Democratic Sentinel, Volume 18, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1894 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. fokai and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doing* that Are Odd, Carious, and LaufhaJale—The Week** Humor. Let U* All Laoxh. A scenter shot: Shooting a skunk. —Union County Standard. W hex a man fails his friends say he has gone up.—Galveston News. Jagson says you never know how empty a man is until he’s full.—Elmira Gazette. When young ladies preside at a church tea they reign as well as pour. —Lowell Courier. What an awful blow It would be to a long-haired musician to become bald.—Atchison Globe. It is impossible to have the last word with a chemist, because he always has a retort.—Boston Courier. Patient—“ Doctor, I feel that lam at death’s door.” Doctor (enthusiastically)—“Oh, don’t fear. We’ll pull you through. ” —Puck. Bride—Why do they give us so many things we are too poor to use? G-oom—Yes, this cook-book, for instance.—Detroit Tribune. When people are slow and behind the times there is nothing like counting them to bring them to their census. .—Rochester Democrat. She—“ All of which convinces me that you married me for my money. ” He—“ Well, It may not seem probable, but I honestly loved you.”—Life. Teacher—“ What happened when the man killed the goose that laid the golden egg?” Dick Hicks—“ His ‘goose was cooked.”—Brooklyn Life. “Did Dumley’s marriage involve any financial responsibility?” “Oh, yes; his wife requires him to earn enough to pay his laundry bills.”— Judge. Beloved—“ Why, what a time to be calling! It’s half-past 9. The lights are out at HO.” Lover—“ Just like me. J’m always early.”—Detroit Tribune. Spectator—Doesn’t it require a deal of courage to go up In a balloon? Aeronaut—Not a bit, ma'am. It’s the coming down in it.—Boston Transcript. Tramp—“ Please, mum, have you any cold vittles?” Housekeeper—“l am sorry to.,say, sir, that everything is hot.” (Slams the door.) New York Weekly. Traveler—“ Will you find out for me when the next train moves?” The Other Man—“l find out? Why, man, I’m a police detective.”—Boston Transcript. Wool—“I suppose it’s not a commendable thing to confess, but I must say I hate children.” Van Pelt—“ Why don’t you join Mr. Gerry’s society?”—Life. Miss Softly (who has been attending a course of lectures) —“O, Professor, I saw such a funny old fossil in the museum to-day! I thought of you at once.”—Vogue. Student—“l will tell you frankly that I shall not be able to pay for the suit till next year. When will you have It ready?” Tailor—“ Next year.”—Fliegende Blatter. • “I see your hired man is an octoroon.” “Oh, no. He’s a white man. He’s been eating some of my daughter’s cooking-school experiments this week and he’s bilious.”—Judge. Teacher—“ Can any of you tell me what is meant by “home industries?’ ” Billy Bright (promptly)—“Up to our house they’re mostly sawin’ wood an' carryiu’ In coal." —Buffalo Courier. Hicks—“ ‘Cold in death.'* Do yon think that a good expression?” Wicks—“lt depends a good deal upon the kind of a life which has been led by the deceased. ” —Boston Transcript. At the Salon. —“Can you tell me what that picture represents?” “That is Queen Cleopatra. Have you never heard of her?” “Never in my life. I so seldom read the papers.’*— L’lntransigeant. “Made an awful mistake at the Gotrox’s reception. Stepped up to 'one of the guests and told him to call me a horse and carriage." “Did he do it?” “No. He called me an ass.” —Indiafiapolis Journal: Matrimonial Advertisement.— “A lady, young, pretty, bright and poor, desires to make the acquaintance of a man with the opposite qualities, with a view to a happy marriage.”—Fliegende Blaetter. Cholly—l should hate to marry such a bright woman. Why, last week her husband sent her a telegram saying he should stay late at the office and she sent an answer to the club that she would sit up till 3. —Life. Deacon Goode—“l hear that Mrs. Tollings is very ill. It is no doubt trying time with you at home.” Tollings—“You may well say that, deacon. Taking care of the furnace Is alone enough to make life miserable.”—Boston Transcript. “Where is Ella?” “She left the ball-room a few minutes ago, saying that she didn’t fancy being squeezed in the crowd.” “Was Charley with her?” “Yes; and ’l think- that by this time he has found a place where there is cojcrowd.”—Judge. Visitor—l am most grieved to learn‘of.your mistress’ illness. Nothing serious; no great cause for alarm, I trust? The New French Mkid— No, monsieur; uozzing beeg, nozzing grande. Sonmlng—what you call leetle, petite. Visitor —What is it? The New French Maid—Eet is what zey call ze little—small—small-pox. —Tid-Bits.