Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 September 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke, and Jokelets that An Snpposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd. Curious, and Laughable —The Week’s Humor. Let Cs All Laugh. The dollar of our daddies is the dolor of their descendants.—Boston Transcri pt. Lovers are fond of star-gazing because of its Bigh r dear-eal suggestions. —Boston Courier. The man who makes music-box - cylinders has some excuse for putting on airs.—Buffalo Courier. Ethel —But you were well off before you were married. Maud—Yes; but I didn’t know It.—Life. The saddest of all songs is that of the collector: “A due, kind friends, a due!”—Cleveland Plalndealer. Yachting costumes for women are far more stylish than nautical. They yacht not to be so. —Troy Press. Teacher —John returned tbe book. In what case is book? Dull boy (after a long thought)—Bookcase. —Good News. “Sizzard” is a syggignocism used to define a hot wave or wind, and is particularly appropriate just now.’— Lockport Union. When a woman calls her son to come just “for a minute," he knows she wants him to work an hour.—Atchison Globe. A cat may look at a, king, but she wants to keep both eyes open when she looks at the family hotel janitor. Somerville Journal. If some people think they can crawl through the needle’s eye into heaven they’re going to get stuck.— Philadelphia Times. Contentment is better than riches, but it takes about tbe same amount of money for ihe one as the other.— Chicago Inter Ocean.

“After the bawi is over" the baby’s father can leave off dancing up and down the floor at midnight, and sleep.—Boston Gazette. Visitor —Your river is really very bad. Loyal Chicagoan But just think how bad it would be if it were worse.—Chicago Record. A base-ball pitcher should never find fault, else the crowd might straightway proceed to work the growler.—Boston Transcript. Corn-blossoms are the fashionable flowers iu Paris. They were always the rage in Kentucky and are worn on the nose.—Chicago Tribune. Clara—“ How has your dressmaker been treating you?” Maud—“Oh, splendidly. But she has been suing father.”—Detroit Free Press. “Dick doesn’t seem to have so much Interest in the races as be used.” “Well, no. He’s putting the principal there now.”—Detroit Tribune. How much easier it seems to be to advertise the finding of a handkerchief with a hole In the corner a purse with a dollar in the corner. Dansville Breeze. The burlesque actress who fell through a hole in the sidewalk in Louisville and broke her leg feels as bad as Patti would if she had caught a cold.—Boston Globe. Tightpurse (who has been resisting a demand for a loan)—“Well, if I should lend you $lO what would you do?” The Borrower (waxing indignant) —“Think it a case of mistaken identity. ” Broggs —“Hello, Mulligan, haven’t seen ye for a month. I heard ye had gone to work. 1 * Mulligan (indignantly)—“Wojk? Naw. I’ve been cleaning the streets for Tom Brennan. * —Life. Boggs “You might talk until doomsday and you couldn’t convince me that dueling isn’t murder.” Bigga —“All right. I’ll take you over td France with me and let you see some of it.”—Troy Press. A master butcher had twins. He at once announced the fact to his parents as follows: “I write in great haste to inform you that my wife has just presented me with a couple ol twins. More next time!”—Hinkender Bote.

Nervous Passenger— “ Why are you steaming along at such a fearful rate through this fog?” Ocean Captain (reassuringly)—“Fogs are very dangerous, madam, and I am always in a hurry to get out of them.” —New York Weekly. First Boy—ls that a good watchdog? Second Boy—No. “Good bird dog?” “Nope.” “Good for rabbits?” “Nope.” “Knows some tricks, may be?” “Nixie.” “What is he good for?” “Nawthin’, only to take prizes at dog shows.” —Good News. It may be observed in the general din of embarrassed banks and financial agencies that many of them wouldn’t be in such straitened circumstances if there weren’t soma crooked circumstances accompanying them.—Philadelphia Ledger. Miss Laura —“Oh, auntie! You remember Mr. Meeker, who went from here as a missionary? I hava just heard that those awful cannibals ate him.” Aunt Sophronia—“La, me! Ido hope they cooked him with turnips. The poor, dear man was so fond of turnips.”—Tit-Bits. Indignant tourist (to Parisian hotel manager who has Just presented his bill) —“See here. You hava charged me fifty centimes for writing paper, and you know very well you .have not furnished me with a scrap.” 'Manager—“Oui, monsieur, but it is for the paper on which your bill is made out”—Tit-Bits.