Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 February 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes end Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Hare Been Recently Born—Saylnpa and Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Laughable—The Week's Humor. Bet Cs AU Laugh. One’s shortcomings go a long way against him.—Galveston News. Always look after things before they get by you. —Galveston News. The good hackman is known by his carriage.—Florida Times-Union. Brewers should belong to the order of Knights of Malta.—Picayune. Ardent Spirits —Those that kiss the medium at a seance. —Texas Siftings. “Never too old to learn” does not apply to “After the Ball.” —Elmira Gazette. TnE neighbor’s bulldog may teach a man to lead a chased life.—Florida Times-Union. A deaf mute can scarcely be said to have pronounced ideas.—Philadelphia Record. Snogsby — What did old David Trimble die of? Bogsby—Of his initials.—Exchange. The man who gets in office may be called the master of the situation. — Florida Times-Union. Theatrical companies that do the least walking are those with the most legs.—ECmira Gazette.

For constant cheerfulness the lumberman takes the cake; he Is always chipper.—Lowell Courier. “Johnny, Is your father a Arm man?” “Yes, mom; when he knows he’s wrong. ” —Plain Dealer. “Now, I want to give you a point,” said the doctor as he prepared to jab his lancet.—Boston Traveller. She—Do you like Wagner’s music? He—Oh, yes, since I have become partially deaf.—Detroit Free Press. Guide—Have you seen the Sistine Chapel? Tourist Sixteen? Why, I’ve seen about fifty of them! —Hallo. The cook-book recipe is too often like the disappointing novel. It does not come out right.—Boston Transcript. Every woman thinks there should he a law to protect her husband from paying a bet that he loses.—Atchison Globe. Jilson says that under the laws against gambling a bookmaker’s contracts are not binding. Buffalo Courier. Wife—What kind of cards do you think make the best calling cards? Husband (absent-minded) A ces. Rochester Democrat. It is comparatively easy to go to a foreign port, but wine experts say that precious little foreign port comes to us. —Lowell Courier. Caller—Has Dr. Killquick many troublesome cases on hand? Office Boy—No; his patients never last more than three or four days. “Bilkein’s is a strong face, or I’m no judge of physiognomy.” “It ought to be. He and his whole family are living on it.”—Buffalo Courier. A Kensington man calls his dog “Traction,” because as soon as he lets him out of the house he goes tearing up the street.—Philadelphia Record. Most people get their grip checked If they are going away. Some people who fail to get their grip checked in time go away never to return.—Troy Press. Jinks —I don’t think it looks well for a minister to wear diamonds. Filkins—Why not? Aren’t there sermons in stones? —Kate Field’s Washington. “I wonder what this image represents?” “The god of humor, probably. Don’t you see that it is full of little funny cracks?”—lndianapolis Journal. Jinks —“Don’t you believe that spirits are all moonshine?” Filkin9 —“Oh, no; some of them pay internal revenue taxes.”—Kate Field’s Washington. “I see they have founded a new secret order and called it ‘The Supreme Tribe of Ben Hur.’ ” “Is that so? Well, such an order has never been heard of. ” “I wonder how it was discovered that fish was a brain food?” She — Probably by the wonderful stories that men tell who go Ashing.—Chicago Inter Ocean. How did it happen that Miss Blanche refused you? It was understood that you were her favorite?” “The regular way—the favorite didn’t win.”—Tid-Bits. Prof. Langley’s efforts to devise a practical aerial machine are now being seconded by Prof. Graham Bell, who is taking a flyer that way.— Philadelphia Ledger. Strawber—“What have you in that envelope that you are handling so carefully?” Singerly—“A live fly. I’ve got to catch an early train in the morning.”—Judge. Whenever a man fails his wife tells the public that he was too “conscientious” to succeed. What she tells him in private is sometimes different.—Atchison Globe. Dinwiddie “Bookkeepers and sleight-of-hand performers have much in common.” Van Braam—“How 'so?” Dinwiddie—“They both flourish in the ledger domain.”—Pittsburg Chronicle. Minks —What earthly use have you got for six horses? Winks—Guess you don’t know much about horses, do you? Minks—N-n-o. Winks —I keep six so that I will always have two that won’t have anything the matter with them.—New York Recorder. Smart Nephew—“Yo’ can’t read nothin’, Uncle Eph’m; dat sign it say ‘Meals in de i>ot!’ I guess I kin read.” Uncle Ephraim—“Go ’way, now—l done read dat fo’ yo’ did. Ob co’se it say ‘Meals in de pot,’but what I wants to know is, wha’ am de pot?”—Judge. * Burglar (soliloquizing) “Yer never hear a good word for a housebreaker. They never lake into consideration that we’re obliged to be out in all kinds o’ leather, an’ that most o’ our work has to be done while lazy folks is sound asleep in their beds. Tid-Bits.