Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 July 1893 — OUR BUDGET OE FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OE FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and that Are Odd, Curious, and Laughable—The Week’s Humor. Let Us AU Laugh. A good mirror always tells the truth, no matter upon whom it reAects.—Troy Press. Wherever the experienced blind man moves there is an era of good feeling.—Troy Press. When engineers and trainmen are well trained the locomotive goes off on a toot —Picayune. No matter how cheap quinine may be It is always a drug on the market. —Chicago Inter Ocean. The Ice man now calls every morning at the home of the coal man and does him up.— Dallas News. Police officers in hoodlum district* naturally expect to have many a tough experience. —Buffalo Courier. When a mercantile concern “takes in sail” it is in the interest of the balance-sheet.—Lowell Courier. It is highly probable that the times which tried men’s souls found some of them guilty.—Buffalo Courier. A peculiarity about it is that when money is tight it’s business that’s apt to stagger.—Philadelphia Times. The restaurateurs at the Columbian Exposition 6eem to think that a fair exchange is no robbery.—lndianapolis News. With reference to these shows it may be said a dog’s ancestral tree cannot be told by its bark.—Philadelphia Times. The man who knows that he wai one kind of a fool yesterday often has a suspicion that he is some other kind to-day. — Ram’s Horn. Mrs. Slimdiet— “Don't you find it a little lonesome sitting down to luncheon all alone?” Bordaire—“Oh, no, the cheese is here. ” —Truth.

The women in an insane asylum look, somehow, like tbe women you meet at home with a church entertainment ou their hands. —Atchison Globe. “Poor Mrs. Chatter is all worn out from talking last night.” “Did she lecture?” “Oh, no? it was a whist party she attended.”—Chicago Inter Ocean. The government of Russia has excluded “Uncle Tom’s Ca >in” from the theaters ol that country, yet they call it despotic and inconsiderate.—Philadelphia Ledger. “What makes Swiggins such an unconscionable liar?” “Stinginess. He has as many facts as anybody, but he hates to give them out.”— Chicago Tribune. The mosquito-pest season seems to have reached Boston, when a clergyman preached a sermon tbe other day on “The Bigness of Little Things.”— Philadelphia Ledger. When a man considers how easy he finds it to lend money, he cannot help wondering sometimes that he finds it so hard to get anybody else to lend money to him.—Texas Siftings.

Music Teacher— “l don’t know why you are displeased. Your daughter really sings very well.” Father—- “ Yes; but how is it that she never sings anything but soprano. * —Schalk. Hicks —“ Brown seems wide awake enough when at his business, but at home he is fearfully absent-minded." Wicks—“ But then his wife has a mind of he? own, and It is quite unnecessary that he should take his home with him.”—Boston Courier. A, private soldier, walking arm-in-arm with his sweetheart, met his sergeant when about to enter a cheap restaurant. He respectfully introduced her to him: “Sergeant, my sister 1” “Yes, yes,” was the reply. “I know; she was mine once.” —Le Littoral.

The Elder — I noticed that Mrs. Yan West’s father died the other day and left her a lot of land out in Dakota. I suppose she will separate from Yan West now. The younger— Separate? Why so? The elder— She will have very good grounds for a divorce, you see. Brooklyn Life. “Look at me, ma’am,” said the man who was asking for something to eat. “Ain’t I the picture of despair?” “I don’t know anything about yer bein’ a picture,” she answered, glancing at the ax: “but unless you’re in the wood-cut line you can’t get anything to eat here.”— Washington Star. The conversation turned on the number thirteen, the spilling of salt, knives and forks placed crosswise, and other kinds of superstitions. “You need not laugh at similar beliefs,” gravely remarked Tranquilletti. “An uncle of mine at the age of 77 committed the imprudence of going to a dinner at which the guests numbered thirteen.” “And he died that very evening?” “No, but exactly thirteen years afterward. ” Gazetta Piedmontese.

“Yes, I may take a few summer boarders this year,” replied the old farmer, after asking for a pound of reg’lar saleratus, “but I’m goin’ to hev a fair understandin’ in the outset.” “About what?” “Wall, principally as to butter’n’ eggs and cream and such, but perticklarly as to sleepin’. We took an artist from New York last summer who upsot the hull house when he found he was to sleep with the hired man, and I actually believe he kept a governor from engagin’ with us at s’7 a week and washin’ and mendin’ throwed in.” —Detroit Free Press.