Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 March 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANO DO INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokeleu that Are Supposed to Hare Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Cortona, and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Co AU Laugh. A reliable safety coupler—the minister.—Lowell Courier. To enjoy a warm spring sit on a hot flat-iron placed on*a cbaraby yonr wife—Siftings. Teacher—“ Willie, what is memory?" Willie—“ The thing you forget with.”—Vogue. “I always did enjoy an Intellectual feast. ” said the cannibal as he ate the Yale man.—Life. The man who is waiting for his ship to come in usually finds It a tug. —Yonkers Statesman. The surgeon may be very sedate, but he is a great hand to cut up— Glens Falls Republican. Are the members of the college Pl Eta society particularly partial to pastry?—Lowell Courier. Many a man who would like to reform the world has a front gate that wont stay shut.—Ram’s Horn. “There Is a time for everything” when the boarding-house cook makes hash.—Binghamton Republican. It is said peace efforts are on foot n Honduras. Statesmen may be laving their corns cut.—Picayune. When a man past 50 hasn't had any bad luck for three days he begins to quake and tremble.—Atchison Globe. The man didn’t know how it sounded when he said: “I’ll believe there’s a hell when I see it”—Plaindealer. “You can’t eat your dinner and have it, too,” said the sympathetic steward to the seasick passenger.— Siftings. The widower about to remarry is the most unselfish of mortals. He seldom thinks of number one.—Albany Press. After a man passes 40 he can help his children most by saving up money to care for himself in his old age.— Atchison Globe. Grammar Teacher—“ln the sentence ‘Where am I at?’ what is ‘at?’ ” Scholar—“A superfluity, miss.”—Detroit Free Press.

Patient—“ Can you draw a tooth, Doctor?” Dentist—“ Well, I should say so. I’m a perfect artist in that line.”—Exchange. Pbima Donna—“l sing only English words.” Manager “Never mind. No one will need to know it" —Detroit Tribune. It was a Manitoba high-school boy who said there were four zones—frigid, torrid, temperate and intemperate.—Lynn Item. “The hard times make very little difference to me,” remarked a lime dealer; “my business is always slack.” —Philadelphia Record. “ Tommy—Paw, what is a braggart? Mr. Figg—He is a man who is not afraid to tell his real opinion of himself.—lndianapolis Journal. Poeticus (breathlessly) —“I have just dashed off these few lines and ” Editor—“ Well, er, suppose you dash off yourself.” Boston Courier. “Say, pa,” asked Freddy, “why is it that when you or Uncle George tell a story you always get laughed at and when I tell one I get a lickin’?”— Buffalo Courier. First Beggar “Yesterday I extended my business enormously.” Second Ditto—“ln what way?” First Ditto—“l broke one of my ribs.”— Lustige Blaetter. DozeleigHt—Why do you Insist upon the new pastor being a fat man? Deacon Broadaisle—Because fat men are generally short-winded.—Will-iamsport Review. “Idleness covers a man with nakedness,” was the profound observation of a gentleman in the Crown Lands Department, noted for his flowery eloquence.—Grip. “Did the publishers accept the novel of hers in which the heroine kills her husband by slow poison?” “No. They advised her to adopt prussic acid and make it a short story.”—Puck.

“I shall be glad when I get big enough to wash my own face," muttered little Johnny after his mamma had got through with him; “then I won’t wash It.” —Boston Transcript. “I am very much afraid,” said the good old parson as he was admonishing his flock, ‘-that unless you mend your ways some of you, when Gabriel blows his trumpet, will come out at the little end of the horn.—Rochester Democrat. Little Ethel—What Is these anarchist people talkin’ anout? Little Johnny—Why,they wants everything everybody else has got an’ they never wash theirselves. Little Ethel—Oh, I see. They is little boys growed up. —Good News. “Papa,” said little Isaac, “vot is vun hundredt per zent?” “It depends on zirgumstances,” replied Rlngsheimer. “Vun hundredt per zent Is small profit, but a larch undt oudtraichus seddlement ohs your debts. ” —Harlem Life. Kitty—Tom is down South this winter, and he has just sent me the loveliest little alligator you ever saw. Ada —How are you going to keep him? Kitty—l don’t know; but I’ve put it in Florida water until I hear from Tom. ” —Life. Jackson You’d better go and make it up with Dobson, If you care anything for his friendship. Jenkins —What have I ever done to Dobson? Jackson —Why you called him “Mister!” Dobson is captain in a Brooklyh militia regiment.—Puck.