Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 May 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OP THE PREBS. Many 044, Corteas, ud iMfluM. ChMH of Homan Natoro Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Axti.U of Our Own Day. l _______ Sprinkles of Spice, The conscientious baker gets up a good many rolls of honor.—Troy Press. “I’ve spotted you,” said the sun tc the girl with freckles.—Atchison Globe. “We met by chants,” said the organist who was engaged to the soprano.—Washington Star. It is the reporter who allows his imagination to run riot who is continually getting into a row.—Lowell Courier. Now comes a neck-and-neck race between the coal-bin and the woolen undershirt which will last the longer. —Dansville Breeze. A man who can carry his county in great shape conldn’t_carry a baby without becoming a picture of awkwardness.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “And is the air healthy here?” asked a visitor at a mountain resort. “Excellent, sir, excellent One can become a centenarian here in a little while. ” —Tid-Bits. The Philosophic Beggar.— He displayed on his breast a label worded as follows: “Do not be ashamed of giving me only a halfpenny—l am blind. ” —Le Grelot. It will not count for much to refrain from buggy-riding on Sunday, if we spend all the rest of the week in throwing stones at people we don’t like.—Ram’s Horn.

“How do you like your alarm clock?” asked the Jeweler. “Firstrate.” “You didn't seem pteased with it at first?” “No; but it’s broken now.” —Boston Globe. “It seems to me,” said the Congressman, “that a law is like a colt* Somebody has to break it before you can find out whether' it is good or not.”—Washington Star. “I hear that your next-door neighbors have a new organ. Do you know how many stops it has?” Only about three a day, and those are only for meals.”—Des Moines Argonaut. “I’m going to have a party on my birthday,” said Mollie. “What kind?” asked Jennie. “Oh, I don’t know. Republican; I guess. That’s what papa is.”—Harper’s Young People. ' k „ - - i Mamma (reviewing Ethel’s composition) —“Why, child, this is no way to spell ’rhinoceros,’” Ethel—“ But if it does not spell it* how did' you know what it was?”—lndianapolis Journal. Uncle Ned —“What are you going to give little sister for a birthday present?” Oliver—“l’m’ going to ask papa to get her a football, and I’ll show her how to play.”—Harper’s Young People. If window-breaking is to become a kind of anti-glass trust, jewelers would do well to keep only paste diamonds In them.' Then the burglars would find themselves stuck.—Philadelphia Times. Brother Wing —“ They say you’ve left Kansas for good. How’s that, Brother Swing?” Brother Swing—“lt never rains out there. 1 couldn’t And water enough to baptize the souls I saved.”—Brooklyn Life. John —“ Sallie, cf I was to ask you if you d marry me, do you think you’d say yes?” Sallie—“l—er—l guess sa” John—“ Wall, es I ever git over this ’ere darn bashfulness I’ll ask you some o’ these times.” —Judge. “Papa,” said Walter, “I wish you’d buy me a whistle like Georgie’s.” “What kind is that, Walter?” “It’s one with nothing to it but whistle. He makes an Oof his mouth and blows the whistle through it.”—Harper’s Bazar. “I am glad to see you willing and ready to reform,” said the temperance worker. “I suppose you were led astray?” “Led? Bless your heart, no! Everybody else had to hump to keep up with me iu the procession!”—Chicago Record. Where Darwinism Fails. —First Dog—My master is a great scientist I wonder if he has found out where we came from? Second Dog (glancing at a sausage factory)—Guess not There’s too many missing links.— New York Weekly. A Permanency. —A young countrywoman in Burgundy, writing to the parents of a little girl whom she has in charge, wound up her letter in this affectionate strain: “I remain, with respect, monsieur and madame, your wet-nurse for life.”—Le Phare du Nord.

In a Picture Gallery.— A— That’s a newly married couple. B How do you know? A—He is always stepping on her dress. B—What does that prove? A—After he has been married some time and found out what a dress costs he wIP be more careful.—Fliegendi Blaetter. The young mar’s father was paying him a visit, just to see how he was getting along at college. “So yer learnin’fencin’?” “Yes; 7 “That’s right, William. Learn to make yerself useful ter yer father. Don’t bother none about rail fences; stone fences is what they need in our section of the country.”—Washington Star. Little boy—Do you like to go boating in the summer? Grandpa (anxious tp inculcate caution)—N-o, my son, I’m afraid I’d get drowned. Little boy—Do you like to go skating in the winter? Grandpa—No; I’m afraid I might fall and hurt myself. Little boy (after some thought)—Do you like to turn somersaults on a feather bed?—Good News.