Jokeleta that Are Soppoaed te Hava Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doing* that Are Odd, Curious, and laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Ci All Laugh. The kick of a cow Is not the most acceptable form of milk punch.—The Fanner. Lovb may,be blind, but the neighbors generally aren’t Somerville Journal Lot’s poor wife is not the only woman who did not want to move.— Dallas Newa Naturally when a girl goes to work out she hates to stay in.—Elmira Gazette. A good many men are like cheap theatrical bills—a very little money causes them to be stuck up.—Buffalo Courier. Waiter—“ What kind of fish will you have, sir, bluefish or whitefish?" Guest—“l don’t care; I’m color blind.”—Hallo. Every singer in a quartet can tell you three good reasons why the organization isn’t absolutely perfect— Elmira Gazette. Van Warbler —“Ah, Stabbes, have you heard my last song?” Stabbes—“Heaven knows, I hope so.” —Brooklyn Life. Son—“Pa, what political party did Washington belong to?” Father—- “ Neither: he couldn’t tell a lie.”— Detroit Free Press. Don’t be a clam. If you’ve got to be anything of the kind, be a mud turtle. Then you' may have some snap to you.—Texas Siftings. No matter how fair and square he may want to be the average poultry dealer is compelled to earn his living by fowl means.—Buffalo Courier. “Why does De Toper attend every temperance meeting in town?” “Because that’s the only place where his creditors don’t look for him.”—Hallo. Mr. McCorkle was showing some visitors over the house. Arriving at the nursery he remarked: •’This, gentlemen, is the bawl-room. TidBlts., Ethel—“Do you allow Charles to kiss you when you are not yet engaged to him?” Maud—“lt isn’t an allowance. He calls it a perquisite. ” —Raymond’s Monthly. Berliner—“ This scenery is really grand.” Native—“ But you have grander views near Berlin?” “No, indeed!” “I am afraid you are not a Berliner.”—Fliegende Blaetter. “There are several young men in the car,” remarked Mrs. Holdstrap with some feeling, “but they can hardly be classed among the rising generation. ” —Boston Transcript. “Well,” said James Easydo, “I’ve got down to my last loaf.” “Great heavens, man!” said his friend, “it Isn’t so bad as that, is it?” “Yes, I go to work to-morrow.”—Washington Star. “You seem very fond of Wagner. Mrs. Feathergilt.” “Yes; when they play Wagner one feels so confident that one’s conversation is not, being overheard by some impertiment outsider.”—Washington Star. Affable Swell—“ Well, the fact is, my name is not Smithson. You lee, I am traveling incog. There’s iny card. ” Fellow Passenger—“ Glad Io hear it I’m traveling in pickles. Here’s mine. ” —Brooklyn Life. A Georgia undertaker has adopted a novel method for increasing his business. His advertisement reads: “Funerals on the installment plan. Two dollars a week will bury your best friend. ” —Atlanta Constitution. At the Opera.—Mrs. Brown—- “ There’s Mrs. Montmorenci over there! I wonder how she can enjoy the opera. Why, she’s deaf as a post!” Mrs. Gray—“ But see how elegantly she is dressed!”—Boston Transcript Miss Withers—“ When I was born, my grandmother predicted that I would never live to be old.” Billington (wishing to be pleasant)—“Ha, ha, ba! Ho, ho, ho! What a good joke you must have on your grandmother!”—Puck. Mrs. Honeymoon (to bridegroom in railway train)—Do you love me? Old party (confidentially, from other seat, jo bridegroom)—She’s asked you that forty-seven times already. I get out here, but I’ll leave the score with this gentleman by the window. —Tid-Bits. “That was a remarkable event — that reconciliation between the Emperor William and Bismarck,” remarked the advance agent. “Yes," replied the commercial traveler; “but, to be candid, I can’t make up my mind whether that was a bona-fide reconciliation or a champagne advertisement.” —Washington Star. Sunday School Teacher Children, do you know the house that is open for all—to the poor, the rich, the sad, the happy; to man and to woman; to the old and to the young? Do ‘you know tne house I mean? Little Johnny Yeth, ma'am, I know. Sunday-school teacher—Well, Johnny, what house is it? Little Johnny—The station-house.—Hallo. “Why are you so sad, Brushe?" asked the critic of the impressionist painter. “I have been at work for two years on my great picture,” said Brushe. “Well?” “This morning.it was finished, and Jfti} boy, 5 years Tjf age, came Into the studio—” “Ah! I know. He got cutting up, and upset the picture, and destroyed It?" “No; worse than that. He recognized at once what it was a picture of?”-|-Harper’8 Bazar.