Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 September 1893 — Page 6

gftegemotraticSeiHinfl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. ju. JfcEWEN, - - - runusHna.

FRUIT OF THE VINE.

THE WATERMELON AS A FACTOR IN CIVILIZATION. Fart Flayed by the Melon in Southern Development How the Railroads Hare Created the Melon Business—lnfluence of the Savory Fruit. Product of the South. The watermelon as a factor in civilisation is not usually considered of prime, importance, but that some credit is due this product of the sunny skies and sandy soils of the tropical climes, there is no question. Commonly supposed as designed only to gladden the heart and satisfy as well as disorder the digestive apparatus of the African fellow-citizen and the Caucasian small boy, it nevertheless has a wider range of usefulness' in assisting to solve the economic problem in the Southern States. In this respect it of course must share the glory with the humble and ofttimes despised goober or peanut, which from an occasional and chance product haa risen to a position of grave importance. This pre-eminence has not been attained by accident, but by the most sh telligent and assiduous effort on the part of the railroad companies, which nave practically created the watermelon business Before the days of railroads there were, of course, watermelons. There perhaps never has been

a time when there were not watermelons, for according to the best biblical commentators the “melons” which the Israelites lamented in the wilderness, as having been one of the choicest and most regretted products of Egypt, wore watermelons. Some of the' earliest Egyptian paintings represent the vine in full bearing, and in one capital work in prehistoric Egyptian art a group of highly colored natives is represented seated in a circle, while one of the number distributes slices from a large melon which was unquestionably a watermelon. Ancient, however, as the

BEFORE THE DAYS OF THE WIRE.

watermelon undoubtedly is, it assumed lta prominence as a factor in civilization only within the last few years, and after the railroad system of the South had penetrated every neighborhood. The question considered by the railroad men when they came to contemplate the watermelon as a possibility was to bring a luscious tropical dainty and its possible consumers into juxtaposition. Thousands upon thousands of watermelons were annually grown and wasted in the patches of the South while the pdOple of New York, Boston, Chicago, Buffalo

and Other Northern-cities were actually hungering and thirsting after watermelon. Their children were crying for watermelon. The sick among them craved a slice of watermelon in June and received the mournful answer: “The time of watermelons is not yet." To the astute railroad mind it was Slajn that if ways and means could be evised to bring the melon to the consumer at the time the consumer wanted it, and, while the melon was still fresh, an enormous business could be built up. After a long course of experiments, conducted at no little loss and expense, the problem was finally solved, and the watermelon trade of to-day is something colossal in its proportions. The difficulties in the way seemed at first almost insuperable. The Georgians and Floridans and other Southerners who raised the melon were Unfamiliar with the best methods of cultivating it, taught; they did not

particular also. When all this had been gained it was found that their melons were toq thin-skinned to bear transportatlon, and hundreds of car loads were lost in making this discovery. A melon waathen found which would bqar the rough'and tumble usage of a thousand mile journey; special melon trains were put on all the roads, and in watermelon time were made out, in order thafthese‘trains might be hurried through with the least possible delay and the fruit brought to market in good condition. Of course, all this Was not done from a philanthropic

motive. Railroad companies do not usually undertake enterprises solely from a desire to elevate the condition of mankind. The hope and expectation of the railroad men was to build up a business that would pay them for their trouble. They have succeeded in building up the business; how well it pays them is a matter concerning which they have not taken the public into their confidence.

LOOSE IN THE PATCH.

While work on a Georgia melon farm is by no means pressing at most seasons of the year, when the melons come to a condition fit for shipping there is a good deal more haste manifested than is observable at any other season. Cotton in the boll does not spoil by a little waiting; sugar cane can be delayed a day or two at least; peanuts and sweet potatoes can be dug next week as well as to-day, but the watermelon is imperative; it will not wait a day, and to reach market in propor condition must be gathered, loaded and forwarded at once. A watermelon station on a down South railroad, in melon time, presents a busy Beene. Teams are continually arriving and departing, the wagons laden almost to breaking with the darkgreen fruit; gangs of laborers, their sable skins shining with perspiration, are loading the melons into the cars that stand in readiness at the station. Broken melons and fragments of rind lie about in heaps festering in the sun. Everybody revels in watermelon; the piokaninnies have watermelon and to spare, for watermelon about a wellknown melon station is almost as free as wbter; the train hands eat watermelon until they can hold no more; even the tramps are treated to watermelon so liberally that they regard it as a light and inconsequential meal. The professional joke maker finds an ample field for the exercise of hia talent in the proclivity of the oolored man of the South for watermelon stealing, but where watermelons are so abundant and so cheap, the theft of a melon from a field is regarded as ssarcely more criminal than the abstraction of a drink of water from a neighbor’s spring. Every year thousands upon thousands of samples a little too ripe for shipping are left to rot in the fields, and when this is the case, for an owner to object to the abstraction of a few melons would be regarded as churlish in the extreme. The private grower who has only a small patch for his own use will watch it with a shotgun, but the watermelon farmer has an abundance of which the

ON THE WAY TO MARKET.

loss of a few specimens would not be missed and could easily be spared. Africa’s sons, then, may rejoice in the fruit of their native land, for, by all accounts, the watermelon originated in Africa, and to the present day it is confidently affirmed by travelers that the largest and finest melons in the world are still grown in the heart of the Dark Continent. Both to African and Caucasian, however, the taste' for watermelon is natural rather than acquired. Men must get used to oysters; •the taste for tobacco is acquired only by long, and sometimes disagreeable, practice; the love of the codfish of Newfoundland, of the lobsters of Massachusetts Bay, and the vipers of the Apennines must be cultivated, but all human beings take naturally to the watermelon, and, it must be added, almost as naturally to the stealing as to the eating, A prominent authority on. the subject, dealing with it in epicurean fashion, says the best way to •njoy a watermelon isjirst, to stekl it:

THE END.

secondly, to put it in the spring until dinner time, thirdly, to take it out, break it open by pounding it on a rock and eat only the heart, one watermelon being deemed a moderate portion for . one man. Extent of the Business. If this were the cage and such a usage so far as eating were to provail in the sections to which the watermelon is shipped, the business would certainly increase to far greater proportions than at present. Even now, when it is as yet only in its infancy, the* watermelon business is something enormous. During the season of last year one road alone, according to the Globe-Demo-crat, brought over 1,800 car loads into St. Louis, while probably three times that quantity altogether arrived in this city. The stupendous nature of the business may be guessed at, but not estimated, by the reflection that every large city in the North takes and eats watermelons quite as liberally as the metropolis of the Mississippi Valley. Some statistician with a keen nose tor exact figures has estimated that at the very least calculation there are annually raised in the United States alone 150,000,000,(J00 watermelons, and when to this immense aggregate are added the immense quantities produced in Mexico, Central and South America, in the West India islands, in South Europe, in Palestine, in Turkey, in nothing of the product of Africa, some idea of the importance of the watermelon as a factor in the world’s food sppply may be gained. Watermelon may not be particularly nourishing—in fact, scientists tell us that it is not—but, as Amateur Scientist Sam Weller once remarked in reference to “weal pie,” it is very filling for the price, and, after all, no inconsiderable portion of the human race regards filling as of somewhat more consequence than nourishment.

As a factor in commerce the watermelon. however, is by no means despicable. Millions of dollars change hands in this country every year for and in consideration of watermelons. Thousands of people make a part or the whole of their living from the national prediction for this delicious fruit. The growers have sometimes made fortunes, but the growers are not allowed to monopolize the benefits arising from its production. The laborers who do the actual work on the watermelon plantations live by means of the melon, so also do the swarms of men who perform the labor of harvesting the melons when ripe. After being forwarded to market, three or four sets of people make the wholo or a part of their living out of the melon: restaurant keepers and hotel men look to it to furnish them a fair profit, while the middlemen or dealers also come in for a share of the modest price that is demanded of the actual consumer. The dealers in sweetmeats share in its benefits, for a choice comfit is manufactured from its rind, while the druggists find in its seeds a much-used medicine. Even after its edible portion has all been consumed, the melon still helps people to a livelihood, for the enormous quantity of rinds accumulated daily in all portions of a large city during the melon season demands extra garbage carts and those mean extra rivers and additional employment for men who might otherwise bo out of work. But the usefulness of the melon is extended into quarters where its influence is unsuspected. The vast business done by the railroads in the watermelon season enables them to pay more employes, more brakemen, more conductors, a greater number of engineers and firemen, who, in turn, distribute their wages among grocery men, and

WATCHING THEM GROW.

butchers, and bakers, and tailors, and snoemakers, and teachers, and preachers, and newspaper publishers, and so dozens of people who never eat watermelon and who, therefore, regard the melon as a thing entirely extraneous to their own sphere, are more prosperous because the watermelon is grown. Even the bloated bondholder and the man who owns railroad stocks are directly benefited by the watermelon. The broker In Wall street, the banker in London, the capitalist in Hamburg and Bremen, never think of attributing any portion of their wealth to the watermelon, but with the money derived partly from hauling it from the South to the North the interest on bonds is paid and dividends on stocks are declared. The watermelon, therefore, becomes, in one sense, an international issue,, for the London banker drinks champagne because the people of St. Louis and New York and Chicago eat watermelon.

Curiosity of Cookery.

The following is a copy of the bill of fare of what is called a regular mandarin supper, given by Sir Charles Macdonnel at Hong Kong, in 1867, to the Duke de Penthievre, the Comte Beauvoir, and some other French gentlemen: “Preserved fruits; fish roe in sweet caramel sauce; almonds and raisins; shark fins in gelatinous sauce; cakes of coagulated blood; hashed dog, with lotus sauce; birds’nest soup; lily seed soup; whale nerves, with sweet sauce; Kwal-poh-Hing ducks; sturgeons’ gills in compote; croquettes of fish and rat; shark’s fat soup; stewed sea snails, with tadpoles; sweet dish composed of fins, fruit, ham, almond*, and essences; lotus and almond soup as dessert, with medicated wine and warm arrack. ”

Karr’s Toast.

Alphonse Karr, the gardener-poet,l was present at abanqu-. tgiven by the followers of Hahnemann, the founder of homoepathy. Toasts were given to the health of one medical celebrity after another by different members of the compiay.'till at last the president, remarked: “M. Karr, you have not proposed the health of any one. ” The poet rose and replied modestly: “I propose'the health of the sick.” Gcd sends the eold according to the clothes. ,s » » • •* t • ■ r • f -■»

HIS HARD LUCK.

A Valuable Ice Mine that Had a Hoodoo In It Somewhere. The man with the negligee shirt was talking of hard luck, says the Buffalo Express. “It’s just this way,” he said; “when things get to going against you there’s no stopping them. Luck and hard luck run in streaks with every man, and when things get to coming your way there’s no stopping them any more than there is when they get to going against you. “As an illustration, let me tell you of an experience I had. About three years ago I began to have hard luck. I lost everything 1 had one way or another, and got Into all sorts of trouble. Finally I landed in Richmond, Va., stone broke, without a friend to whom I could apply for aid aud nothing ahead of me hut a turn on the roads as a tramp. I could get nothing to do in Richmond, and I started out to tramp up North. “It was as hot as Tophet. I tramped along day after day, sleeping on j the ground and stealing what I had to eat, which was not much, let me j assure you. One day I struck Stony Creek, which is in a wild part of the State. I followed up along the creek until I reached Stone mountain, and there I made a discovery. I found an ice mine. It was fully an acre in exteflt, and the ice was as clear as crystal. I realized what the find meant, and after taking my bearings carefully I made my way back to > Richmond.

“It didn’t take me long to get some capitalist interested in it, and we formed a stock company, with me as President, to work the ice the next summer. It looked as if I had a fortune in my grasp. “Early the next summer we started to work It, but my hard luck came toddling along and did me up. There wasn’t a month that summer when we didn’t have frost, aud there was absolutely no demand for ice. That left me stranded again in worse shape than before. ” “I don’t see why,” put in the doubting Thomas, who woie a broadbrimmed straw hat. “Why didn’t you wait aud work it the next summer?” “I told you I' was in hard luck, didn’t I?” asked the man with the negligee shirt, severely. “Well, I was. Although the summer was cold the winter was so warm that it melted, every blamed bit of the ice and left nothing but a pool of water there, which was of no earthly use to anybody. ”

THE ATTRACTION OF THE ABYSS.

Why People Long to Throw Themselves from High Places. Chevreul’s well-known experiments with the exploratory pendulum and the divining rod show that if we represent to ourselves a motion in any direction the hand will unconsciously realize it and communicate it to the pendulum. Tfye. tippiug tables realize a movement we are anticipating through the intervention of a real movement of the hands, of which we are not conscious. Mind reading by those who divine by taking your hand where you have hidden anything, is a reading of imperceptible motions by which your thoughts are translated without your being conscious of them. In cases of fascination and vertigo, which are more visible among children than among adults, a movement is begun the suspension of which is prevented by a paralysis of the will, and it carries us to suffering and death. When a child I was navigating a plank on the river without a thought that I might fall. All at once the idea came like a diverging force projecting itself across the rectillinear thought, which had alone previously directed my action. It was as if an invisible arm seized me and drew me down. I cried out and continued staggering over the whirling waters till help came to me. The mere thought of vertigo provoked it The board lying on the ground suggests no thought of fall when you walk over it, but when it is over a precipice and the eye takes the measure of the distance to the bottom the representation of a falling motion becomes intense, and the impulse to fall correspondingly so. Even if you are safe there may still be what is called the attraction of the abyss. The vision of the gulf as a fixed idea, having produced an “inhibition” on all your ideas or forces, nothing is left but the figure of the great hole, with the intoxication of the rapid movement that begins in your brain and tends to turn the scales of the mental balance. Temptation, which is continual in children because everything is new to them, is nothing else than the force of an idea and the motive impulse that accompanies it.

The Eider-Duck.

In a country so poor as Iceland the down of the eider-duck is an appreciable source of wealth, and the bird has been practically domesticated. Close to every little handel-stad, or trading station, if there Is a convenient island, there is sure to be a colony of eider-ducks, and the birds are to be seen by hundreds swimming and fluttering about their island home, or squatted upon its shores in conscious security from the foxes which infest the mainland. From the largest of these “duekeries” as much as three hundred pounds is cleared annually, the down being worth about a sovereign per po‘und on an average. The ducks make their nests among the rough hummocks characteristic of all grassland in Iceland, laying their large olivegreen eggs upon neat little beds of down, “so soft and brown.” They are perfectly tame, allowing themselves to be lifted off their eggs tad replaced with only a few querulous notes of remonstrance. When the Dest has been repeatedly robbed of the down, and the poor duck finds difficulty in replacing it, the drake comes to the rescue and recognizes his paternal responsibility by furnishing a supply of down from his own breast. The “Teeth” on a Razor's Edge. The edge of a razor consists of innumerable points or “teeth,” which, if the razor is of good material, follow each other throughout Its whole length with great order and clearness. The unbroken regularity of these minute “teeth” go to make up the blade's excessive keenness. The Vlge acts upon the beard not so

much by direct application or weight or force as it does by a alight “seesatf" movement, which causes the successive “teeth” to act rapidly on one certain part of the hairy growth. The best razors, according to the microscopists, have the teeth of their edges set as regularly as those of a perfectly set saw. This explains the magic effect of hot water on the razor’s blade —the act of dipping it thoroughly Cleansing the teeth of any greasy or dirty substance with which they may have been clogged. Barbers often claim that razors “get tired” of shaving, and that they will be all right after awhile if permitted to take a rest. When in this “tired” condition a microscopic examination of the edge shows that constant stropping by the same person has caused the teeth or fibers to arrange themselves in one direction. A month of disuse causes these line particles to rearrange themselves so that they again present the heterogenous, sawtoothed edge. After this little recreation each particle of the fine edge is up and ready to support his fellow, and it again takes some time to spoil the grain of the blade.—St. Louis .Republic.

Big Bank Notes.

It is said that two notes fer one hundred thousand pounds each and two for fifty thousand pounds each were once engraved and issued. A butcher who had amassed an immense fortune as an a'my contractor in war-time went with ooe of the fifty thousand pound notes to a private banker, asking for a loan of five thousand pounds, and wished to deposit the large note as security with the bank, stating that it had been in his possession for several years. The jum asked for was of course handed over at once; but the financier took occasion to Lint to the holder the folly of which he was guilty in hoarding such a sum and so sacrificing the interest. “That is all very true and sound sense, sir,” replied the man; “but I likes the look o’ the critter so very well that I have got t’other one of the same at home.” A wealthy but eccentric gentleman in London ouce framed a bank postbill for thirty thousand pounds and exhibited it in his study. At his death, which occurred five years later, the extraordinary picture was promptly taken down from the wall and cashed by his heirs. It is said that several years ago, at a nobleman’s house in the neighborhood of the Marble Arch, a dispute arose about a certain passage which was declared to be scriotural. A learned dean who was present denying that there was any such text in the sacred volume, a Bible was called for. After quite a search a dusty old Bible which had lain upon a shelf since the death of the peer’s mother was produced. When the volume was opened, a book-marker was found in it which upon examination proved to be a bank post-bill for forty thousand pounds. Why it had been placed there was never discovered. Perhaps the lady had thought it a good means of inducing her son to search the Scriptures.

Color of the Hair.

Between men’s pursuits and the color of their hair there is a direct relation, we are told. An unusual proportion of men with dark, straight hair enter the ministry; redwhiskered men are apt to be given to spotting and horseflesh, while the tall, vigorous blonde men, lineal descendants of the vikings, still con tribute a large contingent to our travelers and emigrants. Birds and insects have the best of us here; their outside covering may be changed by diet; but man remains what nature made him to the last. Suppose for a moment that a protective color, like that which obtains in th fields, woods and hedgerows, ruled in the world of men, what an amazing change would ensue in the out ward appearance of affairs! If a rogue could but at will assume the perfect guise of an honest man, and the gilded wasps of society appear as mason or honey bees, or were saints and sinners alike compelled to wear their own unmistakable livery, what a changed world would this of ours be! But no such world is possible. We have to be content with a medley of sober realities, where, though “white spiders” generally come to grief, the confidence trick still flourishes, and “men are mostly fools.”

The Tower of Silence.

When a Parsee dies the body is wrapped in white, and the mourners, as they go to the burial place, are clothed in white. Two by two they walk behind the white-robed corpse as it is carried to the “tower of silence,” which is its final resting place. This is a large stone tower, on which the body is placed and left to be eaten by the vultures. There are five such towers' in Bombay, and the big birds constantly hover about them in large numbers. They are treated as if they were sacred birds. “Is this form of burial a good one from a sanitary standpoint?” was asked of a Parsee. “We believe it is. Cremation is doubtless the best from this standpoint, but in India the people are so poor and fuel is so scarce that the Hindus are not able to practice cremation universally. Moreover, the Parsee believes it is better to be eaten by birds than by worms. Burial in a grave is repulsive to us.”

The Feet.

Doctors very strongly recommend foot baths for those whose feet trouble them. Walking heats the feet, standing causes them to swell, and both are tiresome and exhaustive when prolonged. There ?ire various kinds of foot baths, and authorities differ as to their value. Hot water enlarges the feet by drawing the the blood to them; when used they should be rubbed or exercised before attempting to put on a tight boot. Mustard and hot water in a foot bath will side-track a fever if taken in time, cure a nervous headache, and induce sleep. Bunions, corns, and callousness are Nature’s protection against bad shoe leather. Two hot foot baths a week and a little pedicuring will remove the cause of much discomfort A man traveling one of the sawmill roads in Dooly County avers that the rodd was so crooked that he met himself coming back.—Atlanta Journal.

COMIN' TO THE FAIR.

My darter writ a letter an’ sed I Jes mas cum l* tee th’ great White City—no use t* stay t’ hum T’ pile up useless dollars fer other folks V spend; Fer life Iz short at best, she says, no tollin' where ’twill end. She savg an oddlcatlon kin be got frura jes this fair, An’ er’ry syence in th' wurld kin best be mastered thare Mow, eddlcntioniz a thing I alius hankered arter. So thinks I. “Jonas, here’s yer chance ts git a leetle smarter.” She sez it s reely ekal f a trip around th* earth, Fsr ev'rythln; lz thare t* see thet iz of eny worth;

An’ thet th’ best frum ev’ry lan’ Is gathered thare beside Th’ fare blew lake upon whose brest a tbousau’ vessels ride. An’ thet a fairy wurld iz formed ez perfec’ ez a dream Frum all these parts o’ forrio’ lands, sech as I’d never seen—’ihet inoddel villages are bro’t frum all th' • other lands, T’ show thare ways o’ livin’ an’ let folks boar thare hands. Now thet I cau't quite swaller, fer a village ain’t a thing T’gallivant around the wurld like a bird upon th' winir. Fer bow cud thay move Hlck’ry Grove, I’d like t’ hear ’em tell. With its trees thet tower fifty feet an’ Its wonderful town well? Now, Sarah alius told lb’ truth when she wus jest a child But, by livin’ lu Chicago, I recon she’s been spiled; She ses she’s seen th’ Eskimo an’ lazy Hotentot, An' fishos every earthly kin’ thet ever man hez cot An’ floweis till 'twuz hard t’ think thet God hed made ’em all, Ther wuz s’ monny kinds In bloom In hortycult'rnl hall. Well, 1 won’t try t’ tell It all, fer it tuk a day about lllght In th’ midst o’ plowin’ time fer me t* make It out But I rnado up my min’ the things vat wuth a bein’ seen An’ if I don’t git t’see ’om, ye kin call me purty green; Fer if thar ain’t another soul goes thar frum this yere town Thar’s one a coin’ and his name Is Beacon Jonas Brown. I’ll Jes hill up th taters bout one time more an’ thru I'll shuck my jeans an’ hlck’ry shirt an’ dress like city men An’ when folks see me oomln’, with slow an’ stately move, They’ll never guess I’m Farmer Brown, frum back o’ Hlck'r.v Grove. Then If th’ brothers in thl’ church sees fit t* turn me out Becoz about the Sabbath day they’re makln’ sech a shout, When the Lord looks up my record fer more’n sixty year I recon thet he’ll overlook a trifle like this yere. Now, I Jes’ want t’ send this word so Chicago kin prepair An’ wash up her best buggy t’ take me V th’ Fair. An’ Mrs. Potter Palmer, who reely seems t’ be A entertainin’ every one frum hum an' crost ih’ sea Kin set about thi9 time nex’ weok fer entertainin’ me. She needn’t kill no chickens ner make no extry fuss, Fer If her vlttals ain’t so good. 1 recon I’ve ot wuss. I’ll jes set down t’ th’ table ez common es kin be. What Potter eats fer every day lz good enuff fer me. —Chicago Inter Ocean.

PROF. HENRY ALLEN HAZEN.

Th© Man Who Proposes to Find th© Tor* nado’s Secret. Prof. Henry Allen Hazen, a United States meteorologist stationed at Washington, is making preparation* tor a series of unique tests. He proposes to make 1,000 high altitude balloon ascensions for the purjftse of ascertain ng why and how tornadoes are generated, and, if possible, ol

METEORLOGIST HAZEN.

devising some means of dissipating their power. A monster balloon is being constructed for his use, in which he will seek the upper air three times a day until his work is completed. Our picture shows Mr. Hazen in his suit of furs, worn for protection against the extreme cold of the high altitudes.

They Had Met.

Not very long ago, troubles in a well-known Washington family were the cause of divorce proceedings. The wife got a judgment, though the husband had filed a strong cross-bill. In a few months the ex-wife wa3 again married, this time also to a Washington man. One evening recently, at a large reception, the two met unexpectedly, and an acquaintance, not well up in the family history, was proceeding to introduce them. “Oh, we’ve met before,” said the last husband; “we’re husbands, in-law. ”

Progress on the Farm.— Master Meadow—“ Pop, I wish you’d buy me a bicycle.” Farmer Meadow—“ Can’t afford that, my boy; but never mind, the next time we have any tools to sharpen, I’ll Hg up a saddle so you can turn the grindstone with your feet”—Gfoc/I News.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. t Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists ot Oar Own Day —A Budget of Fun. Sprinkles of Spice. The ad vance agent is not necessarily a forward man. Yonkers Statesman. “That is Mrs. Specie, there. She is a society leader; right in the swim. ” “.So? By Jove I she dresses for It” — Puck. The fln-de-siecle girl and the fine bicycle girl have a more or* less pronounced relationship. —Philadelphia Times. The Chinese language has only 450 words. The rest of it Is expressed with firecrackers.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Bridget, did you hear me call?” “Yes, mum; but you told me the other day never to answer you back.” Tid-Bits. “Here’s der laundry, und fader vantA to know of you can’t vash yust der bosoms of der shirts for half price. ’’—Life. South Carolina has hollow walk-ing-sticks. In this case taking something with a “stick in it” is reversed. —Yonkers Statesman. There is no disputing the fact that a man has to have considerable “go” to gain much prominence as a traveler.—Buffalo Courier. Lummix—“l hear you have a new baby at your house." Skimgullet—“Yes, I hear it myself about every minute when I’m at home.” Belle—“ Would you call Blanche a beauty?” Jack—“ Not unless I thought she was likely to overhear me.”—Kate Field’s Washington. “I’ve got an awful cold,” said the weather. “What are you taking lor it?” asked the wind. “A drop of mercury every hour."—Exchange. The glad season is here when a man cannot tell whether he is being pursued by a mosquito or a small boy with a jews-barp.—Washington Star. A war would have restored to Siam the fame it lost in the grave of that interesting combination, the Siamese twins.—Philadelphia Times. He thought ’was a sweet billet doux, But appearances tur ied out untroux; ’Twas a note rom his taller. Saying, “Pay wuti,.ut fall, or We’ll order our lawyer to soux." —lndianapolis Journal.

She —Don’t you swim? I think everybody should be able to swim. He—Ah! it’s as much as I can do to keep my head above water on land.— Ally Sloper. Stranger—“ With all the talk about immigration I haven’t noticed many foreigners here. * Host—“ Wait till you see a nominating convention.”—Puck. Tommy—My father’s in the butcher business. What business isyour’n in? Sammy—My father don’t have to toiler any business. He's an Alderman. —Chicago Tribune. The news that a young women have, been/appointed ushers in a Brooklyn church seems to open up new aisles in the vista of progress. —Boston Transcript. “My lines are not cast in pleasant places,” sighed the poet, as he stood helplessly by and saw his wife throw his latest effusion in the kitchen stove.—Detroit Tribune. It Is difficult to understand how a Chinese theatrical company can gp through one of their serial plays without getting all mixed up on their cues.—Detroit Free Press. Old Subscriber (to editor)—“Can you lend me $5?” Editor—“We cannot.” Old Subscriber—“ Paper not doin’ much, eh?" Editor—“ Well, we’re holdin’ our own."—Atlanta Constitution. Mrs. Newlywed—“ And do you always trust your husband Impllclty?” Mrs. Experienced (enthusiastically)— “Indeed I do. That is to say, of course, to a certain extent"—Somerville Journal.

And He Pulled His Wallet.—l seem to be considerably pushed for cash to-day,” muttered JRivcrs, reluctantly squaring an account of $5.25 with the wheeled-chair man.—Chicago Tribune. Fiddlesticks (recommending applicant for cashier) —I assure you the young man is very quick. Employer (shortly)—Don’t want him. Our last cashier was so quick that he got to Canada in ten hours. “Lace?” said the attentive clerk. “Yes, madam, we have all kinds. What sort shall I show you?” “You can show me some ancestral lace," replied Mrs. Crewe Doyle. “I hear that is very stylish now.”—Vogue. A line in one of Louis Morris’ poems says: “The old thoughts shall never more be thought.” Mr. Morris can never get the support of the funny papers for the laureateship on such a platform as that—lndianapolis Journal. Ten Broke— “l wish I hadn't married such an orthodox woman. ” Askit —“Does your wife make you go to churcb?” Tea Broke—“No; but she holds to the Biblical theory of the creation. Seem’s to think I’m made of ‘dust’ ” —Puck. First Advocate of Electricity (enthusiastically) kills a condemned criminal in onetenth of the time banging does.” Second Ditto (more enthusiastically) “Yes; and it does away with his painful suspense, too.”—Buffalo Courier.

Queer Matrimonial Methods.

A convenient way they have in Holland and Batavia of tying the matrimonial knot when the lady is in one country and the gentleman in the other. For the Hollanders are such a thrifty, industrious people that they like not 1$ lose time even over the most solemn services. Th< marriage is affected by procuration.' The watches of Jtbe two parties—the one say in Amsterdam and the other in Batavia—are regulated to accord, or thedifference.in longi,tud(f,ariowed for. Then *t the sago® instant of time the marriage ceremony is performed In both places, and th% thiDg is done.,{ ;