Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 November 1893 — MY BROTHER GARDNER. [ARTICLE]

MY BROTHER GARDNER.

A Few Remarks on the Improvidence of Colored Folks. “I hold yere _n my hand,” said Brother Gardner at the regular meeting of the Lime-kiln club the other night, “a letter from Gineral De Soto Jones of Mississippi, who am a white man, axin’ me if I hev obsarved a tendency on de part of our people toward economy. In fact, he wants to know how many members of dis club I kin pint to as practical economists. I shall be obliged to reply dat we haven’t one single member. De tendency of our people am right in de opposite direckshun, and whar it am gwine to stop no man kin tell. It has bin a source of sorrow and disappointment t« me fur a y’ar or two past, an’ I feel it my aooty to make a few remarks on de subjeck. Brudder Bebee, stand up.”

Brother Bebee bobbed up with ascared look in his eyes, and the president regarded him for a moment over the top of his spectacles and then said: “A few evenin’s ago I met yo’ in de grocery. Yo’ had bin buyin’ Spanish mackerel and Bermuda onions, an’ when yo’ went out de grocer axed me how many millyon dollars yo’ was wuth. Spanish mackerel an’ Bermuda onions on a salary of $9 a week. Whar do yo’ expect toeand up, Brudder Bebee!" “Ize quit, Bah,” muttered the member, as he shifted around on his feet. “I hope yo’has. Seems to me you’sgot sense ’nufl to see dat bar-futted chill’en, back rent, borrowed money, and Spanish mackerel doan’ mix well • together. Elder Toots, whar’ ar’ yo’ at?”' “Heah, sir.” “So I see. What happened at yo’r cabin de odder night, elder?” “We gin a leetle party, sah.” “ Y-e-s ! Yo’ had ice cream, angels food, coffee, an’ coco. Befo’ givin’ departy yo’ had to buy some new turniture. One of d’ articles yo’ bought was a chiny i spitbox dat cost 75 cents. Yo’r incomeam from $7 to $8 per week. Yo’ owe two months back rent, y’or pew rent am way behind, an’ Brudder Watkins am threatenin’ to sue yo’ fur borrowed money. He president of de United States am satisfied to spit outer de kitohen winder, but yo’ must hev a chiny spitbox t De gov’nor of New York can’t afford anythin’ better dan gingerbread when he gins a leettle party, but yo’ must set out angels’ food and bass it around twice 1 Sot down Elder Toots! You’s got sich a goneness in de head jist at present dat yo’ can’t think of any excuse. Sir Isaac Walpole, will yo’ riz up for a minit. I want de people to see yo’ in all yo’r glory. How much did dat red necktie cost! ” “Six bits, sah.” •‘An’ yo’ use b’ar’s ile on yo’r ha’r?” “Yes, sah.” “An’ yo’r suspenders cost 50 cents a pa’r?” “Yes, sah.” “An’ I am told yo’ wa’r a regular chist purtector, bought at de store?” “Y-yes, sah.” “H’m. De guv’nor of No'th Cariliny goes over to wisit de guv’nor of South Cariliny w’arin’ a 2-bit necktie, cottonseed ile on his h’ar, an’ his trousers held up by a piece of rope. You’s got to be a great man, Sir Isaao—a werry great man! How do yo’ manage to do all dis on an income of $6 or $7 a week?” Sir Isaac’s legs began to wobble about and he sat down. Judge Cahoots just then made a sneak for the door, but the president stopped him with: “Excuse me, jedge, dat I didn’t see yo’ befo’. I wish to congratulate yo’ on getting ahead in the world. Sur a man who has bin outer work half de time fur de last y’ar yo’ am pushin' to de front powerful fast. Dey tell me yo’r wife has dun bought six plates on which to sarve raw oysters. As I passed yo’r cabin de odder day I noticed a doahplate on de doah. It has also come to my ear dat yo’ has got a regular fire screen in de parlor an’ an eight-day clock. yo’ give de rest of us a pinter on how to git rich on nuffin? De guv’nor of Texas am glad ’null to git a one-dav clock, but yo’ feel obleeged to go him seven better. De king of Portugal eats his oysters off a pie tin, but dat han’t style ’null fur yo’! Sot down, Jedge Cahoots. We can’t offer you no silk upholstered cha’r, but mebbe yo’ kin stand it fur a few minutes. “Dar am a score of others heah who could be called down in de same fashion, but it would be lime frown away. De fact am, we is follerin’ in de futsteps of de white race. If we han’t got no sense we an’t to blame fur it. Seben outer ebery ten white men in dis kentry am dodgin’ creditors. Sebenteen outer ebery twenty am libin beyond their incomes. De man who owes de most ginerally dresses de best. De wife of a man aimin’ sl2 a week has mo’ diamonds dan de one aimin’ SSO. Fo’-fifths of de people givin’ swell parties am under mortgage. Half of de furniture which goes out o’ de stores am brought baok unpaid for. While dese things grieve me, as I said befor’, I hev no fault to find wid yo’. We has been brung up to Jjelieve the white man knows it all. We hev felt it a privilege to imitate him. We’s got in de habit an’ can’t stop, an’ he must not turn on us an’ hold us responsible dat we reflect his vices as well as his varchews.”—[M. Quad, in Chicago Times.