Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 April 1893 — THE JOKERS’ BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.

JEST AND YABN BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Hard Lot— A Matter of Choice — A Great Improvement-A Predicament —Etc., Etc. “Goodness me, Johnny! What are you crying about now ?” “ ’Cause Tommy dreamed about eatin’ pie last night and I didn't.”—[lndianapolis Journal. A MATTER OF CHOICE. “ To think that my Ethel should have spoken so impertinent to papa at dinner. She never hears mamma talk that way to him.” Ethel (stoutly.)—Well, but you choosed him and Ldidn’t.—[Tit Bits. A GREAT IMPROVEMENT. Tailor—Checks I see are not to be used this Spring. Customer—Well, that suits me; I always liked credit far better.—[Chicago Inter-Ocean. A PREDICAMENT. Jason—l’ll be hanged if I know whether It’s safer to address that strange lady as “Miss” or “Madame.” Argo—Why, what difference will it make? Jason—Well, you see, if T call her “Madame” she’ll think I think she looks so old that she must be married. And if I call her “Miss” she’ll think I’ve spotted her as an old maid who couldn’t get married.—[Chicago News Record. A GOOD REASON. “I wish I was a twin,” said Bobbie. “Why?” asked his father. ’•Then I could see how I looked without a looking-glass,” said Bobbie.— [Harper's Young People. A ItATURAL INFERENCE. •“What are the principal products of the Sandwich Islands?” “I am not sure, but I should say bread, ham and mustard.”

A QUESTION NOT EASILY ANSWERED. ■“So she i 9 going to marry him?” “Yes.” “Does she love him?” “It is impossible to tell. He is rich.” MUCH TO LIVE FOR. He loved her more than tongue could tell—at least more than his tongue could tell—for he had been telling her of it for months, and is still at it seven nights a week. He was sweet and musical as bright Apollo’s lute, strung with his own hair, and when he spoke the voice of all the gods made heaven drowsy with the harmony. Naturally, under such circumstanoes, the gir.l liked to listen. Yet she hud lived in Chicago so many winters that she had some doubts about love keeping the cold out better than a cloak and serving for food and raiment. Spareribs and sealskins, she knew were more comfortable from a practical standpoint. Yet she loved to listen to this lover’s love. It's a weakness women have even in Chicago. On this occasion he had been talking to her of his love ahd his hopes for the future. “I have so much tolive for,” he whispered tenderly, as he took her in his great strong arms. She looked up into his face trustfully. “I should say you did, George,” she said with charming naivete. “ I weighed 200 pounds to-day on papa’s bog scales.” “Birdie,” he murmured, and kissed her.—J Detroit Free Press. THE SAD ELEVATOR BOY.. Old Lad) —Don’t you ever feel sick going up and down in this elevator all day? Elevator Boy—Yes’m. “Is it the motion of going down ?” “No’m. “ The motion of going up ? ” “ No’m. “The stopping ?” “ No’m. “ What is it then ? " “ The questions.”—[Good News. SURE TO FAIL.

Bitkins—Your friend Scribbler seems to be always short of funds. If his books don’t sell, why don’t you try him at effioe work when you need anew man? Boomer—No use. A man who can’t, succeed as a novelist hasn't imagination enough for the real estate business.—[N. Y. Weekly. ■ • HONEST. He—Don't you think you could love me just a little? She (decidedly)—No; I’m one of those impulsive creatures who never do things •by halves.—[New York Press. A BIG BOOM. Mr. Gotham—How’s business in your section ? Western Friend—Booming, sir, just a booming. Why, sir, in Dugout City, where I live, they are opening up new streets so fast that the whole town is down with diphtheria.—[N. Y. Weekly. AN AERIAL SUBURB. Manager—-Mr. Skylight, I see you’re late again this morning. Have you moved out of town? Skylight—Yes, sir., Manager—How far? Skylight—The twenty-first story, sir. —[Chicago luter-Ocean. fashions for ’93. Wife—lsn’t it lovely? It was so delightfully antique I could not resist the temptation to buy it. Husband—Well, I'll be dinged! Here I’ve just been elected President of the Swear Off Temperance Society, and you go out and Purchase an old-fashioned punch howl as big as a tub. “We needn’t use it for punch, my dear.” , “What can we do with it?” “I was thinking we might keep it in the library., We can fill it with water, you know, and alongside of it have a sponge on a pretty Japanese plate.” “For wetting Columbia postage stamps, of course. [New York Weekly. A JUDICIAL OPINION. Daughter (looking up from' her novel) —Papa, in time of trial what do you suppose brings the most oomfort to a man? Papa (who is District Judge)—An acquittal, I should think.—[Brooklyn Life. COMPANION PIECES. Gildersloeve—A Philadelphia man has a carriage which he says Washington once owned. TilUnghaat—Who has the hack Washington took at the cherry tree!—[Brooklyn Life.

818 FAVORITE ATTITUDE, In the Street Car: Gentleman (cntering)—Will you klmlly get up and give me your seat? Lady.—What do you mean by addressing me in that manner, sir? Gentleman—When I offered you a seat last evening you said you preferred to stand. As I take you for a lady of your word, I will accommodate you by occupying your seat while you assume your favorite attitude.—[Boston Transcript. HAD HIS EYES OPENED. Green—There was n time when I thought I knew everything. Brown--Yes. And you think disnow ? G.--I do. B.—What made you change your opinion ? G.—Well, the fact is I am courting a widow.—[New York Press. SELF-CONTROL. Teacher—What is the meaning of selfcontrol? Boy—lt’s we'en a teacher gets mad, and feels like giving a boy a black mark, and doesn’t. A GREAT EFFORT. Wee Miss—l hate that little girl! Mamma—You should not hate anybody, my dear. Wee Miss—Well, if I musn’thate her, I’ll try not to, but I guess It’ll make my head ache. —[Good News. DEFINITE ENOUGH. Jack—l may kiss you, then? Perdita (blushingly)—Some time in the future, Jack. Jack (eagerly)—When? Perdita l —Day before to-morrow.