Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1894 — THE LIMEKILN CLUB. [ARTICLE]

THE LIMEKILN CLUB.

Brother Gardner Enlightens the Club on the Essentials of Sacred History. “If Brudder Comealong Jackson an’ Brudder Standup Johnson am in de hall to-night I wish ’em to step dis way,” said Brother Gardner when the routine business of the last meeting of the Limekiln Club had been disposed of. The brothers named were present and after considerable hesitation they arose and advanced to the platform. It was seen that Comealong had lately lost three front teeth and that Standup had one eye closed and a battered nose. “Gem’len,” observed the president as ho looked down on them with a very serious countenance, “by-law No. 742 of article 821 plainly reads dat membera of dis club shall not ingage in religus or political argyments or discushuns. About ebery three months for de last five y’ars I have called speshual attenshun to dat bylaw. On three different occashuns members hav bin expelled fur breakin' dat rule. In spite of all dat has bin said an’ dun, howeber.de two members befo’ me hev bin guilty not only of breakin’ de rule, but of tryin’ to break each other’s heads. Brudder Jackson, what yo’ got to say fur yo’self?” “I said dat Eve had redha’r, sah.” “Brudder Johnson, what yo’ got to say?” “I said she didn’t hev.” “An dat precipitated a mortal combat?” “Yes, sah.” “Befo’ de mortal combat was precipitated, howeber, boas of yo’ called each other liars, and hoss thieves, an’ robbers?” The guilty pair bowed their heads In acknowledgment. “Brudder Jackson, did yo’ eber see Eve?” “No, sah.” “Did yo’, Brudder Johnson?” “No, sah.” “Kin either one o’ yo’ pint me to any description given to color o’- her ha’r?”

They mnmblingly acknowledged their inability to do so. “Now, yo’ h’arken to me!” exclaimed the president, us he drew himself up and emphasized his words with extended arm. “Do verdict am dat boas of yo’ be bounced out o’ dis club fo’with—right off—widin a rnlnlt—an’ dat under no sarcumstances will yo’ be restored to membership! l’ze gwine to put a stop to dis sort of bizness if I hev to bounce ebory member o’ de Limekiln Club an’ run Paradise Hull all ulone! De idea of two ole gray-headed niggers wastin’ delr breaf ober de color of de ha’r of a woman who libed thousands of y'ars ago! Who knows whether her ha’r was red, black, white or pea green? Whokoers? How you gwine to find out if yo’ do keer?” “Please, sah”—began Brothor Jackion as ho looked up. “Siionce!” thundered the president. “Nuffln yo’ kin say will change my declshun ! I want all members of dis club to thoroughly understand de posishun of affairs befo’ we drop dis subjlck. Dar was an Adam an an Eve. Dey resided In de Ga’den of Eden. Eve tempted Adam, an dey had to move. Dat’s plenty; dat’s all we want to know. We doan’ keer 2 cents how tall dey war, how much dey weighed, or what was de size of deir feet. “Dar was a flood. Noah built an ark an floated Broun’ an was saved. We choke off right dar. We doan’ keer whether he was married or single —white or black—tall or short. We doan’ keer whether it rained fo’ty days or only thirty-nine an’ a half. “Cain killed his brudder Abel wida club. It’s hone o’ our bizness to ax whether dot club was of oak or hickory—whether de killin’ took place Sunday mornin’ or Wednesday evenin’. We doan’ keer whether it was outdoahs or in de house. “Dan’l was cast into a den of lions—mebbe six. Mebbe dem lions was hungry—rmebbe not. Dey didn’t wan't no fuss wid Dan’l. Why dey didn't am none o’ our business. All we keer for am dat Dan’l got out all right. , “Jonah wus swallered by a whale an’ cust up ngin. Was it a small whale or a big one? Was he black or white? Was he waitin’ dar to swaller Jonah, or did he just happen Tong at de right minit? None o’ our bizinessi All we keer fur is dat he wus cast out agin. “Dis am whar I stand, gem’len, an’ whar I shall continer to stand, an' such as can’t stand wid me kin take a walk! Brudders .Jackson and Johnson, yo’ kin make yo’selves skass! Git out an’ stay out! Yo’ can’t come yere no mo’! If, .in gwine down de alley together, one of you declares dat Job had chilblains ’stead of biles, an’ de odder calls him a liar an’ gits up a fight, it won’t be nullin’ to dis club and nobody will interfere. We will now blow out de lamps and prognosticate homewards.” [Chicago Times.