Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 April 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed Se Ban Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Ars Odd. Curious and Laughable. Let Us L*hgh. The successful gambler is necessarily a winsome chap.—Troy Press. Two great foes of the church—the golden calf and the leathery oyster.—Rara’s Horn. Choir singers are rarely Intimate. They are mere chants acquaintances. —Binghamton Leader. We are willing to endure the crinoline if the girls will agree not to use barbed wire.—Utica Observer. When the legislator “calls for a division” he doesn’t always refer to the vote. —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Some orators are badly stuck by the time they reach the point of a discourse.—Cleveland Plain Dealer.

A man with a broken leg is apt to do a good deal of darning while the leg is knitting.—Binghamton Leader. Talk is cheap. If you don’t believe it sec bow much you can get for the price of a shave.—Elmira Gazette. No man ever disputed a boundary line to' the extent of shoveling snow past his neighbor’s fence.—Elmira Gazette. The chambermaid knows how to put in a sweeping denial when accused of smashing the bric-a-brac:— Troy Pres 9. The young man who puts his foot on his knee in the street car is preparing to take lessons on the mandolin.—Picayune In the stutterer’s lexicon there is no such animal as a coon; he generally makes a co-coon of him.—Yonkers Statesman. St. Louis has a girl phrenologist. Evidently woman is getting to the head in the march of progress.— Boston Transcript “Is Haiikaway as dull as they say he is?” “Every bit Why, my foot went to sleep when Harkaway was talking last night”—Truth. “Did you ever go to Bins, the tailor?” “Yes. Got two suits from him. One dress suit. One law suit Very expensive man.”—Waif. Of course she knew it: Harry— Does she know you love her? Fred— She can’t help knowing it Why, she told me she had $20,000 a year.— Life. In case hoops do come there wouldn’t be inappropriateness in reviving the old song, “I’m Sitting ou the Style, Mary.” Philadelphia Times.

A recently published book entitled “Fairbairn’o Book of Crests” declares that only twenty-one American families are entitled to the use of a crest A contemporary gives the startling information that persons, should “dress quietly when attending the funeral of a dear friend. ”—Philadelphia Record. “Now,” said the editor, “I want you to write up Chicago’s magnificence as a pork center.” ‘’l see,” replied the reporter—“a pen picture.— Washington Star. “This is a temperance hotel, isn’t it?” asked one guest of another. “I think it must he,” was the reply. “I never knew it to be full."—Browning, King & Co.’s Monthly. Mrs. Muscavado— The NeWriches are people who don’t know who their grandparents were. Mrs.Rockoil— Oh, yes, they do, but they hope that no one else does.—Brandon Bucksaw. “Young man,” said the judge, sternly, “your face is familiar. Have you ever been in this court before?” “No, sir,” replied the young man, “I’m a faro dealer. "—Pittsburg Dispatch. Judge —Why did you not return the pocketbook you found on the same evening? Defendant—lt was too late. Judge—Why, then, did you not deliver it in the morning? Defendant —No use; nothing left in it. —Fliegende Blaetter. “My old aunt out in Brown County has sent me a jar of brandied peaches,” said Mr. Lashforth to a row of friends. “Now, while I don’t like peaches, still I fully appreciate the spirit in which they were tendered.” —lndianapolis Journal. Dudeleigh —Where is Mile. Kickup to-night? Mile. Souriante—She is unable to appear. Dudeleigh— Why? Mile. Souriante—She attended a little private party last night, and unfortunately stubbed her toe on the chandelier.—Brooklyn Life. Objecting Parents —Yes, I know how it is with you young people. You’d get along so long as the setris calm and it is smooth sail mg,? but what would you do in case of a squall? Practical Sailor—Weil, if the worst comes to the worst we cm employ a nurse.—Puck. The deacon’s wife wanted to. jot down the text, and, leaning over to her scapegrace nephew, she whispqj-ed: “Have you any cards about ybu?” “You can’t play in church,” Was the solemn, reproving answer, and the good woman whs so flustered that sbe forgot her text.—Anon.