Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 May 1893 — Page 6

g|)cj)cm(icrflticSeiiliiicl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. j w McEWEN, - ■ - PumJsHEB.

ONLY A SWITCHMAN.

HE FACES MORE DANGER THAN A SOLDIER. Making: Up Long: Trains and Guarding the Public—A Courageous Lot of lies Who Give Their Lives to Preserve Others—A Labor-Saving Device. Thousands KUled Yearly. Eight hundred thousand men find employment on the various railroad lines which traverse the United States, and of these fully one-fourth are stationed in the yards as switchmen. Of all the men who have anything to do with railroading there are none of whom the public know so little as switchmen. Did you ever notice the one-armed, one-legged man waving his red flag at the crossing? He is known as a flagman, but he was a switchman once, and there arc many hundreds of others just like him. Did you ever see a one-armed man struggling with the patent lock of a switch, his empty sleeve fluttering in the wind? He is only tending switches now', but he once belonged to a switch crew, rode on an engine, and helped to make up the long trains which carried passengers and freight out of Chicago, says the Inter Ocean. It is a dangerous calling—this occupation of switchman, with meager chance of

promotion and little recognition by the public, but it is a necessary and important one. They are as much a part of the. road as the conductor, who takes charge of the train when It is made up, or the engineer who pulls it, for without them trains would stop, roads would become blocked, and traffic finally cease altogether. More than one thousand men are employed in this capacity in the yards about Chicago. « Multifarious Duties. No one can fully understand the multifarious duties which fall to the lot of switchmen without paying a visit to some one of the many yards. About the first man you meet will bo

AUTOMATIC SWITCH-BOARD.

a great brawny, ruddy-faced son of Ireland, who, in rich brogue, will order you out of the way of a moving locomotive (for you are almost certain to stand on the wrong track), and then sarcastically inform you that this is a “Toosda” or a “Winsda,” and that the “Enginer” has a bit o’ mind to use that particular piece of track. You realize the possibility of this and move. A second later your informant hops on to the pilot of the “Ingine,” and with inimitable style waves you a salute and inquires “How long hev yees bin toe town?” or tells you with a broad grin that “Oi always knows a jay, sur, case his fate stick out forninst hes back.” Before you can make a retort the engine has borne your tormentor out of reach of your voice, and you turn just in time to see another man making frantic motions and yelling at the top of his voice, “Gaet uff dose track, da anyan kum, es yo wan a yob go by da mon, es is bethar es dese.” You “gaet” Justin time, and realize what a close call you have had as the iron steed with a clang and sputterof escaping steam rolls over the spot on which you stood just a moment before. You resolve to be more careful now, and walk between the tracks, but there is such a laby- . rinth of iron railing that only the experienced can recognize the betweens, and you walk on trying to look in four directions at once. A minute later a .small house with an open space around it attracts your attention. The strain is too much for your nerves, and like the small boy making a frantic dash for the door to escape from the darkness, you' rush for this house.

The Automatic Switch. It is a peculiarly fashioned, twoatory afTair, the top very much resembling a continuous bow window, to which ascent is made by outside steps. A stout, florid, well-built man is descending, and in a trice you have asked if you can go up. Turning his good-natured face to you, and taking a pipe from his mouth, he says, “Vhat ist dot?” The request is repeated, and a light shines in bis eyes as he answers: “Kumen-see-de*, haus-in. Oh! yah, yah.’* and then struts off among t te moving cars, just as a man appears at the door above and Invites you in. It occurs to you then that “Hans” has extended the invitaof his country, only you did not know it Once in the little house a good ▼lew of the yards can be had from all •ides, and you commence to realize the danger which these switchmen brave in the performance of their duty, la and oat, over and under

the moving trains, waving their arras and shouting to the engineers, apparently wltb as little thought of their perilous position as a man on an ox cart, a happy lot, who seem too bnsy to let the cares of life worry them for a moment. The switchman’s work Is not all manual labor, though it Is rough and dirty. He must be cool and quick of action at i critical moments; he must have a perfect conception of force and distance, and be conversant with the time-cards of all the roads, for those in chaise of the transfer trains often visit two or three yards during the day and must give right of way to regular trains. Some of the stations built within the past two or three years are provided with automatic switch-boards, fashioned not unlike the old-time Gillian telephone board, and operated on the same principle. This is placed in the second story of the switch-house, where a view can be had of all approaches. A Labor-saving: Device. Sitting before a long table containing a row of numbered levers one man controls the switches that let all trains in and out of the yards at the station. This is regarded as a laborsaving device by the railroad companies, and, though it costs more to operate, it dispenses with the services of six or seven switch tenders, placing the responsibility in the hands of two men and reducing the possibility of accident. At the older stations the old-time manner of managing the yards is still in vogue, and absolute dependence is placed upon the switchmen, who must throw the switches, make the couplings, and ba

TAKING WATER.

responsible for the safety of all cars arriving or leaving the yards. One of the most important duties is that of examining the condition of cars while making up trains, and reporting any defect. A weak or imperfect coupling is sure to make trouble, and a single accident may mean serious loss to many patrons of the road or a disturbance in the commercial world. From 7 o’clock at night to 6 o’clock in the morning is the busiest time in the yard. Then they are making up the trains for the next day. All night long the engines puff and sputter and throw myriads of sparks from their stacks, dropping a car here and one there, like the mail clerk distributing letters, until the engines stand alone exhausting steam as if tired out with work.

A l’erlloufi I-ifo. At night, too, the switchmen must be more careful. They must be ever on the watch lest a misstep throw ttae way of a moving car, rebutting ih the loss of'a* ltmb or, what is still more serious, life. Of the 28,000 employes killed and Injured on the railroads the past year, fully onethird met with the accident while coupling or uncoupling cars. Statistics show that one man in every thirty who follows railroading meets with an accident, and the chances are about equal when one does occur that the unfortunate Is a switchman. In,a law recently passed by the Legislature compelling railroads to equip their rolling stock with automatic brakes and couplers, the switchmen have some hope of lightening their labors and removing the possibility of accident. This will also tend to reduce the rates of insurance, a SSOO policy being the most any company will take, and for which they charge the extortionate premium of $37. An engineer, flremer, foreman, and two helpers constitute a switch crew, unless there is a grade, in which case two extra helpers are carried. When hired by the month they receive a salary of from $45 to $55, ten hours constituting a day, though they not

Infrequently work extra time when trains are late or the yards blocked. No regular hour is set for ditner and they Are compelled to eat at odd momenta wherever they happen to be. These Irregular hours and extra pay for overtime are the cause of the switchmen advocating a scale fixing the pay by the hour at the rate of twenty-five cents for day men and twenty-seven cents for night workers. Those who remain any length of time at this employment do ’so because they can hope for promotion when occasion offers, or because they can find nothing better. This leads to a constant change of employes, which explains why the foreign element predominates, and why there is often more or less friction in their dans.

An orange peddler In Amsterdam has died and left his heir? SBO,OOO. Little Dot—“Oh, deart I wish 1 wasn’t a girl” do? Why?” Little Dot—“ ’Cause I hat* to sit with the Smith’s Good News.

SWITCH-HOUSE.

Peddled to Profit.

"FATHER OF PROHIBITION.”

Gen. .Neal Dov'i Active and Interesting Life—A Gallant Soldier. Gen. Neal Dow, who has been called the Father of Prohibition, re-

cently celebratedhis eighty-ninth birthday. Ho is still hale and hearty, and takes active part in |all political moveaments which espei daily interest himself, and is far from showing any of the weakness which old

NEAL DOW.

age usually experiences. His life has been a most interesting one, and has been filled with activity In various directions and fraught with farreaching Influences. Neal Dow was born at Portland, Me., In 1804. His family were Quakers and he early received a strong impress toward the doctrines of that society, which has influenced his! whole life. After attending school j in his native place he was sent to the,! Quaker Academy at New Bedford, j where he spent several years. He j then returned to Portland, where he j entered into mercantile life. He j soon began to take a strong interest I in the affairs of his native town and j in 1839 he was elected chief ofsthe Portland Fire Department. He held I no other office for some time, but his influence was„growing among his fellow citizens, and it was generally felt that he was destined in the future to be a man of great prominence. Neal Dow was especially Interested at this time in the advocacy by James Adpleton of legislative measures prohibiting the making or sale of intoxicants in Maine. In 1837 Mr. Appleton had presented a report to the Legislature in favor of these prohibitive measures and the cause was warmly embraced by Neal Dow. Though he tolled laboriously to have Mr. Appleton’s resolution embodied in a law, yet his efforts were for a long time without avail, and it was in 1851 that he Anally was successful. On the breaking out of the war Mr. Dow felt it his duty to go to the front, and December 31, 1803, he ! was appointed Colonel of the Thlr- 1 teentli Maine Volunteers, and with his regiment he joined Gen. Butler’s i expedition to New Orleans. Here ho! served with great bravery and proved a military leader of ability and skill. He was always a great friend of Gen. ; Butler and upon the latter’s death a i short time ago he delivered an elo-1 quent address in praise of the great leader. April 28, 1882, Col. Dow was appointed Brigadier General of Volunteers and placed in command of the forts at the mouth of the Mississippi and afterward of the whole district of Florida. The next year in the attack on Fort Hudson he was wounded twice ancHvhilo lying in a bouse near by was taken prisoner. Eight months of imprisonment at Libby Prison and Mobile followed, during which he suffered greatly. He was then exchanged. and November 30, 1864, he resigned. Gen. Dow’s military career was brave and gallant and such as to give him a national reputation. He has always been proud of it and only last year he delivered a stirring and patriotic address before the veterans

NEAL DOW'S RESIDENCE IN PORTLAND.

or the regiment which he led to the field. ' The passage of ohe restrictive liquor bill in Maine has not been the only work which Gen. Dow has done in this direction. In 1857, ’6(> and ’74, he went to England at the invitation of the United Kingdom Temperance Alliance, and In all the large cities delivered addresses before enthusiastic audiences. As the years have passed on his zeal in this chosen field has increased and become even more ardent By speeches and newspaper articles he has endeavored to win popular approval of prohibitive legislatlou, and all over this country and Canada, as well as in England, has his voice i eon heard in advocacy of his favorite measure. In 1880 Gen. Dow was candidate for President of the United States on the ticket of the Prohibitionists and received 10,305 votes. He is a man wh sc influence has been and is widely felt, and one who is honored and respected by all.

Improving the Opportunity. The woman of forty who clings to the airs and graces which'made her charming at twenty, and still expects society to take an active part in amusing hei, makes a sad mistake. Society is gay, delightful—to many, even fascination; but it is eminently selflshi, It cares only for the man or woiunn who has something to give it The magdenrof eighteen charms by her beimj’’ and freshness; when these pleasatrt; gifts have faded, if she be wise she offers something else in their place, or something more enduring and enchanting than mere surface graces. Forty is not twenty, says Bazar, neither ought it to wish to be. At forty. a>woman’s sources of enjoyment should be double what they were at twenty. At twenty, she is selfish; at forty, she should have learned some lessons of self-sacrifice and their rewards, and these lessons should make her—indeed, they cannot fall to make her—a more agreeable friend, a more valuable companion. But in the. uncertain period, a woman too ofter falls a victim to certain other temptations. She is tempted by hobbies. Ten years ago her little opinions were listened to with gay raillery or tender seriousness and respect Now, if she is at all strenuous in advocating or persistent in introducing these same themes to which she has given mature thought, her conversation becomes wearisome* She must avoid hobbies, in society at least, particularly if -they run counter to fixed opinions. But tfcjwrle woman may successfully cultivate a certain brightness of appearance which results from being genuinely Interested in the gj.;at worl/i and all its Bead-

Ing will do much for one, but reading alone is not sufficient. Interchange of thought, the ready expression of opinion, a certain flavor of keeping in touch with all bright and pleasant things, will serve the older maiden in good stead when the little day of youth goes by. There is no assumption in this. Her happiness comes from the cultivation of this spirit, and a happy woman is sure to have friends. Cheerfulness wins its way anywhere. A cultivated and avowed talent almost Invariably wins a in society for its possessor, and age has little to do with its enjoyment. A lady who can and will render a Une musical selection on the piano, harp, or guitar, or whose sweet voice can and will lend its power for song for the pleasure of others, finds herself appreciated and sought after. A pleasant story-teller, who has the discretion to tell short stories and adapt them with tact to her audience, Is a winning companion. The grand thing to remember is this: If you wish to be still beloved in society and to find your invitations still numerous, yon must have something to give in return for social favors. Some people have good looks,, an honored name, a long purse, a. talent for being-agreeable, or a distinguished grandfather; but tact and kindness are fair rivals for the distinguished grandfather, and often win in the race for social popularity.

An Industrious Lawyer. The ingenuity of lawyers in making business for themselves is in course of illustration in a reference case now in progress down-towD. An estate is involved in’the litigation. An unsuccessful contest of a will left some of the litigants dissatisfied. This furnished the lawyer hischance. He found that about 125 persons might be entitled to a dip into the estate If the will could lie broken. He addressed a note to each of them, proposing to attack the will, and tendering his services on a contingent arrangement. In this note he informed them that proceedings would be begun, and that he would make defendants of all who did not join his movement. With the apparent necessity forced upon them of accepting his services without charge or hiring various lawyers to protect their interests, they flocked to him. When proceedings were started, he issued circulars of information to his clients, and kept them posted on every move. This involved some trouble and expense, in which the clients were asked to assist. In this way, while receiving nothing that could be called a fee from anyone, the small contributions of his 125 clients are said to have helped the lawyer’s bank account an average of S3OO per month. As he is very industrious and does his work earnestly, his clients are glad to help him out, and, while he seems to be basing his chances of reward solely on the successor his suit, he is making quite a comfortable income.—New York Times.

Parboiling. There are various and sundry whims about cooking, but none of them are more absurd than the idea that"beans must be parboiled. One would hardly think of turning off the water from meat while it is cooking, but it might just as well begone, as in either case it takes away a great portion of the nutriment and flavor of the dish. Beans should be carefully looked over, thoroughly washed and put to soak over night in about their bulk of water. I’ut thorn In the kettle soon after breakfast the next morning, add about as much water as at first, place them where they will not burn, and let them cook slowly anti without stirring until about 10 o’clock. Then add half a pound of salt pork thoroughly washed and cut across the rind in small dice. Place the pork on top of the beans and let it boll for an hour or more. Then lift thfe meat out, turn the beans and liquor into a baking pan, press the pork down until only the rind is out of the water and bake in a slow oven for several hours. Many persons complain that beans are indigestible and cause dyspepsia. It is said by eminent authorities that if beans are cooked for six or eight hours no complaint of this sort can be made against them.—New York Ledger.

Ancestry of the Fen. The earliest mode of writing was on bricks, tiles, oyster-shells, stone, ivory, bark, and leaves of trees, and from the latter the term “leaves of a book” is probably derived. Copper and brass plates were very early in use; and a bill of feoffment on copper was some years since discovered in ludia, bearing date 100 years before Christ. Leather was also used, as well as wooden tablets. Then the papyrus came Into vogue, and about the eighth century the papyrus was superseded by parchment. Paper.' however, is of great antiquity, especially among the Chinese; but the first paper-mill in England was built in 1588 by a German, at Hartford, in Kent. Nevertheless, it was nearly a century and a half—namely, in 1713—before Thomas Watkins, a stationer, biought paper making to anything like perfection. The first approach to a pen was the stylus, a kind of iron bodkin; but the Bonians forbade its use on account of its frequent and even fatal use in quarrels, and then it was made of tone. Subsequently, reeds, pointed and split, like pens as in the present day, were used.

Little Mary and the Bishop. A good story is told of the Bishop of Atlanta, 3a. He recently addressed a large number of Sundayschool children, and wound up by asking, in a very paternal and condescending way: “And now Is there a-a-n-y little boy or a-a-n-y little girl who would like to ask me a question?” After a pause he repeated the question; “Is there a-a-n-y little boy or a-a-n-y little girl who would like to ask me a question?” A little shrill voice called out: “Please, sir, why did the angels walk upand down Jacob’s ladder when they had wings?” “Oh, ah, yes—l see, ” said the Bishop; “and now is there a-a-n-y little boy or a-a-n-y little girl who would like to answer Mary’s question?”— Southron.

IN A LIVING CRAVE.

IVhWt 600 Men Live In Solitary Ceils—Louvain’s Dreadful Prison. The seclusion of Latimer in his solitary cell at Jackson, Mich., calls attention to the Maison Cenfcrale, of Louvain—that one prison in Europe where absolute isolation is still enforced. The buildings all converge to a central apsis, whence a warder can easily survey the six immense avenues or wings, consisting of two stories of cells. The convicts are clad in gowns and hoods of linen, * hich cover the face, except the eyes, nose and mouth. They must never see a face except their keeper’s, and they must conceal their own face from everybody. If, perchance, a face is seen by a doctor it is paled by the long sunless shadow and the want of free air, for even the daily hour’s walk is in cramped passages between two high walls, where a few stunted plants soon wither and die. The prisoners have that flaccid fleshiness which comes from the absence of movement. Two of the inmates have dwelt there since 18(54, At 6 o’clock in the morning the peals of an organ wake the convicts. The music may be religious or secular. It lasts for fifteen minutes, and by that time the warders must find each man at his work. All labor is performed in the sleeping cells. Breakfast consists of half a pint of coffee and bread, and the two other meals are of soup and vegetables. Three times a week the convicts have fresh meat. Sunday is a day of religious services. The prison library is excellent, and those who can neither read nor write are compelled to attend school. The chapel is like a circular and reversed amphitheater. The convicts occupy stalls. They can see the priest, but they enter the stalls one at a time and never see each other. The cells areclean and well lighted, heated and 'ventilated, but the convicts cannot see out. Some of the convicts are shoemakers; others bookbinders, tailors, carpenters, even smiths Some are employed in copying students’essays. The produce of each man’s labor is divided equally between the state and himself. His earnings never exceed two or three cents a day. In the evening, labor ended, he dines and goes to bed. None but isolated cases of revolt have ever taken place. These are punishable by incarceration in a subterranean dungeon, but there is another and harder punishment—the privation of work! and the threat of taking a convict’s tools rarely fails to insure submission. It is impossible to leave the Maison Centrale of Louvain without a feeling of almost superstitious horror at the vision of those miserable beings, buried in their livery of infamy, the face of each remaining as sealed to his GOO companions of irime and shame as if the lid of a coffin had closed upon it and the hand of death forever obliterated the features.

A Detestable Character. The slanderer has ever been regarded as a most detestable character; and the person who commits the iniquity must expect the severest retaliation. Few would err in this respect, if they would but consider that they provoke the same conduct in others which they exhibit themselves. We are none of us Immaculate; and the most irreproachable cannot afford to fling a stone at a neighbor. Indulgence in scandal of any kind is a disgraceful occupation of time, and tends iu no small degree to vitiate the heart and weaken the understanding. It is the pastime of the idle and the corrupt, and no virtuous man or woman will stoop to the indignity. Based on falsehood, calumny, and envy, it exposes those who pursue it to similar treatment at the hands—or, we' shou'd say, when alluding to the ladies, mouths—of those whom they have detracted, and by and by it is a contest between the parties who shall be the cleverest and most racy inventor and unblushing detractor.

The Artfulness of the Ant. Like many other insects, the ant Is very fond of sugar, to obtain which it employs a skill that is almost incredible. An observer thought he had protected his sugar basin from the attentions of a number of ants by placing it in the center of a vessel full of water. To his amazement, however, he found that they got at the sugar by climing up the wall of the room to the part of the ceiling that was just over the ceiling. From this point they allowed themselves to fall down among the sugar. Several that were carried by the draught past the bowl fell into the surrounding water, and would all have been drowned but for the efforts of their mates, who succeeded in rescuing some of them. The truth of this singular occurrence is vouched for by the witnesses of it

Dajr of the Dark Woman. The fai.-haired woman, lissome and loving, has had her day. Dark-eyed beauty,framed in dusky tresses,seems more in keeping with the tall and queenly type of woman that has of late supplanted the petite ideal of the old days. Men say it is because the tall woman makes such exquisite pictures, leaning and swaying in graceful poses, because she is infinitely nicer to make love to than the little woman She can cuddle her head up under a man’s chin, touch his cheek with her smooth, velvety face, while a little woman, even if she stands on tiptoe, only rumples his shirt front. And when she takes to ordering a mao about he doesn’t feel quite so much like a fool as when a little woman takes on the airs of a commanding officer.

Scores but a Single Victim. Of all the various legal measures that have been adopted in order to discourage suicide none has worked very well. Since the New Yoik law was passed but a single conviction has been had under it. This was twelve years ago, when a man undertook to drown himself. He was rescued and. was sentenced to Sing Sing,and he is there yet. The spring poet is backward this year because his rhyme doesn’t suit the time and he can’t reason with the season.—Philadelphia Times.

INDIAN MOUND RELICS.

a Human Skull Twice sa Large as the Nor* mal One of To-day. The work of removing the old Indian mound in Walnut Grove, Martin’s Ferry, goes on slowly owing to the care exercised that none of the interesting relics to be found in it be lost, says a Bcllaire, Ohio, correspondent Probably the most interesting article* taken from the mound is a huge skull, which would seem tp indicate that in the days of the mound builders there were giants abroad. The skull is at least twice as large as the normal average of to-day. This skull is in a good state of preservation. In the collection of relics exhibited in the same place are cuplike stones, which have been supposed to

REMOVING THE MOUNP.

be cups made by ancient inhabitants. These and other relics are shown in the picture herewith givea. Whether these were made by man or are stones in the process of formation, the outer shell only having become petrified, it would take an expert to decide. Certain it is, however, that similar cups are often found in this vicinity in the ground or on its surface, having the appearance of being a natural product and not an artificial one.

Some of the spearheads and hatchets found at Martin’s Ferry are as perfect ’as any ever found > anywhere. Bones are found in every part tof the mound, bearing out the theory that such mounds

SKULL FOUND IN THE MOUND.

were simply cemeteries instead of the graves and monuments at once of great chiefs. Several corpses have certainly been buried in this mound. The finding of curious precious stones is worthy of notice. What seem to be opals, emeralds and crystals nearly like diamonds have been taken from the mound. Learned savants have held that the proof is complete, from the articles found at Moundsville, W. Va., that the moundbuilders were Croatians or Phoenicians or both. The presence of precious stones in the vicinity of these corpses, with flint darts, spear-heads, stone axes and stones with holes neatly drilled in them, may furnish another clew to the identity of the lost race. The

SOME oF THE RELICS.

mound at MoundsvlUe is the highest mound found in this part of the country, it being over 100 feet high. Good Talker. Kenny Meadows was an artist who was always welcome at any social gathering, for he had an infinite fund of quotation and mother-wit. A certain well-known studio pun was his. There had been one day a long talk about fresco and the palette necessary for it, and the repeated remark that it needed a palette of earths quite tired him out. “You talk of ochres,” he said, “but the worst of all you haven’t named, though it's the commonest. That’s the mediocre!” “Then," said another artist, “you don’t believe in the golden mean's being the best of things?” “No,” said he; “I’ll divide that with you. You may take the mean, and I’ll keep the gold. ” According to his own telling, his standard of praise was a financial one. “Now, I dare say you think yourself a very clever fellow to paint so good a picture,” be said to his friend, William Bell Scott, who had just completed his “Old English Ballad Singer." “But it’s nothing to paint a picture compared with what it is to sell it. When you do that I’ll congratulate you!” But every one knew just how much such deprecatory criticism meant. Meadows was “fond of talking.”

Value or Nickel Metal. Nickel is a metal of more importance than it used to be, since it has been discovered that combined with steel it makes the best and hardest armor for war ships, and ttiqpe southern Oregon mines should not have been allowed to pass into the hands of an English syndicate. The nickel for the armor of the battle ships now building at Philadelphia is procured from Canada under a regular contract with the navy department It is almost the only material entering into the new war vessels which is not produced in the United States.—Boston Journal.

Growsome Statistics. Statistics show that murders are rapidly on the increase, while legal hangings and lynchings are small in proportion. Murders in 1887 amounted to 2,335; in 1889-4 here were 3,567; 4,230 in 1890; 5,906 in 1891; 6,fM in 1892. The number of legal hangings in 1891 was 123, oroneto4B murders; in 1892 there were 107 legal hangings, or one to 63 murders. On the otherhand, hanging outside of the law or in defiance of the law, has been on the increase. There were 195 lynchings in 1891, and 236 in 1892.—Illinois State Register.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OP THE PREBS. Many 044, Corteas, ud iMfluM. ChMH of Homan Natoro Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Axti.U of Our Own Day. l _______ Sprinkles of Spice, The conscientious baker gets up a good many rolls of honor.—Troy Press. “I’ve spotted you,” said the sun tc the girl with freckles.—Atchison Globe. “We met by chants,” said the organist who was engaged to the soprano.—Washington Star. It is the reporter who allows his imagination to run riot who is continually getting into a row.—Lowell Courier. Now comes a neck-and-neck race between the coal-bin and the woolen undershirt which will last the longer. —Dansville Breeze. A man who can carry his county in great shape conldn’t_carry a baby without becoming a picture of awkwardness.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “And is the air healthy here?” asked a visitor at a mountain resort. “Excellent, sir, excellent One can become a centenarian here in a little while. ” —Tid-Bits. The Philosophic Beggar.— He displayed on his breast a label worded as follows: “Do not be ashamed of giving me only a halfpenny—l am blind. ” —Le Grelot. It will not count for much to refrain from buggy-riding on Sunday, if we spend all the rest of the week in throwing stones at people we don’t like.—Ram’s Horn.

“How do you like your alarm clock?” asked the Jeweler. “Firstrate.” “You didn't seem pteased with it at first?” “No; but it’s broken now.” —Boston Globe. “It seems to me,” said the Congressman, “that a law is like a colt* Somebody has to break it before you can find out whether' it is good or not.”—Washington Star. “I hear that your next-door neighbors have a new organ. Do you know how many stops it has?” Only about three a day, and those are only for meals.”—Des Moines Argonaut. “I’m going to have a party on my birthday,” said Mollie. “What kind?” asked Jennie. “Oh, I don’t know. Republican; I guess. That’s what papa is.”—Harper’s Young People. ' k „ - - i Mamma (reviewing Ethel’s composition) —“Why, child, this is no way to spell ’rhinoceros,’” Ethel—“ But if it does not spell it* how did' you know what it was?”—lndianapolis Journal. Uncle Ned —“What are you going to give little sister for a birthday present?” Oliver—“l’m’ going to ask papa to get her a football, and I’ll show her how to play.”—Harper’s Young People. If window-breaking is to become a kind of anti-glass trust, jewelers would do well to keep only paste diamonds In them.' Then the burglars would find themselves stuck.—Philadelphia Times. Brother Wing —“ They say you’ve left Kansas for good. How’s that, Brother Swing?” Brother Swing—“lt never rains out there. 1 couldn’t And water enough to baptize the souls I saved.”—Brooklyn Life. John —“ Sallie, cf I was to ask you if you d marry me, do you think you’d say yes?” Sallie—“l—er—l guess sa” John—“ Wall, es I ever git over this ’ere darn bashfulness I’ll ask you some o’ these times.” —Judge. “Papa,” said Walter, “I wish you’d buy me a whistle like Georgie’s.” “What kind is that, Walter?” “It’s one with nothing to it but whistle. He makes an Oof his mouth and blows the whistle through it.”—Harper’s Bazar. “I am glad to see you willing and ready to reform,” said the temperance worker. “I suppose you were led astray?” “Led? Bless your heart, no! Everybody else had to hump to keep up with me iu the procession!”—Chicago Record. Where Darwinism Fails. —First Dog—My master is a great scientist I wonder if he has found out where we came from? Second Dog (glancing at a sausage factory)—Guess not There’s too many missing links.— New York Weekly. A Permanency. —A young countrywoman in Burgundy, writing to the parents of a little girl whom she has in charge, wound up her letter in this affectionate strain: “I remain, with respect, monsieur and madame, your wet-nurse for life.”—Le Phare du Nord.

In a Picture Gallery.— A— That’s a newly married couple. B How do you know? A—He is always stepping on her dress. B—What does that prove? A—After he has been married some time and found out what a dress costs he wIP be more careful.—Fliegendi Blaetter. The young mar’s father was paying him a visit, just to see how he was getting along at college. “So yer learnin’fencin’?” “Yes; 7 “That’s right, William. Learn to make yerself useful ter yer father. Don’t bother none about rail fences; stone fences is what they need in our section of the country.”—Washington Star. Little boy—Do you like to go boating in the summer? Grandpa (anxious tp inculcate caution)—N-o, my son, I’m afraid I’d get drowned. Little boy—Do you like to go skating in the winter? Grandpa—No; I’m afraid I might fall and hurt myself. Little boy (after some thought)—Do you like to turn somersaults on a feather bed?—Good News.

Obeyed Orders.

One of the worst cases of a literal mind is reported by the Chicago Mail: A guest hurried up to the hotel clerk’s counter. He had just ten minutes in which to pay his bill, reach the station and board his train. “Whew!” he exclaimed. “I’ve forgotten something. Here, boy, run up to my room, B 48, and see if I have left my tooth-brush and sponge. Hurry; I’ve only five minutes now.” The boy hurried. In four minutes he returned, out bt breath. “Yes, sir,” he panted. “You left them.”