Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Hare Been Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Curious, and T anyhable— The Week's Humor. . Let C> All Laugh. Seeing is not always believing. For instance, we see liars frequently. The diamond has the most sparkle, but the window-glass does the most good. The passion some women have for attending auctions is a more-bid taste.—Siftings. Of all queer sights in a court-room the cross-examiner is the querist.— Yonkers Gazette. The British attack took all the spring out of the Sofas of Sierra Leone.—Lowell Courier. The reason those people succeed so well who mind their own business is because there is so little competition. Our experience in Western society has been that everything is very pleasant until the singing begins.— Atchison Globe. The King of Italy is not much over five feet in height; Uncle Sam, also, is rather short at present.— Philadelphia Ledger. Customer—That’s a queer shaped piece of pie. Looks something like a turnover. Waiter—No, sir; it’s a left-over.—Good News. The only time a man can perfectly control himself under excitement is when he is hunting a burglar.— Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mrs. Norris—Do you mind my having a dressmaker in the house next week? Mr. Norris (craftily)— No; not if she's pretty. Customer—“ That’s a queer-shaped piece of pie. Looks something like a turnover.” Waiter—“No, sir; it’s a left-over.”—Good News. One of the times when a woman has no mercy on a man is when he comes to her store to buy a bonnet for his wife.—Ram’s Horn.

“Bilkein’s is a strong face, or I’m no judge of physiognomy. ” “It ought to be. He and his whole family are living on it.”—Buffalo Courier. Original sin was the cause of the fall of man, and now when a man falls it is the cause of a good deal of original sin.—Binghamton Republican. After the meet: Miss Harkaway—“And how did you get on after the first fence?” Mr. Newe-Nimrod—-“Oh, I—er—got off at the first fence.” —Tid-Bits. “There are a good many idle roomers about,” said the boarding-house mistress, quite a number of whose victims were out of work.—Yonkers Statesman. Mr. Wickwire—“l have had such a queer*humming noise in my head all day. ” Mrs. Wickwire—“Why don’t you try a little machine oil?”—lndianapolis Journal. Pike—l hear that a number of ballots were thrown out in my district as defective. Dyke—What was the defect? Pike—Cast for the wrong candidate. Auntie—lt isn’t good form to hold your fork in that way. Little Niece— Auntie, do you tlpnk it is good form to stare at folks while they are eat' ing?—Good News. He—Did you ever hear that Jagson's wife speaks two languages? She—Yes. He—What are they? She—The one for company and the other for Jagson. Bluster—Do you mean to say that lam a liar? Blister—l hope that I could not do so ungentlemanly a thing. But I see you catch my idea. —Boston Transcript. By permitting smoking only as a reward for good behavior, the Belgian prison authorities have been able to weed out a great many petty troubles.—Philadelphia Ledger.

A iurglar who was seized as he was entering the second-story window tried hard to get off on the plea that be belonged to a hook and ladder company.—Lowell Courier. “I must say that our union men work like lightning,” says the jocose general manager. “How is that?” asked the proprietor. “They rarely strike twice in the same place.”— Truth. The white folks spend a great deal of time and money trying to curl their hair, and the colored people patronize every peddler who sells a decoction warranted to take the curl out.—Atchison Globe. Young Wife—What is baby trying to say, dear? Husband—Give it up. He seems to be trying to manufacture a word about twenty syllables long. Young Wife—lsn’t that loVely! He’ll be a great scientist some day!—Puck. Sunday- school Teacher —“And the dead arose from their graves and appeared to many ” Undertaker’s small daughter (giggling) “Then they must have looked awful funny. Yon know the shrouds only go halfway 7 ’round. ” —J udge. Two ladies in a trolley car were discussing a young gentleman friend. “Has he any talent for drawing?” asked one. “Of course,” said the other spiritedly, “he told me he once drew a beautiful turkey at a raffle.” —Philadelphia Record. He—“ You say there are no flowers for thte dinner table! Where are the chrysanthemums I sent home?” She —“Oh, George, don’t speak so loud; you might hurt Bridget’s feelings; she didn’t understand what they were and has cooked them in milk!” —Life.