Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 September 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. t Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists ot Oar Own Day —A Budget of Fun. Sprinkles of Spice. The ad vance agent is not necessarily a forward man. Yonkers Statesman. “That is Mrs. Specie, there. She is a society leader; right in the swim. ” “.So? By Jove I she dresses for It” — Puck. The fln-de-siecle girl and the fine bicycle girl have a more or* less pronounced relationship. —Philadelphia Times. The Chinese language has only 450 words. The rest of it Is expressed with firecrackers.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Bridget, did you hear me call?” “Yes, mum; but you told me the other day never to answer you back.” Tid-Bits. “Here’s der laundry, und fader vantA to know of you can’t vash yust der bosoms of der shirts for half price. ’’—Life. South Carolina has hollow walk-ing-sticks. In this case taking something with a “stick in it” is reversed. —Yonkers Statesman. There is no disputing the fact that a man has to have considerable “go” to gain much prominence as a traveler.—Buffalo Courier. Lummix—“l hear you have a new baby at your house." Skimgullet—“Yes, I hear it myself about every minute when I’m at home.” Belle—“ Would you call Blanche a beauty?” Jack—“ Not unless I thought she was likely to overhear me.”—Kate Field’s Washington. “I’ve got an awful cold,” said the weather. “What are you taking lor it?” asked the wind. “A drop of mercury every hour."—Exchange. The glad season is here when a man cannot tell whether he is being pursued by a mosquito or a small boy with a jews-barp.—Washington Star. A war would have restored to Siam the fame it lost in the grave of that interesting combination, the Siamese twins.—Philadelphia Times. He thought ’was a sweet billet doux, But appearances tur ied out untroux; ’Twas a note rom his taller. Saying, “Pay wuti,.ut fall, or We’ll order our lawyer to soux." —lndianapolis Journal.

She —Don’t you swim? I think everybody should be able to swim. He—Ah! it’s as much as I can do to keep my head above water on land.— Ally Sloper. Stranger—“ With all the talk about immigration I haven’t noticed many foreigners here. * Host—“ Wait till you see a nominating convention.”—Puck. Tommy—My father’s in the butcher business. What business isyour’n in? Sammy—My father don’t have to toiler any business. He's an Alderman. —Chicago Tribune. The news that a young women have, been/appointed ushers in a Brooklyn church seems to open up new aisles in the vista of progress. —Boston Transcript. “My lines are not cast in pleasant places,” sighed the poet, as he stood helplessly by and saw his wife throw his latest effusion in the kitchen stove.—Detroit Tribune. It Is difficult to understand how a Chinese theatrical company can gp through one of their serial plays without getting all mixed up on their cues.—Detroit Free Press. Old Subscriber (to editor)—“Can you lend me $5?” Editor—“We cannot.” Old Subscriber—“ Paper not doin’ much, eh?" Editor—“ Well, we’re holdin’ our own."—Atlanta Constitution. Mrs. Newlywed—“ And do you always trust your husband Impllclty?” Mrs. Experienced (enthusiastically)— “Indeed I do. That is to say, of course, to a certain extent"—Somerville Journal.

And He Pulled His Wallet.—l seem to be considerably pushed for cash to-day,” muttered JRivcrs, reluctantly squaring an account of $5.25 with the wheeled-chair man.—Chicago Tribune. Fiddlesticks (recommending applicant for cashier) —I assure you the young man is very quick. Employer (shortly)—Don’t want him. Our last cashier was so quick that he got to Canada in ten hours. “Lace?” said the attentive clerk. “Yes, madam, we have all kinds. What sort shall I show you?” “You can show me some ancestral lace," replied Mrs. Crewe Doyle. “I hear that is very stylish now.”—Vogue. A line in one of Louis Morris’ poems says: “The old thoughts shall never more be thought.” Mr. Morris can never get the support of the funny papers for the laureateship on such a platform as that—lndianapolis Journal. Ten Broke— “l wish I hadn't married such an orthodox woman. ” Askit —“Does your wife make you go to churcb?” Tea Broke—“No; but she holds to the Biblical theory of the creation. Seem’s to think I’m made of ‘dust’ ” —Puck. First Advocate of Electricity (enthusiastically) kills a condemned criminal in onetenth of the time banging does.” Second Ditto (more enthusiastically) “Yes; and it does away with his painful suspense, too.”—Buffalo Courier.