Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 December 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO- { INGS HERE AND THERE. Jokea and Jokelcta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Bom—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Cartons, and Laughable —The Week’s Humor. Let Us AU Laugh. If you would curry favor with a man do not rub him the wrong way. ' —Galveston News. No one should expect a square meal when making a round of the lunchhouses. —Plcayu ne. Dear! dear! those poor foreigners! How the flies must bother ’em.— World’s Fair Puck. Jagson says many a man’s reputation wouldn’t know his charity by sight —Elmira Gazette. Some men own up and “acknowledge the corn,” but they do it rather huskily.—Yonkers Statesman. Teacher— Define memory. Dull Boy—lt’s what we always has till we come to speak a piece.—Good News. The fellow who was married in the Ferris wheel ought to iftake a good all-around husband. Plain Dealer. “Points” in the stock market are probably so called because speculators generally get stuck on them.— Siftings. “Methinks I scent the morning air,” remarked the swill collector as be drove down Main street at 3 a. m. —Buffalo Courier.

The latest discovery: “Van Gilding is quite a leader of fashion, isn’t he?” “H—m—well, he hasn’t had appendicitis!”—Puck. He—“ Did you say the furniture was Louis XIV.?” She--“ Yes. Why?” He—“ The bills suggest the Reign of Terror.”—Beau Monde. Strange to say, many brokers are best pleased with the stock market when it is sirhply unbearable.—Boston Commercial Bulletin. Tramp —“ Madam, I was not always thus.” Madam—“ No. It was your other arm yah. had in a sling this morning. ” —Detroit Tribune. “This Krupp gun is the largest cannoa in the world.” “But I suppose the Ferris wheel is the largest revolver.”—World’s Fair Puck. “I understand that Grabbins has left the city?” “Never mind,” replied the man who sneers. “He’ll probably be back after it.”—Life. She —I see the Elizabeth ruff is to return. What in the world shall we do? He (embarrassed) —Er why can't we put the police on him?— Truth. “I passed your door last evening, Miss Gildersleeve,” remarked young Mr. Gilley. “How kind of you!” remarked the grateful girl.—Harper’s Bazar. Messenger (in the play)—Lady, I come from Paris. Helen of Troy (forgetting her lines) —Ah, me—er—are the wide skirts going to stay in? —Puck. Since the introduction of poker into society calling is said to have developed an expensiveness hitherto unknown in exclusive circles.—Buffalo Courier. “Ah,” said the professor, feeling the boy’s head, “persevere, my son; there’s room at the top.” Then he wondered what the parents were mad about. —Plain Dealer. Parent —“ What is the difference between the regular and the irregular Greek verbs?” Tommy—“ You get twice as many lickings learning the irregular ones.” —Texas Siftings.

Works Both Ways. —Goodman— Do you ever think of the good old saying that it’s more blessed to give than to receive? Pugsley—Yes, when I’ve got the boxing gloves on.— Vogue. Miss Fumeur —My brother is passionately fond of his cigar. I believe he will smoke in heaven. His friend —Oh, there is no doubt that he will smoke in the hereafter.—Music and Drama. “Why should a soldier never lose his head in battle?” asked a German captain of a private soldier. “Because if he did he wouldn’t have any place to put his helmet on.” —Texas Siftings. I came near giving you one of Mr. Barton’s cards instead of my own. Caesar —Dat’s all right, sah. Es yo’ sen’ up Mr. Barton’s card. Miss Polly sho’ to come down. —Harper’s Bazar. He —But don’t you think you could learn to love me? Boston Girl—lt might serve, like Greek and Latin at the colleges, not for use, but at a mental exercise. I’ll think of it Boston Transcript. The eyes of love: “But, Ethel, how do you know that this young man loves you? Has he told you so ?” “Oh, no, mamma ! But if you could only see the way he looks at me when I am not looking at him. “ —Life. Liteleigh —lt was an unfortunate thing the devil tempted Eve in the form of a serpent Biteleigh—ln what way? Liteleigh—Well, if he had approached her in the form of a mouse Adam would never have tasted that apple.—Puck. Bangs— Buskin is, without doubt, the most realistic and artistic actor in the world. Fangs—Why do you think so? Bangs—When the audience called for him after his death scene he was carried before the curtain in a coffin.—Puck. A girl when she is 18 and pretty may not love her mother as ipuch as she should, but wait until she has been married and had children and trouble. She loves her mother then in the same way a worn-out, battlescarred soldier loves his home. Palace-car Porter (out West) — Don’t gub me no fee, sah, till we gets to de end ob de trip. Passenger— Very well, just as you prefer. Porter —Yes, sah. You see, dese train robbers always goes for me fust, an’ if I > ain’t got nuffin’ dey say de passengers ain’t got nuffin’, an’ goes off. —New York Weekly.

President Rodriguez, of Costa Rica, has been unsuccessful in his attempt to borrow $1,000,000. He will meet with wide sympathy.