Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 March 1894 — Page 5

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. At ■the Menagerie--An Egotist--A Tender-Hearted Man--The Only Causes, Etc., Etc. AT THE MENAGERIE. “Step this way—we’re about to ■feed the animals. ’ ’ * ‘Ah! thawnks, awfully, don’t you know, don’t ye see, I’ve—ah—just hand me—ah—dinnah.” AN EGOTIST. Miss Gussie Riverside I don’t think I would ever marry a very handsome man. I’d be so jealous if my husband was an Apollo. Dudejy Canesucker Don’t say that, Miss Gussie. You wob me of my last hope.—[Texas Siftings. A TENDER HEARTED MAN. Customer—Why is it that you charge as much for a six pound pig as you do for a sixteen pound pig? Butcher—The smaller the pig, mum, the worse it hurts us to kill it. Got to charge somethin’ fur our feelin”s, mum.—[Chicago Tribune. ACCOUNTED FOR AT LAST. First Urchin—What d’ye reckon’s the reason Buff’lo Bill wears his hair so long? Second Urchin—He wants to let them Injuns of his know he ain’t afraid of ’em.—[Chicago Tribune. A PRECEDENT ESTABLISHED. “What makes you think she will marry you?” “She has married other men.”— [Truth. THE ONLY CAUSES. Mrs. Dobson—Bridget told me she saw Mr. and Mrs. Hobson going to church this morning. I wonder what’s the matter? Mr. Dobson—Why either Mr. Hobson has had another attack of his heart trouble, or Mrs. Hobson has a new hat.—[Puck. UNSELFISH LOVE. He—ls you loved me you would marry me while I am poor. She—You do me- an injustice. I love you too much to have your precious health risked by my cooking. Wait until you can afford to -keep servants.—[Life. A MAN TO BE AVOIDED. Higgins—There comes Baggs. I don’t care to meet that fellow. I asked him to lend me $lO one day last spring. Hoggons—He ought to have let you have it: he’s rich. Higgins—Well, you see, he did.— [Life. BAROMETRIC INDICATIONS. Senior Partner—One thing I like about our'new clerk is that he is reliable. You can always tell what he is going to do next. Junior Partner—And what is that? Senior Partner—Nothing.—[Truth. AN ABSORBING TALE. Office Boy to Butcher—Mr. Serial wants ten cents’ worth of sliced ham wrapped up in the continuation of the story you sent him yesterday with the sausages.—[Browning’s. RELENTLESS. Gotrox—You can’t work any dynamite fakes here. There isn’t any use for you to try it. Dismal Dawson—Dis ain’t no dynamite. Dis is a accordion ; an’ if you don’t give up two bones, I’ll play “Two Little Girls in Blue” right here. See ?—[Puck. FULLY OCCUPIED. Cora—How is it that when a man writes one famous story he seldom -writes another? Merritt—Because he devotes the. rest of his life to telling us how he came to write it.—[Puck. WANTED TO ASK SOMEBODY WHO KNEW. Under ordinary circumstances he was a man of prominence—but as he ascended the steps of his residence, very early in the morning, it was as evident that he desired to be as much otherwise as possible. The cabby was lingering near to see that his charge was safely disposed of for the night The door opened before the man on the steps could get his key to work, and he was met with the question: “John, where have you been?” (Silence.) “John, where have you been?” He turned to descend the steps. ‘ ‘Are you going to answer my question?” “Yes’h my dear, I am. From my personal knowledge, I can’t give the desired inf’mation, 'a I’m goin’ to ask the man that drives the hack.” —[Life.

DANGERS OF THE BOTTLE. Fogg—There’s an example- of the bottle working a man’s ruin. Fogg—Humph! Whiskey ? Fogg—Nop; ink. Jury awarded the girl $50,000 damages in a breach of promise suit on the strength of the letters he wrote, and it took every eent he had to pay it. —[Buffalo Courier. CURTAILING EXPENSES. “Never knew such hard times, old boy. We’re economizing at our house now just like other folks.” “You were always an excessive smoker. I suppose the first thing you did was to cut down the number of your cigars?” “Well, no; not exactly. You see, wifey does the household work instead of hiring a girl, and that’s where the economy comes in.”— [Judge. A WISE DOCTOR. “Doctor, I have a frightful cold in the head! What shall I take for it?” Doctor (after reflection) —AJiandkerchief.—[Texas Siftings. WHAT PAPA SAID. Mr. Bigwaist—-And so your father has been giving you some points in physiology and has told you that all persons’ bodies are composed mainly of water. Little Robbie—All except you. “Except me?” [‘Yes, he said you were made up mainly of be'w —[B .ston Courier.,

ULKA YING TO AND CLEAVING PROM. Miss Back bay—What a solemn thing it is for two people to wed; u cleave to one another till death them do part. Mrs. Jackson - Parke though? I’m mighty glad that folks don’t have to marry on any such cast iron conditions nowadays.—[lndianapolis Journal. NO ROOM TO EXPLAIN. The tramp with a new gag approached the man with money in his pocket. “Please, sir,” he said, “will you give Mahmemosic something today?” “Who’s Mahmemosic?” asked the gentleman, somewhat puzzled. “It’s Indian, sir, for Man-not-afraid-to-ask-for-a-dime.” “That’s all right, but I never heard of Mahmemosic before,” The tramp assumed a look of amazement. “What,” he exclaimed; “never heard of Mahmemosic?” “No; never did.” “Did you ever hear of Abraham Lincoln?” “Lincoln? Lincoln?” queried the gentleman, catching a cue. “Who’s he?” The tramp ignored the question. “Perhaps you’ve heard of General Grant?” “Can’t say I ever did.” You’ve certainly heard of Washington?” “Washington? Washington? and the gentleman rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Let me see; what was his first name. “George, sir George Washington.” 4 No; I never heard of him. Who was he?” The tramp took a long look at his proposed benefactor. “Well,” he said, “he was a man who never done what you are doing now in great shape,” and the tramp had the gentleman in a hole he couldn’t get out of without paying a dime and cutting short further explanation.—[Detroit Free Press. CLEARLY NOT TO THE DOGS. “I heard Rhyme say the other day that poetry was going to the dogs.” “I guess he’s about right.” .“It doesn’t seem so to me. Swinburne has just written a poem ‘To a Cat.’” —[New York Press. THEY GET THEM IN THE NECK. “The little mermaids and merboys never have any snow under the ocean, do they, mamma?” said Jacky. “No, dear.” “I suppose instead of snowball fights they have fishball fights, eh?” said Jacky.—[Harper’s Young People. STUFFING A VISITOR. “When that man came to Chicago, sir, he couldn’t write his name. And now he’s worth millions.” “I suppose he has learned to write by this time?” “Write? Write? That man, sir, wields the finest cattle pen in Chicago.”—[Chicago Tribune. A PREVALENT DISEASE. Jackson—What was the trouble between you and the landlady this morning? Mrs. Commick—Only a little liver ■complaint.—[Hallo. BY WEIGHT. Publisher—l tell you, we sold every copy of our mammoth edition last week. Cynic—How much a pound did you get?—[Hallo. PURELY BUSINESS. “That Lord Bronson who married Jenny Simpson was an awful boor. He was married actually in a business suit.” “Well, why not? The wedding was a pure matter of business so far as he was concerned.”—[Harper’s Bazar. CAUSE FOR INDIGNATION. “Sir, you have insulted both of us.” “How?” “You said wa resembled asfch other. ’ ’ —[Hallo. HIS GEOGRAPHY. Teacher—ln what State is Chicago? Pupil—New Jersey. “Wrong. Where is the Hudson River?” “Rises in the Rocky Mountains and flows to the Gulf of Mexico.” “My goodness, child, you must have been reading a London newspaper.”—[Good News. NOTHING STRANGE ABOUT IT. Ethel—He hardly knows me yet and he has proposed. Don’t you think it strange? Clarissa—No, I don’t see anything strange in his proposing if he hardly knows you. LIKE SAMPSON. She—You have such a curly head 1 He—Yes; that is my—er —weak point I

Cold Iron Bits.

One of the most careless forms of cruelty in winter is the use of a cold bit. A writer in the Kentucky Live Stock Record thus calls attention to the evil, which is as common in its practice in other places as in the blue grass region: “Let any one who has the care of a horse these cold, frosty mornings, deliberately grasp in his hand a piece of iron; indeed, let him touch it to the tip of his tongue, and then let him thrust the bit into the mouth of the horse if he has the heart to do it. The horse is an animal of nervous organization. His mouth is formed of delicate glands and tissues. Th* temperature of the blood is the same as in the human being, and, as in man, the mouth is the warmest part of the body. Imagine, we repeat, the irritation that would be to the human, and, if not the satne degree, still the suffering to the animal is very great. And it is not a momentary pain. Food is eaten with difficulty, and the irritation repeated day after day causes loss of appetite and strength. Many a horse has become worthless from no other cause but this. Before India-rubber bits were to be had, I myself used a bit covered with leather, and on no account would have dispensed with it in freezing weather.”

NOTES AND COMMENTS.

Ouida, the novelist, describes the nineteenth century clothing of an Englishman as “the most frightful, grotesque and disgraceful male coa. tume which the world has ever seen.’’ In one convenience San Francisco is ahead of every city in the world; this is in its system of rapid transit. This is effected by means of cable cars, running not only on the principal avenues, but in the cross streets, up and down the steep hills, in short everywhere. • The fleet of ships once owned at Newburyport, Mass., has disappeared from the registry of that port, and only four barks are left to keep up the marine glory of the old town. The last ship registered there was the Mary L. Cushing, which was recently purchased by a New Yorker and will go into the China trade, sailing from New York. The head nurse in a ward of a training school for nurses,, says: “I am sure that any one who could provide the Americans with a substitute for animal food would be conferring a national benefit. They eat twice as much meat as we English do, and to that, I believe, is largely due the nervous derangements, and too often shortened life of the average American.” A Minnesota jury has refused to recognize the validity of a contract specifying a matrimonial match as a consideration for the payment of money. A man in that State agreed to give another man $25 if he would secure him a wife. When the wife had been obtained the benedict repudiated his contract and the matchmaker brought action against him. The matchmaker was defeated.

A resolution in favor of birching bad boys instead of sending them to prison has been sent to the British Home Secretary, signed by a number of magistrates. The proposition is to birch boys under sixteen for all offences, at the discretion of the magistrate. The judicious use of the birch, it is believed, would not only have a more salutary effect, but would save the boys from acquiring the prison taint, losing their dread of the prison, and sinking deeper into crime.

Speaking of football, the London Lancet says: “There can be no denying that a pastime which has accounted in four months, even by our confessedly imperfect records, for five sudden deaths, two concussions of the spine (in one of which it was stated that ‘three ribs were torn from the spinal column’), one concussion of the brain, one fracture of the thigh, sixteen fractures of the leg (some of these were simple and some compound, some of each and some of both bones, but further classification is unnecessary), nine fractures of-the clavicle and two of the ‘arm,’ is a dangerous one.” The schooner Frank M. Holmes, of Philadelphia, was abandoned as a derelict last October, and was picked up by the British tramp steadier Indianapolis and towed to Bluefields, Nicaragua. Now an odd point of marine law has been raised by the libeling of the steamer, which arrived at Boston recently, by the owners of the schooner’s cargo of flour, and the libel is for $15,000, and the claim is set up that as she was picked up near the Florida coast she should have been taken to a near-by port, and that the unnecessary low tong spoiled her cargo and forfeited all claim for salvage by the Indianapolis.

A study of the number of suicides in France reveals a deplorable state of affairs. According to the Journal Officiel, during the year 1890 this number reached the formidable figure of 8,410 (6,576 males and 1,834 females). These figures indicate a progressive increase in the number of suicides. In the quinquennial period from 1861 to 1865 the average annual number of suicides was 4,661 (12 per 100,000 of the population), while during the period from 1886 to 1890 the average annual number was 8,226 (or 21 per 100,000). The proportion of suicides among children under the age of sixteen years has also increasd, While in the period from 1871 to 1875 the number w-as 31, it was in 1886, 62; in 1887, 68; in 1888, 65; in 1889, 77, and in 1890, 80. It is reported that Japan has fallen into line, and proposes to hold a grand exposition in 1895. The exposition will be held at Kioto, and will be the celebration of the 11th anniversary of the establishment of that city as the capital of Japan. It is not projected that the exposition will assume international proportions, though foreign exhibits will be welcome, but it is intended to illustrate the industry, art, science and religion of Japan. Religion, especially, will be made very prominent, and the faith of Buddha will be elaborately illustrated, as the leaders of that religion think that the time has come for some active propaganda. The ground set apart for the exposition at Kioto occupies thirty-two acres, and the erection of the buildings will be begun at once.

Mrs. Martha Miller, of Chicago, is said to be the pioneer prison reform worker of this country, having begun her efforts in that line at St. Louis in 1854. Since then she has devoted her entire life to it. She visits a jail and talks with the prisoners, picking out those who have been deserted by their friends. For these she does errands and work outside the jail. She investigates their stories, and if they are found worthy of belief she goes into court and pleads for them. She collects witnesses, and it is her one purpose above others that no innocent man shall suffer. It was the knowledge of the suffering of a man for a deed which he did not commit that first brought Mrs. Miller to her labor among criminals. She also does much work toward the reformation of released convicts and others. Mrs. Miller is sixty years old.

There are few sailing ships that can carry 5,000 tons of cargo, and nearly all of them are in the California wheat trade. In eleven years sixteen 5,000-ton cargoes have been cleared from San Francisco in twelve vessels. One of these was a steamer and the other eleven the ships RapDahannock and Shenahdoah, built by

Arthur Sewall, at Bath, Me., and ths British ships Liverpool, Alice A. Leigh. Palgrave. California, Lord Templemare, Milton Stuart, Drumrock, Horensfeld and Manchester. The Rappahannock was lost in 1892, and the Shenandoah is now making her third voyage, the Palgrave and California having each sailed twice. Two other American ships that carry 5,000 tons are the Sewall ships Roanoke and Susquehanna. They with the Rappahannock and Shenandoah forming the famous “big four” which marked the end of wooden shipbuilding at the Sewall yards. • The Russian government has decided to impose a-tex on all occupied houses. This tax is to be in lieu of an income tax which was abandoned as nonfeasible some little time ago. The impost is to be levied for the present in 220 of the chief towns of European Russia and Poland, which are to be divided into four classes. The first class comprises the two capitals—Moscow and St. Petersburg. There are 10 towns in the second class, 67 in the third and 141 in the fourth. The aggregate population of these 220 towns is estimated at 8,500,000. The basis of the tax is to be the rental and the minimum assessment in the fout classes is fixed at 800,225,150 and 120 roubles respectively. It will be seen that these assessments will not press unduly on the poorer classes, but it is also in contemplation to create a fifth class with a minimum assessment of sixty roubles. The tax will in time be extended to the other parts of the empire. The present arrangement is expected to bring in about $2,380,000 per annum.

HORNBLOWER AND BANGS.

A Story About Two Noted Now York Lawyers. When the news of the rejection of William B. Hornblower for Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States by the Senate Judiciary Committee in Washington reached this city, in the general discussion in law offices over the affair there were many comments as to the origin of the name Hornblower. A knot of lawyers in an office in the Equitable Building were debating whether the name was of German or of Holland Dutch origin, when a well-known lawyer with gray hair and gray side whiskers remarked with a smile: “Gentlemen, I cannot help to solve the antiquity of the word Hornblower, but I can illustrate its application on a certain occasion.” Having thus adroitly stimulated the curiosity of his friends, who begged him to proceed with the story, the lawyer continued : “You may remember the intense interest the public took in the GrantWard failure and in the subsequent hearings in which creditors sought to recover from the wreck a slice of their investments. Many hearings took place, most of them in the law office of Julien T. Davies, in the bank building, Broadway and Wall street. “Mr. Hornblower was one of the counsel retained. Another was the late Francis Bangs, a remarkably good lawyer and aggressive to a degree, while he kept up a flow of wit and humor at the expense of his adversary. “On the occasion I speak of Mr. Davies’ office was crowded. It was a very important hearing. A witness was expected to testify on a vital pojnj in the proceedings. •“The witness was detained a long time for some reason and the silence grew painful. It was a dignified hearing and no one spoke. At last when every one in the room hoped something would happen to relieve the monotony Mr. Bangs, who had been fidgeting in his chair, put his elbow on the table, leaned as far as he could toward Mr. Hornblower on the opposite side, and said in a hoarse whisper that was heard all over the room: “‘I say, Hornblower!’ “Mr. Homblower raised his eyebrows inquiringly. “ ‘lt’s awfully still here, isn’t it?’ “Mr. Homblower nodded assent. Mr. Bangs continued impressively: 44 ‘Our names are so noisy you would think they could be heard out on Broadway, wouldn’t you?’ “A shout of laughter at the sally took the edge from the silence, and there was renewed laughter when Mr. Hornblower rejoined: 14 ‘We’d make a good German “gutter band,” you with the bass drum, and I with the trombone.’ “The looked for witness arrived, and the lawyers turned gravely to their work.”—[New York Herald.

Herculean Feats of Insects.

Insects for their size, are believed to be the strongest members of the animal creation, and, amongst insects, the Hercules Bede stands first in this respect. It can support and even lift a weight equal to more than 500 times the weight of its own body. If a man were possessed of equal strength he would be able to raise a weight of more than 120 tons, or, putting it in another way, he would be able to lift 500 other men. The flea is also possessed of marvellous strength and agility. It can leap more than 200 times its own height, and drag more than 80 times its own weight. To equal the jumping power of a flea, a man, from a standing position, would be ahle to leap over the Eiffel Tower in Paris. The flea is excelled in leaping .power by the cuckoo-spit froghopper, a small insect which can cover more than 250 times its own length. In power of grip, infects are surpassed by the oyster and the limpet. The force required to open the shell of a living oyster is more than 1,800 times its own weight; while the strength of the limpet in adhering to the rock Is almost equally great. The mites makes 500 steps in a second, or 80,000 in a minute. Allowing the horse to move at an equal rate, he would perform 1,022 miles an hour. The journey from London to Birmingham would occupy but six minutes and a fraction.—[Yankee Blade.

HE COULDN'T SING.

Wakely—Why, at one time I could have bought the most valuable property in the city for a mere song. The Crowd—Why didn’t you buy it? Wakely—l couldn’t sing.—[Elmira Gazette.

THE REPUBLICAN PANACEA.

A Medicine that Stimulate* the Patient, Yet Reduce* Hl* fever. The protectionist says to the manufacturer, “We give you a protective tariff that you may get higher prices for your goods.” That is the object of a protective tariff, or the manufacturers would not clamor so much for it. To the consumers of these same goods —the farmer, the lawyer, the mechanic, the doctor —he says, “We will give you a protective tariff that you may get goods you buy of the manufacturer cheaper,” And to the laborer he says, “We give you a protective tariff that you may get higher wages from the manufacturer.” And the people are asked to believe him in each case. Let us suppose the object of the protective tariff was to enable lawyers to charge larger fees for their legal services, and as a lawyer I was to say to my clients “You ought to favor this law, for while it enables me to charge you larger fees, it also enables you to get mv services more cheaply." Let the miller say to his customers: “You should favor this law because it enables me to take more toll from you. and at the same time give you more meal." So with the physician. So with the mechanic who "builds your house. This argument would not work at all in any of these cases, but iust apply it to the manufacturer and it acts like a charm. It is a wonderful antidote. It seems to be a kind of medicine which stimulates the patient, yet reduces his fever, acts as a powerful laxative, yet produces constipation: feeds the system, yet depletes the patient: a fat, and yet an anti-fat: a wine that may be taken for the stomach's sake when it is sick, yet a powerful emetic; it is a narcotic, and yet an atropine; it brings smiling happiness and solid comfort to those who toil In the workshops, and yet it is prolific of strikes find lockouts: it richly rewards labor, yet fills the land with paupers and tramps. There is nothing In all nature like it. It is centripetal, yet a centrifugal '.force. It contracts and expands under the same influence and condition. Administered to a Democrat in perfect health, in full doses, he begins forthwith to preach the gospel of Republicanism. It does these things, and is all this and more : it gives the men who make the goods higher prices, and the men who ouy them cheaper goods. Surely there is nothing else like it on earth, or in the waters under the earth. Heaven alone, and I speak it not sacrilegiously, can produce such another panacea, a compound which will produce exactly the opposite effect upon similar subjects under like conditions. This theory of raising the price of goods for the men who tell, ana lowering them for the men who buy, reverses every rule given us in nature by nature's Goa. With His rule in nature, we know how to apply remedies; the doctor can write his prescriptions; the farmer sow his grain, and expect like to produce like; he can propagate his stock with intelligence; the mariner can guide his vessel; the astronomer can calculate the xsoming eclipse, and Old Probabilities can himself guess at the weather; it may be sometimes the guess is wide of the mark, but this now gospel of protection reverses all laws, and bids farewell to all the rules where the principle is engrafted. Better stick to nature and to nature's law. Say, if you wish, protection benefits the manufacturer for the time being—that is, it temporarily benefits him—and none will controvert it, and the contention ends. The logic, so called of th© protectionist is thus reduced to absurdity.—Hon. James D. Richardson, of Tennessee.

Senate May Be Mended. The Representatives of the people have just passed, after months of preparation, full hearings and thorough debate, a measure of tax reduction and tariff reform. It received the largest majority given to any tariff bill in the House since the close of the war. It executes the mandate of the people. It redeems the pledge of the Democratic party. And yet there are Senators, says the New York World, who claim, and are apparently to be granted the privilege of amending the bill so as to restore taxes on iron, coal, sugar and perhaps other articles. They do this not upon any pretense that it will benefit the whole people to tax these articles: they do it because they are interested personally, in their pockets, in coal or iron mines, in freighting or manufacturing corporations, or in sugar stock, or because their friends or their immediate localities are thus interested

The claim thus put forth upon the ground of “Senatorial courtesy” involves the highest exercise of governmental power—the power of taxation. If the Senators from Maryland and West Virginia can impose a tax on coal; if the Senators ircm Alabama can put a tax on iron one: if the Senators from Louisiana can restore the tax on sugar; if—io reach the ridiculous in climax—the junior Senator from New York can increase the tax on collars and cuffs, they have a power which is not exercised by any sovereign in Europe. The British House of Lords is approaching the inevitable “mended or ended,” under a much less obnoxious exercise of its power to revise or reject legislation favored by the people and proposed by the Commons. The upper house of Congress should rememner that this is a government by the peofde, not a government by States; that t is a government by the right of majorities, not a government by the courtesy of individuals; and that it is a government for the people and not for monopolies. Our Senate cannot be ended. It can be, as it has been, mended. It will be mended if it seeks now to thwart the will of the people. A Vain Hope. The decision of the Senate Finance Committee not to grant hearings on the tariff bill means that no dilatory tactics will be tolerated, and that action upon the measure will be reached as soon as the rules of the Senate will permit It is likely that within a month votes will be taken that will test the relative strength of the friends and enemies of the bill. Already it is evident that these votes will be a disappointment to those who have been cherishing the hope that the verdict of the House would be reversed by the Senate—that, if not defeated, the bill would be rendered .innocuous through amendments that would essentially change its character. The indications now are that the bill will taeither be defeated nor mutilated, but will pass the Senate substantially as it came from the House. As the Democrats have a majority in the Senate the bill cannot be changed except by Democratic votes, and Democratic Senators are no more likely than Democratic Representatives to be stampeded by the cry that “the country is being plunged into free trade.” They know that the Wilson bill is really a highly protective measure. They know that the tax it levies averages five per cent, higher than was recommended by the Republican Tariff Commission of 1883. And they know that the agitation against it is simply the last desperate effort of the trusts and pampered industries to preserve their privileges. Until the votes were actually taken in

I the House the vain hope was indulged I that the vital features of the bill would ;be stricken out. When the roll-calls 1 brought disappointment, it was confidently expected that when the bill was put upon its passage the majority for It would be so small that it would go to the Senate with a practical handicap upon it. But the Democrats of the I House stood the test nobly, and the majority exceeded the most sanguine estimates of its friends. It will be so in the Senate. Strong efforts will no doubt be made to amend the bill in many particulars. There is : little likelihood, however, that it will be radicallv changed. No Democratic Senator will lend himself to the defeat or emasculation of a measure which ,1 the countty recognizes as carrying out with moderation and conservatism the reform to which his party is pledged.— I New York World. I Overdoing the Calamity Howl Last summer there was an unmistak able panic. At that time most of the ; McKinley organs and most of the McKinley party in Congress admitted that the panic was due to the silver purchase legislation, and not at all to ; any fear of tariff changes. They i joined the party supporters of the administration in both houses in putting a stop to the silver purchases. They joined Manufacturer Dolan in showing that a panic which occurred four months after the incoming of the new administration and eight months after i the triumph of the Democratic party I on a platform demanding a radical reduction of the tariff could not have been caused by fear of that reduction. But now that the panic has ceased it suits the purpose of the McKinley pari tisane to attribute all the after effects , —all the depiession in industry and I trade, all suspension of work, all re- ; ductions of wages—to a mortal fear of ; the Wilson bill, which does not go half so far as the platform demanded. And ■ not only so, but for two months or : more they have been howling calamity at the top of their voices and doing 1 everything in their power to create I another panic. They;.organs have encouraged an*, mine owners work, or out down or threaten to cut down wages. To a certain extent they have succeeded in their malign efforts to create ' panic and do all the mischief possible. But they are more than likely to discover very soon that they have overdone the business. For weeks past there has been industrial improvement, and for last week Bradstreet’s recorded no less than forty resumptions by industrial establishments against only six suspensions. If the Democrats are reasonably expeditious about passing the Wilson bill substantially as it iiassed the House even the dullest will see in less than throe months from now that the croakers and prophets of evil are false prophets. They will see that there is no harm but much good in a reduction of the burdens of the people. They will see that this "protection” whion they have regarded with superstitious reverence is a cheat and a fraud, doing harm always and good never. Then the calamity army will suffer from the recoil of their overloaded guns. They will find when it comes to the Congees ional elections next November that the stampede they are I trying to create will be from their own I camp. Just a few months of actua’ I experience under the Wilson bill will I satisfy the people that it is worth a much longer trial, and the longer trial will satisfy them that they have nothing to lose, but very much to gain, by a still larger installment of commercial and industrial liberty. But the Senate is reminded that to this end what is now needed is “action; action." Chicago Herald.

Protection Bluff. The Kansas City Times (Dom.) thinks it is high time for the Republican politicians and newspapers to show a little honesty on the tariff issue. “Those partisan advocates,” it says, “are now attempting by false pretences, by advising sham lockouts and unnecessary reductions in the wages of workingmen, by bluffing and bulldozing, by obtaining petitions from the dependent employes of tariff barons, signed under duress to make a manufactured show of public sentiment against a reduction in taxation! against relief from crushing burdens! against relief from exactions and robberies of trusts and monopolies! It is altogether the most extraordinary exhibition of impudence and insincerity ever displayed in the direction of criticism of public affairs in the history of this country." Croker and the Income Tax. Tammany, which is in politics for revenue only, is hand and glove with the great corporations and capitalists of New York. They serve it and it serves them. Through this offensive and defensive alliance Richard Croker has risen in a few years from a state of destitution to the possession of an income which would have to bear a considerable tax under the new revenue law. It would not be particularly Sleasant to him to pay this tax, and oubtless it would be still less pleasant to have to specify the amount and the sources of his income.—San Francisco Examiner.

General Dl.e.ter Unaccounted For. From England, France, Germany, Spain, Italy, Greece—in short, from the chief manufacturing and commercial nations all over the globe, come reports of business depression and Of surlering anu distress among the people. Will our protectionist friends who so glibly ascribe every ill that has befallen us to the fear of the Wilson bill tell us the cause of the suffering abroad? We have been told by them that the Wilson bill was to benefit foreigners at the expense of our own people. Then the result abroad ought to be an unprecedented boom. Please explain.—Oakland County Post. The South Not to Be Fooled. Governor McKinley’s remark that the New South stands in particular need of protection at this time in order to develop its infant industries would be more persuasive were it not for the fact that the same plea is made in behalf of the infant industries of New England, which are considerably older than Governor McKinley and are yet unable to stand alone according to the protectionists’ idea. With such impressive lessons before them the Southerners will probably prefer a different brand of pap.—Boston Herald.

The Tariff in the Senate. Business cannot afford to wait while old, old arguments arc rehearsed anew. Do something.—Boston Globe. Let the battle for tariff reform be short, sharp and decisive in the Senate and the Democracy may thus rescue itself from the popular disapprobation it has so wantonly provoked.—Philadelphia Times. “The Democrats of the Senate have it in their power to make the Wilson bill a law before the Democratic year is out, and they should move energetically to secure that result.” says the Atlanta Constitution (Dem.). It is a melancholy but entirely rational reflection that professional pride will hardly allow the Senate to permit itself to be outdone by the House •in the matter of voluminous oratory en the Wilson bill.—Washington Star.

SCREWS FOR ALL CORKS.

One Factory Makes Enough to Gtw® One to Every Man. Newark is the birthplace of moat of the corkscrews of the world. Whet* it is stated that one firm in that city alone made 160,000,000 corkscrews last year, the size and importance of the industry will be understood. The/ average length of the corkscrew is three inches. If the corkscrews turned on the market by one firm in 1898 could be laid length to length they would have extended from New York to San Francisco, would have spanned the Pacific ocean and reached half way across Japan. Thia, be it remembered, was the work of only one establishment. If all the new corkscrews of 1898 could be numbered, they would doubtless be sufficient to supply every inhabitant of this sphere withone of the articles. It required nearly 100 men simply to twist the screws for the 100,000,000 implements. These men worked full time, too, and every day of the year, except Sundays and holidays. It took a number more hands to make the wooden and other styles of handles. There are nearly fifty varieties in the market. Among them are the ring handle, steel wire screws for demijohns and large bottles; th® folding screw and the broad wire handle screw. Several years ago an ice-pick and cigar-box opener was made with a screw concealed in the steel tube handle. The tube can bo slipped off, and the ice-pick forma the handle of the screw. Another novelty has a brush in the handle so, that the waiter in a restaurant is nob obliged to run his fingers around the inside of the neck of a bottle in order to remove the particles of cork and dust. For champagne bottles a screw is made with a blade in one end of the handle to cut the twine around the cork. Another handle contains both the blade and the brush. The power corkscrew is an ingenious and popular arrangement, which saves the knees and arms from a tussle with an obstinate cork. A cone of steel fits over the neck of the bottle, and the screw draws the cork while the cone presses on the bottle. Cheap novelties out of twisted wire have also been invented and patented by those in the corkscrew trade. Th® spiral thumbscrew is one of these. It can be pushed into a board and easily removed, after serving as a temporary hatrack. It can be purchased for $1 a gross, and retails at 5 cents. Spiral paper hooks, wall hooks, hat and coat racks and stair buttons, card suspenders and holders, bill files, soap holders, pickle forks, toasting and vegetable forks, and spiral shoe button hooks are alsomanufactured here in Newark. There is also a left-handed corkscrew. The original was made for a left-handed bartender, and it has been popular. A Newark firm turns out over 800,000 pocket corkscrews every year.— [New York Tribune.

Arctic Exploration.

Arctic exploration made advance® during the year 1898, and two expeditions are now locked in the cold embrace of the frozen north. The®® are the exploring parties of Peary and Nansen. Lieutenant Peary sailed from Portland, Maine, intending to visit a number of the Labrador forts in search of dogs and other equipments, and thep to plan on north. He was to leave Upernavik and attempt th® passage of Melville Buy. Under dat® of August. 11 Peary wrote from Falcon Harbor, Bowdoin Bay, Greenland,!® Charles P. Daly, President of th® American Geographical Society. Hesaid that he had landed there with eighty-four dogs obtained at variouspoints along the Labrador and Greenland coasts and had scarcely been troubled at all by the Ice. He wrote also that he had made the passage of Melville Bay from the Duck Island® to Cape York in nearly a direct lin®, and in what he believed to be shortest time on record—twenty-four hour® and fifty minutes. At Falcon Harbor he said he had a perfect harbor for. his, ship and a good site for his hous®,. which is to be his arctic home thiswinter. He was confident of success in his explorations as soon a» th® spring opened. The scientific results of his passage of Melville Bay mode an interesting chapter in the history of arctic exploration. Dr. Nansen, in his ship, the Fraim sailed from Christiana June 26. Under date of August 2 he wrote to th® London Times from Yuger Strait, which separates the European mainland from Waigatch Island at th® south end of Nova Zembia. He reported that the Fram, which he had had especially built to resist ice pressure, had been tested by him and had given excellent satisfaction. He had received thirty-five dogs, but his coal supply had not arrived at the date he wrote. He intended to steer eastward along the Siberian coast until he reached the mouth of th® Olenek River, west of the Lena Delta. There some more dogs were to be in waiting for him. After leaving provisions in the New Siberian Islands, he intended to gj> northward along the west coast of these islands as far as possibleReaching there in September, he expected that the Fram would get caught in the ice and would drift northward, which would carry him a considerable distance before the spring opened.—[New York World.

Left Till Called For.

An elderly doctor, who was as peppery as a cayenne pod, was from time to time sprung upon by the practical joker. On one occasion a well dressed young fellow called and asked the doctor to prescribe for a breaking oat and rash on his left arm. The doctor examined the limb, and pronounced it a bad case of psoriasis and eczema. “I suppose, doctor, you can cure it?” said the patient. “Why, certainly,” replied the doctor. . “How long will it take to get well*" “Oh, I should say about Mru months,” says the doctor. “Quite sure? Is it a bad casaF" “Positively the wdrst I’ve seen." ‘ ‘Then I will leave it with you an* call for it again when cured," solemnly said the patient, stouijr wwfastening his arm, which was an artificial one, and painted, foe the sion.—[Yankee Blade-.