Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 December 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Langhable Phase 7 of Haman*Natare GraphicaUy Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Oar Own Day —A Budget of Fun. P There is no such thing as a finished reputation —Galveston News. The lawyer is like the slugger. If he wants to succeed he must keep in practice.—Picayune. The popular pianist finds little difficulty in realizing on his nbtes of hand.—Buffalo Courier. The sculptor is generally fishing for fame when he makes a cast.— Glens Falls Republican. The philosopher is a wise man who absolutely refuses to have any enemies.—Galveston News. He is a miss guided youth who does everything his sweetheart asks him to do.—Boston Coiirier. It is rather too much to expect a man on his uppers to be a wholesouled fellow.—Buffalo Courier. No man is as good as he demands the young man shall be who asks for his daughter.—Atchison Globe. The most pathetic college cry is that of the youth whose remittance failed to arrive.—Plain Dealer. There have not been so many revolutions on the seas since the .close of the bathing season.—Plain Dealer. It Is a consolation when another man is in trouble to think* that it will prove a valuable lesson to hip). —Atchison Globe. “Right here,” said the minister, “I would like to have the cents of this meeting. The collectors will proceed.”—Plain Dealer. Mr. Prime —“ Mrs. Dawson fairly worships that son of hers.” Miss Spiteful—“ Yes; he is so unlike his father.”—Music and Drama. When there is company in the house the members of the family begin to say “(lood morning” to each other at breakfast —Atchison Globe. “That’s a point in your favor,” said the lawyer to his new typewriter, as she completed a very nice job of pencil-sharpening. Buffalo Courier.

He (an old hand) They have dropped their anchor. She (a beginner)—Served them right. It has been hanging over the side all -day long.— Tid-Bits.

“Haven’t seen you for an age, Charlie?” “No; I’ve changed my business.” “What are you now?” “Floorwalker. It’s twins.”—Detroit Free Press.

“Poor Timmie! Fojve years in Sing Sing! Ido feel ehorry for him. ” “Beiad, an’ yure shympathy’s trowed iway. He’s surrounded by triads.”— Brooklyn Life. ; “Did I hear you say that you have i(iund in your mother-in-law your ifeal?” “Yes, indeed; all the comments evet made on mothers-in-law jpply to her!”—Fliegende Blatter. / The Clergyman “And why phould little boys say their prayer /every night?” The Good Boy—“S,o’s the Lord can have a chance to get what they want by morning.”—Life. Papa— Won’t you be glad when you are a big man, Harry? Harry— No, papa. Papa—Why not? Harry— Why, because then I cannot get into the circus for half price.—Harper’s Young People. Pedestrian— You should he in better business than begging.' A gi;eat, strong fellow like you ought to look for work. Beggar—What! Throw up a sure thing for an uncer-tainty?—Tid-Bits. Singleton —ln her girlhood days your wife was possessed of a very sunny disposition. Has she any of it yet? Longwed Well—er—enough to make things warm for me occas-‘ ionally.—Buffalo Courier. “Aren’t you glad you have a little brother to play with, Tom?” inquired a neighbor referring to the fqrt-night-old Snow baby. “Play with!” echoed Tom, scornfully. “Why, he can’t even wash his own face!”—Exchange. At the Club.— Mr. Murray Hill—- “ You here, Uptown? Why, I understood your daughter was to he married to-night.” Mr. Uptown—“So she is; but I make it a rule never to mix in other people’s affairs.’’—Texas Siftings. An error of the press, for which an ample apology must be forthcoming; When you think you’re pressing the foot of the pretty niece under the table and find you’ve accidentally been pressing that of the elderly maiden aunt.—Drake’s Magazine. Mr. Eastside— “l heard you had tbq bad luck to upset your plate of soup ov.er a lady’s silk dress at the dinner yesterday.” Mr. Westside—“Yes, it was pretty hard luck for me. You know it is contrary to etiquette to ask for a second plate of soup.” Texas Siftings. Maud— And, pa, what did Prof. Crotchet say of my piano playing? Pa—He was quite extravagant in his praise. He said you possessed an originality in execution that was truly remarkable. He said he had heard some of your pieces performed by the greatest masters, and not one of them played as you did.—Boston Transcript