Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 March 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Aotaaa and JokeleU that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us AU Laugh. A man is like a gas-jet. The more he blows the less light he gives out —Boston Transcript In an autograph book: “Be consistent Never accept advice. Not even this.”—Fliegende Blaetter. “How do you manage to live in this dead town?” “Fine; I’m the undertaker. "—Atlanta Constitution. Speak gently to the erring or you won’t get an invitation to the killing of the fatted calf.—Elmira Gazette. Tom—How old is your sister Mabel? Ned—Her count, do you mean, or our family Bible record?—Somerville Journal Generally the more aimless a boy is, the better he likes to run around with a shotgun.—Binghamton Republican. Artist—“ Madam, it is not faces alone that I paint; it is souls.” Madam—“Oh, you do Interiors then?”— New York Sun. A new mixed drink is called a “business brace,” but its practical tendency is more that of a business suspender. —Siftings.

She—Before we were married you used to call me an angel. He—And now I wish you were one. Isn’t that just as well?—Truth. One reason why it is often difficult to find a ruiaway team is that the horse usually takes the traces with him.—Lowell Courier. Gayson—“She answered me rather shortly when I asked her to be mine.’ Townson—“lndeed! Gayson —“She said ‘yes. ’ ” —Truth. Landlady—You haven’t touched your coffee, Mr. Jones. Anything unusual the matter with it? Mr. Jones—Well, yes; it’s hot—Truth. Business Man—“ And your nephew has had trouble in his bank, they tell me?” Aunt Sarah—“ Yes, they’ve appointed a deceiver.”—Plaindealer. Aunt—“ Child, you certainly don’t call yourself dressed with your shoulders all bare like that?” Nice—“Of course not, auntie ! 1 Gowned."— Puck. Fogg—Come, Figg, have a smoke.” Figg—l’ll die first Fogg—Oh, well, every man to his liking. I’ll do my smoking before I die. —Boston Transcript. Mrs. Russell—“Oh, Edward, you should say palm, not pam.” Mr. Russell—“ Well, that being the case will you please pass me the halm?”— Truth.

“Money talks,” remarked the business man who was ruefully contemplating a lot of idle capital; “but it doesn’t talk in its sleep. ”—Washington Star. “Harduppy tells me he never destroys a receipted bill.” “No; he’s more likely to have them framed and hung up in his parlor as curiosities.” —Tid Bits. Possibly the roped arena may represent a serious battle, but any girl knows the kind of an engagement the real prize rl’jg stands for.—Philadelphia Times. Jack—“l have a confession to make, and you shall be my priest I—l love you.” Jess —“I forgive you freely; but—but priests don’t marry, you know!”—Puck. Boy—Pa, the minister said to-day we’d all have to be born again. Father of eight—That means another fortune for drinks and cigars, I suppose,—Puck. “Did you know Mrs. Plentirocks has stained glass all through her new house?” “No; but what a pity! Can she get anything to take it out?”— Rochester Democrat. “How do you know she is plainlooking? You haven’t seen her. ” “I wrote to her in praise of her intel-' lectuality, and she didn’t get miffed." —Boston Transcript There is much mystification in London over the expedition against the Sofas, and the indications are that somebody’s been lying on them. —Philadelphia Ledger. Mrs. J.—Are there any good dry goods advertisements in the paper this morning? Mr. J. —Really, I don’t know. I usually read the other part.—Somerville Journal. “How is Dykins getting along with the farm he bought?” “Pretty well. He tells me he saved money on it last year.” “How?” “Rented it to another man. ” —Washington Star. Pat—“Phat is the Metropolitan Opera House I hear so much about?” Dennis—“lt must be a storage warehouse—for all them big millionaires have their boxes up there.”—Truth. “I suppose you have been shopping all day again, ” said Mr. Snaggs to his wife at the supper table. “And I suppose you have been bucket-shop-ping again," retorted she.—Pittsburg Chronicle. Mrs. Rusher—Has Mr. Goldcoin, with whom you have been dancing all the evening, at last declared his intentions, Mabel? Mabel Yes, aunt. Mrs. Rusher—l am so glad! And what did he say? Mabel—He declared he would never marry.— Vogue. Mr. Binks (after an absence) — And so you shot a burglar while here and unprotected. You are a brave little woman. What became of him? Mrs. Binks—The other burglar car-. Tied him off. Mr. Binks—Which other burglar? Mrs. Binks The one I aimed at.—Puck.