Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 November 1893 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JESTS AND YARNS BY RUNNY MEN OP THE PRESS. Compensation—The Critic Rebuked— Against Her Will—A Parallel Case— Etc., Etc. COMP ’CNBATIOX. If at first you don’t succeed, Try, try again, For perseverance overoomes All things of mortal ken; And if you do not get the girl You want or think you do, You ’re safe in betting you will get The girl that’s wanting you. —[Detroit Free Press. AGAINST HER WILL. Mother—ls that young man kissed you against your will, why didn’t you call me? Daughter—He—he held me so tightly in his arms I couldn’t call. “Why didn’t you call after he let you go?” “Oh, there wasn't anything to call for then.”—[Good News. A PARALLEL CASE. “Do you mean to say, grocer, that you are going to charge me for the few crackers and raisins that my boy eats while you are taking my orders?” “Well, I’ll be fair, ma’am. If when you goes to a book shop to buy a set o’ novels the bookseller don’t charge you for the picture-books your boy hooks, I won’t charge neither. I can’t say no more than that.”—[Harper’s Bazaar. A SAHARA JOKE. He had been out on the sandy wastes of the west and had returned safely. “How is it out there?” inquired a friend. He shook his head dubiously. “Where did you stop?” “At a hotel.” “How did they feed you?” “They gave us corn beef, cabbage and scenery.” “Scenery?” “Yes.” “You couldn’t cat that?” “Oh, yes, it was dessert, you know,” and he laughed an alkali sort of a laugh with a white crust on it.—[Detroit Free Press. THE CRITIC REBUKED. “Isn’t there something the matter with the feet in this poem ?” asked the editor. “Sir.” replied the haughty man, who stood bv his desk, “I am a poet; not a chiropodist.”—[Washington Star. Alt AVERAGE BOY. Father—Little Johnny appears to be hard at work out in the yard. What is he doing? Mother —I don’t know, but if 'he is working hard, it is play.—[Good News. SCIENCE AND APPETITE. The old gentleman who takes an interest in natural history was very happy. “Congratulate me! Congratulate me!” he exclaimed. "What for?” asked his nephew. “I have just discovered a rare bird.” “Oh,” replied the young man as he turned back to his book, “you’ll get used to that after you’ve been here awhile.” “Do you mean to say that such discoveries are frequent?” “Yes. Almost any restaurant will cook ’em that way, unless you tell ’emj not to.”—[Washington Star. WITH VERDURE CLAD. Miss Heigho—You sectn very contented, Mr. Rapport. We’ve been on this wooded island two hours in unbroken silence. Can’t you promulge something in the nature of a remark? Mr. Rapport—Oh, I beg pardon, to be sure! It’s a charming spot, exclusively verdant and delightfully rural. Miss Heigho—Then, I ought not to wonder that you feel so thoroughly at home.—[Truth.

THE CAPTAIN'S INDIGNATION. Scene on the deck of a mail steamer at sea. Passenger (toOld Salt,) —Can you tell me, my good man, the name of that fine bird hovering about? Old Salt —That’s a halbatross, sir. /E. P. —Dear me, quite a rara avis, is it not? O. S. —Dunno, sir. I’ve always heerd it called a halbatross. JE. P. —Yes, yes, my good fellow, but I call that a rara avis, just as I call you a genus homo. O. S. (indignantly)—Oh, do you! Then I calls that a halbatross just the same as I calls vou a blooming humbug. —[Tit-Bits. SHE WAS BOUND TO SAVE IT. It was the highly cultivated girl’s first effort at baking. ‘•Dear me!’’ she said; “there must be something wrong with that loaf of bread.” “I think,” replied her mother gently, “that you had better throw it away.” “Throw away the first bread I ever baked?” “Yes; most of us have to, you know.” “Never! I know what I’ll do. I’ll put some cuneiform inscriptions on it and send it to the seminary museum.”— [Washington Star. lIE TOED TnE MARK. Madeline —Did he make amende for stealing that kiss? Olga—Yes; he was very manly and would not stop till he had made complete restitution.—[Truth THOSE OFF-HAND EFFORTS. “I hear Bronson’s impromptu speech at the banquet last night wasn’t a success. What was the matter?” “He’d forgotten to bring the manuscript.” A SACRIFICE. My. Sourly—l’m going to have my picture taken to day. Mr. Sourly’s Wife—You will have to make a great sacrifice if you do. Mr, S.-Wby? Mr. S.’s W.—You’ll have to look pleasant for a moment or two. —[New York Pres*. IN THE FALL. In the fall a fuller smokehouse rises on the farmer’s land; In the fall the colored fiddler fiddles to the dancing band; In the fall a livelier sunset gives the fall ing leaf its hue; In the tall a young man’s fancy sadly turns to bank n 'tes due. •-[Atlanta Constitution. GIRL FRIENDS. Miss Sea re—See what Mr. Chap ley gave me—a pretty French nailing glass. Miss Sharpe—How nice! I must get one just like it for grandmamma.— [Truth.

ANOTHER STOBT. Mrs. Billiger—Why couldn’t you have seen my hat was on crooked before we left the house? Billiger—Love is blind. Mr*. Billiger—Mr. Billiger, I ask you a civil question and I wish you’d answer it.—[Detroit Tribune. SHE LEARNED. She knew not how to cook, she said. In accents far from gay; But afterward, when they were wed, She roasted him each day. A TEAR AFTER. Mr. Benedict—l met Howard to-day. He was surprised to know we are married. Says you told him once you wouldu’t marry the best man living. Mrs. Benedict—Well, the fact is, I did. Mr. Benedict—ls that so? llow did you come to ohange your mind? Mrs. Benedict —Well, the sac- is, I didn’t.—[Puck. WITH SLIGHT VARIATIONS. The man who talked of summer heat Indignantly, of old. The same remarks will soon repeat Concerning winter’s cold. —[Washington Star. MUST BE GOOD. Customer—ls this good soap? Dealer—Well, mum, the man who writes poetry about that soap gets $lO,000 a year. Customer—My sakes 1 Gimme a dozen bars.—[New York Weekly. ODDS AND ENDS. Barber—Do you want a haircut? Victim—Not only one, but all of them.— [Judge. Solemn Stranger—All flesh ia grass. Deaf Man—Hey? Solemn Stranger—No; grass.—[New York Press. He—lt makes me a better man every time I kiss you, darling. She—Oh, my, Charlie! How good you must be now. —[Brooklyn Life. “You say he’s unpopular.” “Unpopular! He is so unpopular that when lie has a cold nobody offers biui a remedy for it.”—[Detroit Free Pres*. Citizen—Do you have much trouble arresting tramps? Policeman—Oh, no; no matter how strong a tramp is he will never resist a rest.—[Yonkers Statesman. Witherby Didn’t your new cook leave rather suddenly? Plankerton Ye*. She got mixed in her dates. She had a policeman and a burglar call ou her the same evening.—[Life. Les Fiances. —She—Aodatc you *ure you will like married life as well as you do your club? He—Oh, yes. She— And are you so awfully fond of your club? He—Not very.—[Life’s Calendar. Miss Kecdick—Mr. Gilley actually offered himself to Miss Darley on a postal card. Miss Gasket—What did she do? Miss Keedick—Refused him. She said she preferred sealed proposals. —[Detroit Free Press. That a woman has no idea of distance is known by every husbandT who has heard his wife boast how far she makes her dollars go.— [Atchison Globe. “I hear your husband has gone into art for a fad?” “Yes,” repued Mrs. Lardly. “Tom says he’s going to have a collection of pictures even if he has to paint them himself.”—[Harper’s Bazar. It is a distinct advance for a man to acquire the ability to say, on occasion, “I can’t afford it;” but het ought to say it just as often to himself as he says it to his wife.—[Boston Globe.