Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 August 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious, and Istngh* able—The Week’s Humor. Let Us All Laugh. The girl baby Is the first great crisis of married life—Galveston News. A Spruce street girl calls her pel pug Knickerbocker, because be Is addicted to short pants. "—Philadelphia Record. Well Done— The farmer who falls in with bunco men.—Philadelphia Call. The girl who had a falling out with her friend will not try the hammock again. —Picayune. A great many people express opinions that should be sent off by freight. —Galveston News. There are some men who have to be knocked down first and argued with afterwards.—Atchison Globe. The summer girl is generally loaded to kill and should be labeled, “Charming, but dangerous. ” —Steep Brook Bazar. When a parliamentary division ends In a free fight both the eyes and nose are apt to have it.—Lowell Courier. The man who “has the pull” at a picnic Is generally the thoughtful chap who has brought a flask.—Boston Bulletin.

The reason that the geysers at the National Park leap so high is because they are composed of spring water.— Lowell Courier, Speaking of hollow mockery, doesn’t a hungry parrot come pretty near answering that description?— Buffalo Courier. “Has man a perfect organ of speech?” “Yes.” “Has woman, also?” No; hers is made without stops.”— Harvard Lampoon. “Did I tell you that story about 288?” “No, sir.” “Well, I’m afraid I can’t tell you. It’s two gros§, ” —• Philadelphia Record. The man who gets up a raffle figures on a sure thing. At least ha seldom or never takes any chances himself.—Buffalo Courier. During the preserving season the housewife realizes that one essential of the occupation is to preserve her equanimity.—Boston Courier. “I reckon,” said Farmer Bethune, looking at the Dahomey amazons, “them’s the kind o’ soljers ’at fight! under ki ver. ’’—Cleveland Plaindealer. There are those who hesitate to affirm that it represents real musical progress when a hand-organ is pulled along the street.—Philadelphia Times.

She —Will you see papa to-mor-row? He—Y-yes, if you will give me a letter of introduction. He never knows me when he sees me.—Detroit Free Press. The malleability of gold is so great that a sheet of foil, it is said, can be beaten as thin as the slice of ham in a World’s Fair sandwich.—Kansas City Journal. It is very hard to explain the attractions of country life to a city mac who has just investigated the voltage of a black-faced bumble-bee Ballmore American. It is interesting to see how sorry the man who went to the country for a vacation and the other man who stayed at home are for each other.— Washington Star. - The owner of a nobby carriage who was upset the other day said that he couldn’t agree with the spectators who complimented him on his handsome turnout—Lowell Courier.. Fogg does not consider himself absent-minded, but he did catch himself the other day before the mirror taking ■ off his glasses to see how he looked in them.—Boston Transcript. “It must have been a love match, for she knew he was poor.” “No, he told her he had only a remnant of his fortune left, and she, of course, thought .she’d get a bargain.”—lnter Ocean.

“What are those tiny chunks of dough doing in thaft dish of strawberries?” he inquired, suspiciously. “Oh, Henry,” cried the young wife, “I—l made them—they’re shortcakes. ” —Judge. “The great trouble of the times," said the telegraph editor when a lot of tissue-paper copy blew off his desk, “is that we are being overwhelmed with light literature.”— Washington Star. Said one shopper: “Oh, I saw just the loveliest, sweetest, prettiest baby a minute ago.” Said tl*e other shopper: “What? Do you mean to tell me that stupid nurse has dared to bring my little darling out such a day as this?”—Rehoboth Herald. Jim Smith has been trying to sell his hog this week. He borrowed a pair of curling-irons and curled the hog’s tail to give him a thrifty appearance, but he got the irons too hot and singed the hair pretty badly, which was a dead give-away.—.Alha-neta Free Press. At one of the transpontine theaters, the other night, the stage manager made a remark which was almost an epigram. One of the turns was hissed. The stage manager came to the front with a conciliatory speech, ending by saying, “The man * who hisses a free show is a fool.” Buffalo Express.