Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 October 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Bora—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us Ail Laugh. The tip-top fellow is never low down.—Picayune. There isn’t mushroom for doubt that toadstools are deadly.—Troy Press. He—l think you love me. Am I right? She—No, sir, you are left.— Fashion Review. If brevity is the soul of wit all we who are “short” ought to be very jolly.—Troy Times. The man who takes the cake thinks he is only receiving his dessert.—Boston Transcript. Physicians are made, not born—no boy ever yet took naturally to medicine.—Elmira Gazette.

It is cruel to dock horses, but they never complain; the victim is no tail-bearer.—Buffalo Courier. A Newport (Ky.) girl married a fellow seven feet tall. She had loved him long.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Love Is said to be blind, but it generally gets there ahead of the old man just the same. Galveston News. Only in rare instances is a man justified*in borrowing pay the tax on a dog. Philadelphia Press. It is the inside way to the wayside inn which makes the inn popular among outsiders. Texas Commercial. When a parliamentary division ends in a free fight both the eyes and nose are apt to have it—Lowell Courier, The latest method of eloping is by bicycle. In such instances it is love which makes the wheels go round.— Buffalo Express. At the electrical examination: “What Is the best insulator we know of?” * Candidate “Poverty.” La Science Examiner. There are two things In the world upon which there has never been any Improvement—the wheelbkrrow and kissing.—Hardware. “I hear Clara has contracted a mesalliance.” “Poor girl. It was only a week ago she contracted hay fever. ” —Detroit Free Press.

Many a young man has a great future ahead of him. The great difficulty is that it persists in keeping there.—Washington Star. How can I become a ready conversationalist?” “Persuade yourself that you have a chronic disease of some kind.”—Buffalo'Express. Burglar—“ Your money or your life!” Head of the family—“ For goodness’ sake, don’t shoot. You’ll wake the baby.”—Detroit Tribune. Whenever you have a proposition to get something for nothing it will pay you to walk around It by the furthest route.—Doylestown News. “Perry Graffer won’t be able to write any more jokes for a good while now.” “Why?” “He fell and broke his humerus.”—lndianapolis News. An editor’s excuse for discontinuing the publication of his paper was that everybody else stopped the paper, and so he thought he would.—TidBits.

That a woman has no idea of distance is known by every husband who has heard his wife boast how far she makes her dollars go.—Atchison Globe. Brace—“l wish my creditors would have that sign before them on the first of every month.” Bagley “What sign?” Brace “Post No Bills.”—Puck. Tramp—“ Madam, I have gone through many things.” Woman—“Fes, and you can go through that gate again as quick as you can. Here, Tigel”—Drover’s Journal. Customer (in book store) —“I would like to get some good book on Faith.” Clerk—“ Sorry, sir, but our rule is to sell nothing to strangers except for cash.”—Buffalo Courier.

Nearly every druggist in the large towns of Maine (there are only two exceptions in Augusta) is under indictment for violation of the liquor law. This shows how it is winked at.—Philadelphia Ledger. Mr. Binks—“Why so unhappy?” Mrs. Binks—l hate that Mrs. Nexdoor with a deadly hate' and I’m perfectly miserable over it.” Mr. Binks —“She doesn’t know it.”, Mrs. Binks —“That’s why I’m unhappy.”—New York Weekly. His First Restaurant Dinner.— Waiter—“ You’re not gwine t’ forgit de waitah, sah?” Silas Haymow—- “ Not much. I never forgits a face after I’ve once seed it. If yer ever up near Bristol, drop in. I’ll be glad to see yer. ” —Puck. Foggins, Sr.—“My son, you know that of all things I hate falsehood. And you, sir, have had the face to tell me it was a quarter of 12 when you came home last night, when I myself heard the clock strike 3 as you entered. What can you say for yourself?” Foggins, Jr.—“ Figures may lie, but I am truth itself, and if my memory fails me not I have al. ways heen taught, even by you, that three is a quarter of twelve.”—Columbia Spectator.