Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 December 1893 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. The Saunterer—Proportioned to the Strlngency-«-Fonn a Syndicate — How Those Girls Dove One Another, Etc, THE SAUNTERER. Oh, tell me, brave aeronaut— And tell me true, I pray— Why do you risk your precious life In such a reckless way ? • The hero sadly smiled and said: “ A man, by harsh fate whirled, Will risk his all, if only he Can get up in the world.” —[Boston Budget. FROPORTIONED TO THE STRINGENCY. Isabel—Clarence, did papa look glad when you asked him if you might have me? Clarence—Glad l His smile went three times around his head and hung down his backl—[Detroit News-Tribune. FORM A SYNDICATE. Sarah—Yes, papa has looked up his record and finds that the wretch is engaged to three of us at this very minute. Agnes—(another victim) —Oh, isn’t it splendid 1 We can all employ the same lawyer and save quite a little.—[Detroit News-Tribune. HOW THOSE GIRLS LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Penelope Pert—What makes you think he is in love with me? Constance Clover—He asks you to sing. A SAVAGE CUT. Tufft Hunter (of London, England)— Is it—aw—twue that youh Amewican Indians—aw— cawn’t raise mustaches, dontcher know? Tony Adams (of Nebraska) —I don’t think they can. But what’s the matter with some of the fine heads of hair they raise? TOO EARLY. “Been fishing?” $ *Y es. “Catch anything?” “Yes.” “What?” “I don’t know yet. I’ll have to ask the doctor.” UNDER SURVEILLANCE. “I See Mrs. Skinflint has had her late husband’s miniature painted and wears it under her chin.” “So? When he was alive she always kept him under her thumb.” ON THE BAFE SIDE. Clergyman (to bride)—Do you promise to love, honor and obey? Terry Hote (to groom)—Hold, on there; that hain’t legal. Clergyman—What's the matter? Terry Hote—We don’t want any subornation of perjury; just make that “love, honor—an’—an’ have her own way.”—Puok. A “coupe double.” Maisie—Mrs. Homeleigh, have you got another face? Mrs. Homeleigh—No, my dear. What makes you ask? Maisie—Well, I heard mother say you were two-faced; but I thought if yon hod another faoe you wouldn’t wear the one you do. IT HAD A PULL. Groaning Customer—l wish I was like that razor I” Barber—Why sir? Groaning Customer—l'm just going into politics.—[Chicago Record.

FORCE OF HABIT. “Will you give me this little hand?” he pleaded lovingly. “ Reginald, this hand is already pledged,” she replied. “I will redeem it,” he answered absently, "if you will let me have the pawn ticket.” DISAPPOINTED. “I am very mueh disappointed in Reginald,” said Mr. Cumrox. “I suppose so,” replied the fond mother. * ‘That seems to be a daily story with you." “Maybe ’tis. But this came of taking him at his own word. When he got home from school he said that he was a good boxer. So I put him to work in the ware rooms, an’ I’m doggoned es he could drive a uail straight.”—Washington Star. A NEIGHBORLY TURN. He (at the husking bee) —I haven't found a red ear yet. She—You make me blush up to my ears. Ain’t they a little red? A CARELESS YOUTH. “Cholly’s in disgrace at the club again!” said Willie Wibbles. “Deah! Deah! You don’t say so. He’s always in twouble, isn’t he? It was only lawst week that he came out without his twousahs wolled up.” “Its worse this time.” “How?” “This mohning he forgot to bwush and comb his chwysanthemum.”—[Washington Star. THE LAST RESORT. The Wife—Can you give me any money? The Husband—l haven’t a cent. The Wife—There isn’t any food in the house! What are we going to do? The Husband—l don’t know. I’m afraid jve shall have to rail back on your leg of mutton sleeves. [New York Press. WELL NAMED. “So,” said Jaxon, “our Chicago friend Blower, has a new boy at his house?” “Yes, and he has named him Hamlet” “That’s a queer name. Blower isn’t at all literary or dramatic, is he?” “No, but he's a pork-packer.”—[De-troit Free Press.

JUST THE MAN HE WANTED. A man with a thin coat and a very red nose loitered about on lower Main street last night and struck every passer-by for a few cents with which to get a night's lodging. A tall young fellow came bustling dorn the street. The led-nosed man stofd directly in his path and began: “Mj friend, I’m a moulder by trade and I got sick last summer and I’m hungry and I want to get a few cents to get something to eat and a night’s lodging. I’ve got seven cents—” “Ah!” said the tall young fellow, grasping his outstretched hand and shaking it cordially, “you’re just the man I want to see. Give me a nickel, will you?" . And the red-nosed man was so surprised that he almost did it. —[Buffalo Express.

ARTISTICALLY HANDLED. “Did you hear about young D’Art, the china painter?” “No; what is it?" “He has been served like his own ohina.” “How is that?” “His wife’s fathar fired him.” THE US* OF THE PRONOUN. “I really believe that ./e are descended from the ape,” said Doodey. “I believe you are, too, Doodey,” said Cynious; and Doodey wasn’t at all pleased.”—[Harper’s Bazar. AMBIGUOUS. Uncle (reprovingly)—Now, Charlie, what do you keep a horse for? Charlie Fastdrive—Well, Nunky, I firesume I keep him to let him go.— Godey’s Magazine. TWO DEFINITIONS. Bobby—Pop, what is reason? Fond Parent—Reason, my boy, is that which enables a man to determine what is right. Bobby—And what is instinct? Fond" Parent —Instinct is that which tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.—[Brooklyn Life. AN APT ILLUSTRATION. “Tommy,” said the teacher, “do you know what the word ‘foresight’ means?” “Yes’m.” “Can you give me an illustration?” “Yes’m.” “You may do so." “Last night my mamma told the doctor he might as well call around and see me Thanksgiving night."—[Washington Star. MERELY A REHEARSAL. “You are charged with mutual assault,” said the judge, "and from the appearance of your faces you seem to have been very muoh in earnest. What have you to say for yourselves?” “We were merely rehearsing for a foot ball match, your Honor,” answered the two young men. “Oh, if that is the case I will let you go. Let them be discharged, Mr. Clerk.” —[New York Press. DIFFERENT. He—l have your mother’s consent, and now— She—lt can never be, sir. I highly respect you, and will be a sister to you, but— He—Hold on; you will be a daughter to me. I’m going to marrv your mother. —[Truth.