Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 August 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day —A Budget of Fan. Sprinkles of Bplce. The ocean breakers come in swell and grand and go out broke.—Picayune. Do not be a minnow. Take the world for your school.—Galveston News. The prize bull is generally unapproachable In his particular field.— Troy Press. Jagson says he has no objection to a foreign air if it is disinfected.—Elmira Gazette. The street-paver isn’t far wrong In characterizing his work as beneath him.—Buffalo Courier. Inquisitive Party Whose funeral is this? Irish Undertaker— Mine, sor.—Texas Siftings. Almost everyone who can’t sing was at one time a member of a church choir.—Atchison Globe.

“Did you see that shocking straw hat De Slips is wearing?” “Yes; another Panama scandal.”—Puck. Jagson says that the fellow who keeps whistling “After the Ball” ought to get it. —Emira Gazette. “Do you use condensed milk?” “Guess so. The milkman can put a quart of it in a pint jar.”—Puck. Teacher—Define ‘gentleman.’ Boy—A gentleman Is a growed-up boy wot used to mind his mother.— Good News. Many show their teeth when they grin, but few grin when they have to show them to a dentist.—Philadelphia Times. It is singular that so many banks should be swamped when the people have so thoroughly draiiied them.— Lowell Courier. “He is flippant He can’t he serious if he tries.” “Yes, he can. He is very serious when he tries to be funny.”—Brooklyn Life. Jones (reading)—The World’s Fair Browne (bitterly)—Don’t believe it. It hasn’t treated me that way.—New York Times. The fly that the spider wove a web for was not so very fly after all. He was curious about the weaving, and got taken in.—Picayune. The thoughtful man never mails a letter with a new Columbian stamp on it without wondering if it will go for two cents.-- Elmira Gazette. A Nomadic Race.—First floor— How many servants do you keep? High flat—None, but we have no end of ’em as casual visitors. —Puck.

First actor (in tragic whisper)— Are we quite alone? Second actor (glancing grimly at the small audience) —Almost.—New York Weekly. The active dog-catcher often catches it most severely when the woman who owns the dog catches him at his little game.—Swansea Gazette. Germany will now have a bigger standing army than ever. This is due to the lieichsrath not sitting down on the tax. Philadelphia Times. She —I can’t see any sense in calling them my sailing shoes. He— Well, I notice you make about twenty knots an hour to keep them tied.— Inter Ocean. The waiter (as Wigley started to leave) —How do you like my buttonhole bouquet, sir? Forget-me-nots, sir. Thank you, sir. Goood-morning. —Pick-Me-Up. Robbins—l’m Just back from Chicago. Dobbins—Really, old fellow, I’m sorry, but I’m so tied up financially that I can’t lend you a cent.— Philadelphia Record. Late revelers singing “There’s no place like home” always stop their melody just before they get there, apd creep upstairs in their stocking feet. —Boston Transcript. Although as a rule the girls are do admirers of stinginess, when the right fellow comes along few of the fair ones object to a certain degree of closeness.—Buffalo Courier.

Charley —So, Jim, you were extravagant enough to pay S2O a dozen for your handkerchiefs. Don’t you think that was a good deal of money to blow in?—Columbia Spectator. Irate but polite person (who has just taken away an umbrella from the social pest in front)—Permit me, sir, to return your umbrella; I found it In my eye.—World’s Fair Puck. “It was awfully clever of baby. He had never been told what flowers were, but the minute he saw them he said, ‘Bwobs!’ ” “But what does ‘Bwobs’mean?" “Flowers, of course." —Bazar. He—l often think —at least I sometimes wonder—l mean I wish I knew if you cared for me, don’t you know? She—Oh, but they’ve got a clairvoyant in the next town. Couldn’t you find out?—Boston Budget. • Sweet Girl Graduate —“ They won’t let me read a poem at the commencement exercises, but I got ahead of them just the same.” Her Friend —“How?” Sweet Girl Graduate—“l wore one. ” —Buffalo Courier. Little Dick —Papa, didn’t you tell mamma we must economize? Papa—l did, my son. Little Dick— Well, I was thinkin’ that mebby if you’d get me a pony I wouldn’t wear out so many shoes.—Good News.