Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 April 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd. Carton*, ud Un{biN. PbuM of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artist* a I Our Own Day. Tea-Table Talk. When a woman is trying to write a letter on a half sheet of paper, much may be said on both sides.— Texas Siftings. “It’s funny about Jags; he never speaks above his breath any more.” “I suppose it’s because it’s so strong he can't.”—lnter Ocean. Upton —“De Curb’s failure is a pretty bad one, isn’t it?” Downton—“N—o, not so bad. He’s got his winter coal in.”—New York Weekly. Teacher —“ Tommy 'loughoov, for what is. Christopher Columbus‘distinguished?” Tommy—“He wuz de fust man t’ git onto dis change. Patient —“ What do you think of a warmer climate for me, Doctor?” Doctor—“My dear man, that's what I’m trying to save you frqm,”— Truth. “Don’t wait for ipe, ” said the boots to the beaver hat. “Why not?” asked the hat. “Because it is your business to go on a head, ” returned the boots. —Truth. “Hallo, Vanderloin, some Qf your people Coming on this train?” "Yes; I am expecting a sister of mine.” “Sister, !eh? By birth or refusal? VNew York World. Mother —-“My dear, you’ll have to chop some wood and bring up the coal.” Father—“ Where is son John?" Mother—“ He’s gone to the athletic club-”—Good News. “Poor Jack*! ho never could spell, and it runined him.” “How?” “He wrote a verse to an heiress he was in love with, and he wrote honey for bonny.”—Harper’s Bazar.

A—flELLo, old chap! Congratulations! I bear you have married a lady with an independent fortune? B No; I married a fortune with an independent lady.—Vogue. Kitty —“lsn’t it Wonderful how well Jack gets along on a small salary?” Tom (guardedly)—“Ah, well, you see, he owes a great deal to his friends.” —Brooklyn Life. Whiffler —“ They tell me Sharpleigh made his entire fortune in less than a week. How did he do it?” Staples—“ Cornered the Boston spectacle market.”—Troy Press. “Did you over notice that some men seem happiest when they are most in debt?” “Yes. Their credit gets so bad that they can’t even borrow trouble.”—Washington Star. She—You are always sneering at women who talk too much. Are you bitting at me? He—Not at all. There are lots of women besides you. who talk too much.—Texas Siftings. “You say your daughter plays by ear?” said the minister. “Yes,” replied the; mother; proudly. “Excuse me—but—er—is your daughter at all hard of hearing?”—Washington Star. Traveler—“Bo you think the lynch-law you have heredecreases the numberof murders?” Native—“ Wall, I dunno; but it decreases the number of murderers.”—New York Weekly. She (hotly)—“Why do men always lie to women?” He (cynically—- “ Well the VTomen always ’insist on complimentary things being said to them, don’t they?”—Detroit Free Press. Bosom Friends. —“Wbat do you say to the young barrister making me an offer of marriage?” “Just as I expected! When I jilted him he swore he would do himself an injury!”— Plauderecke.

“I’m going to be a postman when I grow up, ” said Bob, who had been ehided by his father for whistung, “Then f can go around ringing front door-bells and whistling all I please.” —Harper’s Bazar. Mother —My daughter, I’m astonished at your conduct with that gentleman. I distinctly heard you kiss him twice. Daughter—Nonsense, ma. You know very well the conservatory has an echo.—Life. Floor-walker “Good - morning! You wish to do some shopping, I presume?" Bride—“ Y-e-a” Floorwalker—“ Step into the smoking-room and the boy there will give you a check for your husband.’’—New York Weekly. Coffson —I don t see why we can't find a policeman occasionally in this neighborhood when we want him. Coles—Hum; are you bothered by the saloons? “Saloons? There isn’t one within a mile of us.” “Well, that’s why.”—Chicago Tribune. Old Friend (j ust returned)—“Your engagement with Miss . Prettle is off, I see.” Billton—“Off?” Old Friend —“Why, yes. She just passed and scarcely deigned you a look. ” Billton—“Oh, that’s it? We are married.”—Hew York Weekly. Little Boy—“ What’s all those women* here for?” Little Gifl—••They’ve been up-stairs to see the baby.” Little Boy—“ Babies is plenty ’nough.” Little Girl—“ Yes, but it is a real new one, and I guess they wants to see the style.”—Good News. “Can I kiss you?” he asked the Boston girl after his proposal.had been accepted. ,“I do not know whether you can or not,” she replied critically. “May I kiss you?” he murmured; “That’s different,” she replied, and he kissed her.—Detroit Free Press “Mr. Gingham,” said Taper, “I would like a fortnight’s absence to attend fce wedding of a very dear friend.” “It must be a very dear friend, indeed, to mate you want that much time. Who is it?” “Well, sir, after the ceremony she will be my wife.”—Tit-Bits.