Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 March 1894 — Page 6

. Sije JemocroticScntintl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J. W McEWEN, - - - PCKJSHKB.

WRINKLES IN WHEELS

MANY NEW NOVELTIES BEING INTRODUCED. Meyele* Rigged for Salla by Which Great Speed Is Attained—Derlee of a Frenchman to Bring the Arma Into Play While Biding a Wheel. For Those Who Rida The friends of cycling are legion and their number is augmented every day. Ab a sport it remains as popular as ever, and during the enforced dullness of the winter months the cyclist dreams but of the prospective enjoyment of another season. Long before the advent of the first robin and the timid crocus, the wheelman has burst in full bloom and can be seen gayly “pumping’ through mud and slush having a glorious time in making himself and others believe that gentle spring has come. It is no longer necessary for the cycle enthusiast to, during the winter months, consign his “trusty steed* to an obscure corner, there to gather but rust and dust. An enterprising genius In Erie, Pa., has come to the rescue and invented an ice and snow bicycle which is to fill the ever-present long-

PROPELLED BY HANDS AND FEET.

felt want. The inventor claims great things for this machine, and if it can perform half of what is promised, the ice cycle ought certainly to become popular. The new affair is provided with runners and has a skate-like equipment clamped to one of the wheels. The tire of the hind wheel is furnished with sharp prongs by the means of which a good grip is secured on a slippery surface. The speed attained by the ice cycle under favorable circumstances is said to be very great. Nevertheless it is doubtful if in its present development the machine can become popular. The decided novelty in the bicycle world, and one which will be sure to create a sensation, is a machine invented by M. Valere, a noted French engineer. It is on exhibition in Paris, where it has attracted considerable attention from all wheelmen attending the great bicyle exhibition now being held in that city. The most serious objection to the sport has been that While the legs and their muscles are getting more than enough of exercise, the arm and upper portion of tike body receive relatively none,

SUGGESTION FOR LONG-DISTANCE RIDING.

being, as a rule, held in a rigid position. It is with the aim to overcome this grave drawback that Valere has constructed his bicycle, which he has given the name of “running machine, ** on account of the motions made by the rider. The hand-bars of this machine are entirely dispensed with, and in their stead are two levers, which are worked almost horizontally. When in motion the rider looks like a person running and swinging his arms. That is to say, when the left leg, for instance, is advanced in pressing down the pedal the right arm performs the corresponding movement in putting one of the levers backward. There is a concerted action of both hands and

A TRAINING MACHINE.

feet, the repulsion of the one and the traction of the other. These two forces are concentrated to give the bicyCle the highest momentum of speed. The inventor appeared before the Minister of Liberal Arts and by his many practical tests of the various advantages claimed for his machine was given a document in which M. Valere is declared to have “invented one of the best Ot bicycles. ” Great is his invention, indeed, if it can be practically demonstrated that a man in riding this contrivance can use his arms as effectually for a driving power as he can his legs. Aside from this advantage there will be aa opportunity for the development of as formidable biceps as there is now of calves, When it comes to speed this new machine is a marvel; there has been

THE QUADRYPLET.

nothing in the way of bl. tri, or any a Valere handled by an experienced rider the average speed* will bo about thirty-seven miles an hour! If all or ■'X - * 'J'• . / -S?-y

even half of the wonderful things promised for this machine be true, we can look forward to a complete revolution of bicj cling. For a pacemaker the quadruplet seems to win more favor than any other machine of the same nature. It is not a feature that will become popular, and few clubs will indulge in the extrava-

FOR RAINY DAYS

gance of one or more of these swift but cumbersome machines: their place is more among the freaks than among the regular “wheels.” In this class may also be mentioned anew “trainer,” consisting of a pair of wheels, the axle of which is provided • with adjustable handles. You push these wheels before you and run or walk at any pace described. This mode of exercise is said to be extrem ly beneficial in strengthening the lungs and securing great development of the chest. For people t<» whom tnis would seem too violent exercise, the new room cycle offers every advantage. With this in your chamber you can enjoy all the excitement of a “run" or race without any of its attendant drawbacks. A gauge in front indicates at what a terrible rate of speed you are going while you are standing still. For persons of sedentary occu> ation and those who think their rotundity some-

what too pronounced these room cycles or home trainers offer splendid opportunities for improvement of both health and muscle. I ropolled on Land by Sall*. Sailing on dry land sounds a trifle incongruous, but it will be a popular sport next summer. The only reason that sailing on bicycles does not become a prominent feature is no doubt because it is a comparatively new thing. Some time last summer an enterprising Californian rigged his safety with sails and the experiment was a complete success. Abroad the idea has taken like wildfire, and judging from the reports it must be great tun. Mr. White

THE ICE BICYCLE.

of San Bernardino, is, perhaps, father of the scheme. He uses a ten-foot mast and an eight-foot boom and fastens the mast in a head block. This block must not be fastened to the handle bars, but must be bolted .to the below the elbow, as this allows the nfee use of the handles to direct the Wheel’s course. The cost of the whole outfit, including a nice sail, <Mght not to exceed $lO. It requires very little practice to become an expert in handling the sail, and with faVorab e the speed ought to be about thirty pailes an hour. As a matter of course, care must

THE NEW MILKING MAID.

be taken in sailing along the country roads. While scudding under a stiff breeze the rider might suddenly bring up against some startled nag or irate bull, which might have serious results. Many of the later improvements in cycle sailing tackle dispense with the boom entirely, and simply carry a triangular canoe sail of generous proportions rigged on an exceedingly light but tough bamboo frame. To prevent the possibility of a sudden capsize a steel outrigger having i little wheel on the end |s pl ways carried. When not in use’ iteadyg'wti’ Up with the sail in ave y small package. This little outrigger enables the land sailor to take solid comf. rt. a, it sustains the

balance on the lee side, no matter how, stiff the breeze may be. The comforts of the riders and their protection against the inclemency of the weather have also been looked after more than ever. One manufacturer proposes to provide fans connected with the running gear, which will in no way impede the speed but cool the brow of the rider, wearily pumping away on a dusty road under a scorching sun. The same man has also in contemplation a contrivance somewhat in the shape of a buggy top, which will serve as a protection during thunder or other showers. Both these inventions will, when they materialize, be hailed with delight by all wheelmen, who now are at the mercy of all kinds of rough weather. Taking everything into considera-

ROOM VELOCIPEDE OR HOME TRAINER.

tion the lovers of this delightful sport may look forward to a season which will be pregnant with{a number of newfangled ideas, both in the shape oi

IDEAL FAMILY BICYCLE.

novel attachments as well as entire machines. The great aim of makers of wheels is to combine comfort and durability in their productions. At one time there was a rather pronounced prejudice against women using the bicycle, but that has long since given way to a most enthusiastic approval’of its use among the fairer sex. Fashion, which decrees most everything in the feminine world, has no doubt had considerable to do with making the wheel popular with women. There is a constantly growing demand for “machines" among ladies and young girls and from men who take to the wheel merely for its healthful exercise. Tricycles are at a decided disadvantage nowadays and are rated very much passe. Even the little so ks look upon these antiquated affairs with contempt, and almost rather go without riding if thes cannot have a safety. It is surprising to see the number of tots, particularly little girls, who are expert riders. They seem to be a great deal quicker in learning how to ride than the boys of the same age, and handle their diminutive machines with all the assurance of veterans.

Foretold His Own Death.

James Beckwourth, the famous scout, who became a war chief under the name pf Medicine Calf among the Crows, has related to the North American Review, an extraordinary feat of levitation which a great war chief of the Crow Indians performed in his presence on the eve of leading his warriors to battle. The chief was an aged man and professed to have a premonition of death. For many moons he had led the Crows successfully against their hereditary foes, the Blackfeet. It was not his heart that failed him now, but his medicine had lost its protency. In the dusk of the gray morning he led his brpves; out on. an open prairie, and, setting his shield on edge some fifteen dr twenty feet in fronjt ofhim, pointed to it with his lance. As the eyes of the flghing men rested upon the embossed surface of "the buckler it appeared to rise slowly from the ground until it reached a height corresponding to the head of the chief; it then, by the samq invisible means, passed through the air until it obscured his face and hid It from his warriors. A I thrill of horror pervaded the assemblage, but no word was spoken. It vjas taken as an emblem of his approaching eclipse, his banishment from this world, his journey to the land of the Great Spirit, to which all Indians, good and bad alike, went with unhesitating faith. The great chief was killed that morning. Windmill Power. InVentors are hopefully seeking to compel the wind to perform a more Important share of the world’s work. To encourage their efforts, the Netherlands Society for the Promotion of Industry offers a gold medal and IHSO for the best paper on the use df windmills and electric accumulators for supplying power to factories. Points especially to be considered are the average energy a comtaon windmill can produce in conjunction with storage batteries, the installation most suitable, the cost per horse-power hour, and the economy of the system on a large scale

MEN’S SOCIETY CLOTHES.

What They ShoolA Wear When They Go Oat ou Pleasure Bent. Women generally know how to dress themselves and their children for most of the “functions” of society. But they are often sadly perplexed as to bow their husbands should be attired. Beyond knowing that men should not wear evening clothes before 6 o’clock, their ideas on masculine garb are vagne. And, as they frequently have to (Jpcide the question of what their lords and masters shall wear, it would be wise for them to read, mark, learn and inwardly digest the following facts: At 2 o’clock weddings, known as morning weddings, which are about the only early festivities to which a man can be dragged, the bridegroom wears dark-striped trousers, doublebreasted frock coat, undressed pearlgray gloves, white four-in-hand, tall bat and big boutonniere. The ushers are similarily attired, and the masculine wedding guests who aim to be correct, wear clothes of the same genfral fashion, though, of course, the style of their ties, gloves and boutonnieres is not prescribed by law. At all fashionable morning affairs this uniform, with some individual variations, is correct In the evening, of course, evening clothes are necessary. This season prescribes a three-button, plain shirt front, a straight, stand-up collar, either a black cloth waistcoat or a double-breasted, four-buttoned white one. No jewelry ii worn, and pearlgray gloves, stitched with black, are considered in best taste, as are patent leather shoes.—New York World.

Thanks to the Bear.

Almost a hundred years ago two young men who lived in a Kentucky 'fort went out to look for a strayed horse. They wandered hither and ithither through the woods until, toward evening, they found themselves in a wild valley six or seven miles from home. Here the younger of them, Francis Downing by name, fancied that he heard the snapping of twigs behind them. Some Indians were dogging their footsteps, he believed. His companion, Yates, treated the matter as a jest, and o’ffered to insure Downing’s scalp for sixpence. Downing was not satisfied, and finally, as he continued to hear she suspicious noises, he fell behind Yates some twenty or thirty paces, and at a favorable spot sprang suddenly aside and dropped into a thick patch of huckleberry bushes. Yates, who was singing, continued his course, and was soon out of sight. Almost at the same moment two Indians pushed aside the stalks of a panebrake, and looked cautiously in the direction that Yates had taken. Poor Downing, fearing that his own movements had been observed, determined to fire upon the savages, but in his nervbvsness —he was hardly more than a boy—he let off his gun without taking aim.

Then he started to run. Very soon he met Yates, who had heard the report, and had hastened back to see what was the matter. The enemy was now in full view, and the two white men ran for their lives. Yates, who was the faster of the two, would not leave Downing in the lurch. The Indians gained upon them steadily, till they came to a deep gully. Yates cleared it easily enough, but Downing, being pretty well exhausted, fell short, and after striking the farther bank, dropped to the bottom. The Indians meantime were crossing the gully a little farther down, and seeing Yates making off ahead, they took chase after him. Downing crept along the bed of the gully till it became too shallow to conceal him; and then, looking up, saw oneof the Indians returning, evidently to look for him. Again he took to. his heels, and the Indian followed. All hope of escape was dying out of the young fellow’s heart when he came to an overturned poplar-tree. He took one side of it and the Indian took the other. Just then the Indian yelled. A she-bear, it appeared, was suckling her cubs in a bed which she had made near the roots of the tree. She greeted the Indian with a hug, and Downing did not tarry to see how the interview terminated. New hope put new life into his legs, and he reached the fort in safety, where he was welcomed by Yates who had arrived two hours before.

France’s Deadly Rifle.

The Mannlicher rifle, which has just been tested in Europe, is declared to be inferior to. the French arm. If that is so, our own troops would have a rather meager chance if opposed to any of the crack army 1 corps of France. This rifle is smokeless and has a range of ,three miles. An American naval officer who has written an article upon the comparative power of European arms, said that a skillful marksman could create havoc in an army with the heyv; rifle at a distance of two miles, ana that in an unsettled country it (Would be impossible to tel! from which point the attack came. This would seem to indicate that cavalry will be a tradition herafter. When the enemy can lie in ambush and mow down horses and men two miles away there will be no more stirring scenes or stories of carrying forts and other strong positions by a rush of cavalry. A two-mile rush in the face of a storm of bullets coming from an unknown quarter would have results compared with which the charge of the Light Brigade seems like child’s play.—New York Sun.

The Wise Men of Gotham.

As King John was passing through the village of Gotham, on his way to Nottingham, he proposed to make a short cut across the meadows. The. villagers, thinking that whatever road a king took thenceforward became a public road, objected, much to Jqhn’s annoyance. Shortly afterward he sent some messengers from his court to learn the cause of the villagers’ rudeness. Hearing of the coming of the king’s servants, the villagers hL upon the following plan of turning aside the monarch s wrath: When the messengers arrived, they found some of the inhabitants engaged in trying to drown an eel in a pond; others were busy rolling cheeses down a hill, so that they might run to Nottingham for sale, while a third I set were employed in placing u hedge I

round a bush on which a cuckoo bad perched, in order that they might enjoy perpetual spring. The king’s servants thought they bad come among a village of fools, and, having reported what they had seen, John formed the same opinion, and troubled himself no more about what he considered their Incivility to him. Hence peopje have talked about the “wise men," or “the fools," of Gotham. There was much wisdom in their folly, however. There is to-day, so it is said, a bush growing on the site of the one whereon the cookoo perched.

LEVI P. MORTON'S BARN.

A Handsome Structure 200 Feet Lons Oiti nated at Rhinebeck, N. Y. Last August a magnificent barn at Rhinebeck, N. Y., owned by ex-Vic» President Morton was destroyed by fire. Work was at once begun on a building to take its place and tha new structure has recently been conrpleted. The new building, according to the New York Herald, Is 300 feet long, slxty-flve feet wide, and, where the silos are located, eighty-nine feet wide. The latest improvements have been introduced in the building and ( no expense has been spared to make

it a model barn and one of the finest in this country. Railroad tracks for cars to carry feed run around the interior of the barn; there are blinds on every window, so arranged as to act as awnings to keep the heat out in summer. The area walls outside of the building have a sixinch blue stone coping, with an iron railing five fpet high. The basement is of concrete eight Inches thick, with a cross brick wall with chestnut sleepers to rest upon, and drainage under the whole. The basement under the L, which is 40x50 feet in size, is fitted up as a root cellar. The silos are three in number and hold 1,500 tons. The stalls In the barn are provided with tire escape fasteners, so that any one of them can be opened at will. Three hundred ther. mostats are placed in the barn to give an alarm in case of fire. They tell what part of the building is on fire and are connected with the farm house and office. The barn is light-, ed by incandscent lights. The latest improved machinery is provided for grinding feed, etc., including a pow. erful engine. The many new inyentions introduced ip the construction of the barn are being closely observed by experts.

QUEER NESTS FOR DUCKS.

Made of Rushes and Hung; on Poles In the Marshes. The water-fringed village of Grouw, in Friesland, North Holland, is remarkable for two things—cheesesand ducks. The lakes which ftinge the village on three sides are thick with bulrushes and water grass, and afford excellent cover for wild ducks and other aquatic fowl. To promote the comfort of the former and at the same time facilitate the collection of their eggs the villagers construct

DUCK NESTS IN HOLLAND.

nests of the form shown in the accompanying illustration. The nests are made of plaited rushes, and are hung on poles driven into the soil or perched between the forks of trees. Above each coterie the owner of the nests fixes pieces of colored cloth, which enable him to readily distinguish his ne*ts from those of his neighbors. These bits of bunting are useful also to the birds, who invariably keep to their own nests. The owner goes each morning in his boat to the nesting ground, thrusts his arm into the bottle-shaped nests, and collects their contents for the , market.

Verbal “Ducks and Drakes."

■ Some men “make ducks and drakes with shillings,” others with words. An Irishman, who had begun with an old' junk-cart, having by his industry and knowledge Of his business become prosperous, thought he would hang two or three pictures on his parlor walls. “I’m no couniser,” said he to a dealer in pictures, “but I know a good thing when 1 see it." “You mean connoisseur, doubtless,” interrupted the dealer. “Maybe I do, and maybe I don’t,” he replied. Just then a well-know wealthy merchant stopped to look at the engravings displayed in the window. “That man’s a millenary!” exclaimed the junk-dealer- < “Millionaire, you mean!” retorted the picture dealer. “Well! you may call him as you please, but! call him a millenary!” replied the unbashed Irishman. EJMr. Le Fanu, in his stories of Irish life, tells this one: “A neighbor of mine said that a very fine horse he had bought a few days previously had gone lame. ‘What is the matter with him?’ asted a Mr. T. ‘I am greatly afraid he has got the vernacular,’ said he (of, course he meant navicular). “ ‘Dear me!’ said T., ‘l.never heard of any quadruped having that disease except Balaam’s ass’”—Youth’s Companion. While all doctors’ bills are big enough, the man who has to go to a throat specialist is more than ever liable,to get it in the neck.—Buffalo Courier. ’ • Jagson says his neighbor’s daughter, who is learning the piano, cannot be accused of fraudulent prao tice—-it’s all sound.—Elmira Gazette.

NERVOUSNESS,

A Condition That Should Receive Prompt and Intelligent Treatment. Nervousness is a condition not easy to define; but the common use of the ♦>erm tn every-day speech indicates the commonness of the thing itself. There are few persons, indeed, who have not at some time suffered from Irritability of the nerves and its accompanying depression. It is to be remembered that this state always indicates a falling away from the normal standard of health. It should be taken as a danger signal, a notice from the nerves that something is wrong. The cause of the trouble is sometimes easily found, as, for example, temporary or habitual loss of sleep; or the difficulty may be more deeply seated and more serious. Whatever its cause, nervousness indicates a lack of nervous fcrce, a lowering of vital energy, home where a tap is loose, and waste is proceedhg more rapidly than repair. In such ». state of things, the performance of every voluntary action and of every unconscious organic function is affected unfavorably. Women suffer from nervousness more commonly than men. It is a mistake, however, to think that there is any material difference between the nerve structure of the two sexes. Unfavorable surroundings and occupations account for the greater frequency of nervous diseases among women. Farmers are rarely affected with nervousness. Farmers’ wives are almost proverbially so affected. Loss of sleep, indigestion, grief or worry, and many other functional causes may produce nervousness. Doubtless the most frequent cause is lack of sufficient out-of-door air and of moderate exercise.

It is too common for nervous people to think their complaint too trivial for a physician’s notice. Strict Inquiry as to the manner of life often reveals errors the correction of which relieves the conditions and averts serious disease. “Overwork does not kill, but overworry does,” some one has said, with a measure of exaggeration. Excessive work may no doubt shorten life, but constant woriy over every-day cares is sure to do so. Ceaseless cares exhaust the nervous energy. Change of occupation and of scene allows the nervous forces—the celebral gray matter—to become restocked. Nervous matter is actually consumed in performing the details of every-day existence, just as muscular tissue is expended in exercise. A spring kept at a constant tension surely loses its elasticity, while one which is frequently unbent does not. The figure is a good one to apply to mental and nervous experience.— Youth’s Companion.

Almost Dragged Under.

The author of “Eskimo Life” described a day’s hunt, when the men of the village put out to sea, each in his cranky little kaiak, after seals, auks, fish, or whatever other game may present itself. Tobias began by chasing a seal which dived and did not come up again within sight, but the man is one of the best hunters of the village, as the reader may judge by what follows. He had sighted another seal, and was skimming over the sea toward it, when the huge head of a hooded seal popped upright in front of the kaiak, and was harpooned in an instant. It makes a frightful wallowing and dives, the harpoon line whirls out, but suddenly gets fouled under the throwing-stick of the bird-dart. The bow es the kaiak is drawn under with an irresistible rush, and before Tobias knows where he is, the water is up to his armpits, and nothing can be see of him but his head and shoulders and the stern of the kaiak, which sticks right up into the air. It looks as If It were all over with him. Those who Were nearest paddle with all might to his assistance, but with scant hope however to save him. Tobias, however, is a first-rate kaiak man. In spite of his difficult position, he keeps upon even keel while he is dragged through the water by the seal, which does all he can to get him entirely under. At last it comes up again, and in a moment he has seized his lance, and with deadly aim, had pierced the seal through tbe head. A feeble movement, and it is dead. The other men come up in time to find Tobias busy making his booty fast, and to get the piece of blubber to which each is entitled. They cannot restrain their admiration for his coolness and skill, and speak of it long afterward.

Where They Could Not Hit It.

Marshal Blucher, the famous Prussian General, was always foremost in fight. His zeal in attack was such, indeed, that the Russians nicknamed him “Marshal Forwards.” After the battle of Waterloo, Louis XVIIL, the King of France, desired to bestow upon him the Order of the Holy Ghost; but the soldier would not accept it He hadn’t forgotten how Napoleon had trodden on his country for years, and he hated France and everything French., ; The Duke of,, Wellington endear ored to persuade him to receive this mark of royal respect. - “If I do,” said Blucher, “I will bang the Order on my back?’ “Well,” replied the Duke, “if you do, you will only show how highly you value it, by hanging it where the enemy will never hit it” This was a neatly turned compliment

A General Sympathizer.

Alluding to a common foiole of humanity, a clever woman recently said that if worse came tn worse, and she had to find some way of earning her living, she believed she would become a “public sympathizer. Any one could sead for me,” she explained, “and pour out all their worries and troubles while I listened and sympathized for, say, 25 or 50 cents an hour. Everything should be strictly confidential, and I 'would never allow myself to have a greater worry or a worse pain hr a deeper trouble than my .client What do you think of that scheme?” Someone asked Prince G.“ Which are the greatest powers of Europe?” He -answered, straight off the reel: “England, Germany, France, Russia ana woman.”—Lo Contour de Vaudols.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Tanghahle Phases of Homan Nature GraphicaUy Portrayed by Eminent Word Artiste of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fun. Sprinkles of Spice. Of course a bright girl ought to have a spark of humor.—Lowell Courier. To tell a dignified citizen to pull down his vest is apt to raise his choler.—Siftings. The criminal Sheriff can manage an execution as soon as he gets the hang of the tbing.—Picayune. The fact that a woman is flighty by no means indicates that she is growing wings. —Detroit Tribune. Some fiddlers can play a tune on one string, but it never makes anybody want to dance.—Ram’s Horn. Teacher—Define quartz. Milkman's son (who is rather absentminded)—Pint and a half—Tid-Bits. Til—“What is your father going to give you when you get married?" Lil —“His consent, I suppose.”—The Standard. Duke of Squallbro—“l will never marry a woman cleverer than myself.” Miss Whlrlsfair—“You’ll have great trouble getting suited.”—Vogue. In olden times the Egyptians had a cat cemetery which they considered sacred. We suppose they called it their cattycombs.—Rochester Democrat The seraphic uplifting of the soul following one’s first shave in the downy period of one’s existence can never be repeated.—Boston Transcript. Dr. Bock, of Leipsic, says: “Beer is brutalizing, wine impassions, whisky infuriates. ” He is not the Bock the beer is named after, evidently.— Boston Globe. The editor who is always feeling the pulse of the people is not really interested in their heart-beats. It is his own circulation that he is looking after.—Life. Mr. Critic—“lf that’s ‘A Hunting Scene’ why don’t the men have guns?” Mr. Caustic—“ Perhaps the artist painted them so naturally that they’ve gone off.”—Jester. Jack (to his sister Ethel) —“Cholly Chumpleigh said he was coming round to propose to you to-night. Has he turned up?” Ethel—“ Yes, and been turned down. ” —Hallo. Maud—Why don’t you give young Sewers some encouragement if you love hi n? Nell—Oh, he ought to be able to press his own suit; he’s a tailor.—Philadelphia Record.

First Deacon (criticising minister) —“Well, if Mr. Ilardtext isn’t very interesting, he at least doesn’t slop over.” Second Deacon—“No; he is too dry for that. ’’—Texas Siftings. The Poet’s Wife —“They say that poetry is a drug on the market.” The Poet—“ Nonsense! If you’d ever sold any poetry and bought any drugs you’d know the difference "—Harlem Elderly Maiden—This is so unexpected, Mr. Wellalong, that—that you must give me time. Elderly Lover—Time, Miss Rebecca? Do you think there is any to spare?—Chicago Tribune. “This taxin’ incomes ain’t * the thing to do to make the country rich,” said Uncle Silas. “They’d oughter tax expenditures. People’d spend less’n’ save more then.—Harper’s Bazar. . “Miss Hevviswell asked me to call,” said Cholly, with a delighted grin. “Did she?” said his unkind friend. “She told me yesterday she was going to be very careful to avoid all pleasure during Lent.”—Washington Star. Close Merchant—Yes, sir, I want a new book-keeper, but you won’t do. Applicant—May I ask why? Close Merchant—You are bald as a billiard-ball, sir. A man with'no hair to wipe his pen on will rust out a whole box every week.— New York Weekly. “How is Skimmins getting along in his profession?” said one Chicago man to another. “He is quite successful, I understand.” “But he told me yesterday that he owed several thousands of dollars.” “Yes. That shows how well he must have established his credit” Detroit Free Press. Widow—“l want a stone for my husband’s grave exactlyjike the other one in the lot.” Agent—“ But isn’t it a trifle small for a man of your husband’s prominence?” Widow —“No, sir! If Thomas thought a stone like that was good enough for his first wife, I guess it’s plenty good enough for Thomas. ” —Life.

Mr. Farwest—“l met my old schoolmate, Lakeside, to-day, for the first time in an age, and I thought from the way he acted tvhen I mentioned you that you and he must have had some romance or other before we met.” Mrs. Farwest—“No romance about it. We were married for a few years, that’s all ”—sew York Weekly. Manager—“ The critics say that in the' play ‘A Wronged Wife,’ you do not exhibit enough emotion when your husband leaves you, never to return.” Popular Actress Oh, I don’t, don’t I? Well, I’ve had two or three husbands leave, never, to return, and I guess I know as-much about how to act under those circumstances as anybody. ” —Puck. • Jiudge Begad <4-? “Prisoner, at the bar, you are changed wish shooting the plaintiff through each ear, one foot, an elbow, arid along the top of his head. What have you to say for yourself?” Alkali Ike (the prisoner) —“Wai, I didn’t have no killin’ grudge ag’in’ him, an’ so I jest shot him in the thin places around the edges so’s not to hurt him too much.” —Life. “No,” said Farmer Corntassel’s wife; “fame ain’t fur- everybody. There’s Josiar, he done his best, but he never will get'’famous." “What waihis ambition?” “Ter git hlspicterjln the paper. He set up nights tryin’ ter think of some ailment ter take patent medicine fur, but he was so overpowerin’ healthy that they wasn't a single thing fur ’im ter gift cured of.’—Washington Star.