Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 February 1894 — Page 5

THE JOKER’S BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Imitation th* Si nearest Flottory--He Hed Silenced H«r--Unparliament-ary- - He Hod Her, Etc., Etc. IMITATION THE SIXCEREST FLATTERY. Widow—l want a stone for my husband’s grave exactly like the other one in the lot. Agent—But isn’t it a trifle small for a man of your husband’s prominence? Widow—No, sir! If Thomas thought a stone like that was good enough for his first wife, I guess it’s plenty good enough for Thomas.— Life. HE HAD SILENCED HER. She—Oh, George,that horrid Brooks girl saw you kiss me last night. He—That’s all right.' She won’t say anything. I kissed her, too. — Detroit Free Press. _____ UNPARLIAMENTARY. Peripatetic Pete—Well, fellers, what shall it be? Are we to boycott old Podgers for pilin’ his wood in an obtrusive and insultin’ manner in the front yard? or shall we make him come down extra? Übiquitous Swell—l don’t care what the rest of you do, but I wash my hands of the whole business. Wanderiag Willie—l rise to a p’int of order. The chap as has jest set down spoke of washing his hands. I claim that his language is unparliamentary. It is a reflection on the profeah. Peripatetic Pete—The p’int is well taken. The question is what are we goin’ to do about old Podgers?— [Boston Transcript.

HE HAD HER. The Anti-Woman’s Rights Man — No, women can’t push their way through the world like men. The Woman’s Rights Woman— They can, sir. The A. W. R. M.—Not so rapidly. The W. R. W.—Yes, sir. The A. W. R. M.—You are mistaken, madame. You start a man and woman out in the world at 20 years of age each, and he’ll be 80 before she’s 24.—[New York Press. A FRANK EXPLANATION. “Johnny,” said the youngster’s uncle, “your teacher tells me that your class is the most orderly in the whole school.” f \ ■ “Yes, sir. I know she says that. You see, sir—” “Well, what’s the matter?” “Why, our teacher is near-sighted.” just so. “Jack said he was going to propose to Miss Snow last night and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer. How did he come out?” “He won her.” “He did? Well, it seems he gets Snow for an answer, after all.” SOMEWHAT SIMILAR. Mr. Sinnickle had just been reading of the marriage of a young woman with money to a man with a foreign ancestry. “Modem matrimony,” he remarked, “makes me think of the novel.” “In what respect?” “It’s a combination of striking title, gilt-edged binding and mighty poor piece of work, after all.”— [Globe Democrat. NOT DISPOSED TO BE OBSTINATE. Employer—There is a difference, sir, of $250 between the amount of money your books show to be on hand and the amount actually on hand. What have you to say, sir? Employe—l—l’m willing to submit the difference to arbitration. — Chicago Tribune. FATE. Rollie—l wish I didn’t like candy, mamma. Mamma—Why, Rollie? Rollie—Why, because then I suppose people would give me lots of it.— Harper’s Y oung People. TOMMY’S AMIABLE RECREATIONS. His Mother—What are you moping around the house for, Tommy? Why don’t you go over and play with Charlie Pinafore? Tommy—’Cause I played with Charlie yesterday and I don’t s’pose he’s well enough, yet.—Chicago Record. CHANGED HIS NAME WITH HIS OFFENSE. I One of the local Justices of the Peace identified the prisoner at the bar as an old offender. Justice—What is your name? Prisoner—Sam Jackson. “Three years ago, when you were up before me you said your name was John Smith.” “Yes', but that was on a different charge.”—[Texas Siftings. A ROMANTIC MOMENT. The Marquis Van Dickens (at the swellest ball in London) —Surely I have seen your beautiful face before, Miss Saintlouis. - Miss Saintlouis—More’n likely. Pa used it on all his patent medicine ads as “after taking.” IT TALKB. Prof. V hite—When did money first come into uge? Brown— s The exact date isn’t known, sir; but it was subsequent to the failure of the Tower of Babel. Prof. White.—lndeed! How did you learn that? Brown—By inductive analysis, sir. Money talks, and everybody has always understood its language. [Kate Field’s Washington. ENOUGH. “I’ve half a mind to write a magazine poem.” “All right. Half a mind seems to be about enough for that sort of thing.” AN ADDITION TO THE LANGUAGE, “Would you call Dexter a poet?” “No, sir; he is a riminal.” “A what?” “Riminal, That’s a word of my own. If a man who commits crimes is a criminal, I don’t see why a man who commits rhymes shouldn’t be a riminal.”—[Life.

SOMETHING UNNECESSARY. Cholly—The doctaw has ordered a complete rest, has positively forbidden me even to think, dontcherknow. , Cynicus—Did he have the gall to charge you for that advice?—[Truth. WHY HE WAS LATE. Teacher—Why are you late to school? Boy—The streets are so slippery I couldn’t walk. Teacher—l didn’t find them so. Boy—N-o, may be not. You see, I greased my soles so I could slide.— [Good News. CALM. “Howare you getting along with your music lessons?” asked the caller. “Very peaceably, now,” replied the resolute girl. “ What do you mean?” “ The neighbors on both sides of us have moved.” DEPRESSING INFLUENCES. His Father—What are you crying about Tommy? Tommy (weeping bitterly)—l just read in an almanick (sob) where it says it’s goin’ to rain (sob) on the Fourth of July!” ANGLOMANIA. Chollie—Oh, she is perfectly lovely; she paid me such a compliment. Fweddie—What was it? Chollie—She said I was so unAmerican. Fweddie—How delightful. [Detroit Free Press. ON ONE ACCOUNT. “I’d like to marry Miss Bullion on one account.” “What’s that?” “Her bank account.”—[Philadelphia Record. EFFECTING A SAVING. Byers—What was your idea in getting vaccinated on your rheumatic arm? Sellers—Economy of pain. It couldn’t make the arm hurt worse than it did already.—[Chicago Tribune. THE LATEST. Wayside Bill—Did you know I’d got a job? Lingering Luke—Wotyerdoin’? Wayside Bill—Sweeping out aquariums.—[Ji^lge. THE PROPER THING. Hungry Higgins—Wot’s right, nowadays—t’ank you, or t’anks? Weary Watkins—l guess tanks would hit us about right.—[lndianapolis Journal. UNDOUBTEDLY EXAGGERATED. “Doctor told mamma the other evening that if I didn’t give up wearing fashionable bonnets I’d have neuralgia.” “And so you’re going back to the good old comfortable styles?” “Nonsense, Lena; if people only make up their minds to it neuralgia isn’t such an awful thing.”—Judge. NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. “Were you discharged from your last place?” “Yes, sir.” “What for?” “Good behavior.” “ How’s that!” “ Well, sir, it took two years and six months off my term.”—[Hallo.

Filtering a City's Water Supply.

The City of Lawrence, Mass., is experimenting with a “filter bed” with? which it hopes to purify the water of the Merrimac River, the source of the water supply of that city. The experiment is being made id pursuance of the discovery made two years ago by the State Board of Health of Massachusetts that certain cities which had suffered especially from typhoid fever were using water from polluted rivers. The board gave assurance that by the use of filter beds 98 per cent, of the bacteria organisms, some of which are harmful, would be removed. The filtering was begun September 20th, since which time daily investigation shows that this proportion of the bacteria is removed from the water, and also that the water is so purified that three-fourths of the remaining two per cent, die before the water reaches the dwelling-houses. The fact that the number of deaths from typhoid fever in that city during the months of October and November of last year was only one each month, while formerly the average for five years was five each month, seems to furnish conclusive evidence that there is virtue in the plan recommended by the Massachusetts Board. —[Troy Press.

Senator Voorhees' Story.

“It was years ago,” remarked Senator Voorhees, “when I was just beginning the practice of law. My circuit used to take me over in Eastern Illinois. It was then I first saw Abe Lincoln. He was practising law then and was very successful. I recall a story he told on some opposing lawyer, during the argument of a case. “ ‘Our friend,” said Lincoln, to the jury, ‘is not responsible altogether for the very remarkable argument with which he has afflicted us. Our friend is all right in conversation, and he may even examine a witness fairly well. But the moment he embarks on a set speech his mind becomes peculiarly affected. Its operations, while our friend is speaking, seem so much retarded that they might almost be said to have ceased. In this respect he reminds me of a steamboat I knew many years ago, and which busied itself in the Ohio River. This puffing little steamboat was of unusual, not to say illogical construction. It had a five-foot boiler and a seven-foot whistle; and every time it whistled it stopped. It reminds me very much, gentlemen, of our friend.”—[Washington Post. The favorite gowns for little children are the wool dresses of bright, warm plaids in soft art serges, and the newly-revived cashmeres that come in every shade are daintily ornamented. These little gowns have borders just scalloped with silk embroidery and hems laid in with a fine vine of silk embroidery. •

SIMPLE BODICES IN CLOTH AND ILK

WORN BY THE WOMEN

SOME OF THE VERY LATEST IDEAS IN DRESS. Several Sorts of House Dresses Which Are 8o Inexpensive that Most Women Can Afford to Have a Lot of Them— Easy to Make. Gowns for the House. New Yotk correspondence:

O MANY a woman a new house I gown seems an ex--JL travagance. She t) tjT recognizes the nefvo cessity of having a “best gown, ” and \\ thinks that it ought to be new at |k least once in two (I i i years. She is will--I*l % l ing to use it for MIV—. I second best when "I Uj 4la new one ccmes, M vSs*' l ater she ftlffS will “wear it jl\ | [ around the house." /Mil*-- Her entire ward--35i4~ robe thus consists of best gowns in various stage i of

decrepitude. Wild extravagance permits her a party dress which is renewed many times, and when its .usefulness for such occasions is over, it meets the same fate as the best dress. For especial house wear she may have a wrapper and as, be she ever so saving, there is a time when a wrapper becomes old. she is thus supplied with “just an old wrapper to wear around the house.” This is all wrong. Practice economy in the street or best dress; if you are inconspicuous and faultlessly tidy on the street, that suffices, but in the house you must be as pretty as possible, and not only neat but daintily fresh. This necessitates house gowns, and not one, but many. The old best gown may be made over for street use, Bnd the new best dress may be worn at the theater, but neither should be used as home dresses. This rule will save both these gowns most trying wear and they will last that much longer. There are several sorts of pretty house dresses, which are so inexpensive that most women can afford to have a lot of them, and, while very neat and pretty, are the easiest things in the world to make. First comes the wrapper, which must never be the Mother Hubbard, nor of dark print or wool, nor of anything that will not wash. A pretty kind and one that any one can make is made full right from the collar and is fitted in under the arms a little and over the hips. A surplice, serpentine, or kerchief front is added, but, don’t be discouraged, these big names mean only a scarf-like piece sewed along the armhole and a little way ufi the shoulder seam, and then the two scarfs are tied together over the bust, or crossed over it, carried under the arms and tied in the back. The wrapper may be of any light print or wash goods, and the kerchief front of ruffled white muslin. This makes a dainty breakfast wrapper or room robe. Practical and working house dresses must invariably be snort and of the manv cheap prints, challies or muslins, or the pretty soft flannelettes may be used. These wash, are inexpensive and do not need starching. Always choose light and delicate colors. A gown that goes on as easily as a wrapper is one that is actually made on a broad belt, which fastens in front and is wide enough to reach well above the waist line. To its lower edge a plain full skirt is run, with a hem turned up at the bottom. The bodice is sewed to the upper edge and may be made without darts or fittings, just full on the collar and drawn down closely into the belt. The sleeves have big drooping tope and a deep tight cuff to

SOME ONE ELSE WASHES THE DISHES.

the elbow, which is the easiest sleeve in the world to make. If possible, make it out of white or delicately striped wash silk, or black wash silk will do, with scarlet wash silk belt, collar and cugs. It is well to have a folded or sash belt, tying with a pretty bow in front, to protect the placket hole. This one design can be safely duplicated in many materials. It is quick to get into, is easy and looks pretty and trim. Last but not least, you need never worry about the skirt’s slipping in the back,‘that common fault of the old thing, worn about the house. An even more simple house-gown is made all in one and quite plain from collar to hem, back and front It fast-

ens down the front to about the waist, and has attached to the middle of the back a wide stiffened belt That is all there is to it. It needs careful “hanging,” that it may be even all around when the belt is fastened. The collar can be either a high or a turned-over one. The sleeves may be like the other design, or straight ones gathered in at the armhole and at the wrist. Could anything be more simple? You see, it is no matter how simple the little gown is, if it be only fresh and light When you are well supplied with these bits of gowns for “ working round,” turn your thoughts to tne pretty afternoon gowns and the little dinner and tea dresses, in which you may prink up a bit when John comes home or when you have company. You may follow the model of the gown that was all made on a belt, adding a little pointed yoke to the collar, ana letting yoke, belt, and cuffs contrast in color with the rest of the gown. A pretty trained Empire gown is perfectly simple to make, and very pretty for use. Make a sort of jacket bodice, the back having only a middle seam, or being shaped without any. This back is quite short-waisted, so there is no fitting necessary. The front is a variation of the surplice, the knot on the breast being permanent. This bodice is worn over an undergown that is trained and not fitted, and may be a contrasting color and material from the undergown. When put op over the undergown and fastened trimly at the breast line, the folds of the unaergown fall gracefully from under it. One jacket or bodice of this kind may be worn with many skirts. These few hints will help you toward providing neat and practical home dresses, and the accompanying illustrations with their descriptions will serve as equally good guides for the construction of more dressy home costumes, some of them for wear when all housework is put aside. In the small picture at the head of the column there appears a dress of olive-green cloth, with Recamier sleeves and collar"ana full front of green and black brocade. The broad band of fur at the skirt’s

BEFORE AND AFTER BREAKFAST.

hem is by no means a necessary feature and it can be omitted with little if any loss. The next example is an elegant one, worked out In velvet and glace silk, and the materials used may be either combinations of ruby red ana pale green, or of dark blue with strawberry. The gown is cut princess, the lining of the bodice hooks in front, the panel hooks at the side and the fullness is gathered in at the waist and held by a buckle. The skirt is very wide and flaring and the edges of the fronts are bordered with gold galloon, which is also used for the belt. Next come a pair dressed much less expensively. The chamber robe at the left hand may be made of thin silk or woolen stuffs, and it is trimmed with ribbon of the same or of contrasting shade, which commences at the shoulders in back, crosses in front and is then carried back again to the starting point, irom which it falls down to the bottom on long loops and ends. A full frill of goods comes around the neck and the baggy sleeves have ribbon cuffs. Of course, such a gown is not to be worn outside the chamber. A pretty dress, which is to replace it when appearing in the living rooms, is seen beside it. White cashmere figured with embroidered rosebuds 1b J[u material, and it is garnished with crepe chine figured ip like Banner. The Dell skirt Is garnished with fouP bi«W c§shipere folds and a narrow knife pleating around the bottom. The bodice comes over the skirt and has a plastron in front, which is sewed to one side and hooks at the other. The bretelles are made of crepe de chine laid over rose-pink faille, and are open at the shoulder. At the left side there is a crepe de chine sash faced with pink faille. Copyright, 1894.

Seen in the Shops. Square-cut jacket suits for small boys. Cashmere wrappers having silK fronts. Fancy moire effects in the new ribbons. Jabots of point d’esprit lace and crepe. Moire effects or suggestions in new taffetas. Pin-dotted changeable satins foi fancy waists. Green and navy shades in men’s cr& vats of all grades. Black equestrian tights made in the open-seam style. Low-necked Swiss ribbed undervesti for corset covers. Dressing sacques of French twill and printed flannel. Double-width veilings in black of expensive qualities.

BIG PAY FOR THE TRIP.

How a Stermboat Captain Made $25,000 in Two Days. “Yes, they do lots of running, and they have fast boats and fine boats,” said a grizzled old ex-Captain, as he stood on a dock at Seattle and watched the air-line wake which Captain John Jordison was laying out behind the Flyer as she flew toward Tacoma. “But there is an old fellow up town who made more money in forty-eight hours on an eight-mile round trip with an old stem-wheel box than all of these fast boats can make in six months/’ continued the ex-Captan. “The packet lam alluding to was the old steanvr Enterprise, built on the Columbia in the early fifties and brought around here by Capt. Tom Wright, who owned and commanded her on the famous trip of which I speak. ‘Old Tom,’ as you all call him now, was running the Enterprise on the Fraser River in 1858, at the time of that incipient rebellion sometimes known as ‘Ned McGowan’s War.’ McGowan and a lot of other Americans who were prospecting up around Hill’s Bar, on the Fraser, had been arrested and brought before a British Justice of the Peace for some alleged indiscretion, and considerable feeling had been worked up over the matter, so much, in fact, that wild rumors of war and bloodshed had reached the outer world, and the British troops were called on. A detachment of 100 men, with artillery and other equipments, was sent out from Victoria and was nearing Langley, B. C., when Capt. Wright and his steamer arrived at that port. The skipper was prompt to see that, his boat afforded the only available means for moving those troops up the river. He immediately told his purser to write out a schedule of rates passage, SIOO per man; freight, SIOO per ton —and hang it in his office. This done, he walked ashore and met Lieut. Gussette, who was in command of the men. The Lieutenant immediately asked him if he could take the troops up the river. The Captain reflectively scratched his head for a moment, and, half doubtingly, said he supposed he could.

“ ‘What aro your rates?' asked Gussette. “ ‘I don’t know,’ said Tom, ‘that’s a little out of my department, and I don’t remember. I will call the purser and find out.’ “The purser was summoned, but, like his superior officer, his memory was bad regarding rates between Langley and Hill’s Bar. “ ‘Get your rate schedule,’ said Tom, apparently vexed that the purser should know so lit tle about his business. “The purser did so, and unconcernedly read the rate of SIOO per man and SIOO per ton. Gussette objected, argued, and swore, but the immovable skipper explained that it was schedule rates, and that ho couldn’t think of charging the Government less than was charged private individuals. The Lieutenant’s efforts to secure a reduction were futile, and at last the troops, 107 in number, with fifty tons of equipments, were taken aboard. Fortune favored the Enterprise on that trip, and eighteen hours after leaving Langley she reached heffdestlnation, Fort Hope, with her $15,000 cargo. At this point word was received that the/trouble was all over. McGowan and his friends had talked themselves out of bondage, and white-winged peace was hanging over the entite country. This condition of affairs rendered the presence of the troops unnecessary, and without removing the equipments from the boat the Lieutenant again approached Captain Tom and asked him what he would charge to take the outfit back to Langley. The Captain’s failing memory again compelled him to refer Gussette to the purser, and after considerable search that well-trained aid of the Captain’s discovered that the rate down stream was the same as up stream. The Englishman sought the Captain. ‘My God, Captain,’ he Bald, ‘you have charged me £B,OOO for less than a day’s work with your boat, and now you want to repeat the performance. It’s an outrage.’ “ l ’Tis a middling high rate,’ said Tom, ‘but wood is scarce up here, and I don’t like to be cutting rates. Still, as you haven’t taken your freight ashore, and are ready to go down with us, I will make a reduction. I'll make it an even $25,000 for the round trip which is a big cut in rates.’ There was no other way for the troops to reach home, so the Lieutenant surrendered, and less than forty-eight hours after we had left Langley with the troops Capt. Wright was back again, richer by a £5,000 voucher, which was paid without a murmur when presented at Victoria. Capt. Tom Wright is still a conspicuous figure on the streets of Seattle and other sound cities, and while he has lived to see the marine traffic of Puget Sound grow from its infancy into proportions greater than he had ever dreamed of, yet it is doubtful if he will ever see his record for money making with A steamboat equalled.—[Oregon Gazette.

A LIGHTHOUSE TRAGEDY.

Destruction of the First Structure on Minot’s Ledge. The lighthouse on Minot’s Ledge stands within the shadow of a tragedy. It is the second structure erected upon the ledge. The first lighthouse and the lives it held were claimed by the sea. Begun in 1847 and completed in November, 1848, it wps overwhelmed in April, 1851. Its destruction was the most tragic event in the history of our lighthouse establishment. The structure was An octagonal tower supported upon wroughtiron piles strengthened by braces. The piles penetrated five feet into the rock. On the braces, thirty-four and a half feet above the rock, the keeper had constructed a platform for the storage of bulky articles, and had fastened to the lantern-deck, sixty-three feet above the rock, a five-and-a-half-inch hawser which he had anchored to a seven-ton granite block. Along this hawser articles were hoisted up to the platform, and there landed. These “improvements” were convenient—and fatal i; not, however, to the keeper who had made them,

for he was on shore when the storm which has beceme historic for its fury burst over the Coast. On Monday, April 14, 1851, there was a strong easterly gale blowing. At that time there was on the tower two assistant keepers and a friend of the principal keeper. The visitor became frightened at the first indication of a storm, and, in response to a signal from the tower, a boat put off for Cohasset and took him ashore. On Tuesday the wind swung around to the northeast, the most dangerous quarter from which the elements can hurl themselves on Minot’s, as they then rejoice in the accumulated fury of miles of wind-torn sea. By the 16th it had increased to a hurricane, and the tower was so completely buried in the heavy seas that nothing of it could be seen by the group of anxious watchers at Cohasset. About four o’clock in the evening of the 16th the platform was washed ashore. Then the watchers knew that the water had risen to within seven feet of the tower. At nightfall it was seen that the light was burning. It was observed at fitful intervals until ten o’clock that night, when it was finally lost to sight. At. one o’clock on the morningof Thursday,April 17, just at the turn of the flood, when the outstreaming tide and the inrushing hurricane met at Minot’s, a violent tolling of the lighthouse bell was heard. After that no sound rose above the din of the storm. About six o’clock in the morning a man walking along the shore saw a chair washed up a little distance ahead of him. Examing it, he recognized it as having been in the watch-room of the tower. After this discovery no one had any doubts of the tragedy which had been enacted behind the curtain of the storm. When it lifted, naught was seen over Minot’s Ledge but the sea, its white crests streaming triumphantly in the gale. It is believed by those competent to judge of such matters that the destruction of the tower was due to the surface which the platform constructed by the keeper offered to the waves, and to the strain of the hawser upon the structure. Every time this hawser was struck by a sea it actually tugged at the tower. There seems also little doubt that the sum appropriated by Congress for the building of the lighthouse was insufficient by about two-thirds for such a structure as the perilous situation called for.—[Century.

Water Propulsion.

No plan yet proposed for substituting jet bout propulsion for the screw or paddle wheels seems likely to realize the efficiency needed in such case.. The chief reuson assigned for this is that the power in a boat or self-navigating ship is not applied quite as on the locomotive; that is the driving-wheels of ipi engine take hold of a fixed base, and thrust against it, or a series of such basis, all the while, but the mechunlcal appliances used in propelling a vessel at sea act upon an extremely mobile mass—something that, tends to slip, and does to some extent slip away from them. It is, in fact, only because the weight or inertia of the portion Immediately in contact with the oar, paddle wheel, or screw, offers some resistance, that any headway is secured, and the larger the watery bulk acted upon, the more stable It, will be and hence the more progress will bo secured. On the other hand, an equal amount of power may be consumed in moving a little water a great distance astern and a large amount, a small distance ; in the former case, however, the leverugo being almost lost, while in the latter it Is largely retained, consequently it is desirablo to apply the power so as to strike broad surfaces rather slowly instead of small ones with great velocity. A minor consideration mentioned Is that in the jet system, water has to be pumped into the moving vessel before it is ejected, and a certain amount of force must be consumed In giving to It in the interval the forward motion which every other object inside the craft has; this substracts from the amount of power available for propulsion.— [New York Witness.

"Jim” Keene’s Neat Present.

“Jim” Keene having once been nursed through a very dangerous illness by the late Sam Ward, upon his recovery handed Mr. Ward one day a letter which he said contained a statement of account. Mr. Ward opened the letter in my presence on the trip from Long Branch to New York City, and, having read it, gave it to me to read. It waß a delightful statement of account. It showed that a large block of shares in the Lake Shore Railroad had been bought some weeks previous for the account of Samuel Ward, had been sold the day before and the account closed out, and that, deducting commissions, interest and expenses, there remained to Mr. Ward’s credit with the brokers some thirty thousand dollars. “It’s the first I knew of it,” said Mr. Ward. “Mr. Keene put these shares to my credit without my knowledge, and tiis brokers have been carrying them for me/’— York Letter to Philadelphia Press.

Adulteration in Coffee.

“Coffee,” says Dr. Winslow Anderson, of San Francisco, “now one of the most universally used of all beverages, excepting, perhaps, tea and beer, is usually abominably adulterated. It would seem difficult to imitate coffee, but it is not. . “A very fair cup of coffee is made from black walnut dust, caramel and roasted and brown horse liver. This mixture has been ascertained by chemical analysis to be in extensive use. Ground coffee and hotel decoctions often contain roasted and ground peas, beans, potatoes, carrots, corn, rye and oak bark, while chicory is seldom absent. “This chicory, by the way, is itself adulterated by roasted wheat, rye, beans, acorns, carrojts, parsnips, beet root, baked livers, Venetian red, colored earths, oak bark, tan and sawdust.” An uncut diamond looks very much like a bit of the best gum arable.

THE LIMEKILN CLUB.

Hon. Standoff Johnson’s Appeal for the Cakewalk. When the routine proceedings of the Limekiln Club Saturday night meeting had been disposed of, Bro. Gardner arose and announced that the Hon. Standoff Johnson of Alabama was in the anteroom and anxious to address the club on the subject of the cakewalk—a matter dear to the heart of every colored man, woman anj child in this fair land. He had not only made a long journey with this address in view, but was considered the highest and best authority in the United States. On motion of Giveadam Jones it was decided that he Bhould be given an opportunity to speak. While the Reception Committee were absent from the mom Bro. Gardner ordered two more candles to be lighted and one of the alley windows lowered from the top, and Shindig Watkins and Samuel Shin, both of whom have consumptive coughs which can be heard 80 rods against the wind, were allowed to go home. The Hon. Johnson was then brought in by the Reception Committee and received in an enthusiastic manner. He was a well-formed, two-story man of middle age, with whiskers on his chin, and there was a certain magnetism about his cool, calm demeanor. He bowed right and left,, shook hands with Bro. Gardner and Sir Isaac Walpole In a very hearty manner and began: “My fren’s a crisis hasarrove in de history of de cull’d people of America. While de white man has bin officiously grantin’ us political an’ civil rights he has bln at de same time privately conspirin’ to rob us of one of de greatest an’ most sacred privileges handed down by our forefathers. Right yere in my pocket I hev a list of 50 newspapers an’ 100 membrs of Congriss who am pledged to secure de enactment of a law forbiddin’ any cull'd pusson or pusson’s from originatin' or boldin’or attendin’ dat, sacred instltushln known as a cakewalk.” (Intense excitement.) “ De conspiracy originated ober five y’ars ago, butde movements of de conspirators war so quiet, dat nuffin was known of ’m till about three months since. Deobjlckwas togit, all ready an’ don suddenly jump on us with boas feet, but thank lieaben dat, wo har heard de alarm an’ hev de power to checkmate de conspiracy! (Cheers.) All ober dls land de cull’d men and women am rlsln’ up to protest in thunderous tones agin this great wrong to anashum of 6,000,000 people. (Yells.) 1 am hero to-night to receive de protest of dls Limekiln Club. I shall visit ebery city in de Norf wid the sains objick, an’ befo’ de noxt, Congriss meets dar will be such a wave of indignashun sweepln’ober dls kentry dat do white men will tremble in his butes i (Vociferous applause.) " What am de cakewalk? I answer dat It am a social instituslmn handed down to us from de sacred past. De ideah was to gat her an assemblage of wit, beauty an’ intelligence fur mutual improvement. Bein’ gathered together, yo’ might as well walk as to sit down on a hard bottomed chdr. Bein’ on de walk, yo’ might as well walk fur a cake as fur fun. (Continued cheering.) It am next to a prayer rneetin’ fur innocence. It is sunthin' enjoyed by de ole man an’ do young chile alike. It am to us what a soiree am to de white folks, bnt bekase we git, a heap mo’ fun out of It do white folks am mad an’ want to abolish it. Shall wo bend our necks tado tyrants' heel, or shall werizup in our majesty on' shod our blood to uphold our rights? (Loud cries in favor of shedding the last drop.) “I expected it,” said, the Hon. Standoff, as the dust settled down and the splinters ceased flying. “I fully believed I could count on*de patriotism of dis Limekiln Club from ■ Brudder Gardner down to Elder Toots. l)e kentry looks to dis club to taked© lead in dis matter an' to maintain ifc. De cakewalk must be preserved an* handed down to our children as it haa bin handed down to us. De white man has deprived us of our possum bake©, our persimmon festivals an’ our yam socials, but he must stop right dar. We hev reached de ded line. Let him bewa’ befo’ dis kentry swims in blood an' revels in gore. (Wild applause.) Arter de rneetin' has brok© in two yo' will find me in de anteroom wid a protest ready fur yo’r signatures. I hope an’ expect ebery member to sign it an' de names of slch as am willing to die, if needs be, to uphold our cause will be marked by a cross in red ink an' preserved among de heroes and martyrs of de tocher.— [St. Louis Republic.

Inhabited Only By Hogs.

In the northern part of Limestone County, Alabama, says a writer in th» Pittsburg Dispatch, is a tract of lapd consisting of more than 1,000 acroa which is not on the map of the State, nor can it be found in the register’s office of that county. No one claims, it and no taxes have ever been paid on it. It is a vast wilderness, inhabited by snakes, deer and razor-back hogs. It is a free hunting ground and thousands of these hogs are killed every year, more for the sport than for anything else. The hogs are wild and cannot be domesticated. Their yield is said to be enormous. Tom Booth, of Pulaski, Tenn., secured a male and .female and did all in his power to tame them, but failed. Ho kept them a year and at the end of that time they were as wild as afc first. The more he fed them the thinner they became. Within the year they consumed 400 bushels of com and were as lean as church mice. During that time the sow had five litters of pigs, numbering 210. Mr. Booth could not tame any of these nor get - them fat enough to make even soap grease. Finally he gave them to a colored man, who now considers himself under no obligations to Mr. Booth.-' The flesh of these hogs resembles horseflesh. It is as tough as coon skin, and a large-sized hojf of this species rendered would not make grease enough to fry a skillet of batter cakes. They go through a garden like a shovel-plow, and no vegetable escapes them. They can crowd through a crack that would hardly admit a mouse and thefr sharp noses act as levers for garden gates. The Tennesseeans make great fun of Alsebarna’s razor-back hogs.