Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 June 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS heri£ and there. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have* Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are -Odd, Curious and Laughable. Let Us Laugh. It is all plane sailing for the po or girl when the jaunty little sailor hats are in fashion.—Picayune. “I shall state the whole case in a sentence,” as the judge said when he arraigned the prisoner.—Cleveland Plaindealer. The diamond cutter’s trade affords proof that it takes hard work to achieve brilliant results.—Philadelphia Record. The Columbian stamp has done more to make man a licker flend than any influence of this generation.— Yonkers Gazette. A man is never so wedded to his calling that he can’t be diverted from it when he is called to his wedding.— Glens Falls Republican. Whatever it may prove ultimately, up to date the Geary law hasn’t proved much of a Chinese laundry check- —Philadelphia Times. Girl—“ But his father has left him well off.” Honest Friend—“ Well off! He has left him a taste for liquor and not a cent of money!”—Life. Somebody says most of the hand organs are owned by one company and hired out. Another grinding monopoly.—Philadelphia Times. Among the latest forms of entertainment is one they call “An evening with the poets.” Eating has no place on the program.—Buffalo Courier.

“Miggs is a lucky old chap, isn’t he?” “In what way?” “He’s color blind.” “What advantage is that?” “He can’t tell when he’s blue.”—lnter Ocean. Menagerie Assistant—The big ostrich attempted to swallow a turnip to-day and choked itself. Manager— H’m! Got it in the neck.—New York Press. When a married man discards cigarettes, cheroots, and his meerschaum |and takes to a clay pipe, he is in the seventh age of the wedded state.— Chester News. Hicks—“ You found a good deal of fault with that pudding and yet you ate the whole of it.” Wicks—“ Yes; it tasted so abominably, I knew it must be good for me.”—Boston Transcript. Mother—“ Paul, just step into the next room and see if grandpa is asleep.” Paul (returning after a short time) —“Mamma, the whole of grandpa is asleep, only his nose is awake yet. ” —Humoristiche Blatter. Detective (hurriedly)—Where did that fellow go who just ran out of the hotel? Citizen (still rubbing the toe that the fugitive stepped on) —I don’t know; but I hope he’ll go where I told him to.—Detroit Tribune. Jack Lever—Ypu seem tp shave as conscientiously as though you were performing a religious rite. Jim Hickey—ln this case it is only an act of mercy; I am going to call on Miss Darlington this evening.—Puck. Footpad Gimme your money! Mr. Lushforth (disgustedly)—Do you suppose I would be goin’ home at 9 o’clock if I had any money? You are the biggest chump I have met in a a month of Sundays.—lndianapolis Journal.

Siam, which has never had a legation in this country, has established one at Washington, where her dreamy representative will be able to show the . hustling diplomats of other countries the real Siam ease.—Philadelphia Ledger. “I’ve been sitting quietly on this fence just twenty-two minutes by the watch,” he said, “watching that cat crouching by t b at rat-hole, and she hasn’t so much as moved an ear, for I’ve kept an eye on her steady. What a fool a cat is!”—Puck. “Did Brown stand the civil-service examination?” “First class.” “Went through the Greek alphabet?* “Just a-hummin’i ” “And the Latin verbs?” “ Every one of ’em!” “What place did they give him?” “Head coal-shoveler. ” Atlanta Constitution.

Said a sharp attorney to a rambling witness: “Now, you must give explicit and exact answers. You said you drove a milk wagon, did you not?” “No, sir, I didn’t.” “Don’t you drive a mi k Wagon?” “No, sir.” “Aha! What do you, sir?” “1 drive a boss, sir.”—Animal’s Friend. “How did you ever get Henderson to propose?” “Why, I declined to go to the opera witfh him one night because I was going with his friend Martin, and then I got papa to write to Henderson and ask if Martin was a man of means. Henderson came around that night.”—Bulletin. Old Pahty—Thank you, Antoine; thank you very much. Ah—do they allow tipping here? Antoine—Out, m’sier. Old Party—And are the guests liberal? Antoine—Non, m’sier; ze rule is ze ozzaire way. Old Party —Very well, Antoine; here* is a cent for you. Ido not wish to break the rules. —Harper’s Weekly. Little Boy—“ Papa, may I study elocution?” Proud Papa—“lndeed you may, my boy, if you wish. You desire to become a great orator, don’t you?” “Yes, that’s it.” “And some day, perhaps, have your voice ringing through the halls of Congress?” “I shouldn’t care for that. I want to be an after dinner speaker.” “Ah, you are ambitious for social distinction, then?” “No, F’ want the dinners.”—Good News.