Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 September 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and laughable—The Week's Humor. Let Us Ail Laugh. “Is Barton rich?” “Well, only relatively so. He has a rich aunt.”— Puck. The epicure is a masticator who appreciates a master caterer.'—Boston Courier. TnE average farmer’s boy leaves no stone unturned except the grindstone. Texas Siftings. Marjorie —Jack is a very dashing fellow. Madge—Yes. He swears terribly—Exchange. No town looks as well from the car window as it does in a boom circular.—Atchison Globe. The girl who had a falling out with her friend will not try the hammock again.—Picayune. “How pleasant it is to be tall.” “Pleasant? Yes, everybody looks up to you.”—New York Press. “Travers says his best poems are still unwritten.” “No doubt. That’s why they’re the best. ” Chicago Record.

Oddly enough it is when a woman retires to a convent that she gives up her conventional ways.—Buffalo Courier. Horse dealer—l always pick my customer. Friend—Do you? I was told that you skinned them.—Brooklyn Life. “Strange, living so long here, that I haven’t met you before.” “Not at all, I don’t owe you anything.”— Chicago Record. Mrs. Potts —Mrs. Flyer called this afternoon. Jack Potts (absent-mind-edly)—What did you have?—Philadelphia Record. Cynical editor—Ah, it is the way of the world. We never strew flowers on a man’s grave until after he Is dead.—Texas Siftings. “It’s terrible the way the conversation is dragging. What shall I do?” He—You might get up a game of whist.—lnter Ocean.

Someone has asked: “Where do flies go in winter?” We don’t know, but we wish they would go there in summer.—Texas Siftings. “No,” said Grogan, “it is not meself thot is in favor of shorter hours. There Is too many hours in the day as it is.”—lndianapolis Journal. Stalate — l wish I could do something to achieve notoriety. Ethel Knox —Why don’t you try a sudden disappearance?—Harper’s Bazar. Niagara is in the group of the ice king and several hack men are reported badly frozen. Retribution, they name is Boreas!—Chicago Post. “I understand Jigson is financially interested in the concern he is with.” “Yes, they owe him six months’, salary."—Westfield Union. Papa —“Do you say grace at the seminary?” Product of Modern Education—“ Certainly. I never heard of more than one pronunciation.”— Truth.

The papers are full of benevolent suggestions about fresh-air schemes, but none of them include any hints concerning the hand-organ.—Phila-delphia Times. “De singin’ ob birds is sweet,” remarked Uncle Eben, “but de cackle ob er chichin’ on yer own hen roos’ has er heap mo’ expression in it.” — Washington Star. Passenger (on slow train) —“What are we stopping for?” Conductor—- “ Got a hot box.” Passenger—“ Huh! Some tramp must have built a fire under it”—New York Weekly. Tramp —Give me your jewelry and money.—Unprotected Female—Have pity on me in my lonely state. Tramp—Alone, are you? Give me a chunk of ice.—Detroit Free Press.

Mrs. Higherman —“Now, about that man you sent over to me—is he honest?” Mrs. Fireman—“ Well, I should say. He has been tried twice for stealing and has escaped both times. * Teneyck —“The Perks have taken their oook abroad with them this year.” Blueton—“Yes. She invited them to stay a month at he*r mother’s summer residence in Connaught.”— Bazar. Mother —“Do you think his love for you is unselfish?” Daughter—- “ Perfectly. The other night he let me sit so long on his knee that he walked lame for ten minutes.”—New York Weekly. Witherby —“You haven’t seen my new boy, have you? They say he takes after his father. ” Plankington —“lf he takes the same thing his father takes, I’m sorry for him, old man.”—Detroit Free Press. Livingston — l didn’t know that you and Mr* Featherspray were so well acquainted. Nina—Oh, yes; we are distantly related. Livingston— How? Nina—We are both sisters to the same young man.—Vogue. She—You are the first one who ever kissed me that way. He—You mean you never before felt a lover’s kiss. She—No, I mean that no one before ever missed my mouth and hit my nose three times out of five.— Exchange. “Your hired man tells me he’s working like a horse these days," said Barrows to his neighbor. “He told the truth. He’s running away all the time, and whenever he sees a piece of paper on the lawn he shies.” —Harper’s Bazar.