Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 November 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Carious, and Laughable Phases of Homan Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Oar Own Day —A Budget of Fan. Sprinkles of Spice. Uncus Sam (to the boomers): “That settles it."—Galveston News. The shotgun should meet the robber who attempts to rifle pockets.— Picayune. A man on pleasure bent may have acquired a shoulder stoop from bicycle riding. It is the telescope which lens enchantment to the distant view.— Lowell Courier. After all, why should a young man be always pursuing his studies. —Plain Dealer. The bald-headed man can tell us all about “parts” unknown.—Glens Falls Republican. When it comes to jealousy and crowing, man is about as bad as a rooster.—Dallas News. No matter what may be said of Senator Stewart, none deny that he is on his metal.—Plain Dealer. Teacher —“ Define memory.” Dull Boy—“lt’s what we always has till we come to speak a piece.”—Good News. First Twin— “ Well, what do you think of this world, anyway?” Second Twin—“ Pretty rocky.”—Rochester Democrat. Most of the wrong deeds charged against a man are those he committed trying to get. his rights.— Atchison Globe. The poet who found “books in the running brooks” certainly had no reason to complain of dry literature.— Washington Star. Some dentists seem to think it necessary to bave a showy sign in order to have a strong pull with the public.—Newport News. Ne"~ Congressman —“ls Senator Silverstate a man of his word?” Fifth Termer—“ Well, not quite as bad as that.”—Detroit Tribune.

“If I ever get rich,” said Tommy, “I mean to go to Italy and eat all the bananas i want, right off the trees.”—lndianapolis Journal. Carrutbers —What did you hold when you called Brobson, and he showed down four aces? Waite—l? Oh! —er —l held my breath!—Puck. And now with gas bills coming In That All up many pages. We wish within our Inmost heart We’d lived in the dark ages. —Chicago Inter Ocean. “Din you ever go to Bins, the tailor?” “Yes. Got two suits from him. One dress suit. One lawsuit. Very expensive man.”—Home Journal. Little Alice— “ What is a boor, mamma?” Cynical Mamma—“A boor, dear, is a man who has never been taught to lie.”—Detroit Tribune. Tommy —Paw, what makes the stars so bright? Mr. Figg—Oh, these astronomers are scouring the heavens all the time. —Indianapolis Journal. It will go hard in the next world with the newspaper space writer if he has to give account for every idle word uttered while on earth. —Boston Transcript! Mamma —Now, Teddy, we must all try and give up something while times are so hard. Teddy—l’m willing. Mamma—What will it be, dear? Teddy—Soap.—lnter Ocean. “Biffins appeafs to have taken a rather obscure place in the community.” “Obscure? Weil, I should say so. Why, nobody even brings him a petition to sign.”—Washington Star. Old Tomkins —l hear, you lucky dog, you’ve come into more money again, according to your wont. Young Jackson—Yo, you’re wrong. It’s according to my uncle’s will.—Funny Folks. Les Fiances. —She —“And are you sure you will like married life as well as you do your club?” He—“Oh, yes.” She—“ And are you so awfully fond of your club?” He —“Not very. ” —Life’s Calendar. TnE Earnest Youth. —“l thank you, sir, for your kind permission to call on your daughter?” “Remember that I turn out the gas at 10 o’clock.” “Ail right, sir: I’ll not come before that time.”—Life. Constance —“ Did he not go home after you refused him?” Clare —“No. He stayed right on and said, ‘All things come to him who waits.’ ” Constance —“And what came?” Clare —“Father was the first.”—Puck. A Bright Boy. —Kind Old Gentleman—And that is your brother? He appears to be a very bright little fellow. Boy (proudly)—You .bet he isl He kin swear like a car-driver. Curse for tb’ gent, Mickey.—Puck. First French Statesman —What Is the secret of the fine health you have at your advanced age? Second French Statesman—Sst! It is indeed a secret. I have fought a duel every month for the last twenty years!— Chicago Record. Clarence —“The little kangaroos must be very unhappy, mamma.” Mamma—“Why do you think so, Clarence?” Clarence —“Why, because they have pockets, but no tops or jack-knives to put in them.”—Harper’s Young People. Two little maids were talking about Santa Claus. “He’s a splendid candy-maker,” said one. “Isn’t he!” said the other. “Why, last Christmas his taffy was so like that my mother makes that I couldn’t teii ’em apart.”—Harper’s Bazar.