Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 May 1893 — ODE BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

ODE BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Join u< Jokelett that An Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable, Let Us Laugh. Some people’s eyes are a regular pair of stares.—Rochester Democrat. A man with a million can’t very well help being a capital fellow.— —Troy Press. , A Bootless Attempt. —To get. upstairs without .being heard by your wife.—Texas Siftings. The man who was dissatisfied with the menagerie said it was a beastly affair.—Binghamton Leader. It wasn’t until woman started in to improve her mathematics that she began to count for much.—Troy Press. The assertion that a woman can’t keep a secret is disproven by the way a spinster holds her age.—Boston Courier. Jagson says if most men’s consciences should talk out loud they would be sued for slander.—Elmira Gazette. Dot (aged 6, on conclusion of song by celebrated tenor) —“Papa, did that man make all that noise on purpose?” —Tid-Bits. TnE sawmill sometimes impresses the operator which the fact that it has an “off-hand” way of doing things.— Boston Courier. When two people get mad at each other, each begins to think of how much he has done for the other.— Atchison Globe.

No, Maud, dear, the chickweed and the eggplant are not members of the same botanical family.—Philadelphia Record. Dashaway —I have just been up in the mountains for a little shooting. Cleverton—Any luck? Dashaway— One guide.—Life. “Wa§ the charity ball a success?” “Oh, my, yes. Our deficit was only S4O, and the Charity Society will have to pay it.”—Brooklyn Life. “You must have perseverance,” said the young physician’s friend. “No,” was the reply, “what I want is patients.”—Washington Star. “Oh, mamma,” said little Ethel the first time she saw a Chinaman, “look at the gentleman with his eyes cut bias.”—Washington Star. You can tell more about a man’s character by trading horses with him than you can by hearing him talk in prayer meetings.—Ram’s Horn. Tourist —l understand they raise pretty nearly everything in this county. Farmer—Everything but mortgages, pard ner. —Buffalo Express “I don’t loike ownin’ me own home,” said Pat, after a year of proprietorship. “It takes all the fun out of not payin’ rint.—Harper’s Bazar. A lady says that she could always knew when she had taken just too much wine at dinner—her husband’s jokes began to seem funny.—Siftings. A farmer who wished to enter some animals at an agricultural exhibition, wrote as follows to the secretary! “Enter me for a jackass.” —Tid-Bits. It doesn’t do to be too careful. The man who bit a quarter and found that it was bad, left it in such shape that he couldn’t pass it anywhere.—Puck. From a Last Will. —“My faithful servant Johann is to receive 2,000 empty wine bottles, the contents of which he drank during my lifetime.” —Fliegende Blaetter. Postal Cler^ —“Madam, this letter is over-weight.’’ Cora Spondence —“Why, how is that?’’ Postal Clerk —“You have put two Columbian stamps on it!”—Puck. “What is the name of that exQueen of Hawaii—l never can remember it?” asked one Philadelphian of another. “Liliokawanamaker,” said the other.—Truth.

Agi^es —Why don’t you break the engagement if he is so disagreeable to you? Mamie—Well, you see, he’s given me hardly any presents as yet. —Atlanta Constitution. The process of trying to get an office is. very simple. First, the applicants file their applications; then the party in authority polishes them off.—Philadelphia Times. Fitz— -What does R. S. V. P. stand for? Mac—Well, to judge by the conduct of some society people, I should say it means Bush in, Shake hands, Victual up, and Put!—Puck. BAgeeigh —lt’s my Opinion that Brown hasn’t half the brains he thinks he has. Wagleigh—Probably not, but did you ever think how nicely he could get along with even less than that.—Detroit Tribune.

An undertaker in Union, Tenn., recently used his hearse in pursuing his daughter, who had eloped with his assistant Could the undertaker overtaker is a problem left unsolved by the accounts. Philadelphia Ledger. Fair Client—“l want to get a divorce from my husband.” Chicago Attorney—“On what grounds?” Fair Client—“ Well, we were married ” Chicago Attorney—“ That’s all that is necessary. I’ll send you the decree C. O. D.”—Puck. Mrs. Fitts —“You write such short letters when you are away. I don’t see why you couldn’t write me nice long ones, as you did when we were engaged.” Mr. Fitts—“Honestly, my dear, I didn’t suppose you would have any time to read them. In the days when we were engaged you had no housework to do.”—lndianapolis Journal.