Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 November 1893 — Page 6

g|)e|>tmßcraltcgeiiliiicl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. JT. W. McEWEN, - - Publibhee.

IN MISSISSIPPI DAYS.

AGE OF RIVER SUPREMACY BEFORE THE WAR. VVben Time Wasn’t as Valuable as It Is Nowadays Magnificence of the OldTime Packets—Dally of the Voyage. o Down the River. That indefinite expression, “before the war,” to the minds of most men of the present generation represents ■a period of time about as far removed from the thoughts, business methods, *nd ways of to-day as the period of Homer, and particularly is this the •case when reference is made to the old-time life on the Mississippi. The iron rails have made a revolution in ■every part of the country, but have •change nothing so much as the river traffic. In fact, they have practically abolished it, for neither the business nor pleasure of the present can tolerate delay, and the saving of time by the railroad over the river route between this city and New Orleans has taken the passenger and freight from the waterway and transferred them to the parallel steel lines. But what has been gained in time has been lost in sentiment. There is ■no romance about the railroad. The roar and rattle of cars, the smoke, •the dust, the intolerable screeching of the engine, the busy employes who are concerned about nothing so much as getting the fares from the passengers and seeing that the movements of the train are properly controlled, the haste, the anxiety to reach the final destination at the earliest possible moment, form a striking contrast to the method of travel in vogue as late as forty years ago. Tfcere was no hurry then, says the •St Louis Globe-Democrat, and travel

DEALING OUT “LICKER."

on the old Mississippi was the ideal of poetic journeying. There was plenty of time, no one felt hurried, And so pleasant was the voyage from St. Louis or Cincinnati to New Orleans that it was often made purely for the sake of the travel and the ffieasant company certain to be found •on board. Comfort and Luxury. For comfort and even luxury in traveling no style ever surpassed that of the first-class Mississippi packets, which in all the splendor of their Appointments were scarcely excelled, •even by the ocean racers of the present day. Of course the latter have many appliances which were unknown to the former, but where electric lights and electric bells and telephones are unknown they are not missed, and the travelers along tae great inland waterway were just as well off without as with them. The staterooms were ample, the cabin a poet’s dream. The numbers of the Mississippi fleet were as imposing as the sight of the most elaborately painted boat. There are men still young in this city who can remember when the levee was a scene of the most exciting activity. At the bank, in a solid phalanx, often four or five deep, the ■steamers were moored, awaiting their turn to be unloaded.

The levee was then a great place. For twenty blocks up and down it

BACON MAKES GOOD RACING FUEL

•was piled as high as a two-story &ouse with boxes and barrels and packages of all kinds, covered with tarpaulins to prevent injury from accidental showers, while the deckhands, urged to haste by loudmouthed and ingeniously profane mates, ran up and down the gangways with barrels and sacks and packages, with wood and coal and shay, with bags of corn, with furniture. with all the varieties of freight *nd supplies that a rich and liberal Southern community desired to buy. Such times have never been seen «ince the war, and probably never will be again, for haste has supplanted every other consideration in travel, and most men and women would regard a week spent on the stiver as a week wasted.. Quite otherwise was it back in the *4o’s and ’so’s. The week of the voyage to New Orleans was regarded as the best part of the visit, for one was almost sure to find acquaintances on hoard, and if not, the officers of the beat considered themselves in duty hound to see that their passengers •enjoyed themselves, for this was considered to be a part of the business. "The trip was, in one sense, a round ■of festivities. Many of the boats carried bands,and on approaching towns a landing was to be made the ha ad would assemble in alkjtbe glory rof brass buttons,and, taking its place -on the hurricane deck, would thxnnp and blow uptjl every man. woman, and child in w bosro had assembled at the la&dihgJX) sea what tbe noise abokt. Tire passengers crowded la phe Aides to lookup, the paob on the landing, with much ceremony the gang--44*. \ • '

plank was out by the musters, merchants and factors came bn board to transact their business with the captain and. clerks, the boat's agent went on shore to attend to necessary affairs; til was burry, for the boat’s stay at landing was generally brief unless there was much freigh t to come on board. Loading the freight and bringing oq wood were the occupations which presented most .attractions to the passengers. Perched on the railings or oomfortably seated in easy chairs on tile cabin d#ck, they surveyed the operations going on below with lively amusement. The ordinary business of freight handling was not always of thrilling interest, but when live stpck was to he brought on board every traveler jpt once secured a position where bf could command the whole situation, for mules and Texas, steers were as contrary then as they have been ever since, and clubbing and tail-twisting were then recognized as perfectly legitimate

methods of inducing a refractory steer to walk tbu plank, just as they are to-day. t Bn— Inilamnta But there were numerous other excitements to relieve the daily routine of the journey besides tbe band playing and the evening dance in the cabin to music furnished by an amateur band among tbe waiters, supplemented by a collection taken up for their benefit. In times of high water a crevasse was of frequent occurrence, and the passengers were regaled by ti)e sight of a hundred filling bags with sand and hurriedly placing them in position to stop the break. In times of low water the boatoften got aground. When this happened, and much ringing of bells and hacking and going ahead of>jhfiengJ«*B failed;. to 1 get it off the bar, she spars were got into position and a vigorous effort made to get off by sparring. Sometimes even this failed, and there was nothing to do but to lighten the boat or wait until some other craft came along whose captain was good-hu-mored enough to lend a helping hand, when hawsers were stretched, and with a pull altogether tbe boat came

off with a grating, grinding sound and went on her way. From time to time during the day and sight sounding was resorted to by the pilot A rouster on each side of the bow would sing out in doleful tones the stage of the water he had just ascertained with the lead, and bis gibberish, unintelligible to an outsider, was translated into the vernacular by an officer of the boat, who took a seat on the hurricane deck and repeated to the pilot tbe cries that came up from the lower regions. But no event of any voyage gave such general pleasure to crew and passengers as a race. The racing of the antebellum dajs was tbe feature of Western river life. When two boats chanced to leave a landing together a race to the next was almost a certainty, and such pride was felt in their respective craft by all concerned that often no little money changed handß on the result. No means, legitimate or otherwise, were left untried to forge ahead, and when wood became scarce or did not produce the requisite steam little hesitation was felt in throwing into the

POPULAR PASTIME IN THE SMOKING-ROOM.

furnacefc sides of bacon, firkins of butter, packages of lard, oil, or other quick combustible in order to gain the advantage. The waste was reckless, but pride was at stake, and tbe owners of the boat woeld cheerfully pay for tbe loss as long as it insured success. The excitement spread to all classes, and even the colored deckhands would bet their dimes aDd quarters on the result as recklessly as the feentlemea above risked their hundreds. Speaking of risks, however, the betting that was done oath*boat

racing was trifling -compared with that which was done at the card tables. A regular brood of gamblers for many years infested the river boats, and though occasionally detected and set ashore by captains on sandbars and .similar unfrequented places, they could not be compelled to quit their nefarious pursuits. Young men with more money than brains, a common combi natien, gentlemen who firmly believed that they knew how to play poker, and similar innocents, were their favorite game, and on the turn of a card thousands were sometimes staked. Card playing, and particularly poker, was then regarded as the accomplishment of a gentleman, and he was the most thorough-paced sport who most coolly could see his fortune disappear at the card table. Many are the stories told of the scenes of excitement, sometimes bloody excitement, for these were days of dueling as well as gambling, which were witnessed during the famous flush times in Missis-

AN UNWILLING PASSENGER.

sippi and Louisiana, and many were the quarrels which, began at the card tablb in the gentlemen’s cabin, were ended by a quiet burial on tha river bank.

AMATEUR PHOTOGRAPHY.

It Is a Most Agreeable and Instructive Pastime. Among the most pleasant occupations of the hour is amateur photography. It not only combines instruction and pleasure, but profit aa well, and its pursuit is being and should be encouraged. One great objection in the past has been that the apparatus was too expensive and the arrangements for developing tba pictures too complicated, but the introduction of the dry plate process and the reduction of the cost of the apparatus have greatly overcome the objection. A camera that will do good work can be purchased for ten dollars; for it is not the cost of the apparatus that secures satisfactory results, but the skill and patience of the photographer. For common service the three and one-fourth by four and one-fourth inch camera is the best. The plates are much cheaper than the larger size, costing forty-

REPAIRING A CREVASSE.

five cents per dozen; then the apparatus is far more portable than the larger cameras. The light out-of-doors being better than in the house, pictures are simpler taken outside than indoors, says Farm and Fireside. Never photograph with tbe camera facing the sun—it fogs the plate. A little experience will show about the amount of exposure necessary in the various lights. In the house quite a little ingenuity in arranging the light is necessary, for a larger exposure is needed. A skylight is the best, but when not obtainable mirrors can be used to reflect the light on to the subject and overcome the shadows. In a fairly lighted room with a quick plate at least four seconds of exposure will undoubtedly be needed. In photographing objects that are stationary, a fine effect is produced by giving a lengthy exposure, forty minutes to a day at times. Plates must be developed in a dark room, but for printing the sun is needed. Tbe best pictures are produced by exposure in the morning and afternoon rather than in the middle of the day. What is very much better than for amateurs to

attempt the making of it, is to buy silvered or sensitized paper from some photographer. “Ferro-prussiate” paper after printing only requires washing. The silver should be left all Dight in water. Procure the aid of a photographer to show these processes if possible. Use very thick paste made from starch in mounting, and while the picture is still wet is the time to mount it. The negatives may be preserved by coating them with good white varnish. Hats cost the American people $300,000,000 annually.

SPANKED THE BANDITS

A Desperate Organisation In Near Jersey and Hour It Was Broken Up. There is a feeling of deep relief in the town of Bark Ridge, N. J. Time locks have been removed from hen coops, pianos fastened to the floors have been released, and those who wear wigs now go to bed without

their bats, and all because the “Red Rangers of the Passaic,” or the “Boy Bandits of Park Ridge,” have been disbanded b y tbe stern authority of the law. A number of young men in knee breeches, stirred to deeds of mible emulation ,by flve-cent library literature, organized a band of bravoes, elected one of

GEORGE REED.

their number chieftain, and set out to rob hen roosts and make war generally upon society and property interests. They had a robber camp in the woods, where they gathered to divide their plunder and regale each other over the evening fire with bandit literature. Oq Sunday they went t j Sunday school regularly, and for a long time nobody connected them with the frequent disappearance of various valuables. The “rangers” all wore flanging red shirts. Where the garments, used by their parents for underwear, were too commodious, they were cut down and roughly sewed up to a Baxter street fit. Only one of these uniforms fell into tbe hands of the police, and that was the property of the chieftain of the band, little 12-year-old “Georgie” Reed. He was the youngest of the gang of seven, whose ages ranged from 12 to 15 years. This chieftain’s shirt was of red, sewed with half-inch stitches of black thread, with a white strip on the sleeve to designate his rank. Each little bandit had a mask fashioned out of a gory-colored piece of flannel, the close

FOUND IN THE RENDEZVOUS.

position of the apertures for eyes, nose and mouth indicating the size and age of its wearer. They had billies fashioned from hoehandles, with strips of lead at the bottom, nails for shields for the hands and shoestring cords. Finally the organization was discovered, and the parents of the “rangers” put them through a postgraduate course of spanking, and they have now gone out of the bandit business.

How to Play Golf.

For centuries past the game of golf has been the national pastime in Scotland. It is also very popular in England and Canada, and Americans are slowly learning to wield the golf club. Golf grounds are called links, and are open downs, bordered by rough country. Three miles is a popular length for a golf course, although some Courses are five miles. They are usually circular, like a race course, so that several games may be played at the same time, one set of players following another with sufcient interval between them so that they will not conflict A small gutta-percha ball and from three to seven clubs of different styles are used by each player. These clubs are carried by the player’s caddie, or attendant, who also officiates as adviser. The necessary clubs are two wood clubs, the driver and the putter, and one iron club, the cleek or lofter, for work on rough or sandy soil.

The starting point of a golf course is called the teeing ground, and is designated by two marks across the course and at right angles with it. The tee is the slight elevation from which each side strikes its ball at the opening of the game. From nine to eighteen holes, lined with iron and four inches across, are sunk in the course from one hundred to four hundred yards apart. Eighteen holes is the usual number, but nine maybe used if the course is a short one. These holes are placed in the center of a level stretch of green about sixty feet square, called the putting green, and the location of each hole is indicated by a flag, which is taken from the hole when the players approach. In golf singles one person ,plays against another, in foursomes two persons contest against, an equal number of opponents, the partners playing alternately. In golf matches an expert player contests against two or more opponents.

Golfing is begun at the teeing ground, near the first hole, by each side striking the ball toward the second hole. The club alone may be used in moving the ball, and stroke after stroke is played by one side after another until one side puts its hall in the first hole. The player or side that puts the ball in with the least number of strokes wins the hole. If both sides hole their balls with the same number of strokes, each player is credited with half the hole. The players then proceed from hole to hole until the circuit of the course is made, when the side that has won the most holes is declared the winner.

Danger in Grapes.

There is probably no more delicious fruit growing thaD the grape, and certainly none more relished by the majority of people, but like all other pleasurable things of the seductive nature, the grape has Its dangers, dangers often quite as fatal as the memorable “grape” of Capt. Bragg, of military fame. People so inordinately fond of the fruit should observe extra caution to never swallow

the seeds While the pulp of the grape is exceedingly nutricicus and healthful, and while even the acid in the skins may be beneficial, yet the skins and seeds are totally indigestible. The seeds accummulating in the intestines often find lodgment in a blind sack of the bowel, known to medical men as the veriform appendix, from which only a prompt, skillful and dangerous operation can relieve the sufferer. Every year during the grape season many fatal cases of bowel trouble ocur. Recently a woman at Grand Rapids had what the physicians believed was cholera. Thorough investigation revealed the fact that her suffering was caused wholly by grape seed. A little wisdom, judgment and proper caution Would relieve the burden of objection to this luscious and otherwise healthful fruit. Children and hearty, rapid eaters should be carefully posted regarding this hid den danger.

HIS TOMB ALONE REMAINS.

A.ll that Is Left of the Great Barbarian Baler, Theodoric. At the city of Ravenna, Italy, still stands the tomb of Theodoric, surnamed the Great, and founder of the Ostrogothic monarchy, which com-

TOMB OF THEODORIC, RAVENNA.

prised Italy, Sicily, south-eastern France, Rhaepia, Noricum, Pannonia and Dalmatia. In 488 Theodoric set out with a huge army from Pannonia to carve out a kingdom for himself in Italy. Odoacer was the reigning monarch of Italy, but he could not maintain his own against the hardy and warlike Ostrogoths, and finally be was forced to surrender in the city of Ravenna. Ultimately he was put to death and Theodoric assumed the title of King. Under Theodoric Italy prospered, and the royal court became the center of learning and politeness. Through well-advised alliances Theodoric held in check the barbarians of Western Europe. Though an uneducated barbarian he ruled his subjects justly and promoted agriculture and commerce until Italy became again the leading nation of the world. Toward the end of his reign he persecuted the Catholics for their cruel treatment in the East of the Arians, to which sect he belonged. The greatest blot upon his name was the putting to death of two eminent men—Boethius and Symmachus—whom he falsely believed had conspired against him. Theodoric died at Ravenna in 526, and was buried in a beautiful mausoleum. Subsequently, after the overthrow of Gothic authority in Italy, his ashes were scattered to the four winds of heaven. The mausoleum, however, remains, the sole link that connects us with the greatest of bar barians.

Checkmated.

People who resort to roundabout means to gratify their curiosity sometimes meet with unexpected rebuffs. Mrs. Simmons was possessed of an overwhelming desire to know all about her neighbors’ affairs, but she seldom asked a straightforward question. It was her way to say, “Mis’ Spencer is jest eat up with wantin to know” this or that, or “I heard Mis’ Hallet remarkin’ that she should admire to be told how you managed to do” so and so. Usually her neighbors gave her the information she wanted, though they were often irritated into calling her a “meddlin’, interferin’ old piece.” When the new minister came to Cyrusville, his young wife was forewarned by the ladies of the parish to be “a leetle close-mouthed with Mis’ Simmons, my dear, if you can compass it, fer her tongue is as long a*, her ears. ”

“I shall try to.” said the little woman, calmly. She succeeded, even though the Simmons house was next to the parsonage, which was certainly a trying circumstance. For a week or two Mrs. Simmons contented herself with asking slightly impertinent questions in a comparatively direct way, hut one day she unfortunately reverted to her timeworn habit. “Mis’ Gregg said she’d give a good deal to know what that trimmin’ cost on your Sunday dress,” she remarked, peeringatthe minister’s wife with her cold little eyes. “You didn’t tell her, did you, Mrs. Simmons?” inquired the lady, pleasantly. “Why, no!” gasped old lady Simmons, quite taken off her guard by this inexpected rejoinder. “Thank you,” said the little minister’s wife, sweetly. “I felt confident you would know that I shouldn’t care to .have everything of that sort discussed in the parish.” And between this tribute to her discretion and a confused feeling that evidently the minister's wife credited her with secret sources of information, old lady Simmont’ aaouth was closed, and her mind employed in speculation for the r«at «»f that afternoon.

Tiie senior surviving officer cf the confederacy is James Longstreet, for whom a New York firm is now publishing a book. Beauregard was the last of the full generals, Longstreet heading the list of lieutenant generals. He is a very old man now, gray and deaf. He lives quiefy and simply at his home in Gainesville, Ga. General U. S. Grant and Longstreet were army friends before’6l. Longstreet accepted office from Grant when the latter was President, and has since taken no part whatever even in local politics.

But He's the Devil Always.

According to the Talmudists, Satan, whose real name is Sammael, or Eblis, was originally an angel with six wings. He is also known as the Old Serpent, the Devil, Beelzebub, .the Unclean Spirit, Leviathan and Asael. There are some women who know how to cook mashed potatoes so well that they never cook potatoes any other way. —Atchison Globe.

WAS ONCE A GREAT LAKE.

Dry Land in Utah Now Occupied by lOC Towns and Villages. It was very early known (indeed, according to a writer in the Scientific American, the early settlers could see it) that there had at one time been a great lake on the site of the present salt lake and desert in Utah. The early explorers noted the presence of terraces, flat topped and often of remarkably uniform height, which they knew to be water-formed. There were bars, also, across the mouths of side streams and spits, wave-cut cliffs at headlands, and, indeed, all the phenomena of lake shores along these terraces. Not only is there one terrace, but several, which mark changes in the level of the lake. Every tourist to Salt Lake City must have noticed the flat beaches clinging to the mountain sides and have marked the flat desert tract in which the great salt lake is situated, and, perhaps, have wondered what it means. They may have noticed the small mountain peaks rising from the great desert-like islands in the sea. These vyere once islands, and now ihey rise out of the lake sediments in which they are partly buried. When Lake Bonneville was full of water to overflowing it had a surface of 19,750 square miles—a magnitude ranking it with the greal lakes. Its maximum depth wa; 1,050 feet. If the water were tc rise again to it- old mark more than one hundred towns and villages would be submerged and 120,000 persons would be driven from theii homes. The Mormon temple would stand in 850 feet of water and 700 milesof railroad would be immersed. The history of the like is even mors complicated than has been indicated. There is evidence that long before the existence of the overflowing lake the site was practically dry and arid. The water afterward rose, but not to its rim. and then another change in climate occurred and aridity again set in and the lake basin became nearly, if not quite, dry. A second rise occurred and this time the lake overflowed to the ocean. Before, during and since the period of high water the great basin has been the seat of considerable volcanic activity. At times the lava has flowed on thfc margin of the lake, again it has entered the waters, and volcanic eruptions have occurred even in the lake itself. At present all volcanic activity seems to have ceased, though some of the lava has been erupted in very recent times. Not only has the level of the water changed, but even the level of the land has suffered a, change since the water sank below the terrace levels. Lake beaches are, of course, all formed in a horizontai position, and normally they should be at the same level in every part. But some of the terraces of Lake Bonneville are disturbed by faulting and folding, and are no longer level. These changes may possible be associated with the volcanic eruptions.

At Mr. Justice Gray’s Expense.

Attorney General Oiney tells the following story about Mr. Justice Gray, of the United States Supreme Court, says the Washington Post: Judge Gray prefers riding to walking, and a carriage or cab to a street car. When he first held court in Boston he asked a United States marshal te provide him with a carriage to transport him from his hotel to the court and back to the hotel after the day’s session. The marshal was commendably prompt and cheerful in complying with the wishes of the distinguished jurist. From Boston Judge Gray went to Providence to hold court. He asked the United States Marshal there to provide him with a carriage to carry him back and forth. The Marshal said he could not do so without paying for the vehicle out of his own pocket “Why, how’s that?" exclaimed the astonished jurist. “The department would not allow the account, and I’ll have to pay it." explained the Marshal. “But the Marshal at Boston furnished me with a carriage and had no trouble with his accounts/’ said Judge Gray. “I don’t see how he did it,” protested the Providence Marshal. “I know if I tried it that item in my accounts would be disallowed.”

“Very well,” said Judge Gray. “Of course, I don’t want you to pay for my carriage.” And he paid it himself, and the incident closed so fai as he was concerned. Not so with the Providence Marshal. He wrote to the Boston Marshal and asked him how he had managed to have his charge for a carriage for Judge Gray’s use between the hotel and the court house allowed by the department here. - “Easy enough,” wrote the Boston man in reply. “It’s plain,” he continued, “that you’ve not been Marshal long. I provided Judge Gray with the carriage, and my account went through the department without any trouble. You see, I put the item of the Judge’s carriage under the head of /Care and transportation of prisoners. 1 ”

A Heap of Titles.

The Duke of Edinburgh, by falling heir to the throne of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. got more title than land, his official title now being Alfred, Duke of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, Royal Prince of Great Britain and Ireland, Duke of Edinburgh, Earl of Ulster and of Kent, Duke of Julich, Cleve and Berg, Engern and Westphalia, Landgrave of Thuringia, Margrave of Meissen, Count-Prince of Henneberg, Count of the Mark and Ravensberg, Landgrave of Ravenstein and Tonna, etc. The etc. after Tonna is in place of another string of names, which probably are not worth mentioning, because no revenue is connected with them. Royalty is sensitive about carrying unprofitable burdens.—Milwaukee Journal.

Rider Haggard, the English novelist and South African traveler, does not have a high opinion of the Matabelqs, who are troubling the British settlers in South Africa. Said he, the other day: “The fighting qualities of the Matabeles have never been tested by contact with a fighting race. Their warfare has consisted mainly of raids on inferior races. They are accustomed to the most brutal massacres. They are so thoroughly savage that it is impossible for them to exist beside civilized people."

OUR BUDGET OF FUN,

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. \ ■ Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Hare Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Cartons, and Laughable—The Week's Humor. Let Us All Laugh. Usually out of season—the board-ing-house pepper-boxes.—Elmira Gazette. The biggest &nd of a sinner generally feels religious in a graveyard. —Ram’s Horn. We suppose the ship heaves to out of sympathy for the seasick passengers.—Siftings. The largest expense of married life is frequently the little oner. .. Lowell Courier.

The toper devotes himself «o one absorbing topic, and that is himself. —Galveston News. There is always a right side to a man, but it is not always up with care.—Galveston News. advertising for a situation, a man explains: “Woyk is not so much an object as good wanes.”—Tit-Bits. In some houses there is nothiag thought of except to give the baby a chance to sleep.—Atchison Globe. Jagson says it’s a wise man who goes out of politics before politics goes out of him.—Elmira Gazette. Experience has proved that the longer an engagement the more liable it is to be broken off. —Albany Pres*. The English yacht builders mast comet down to the centerboard or keel over when a close race is on.—Picayune. The world judges a woman, not so much by what honor she "has as by what she has on ’er.—Danville Breeze.

Little boys cannot understand why yachtsmen are so anxious for a spanking breeze.— Rochester PostExpress. If a man changes his mind after proposing for marriage, he would do well to mind the change.—Boston Transcript The most industrious of stamp clerks is seldom anxious to get la two licks to anybody else’s one.— Buffalo Courier. A good idea sometimes flies by us so rapidly that we barely succeed irsnatching the tail feathers out of —Galveston News. Money on call is not to be had: that is, on one call. It takes many, and then you don’t always get itMartha’s Vineyard Herald. She —“lt is a rank injustice to say that a woman is inferior to a man in reasoning power.” He—“ Why?” She —“Because.”—Detroit Tribune. The differences as to the pronunciation of Valkyrie are now settled. She is pronounced a good boat, but a trifle slow.—Philadelphia Ledger. Lord Dunraven must have arrived at the conclusion by this time VLat yacht racing iff America is a stern reality.—Yonkers Siatesman. Little Boy —The preacher said there is no marryin’ in heaven. Little Girl—Of course not There wouldn't be enough men to go ’round. —Good News.

Their Future. —He —Of course, yiy prospects are not the brightest. We will have a great deal to contend against She —Dearest, we will have each other!—Vogue. The Great American Pocketbook Is going to have a big job getting on its ieet between the going to the World’s Fair and the coming of the holidays.—Buffalo Courier. The preacher was honest when he read: “Sinner, turn, why will ye die?” But the old man with the peacockbine whiskers got up and hustled out, all the same.—Plain Dealer. If revolutions never end in South America it should be remembered they come round regularly, and things that are round naturally have no end.—Philadelphia Times. “They call it the exchange,” said a city man to his country cousin as he showed him a certain stately building in Chicago, “because here you exchange your cash for experience. ” Mcs Newcombe Seems to be rather a good year this for fruit, Giles? Are all your trees as full of ,apples as that one? Giles—Oh, miss; only the apple trees.—Judy. The proposition, “might makes right,” was bad enough originally, but the anarchist sentiment, “dynamite makes right,” is a most unwarranted perversion. Washington Star.

“Humph!” sneered Miss McGay, “Here’s an advertisement in the paper of a man who claims he can cure freckles. He must be an’idiot. What people want is something to kill freckles. ” —Harper’s Bazar. “Wimmen’s suffrage?” said Mrs. Hollersnag: “not any fer me, es you please.” “Why not?” “Because I hev ter wait on Josiar enough ez it is without goin’ ter town an’ doin’ his votin’ fer ’im.”—Washington Star. Tourist (in Ireland) — “I would like a room with an iron bedstead.” Hotel proprietor—“Sorr, Oi haven’t an iron bedstead in the place—they’re all soft wood. But you'll foind the mattress noics and hard, sorr.”— Tit-Bits.

“Hedi/i, Jack, I understand you’re engaged.” “I am, old man, to the est, sweetest little woman on earth. The one woman calculated to make you a happy home, the embodiment of your ideal, the dream of your youth.” “Say, old man, how did you ever find that out? You—don’t know her, do you?”—Harper’s Bazar.

The latest caprice of women is to be lean. Surely this will prove of good to no one unless it be the Turkish bath people. The artists are setting their faces againstdimples and rounded figures, and depict womeu lean, almost lank. Such is the type affected by the intense Parisienne. FotLowiNG the well-known “you press the button” advertisement of a kodak firm, an Idaho undertaker came out with this awful head-line: “Yoiikick the bucket and wc do thq tost. 4