Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 March 1893 — THE JOKERS BUDGET. [ARTICLE]

THE JOKERS BUDGET.

IKST AND YARN BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. An Appeal to Gratitude Cautious Assent—Her Pets—Cue Way to Get a Word In—Etc., Etc. AN APPEAL TO GRATITUDE. Briggs—l have never told you about the smart things my little boy does and says, have I? Braggs—You never havo. Briggs—Then don’t you think you can find it convenient to lend me $25 i—[lndianapolis Journal. CAUTIOUB ASSENT. "Now, for example,” said Miss Wellslong, twirling a corkscrew ringlet in her Ungers, "there is my Cousin Penelope’s little girl Fanny. Thin kof it! Reading Plato, and only eleven years old. It ft so strange and yet so charming—don’t you think so. Mi. Hankinsonf—to see an old head on young shoulders! ” "Y-yes,” said Hankinson, rather dubiously, and moving his chair a little further away.—[Chicago Tribune. HSR PUTS. Little Barbara has been sick, but was convalescing, " Are you my doctor ? ” she said, waking up suddenly and finding a strange lady at her bedside. " No, dear," replied the strange lady. "lam your trained nurse.” " Ah, that's better,” exclaimed the little girl. " I shall like you very much. Trained nurae,” she continued, pointing to a cage hanging near the window, “ let me introduce you to my trained canary.” —[Chicago Tribune. EQUAL TO HER TEST OP TRUE LOVE. " Yes,” she said, " I shall marry Harold, for I know he loves me.” "How ?" " He watched me sharpen a pencil and didn't laugh."—[Washington Star. ONE WAY TO GET A WORD IN. Mrs. McCordlo—lt strikes me that it is awfully disagreeable for you to talk in your sleep every night. McCordle—l agree with you, my dear; but I have to improve my opportunity, you know - -[Puck. REASONING BY ANALOGY. Mr. Bronston—Mr. and Mrs. Upton both had on new suits in church to-uay. Mrs. Upton’s dress was tailor-made. Mrs. Bronston—Huht How do you know it was tailor-made? Mr. Bronston—Because Mr. Upton’s clothes were ready-made.—[Now York Weekly. MOSTLY nOLES. “That’s a pretty big buckwheat cake fora boy of your size,” said papa at breakfast to Jimmie-boy. "It looks big,” said Jimmieboy, "but really it isn’t It’s got lots of porousoe in It."—[Philadelphia Record. CHICAGO STUPIDITY. And then George took courage. Timid Youth—Miss Gracia, perhaps my coming here so often may seem—may seem—to smack of undue persistency. Demure Maiden—George, your coming here has—has never smacked of anything yet. —[Chicago Tribune. INTERESTING, BUT SENSITIVE. •‘What an interesting animal!" exclaimed Fweddy. apprpoohing the cage of the orang-outang. "I wondab, bah Jove, if I'm distantly welated to him— ’’ At this point Fweady was interrupted by a scream from the caged simian, so full of anguish, horror, and suddon, desperate, ungovernable rage, that the entire menagerie was thrown into a state of violent excitement, and the keeper hastily ushered the young man into the apartment where the mummies and stuffed snakes were on exhibition.—[Chicago Tribune.

HARD OH THOMPSON. Small Boy—Maw, can't I go skatin' today? Nervous Mother—l’m so afraid you will fall in and get drowned. Small BoJ —Naw, I won’t. Besides we are going to take Fatty Thompson along to try the ice for us.—[lndianapolis Journal. THE HUMAN PARADOX. Senior Partner—Brownett’s bill has been running a little too long, I think. Junior Partner—Guess we’ll have to get after him. Brownctt never settles except when he is stirred up.—[lndianapolis Journal. ROOM POR DOUBT. Experienced Servant—Gentlemen wants to see you, sir. Mr. Rlchmann—Who is he?

Experienced servant—-I couldn’t find out, sir; but, Judgin’ by his clothes, he’B either a beggar or a millionaire, sir. A PLUNDER. Senior Partner—Send for an expert and have our cashier's books examined at once. Junior Partner—Bless us! What’s happened. Senior Partner—He asked for a day off to take his girl out sleighing.—[New York Weekly. WHAT SHALL THE HARVEST BR? Minister—Your wife takes a great interest in our church, Mr. Layman. I should like to. see her for a few moments. Mr. Layman—She’s out at the sewing circle to-day, sir. M.—What are they sewing to-day, sir? Mr. L. —Sewing scandal, I guess.— [NeN York Press. A KKSAMIC AFFLICTION. Flora—Why does Mrs. Minton Worcester invariably wear white this season? Dora—-Oh, hadn’t you heard that her three thousand dollar vase was broken? And white, vou know, is the mourning color —for China.—[Vogu-‘. A SMALL boy’s FUN. Jimmy—Why don’t you come over here and skate ? The ice is a heap slicker. Tommy—They’s more fun here. If I was to break through here I’d likely drown, an’ over there the water ain’t a foot deep.—[lndianapolis Journal. HERB AND THERE. Watts—Berlin must be a queer plstee. You can’t hire a servant without going to the police. Potts —And hero you bare to call in the police when you wish to get rid of her. At least I did.—[lndianapolis Journal. THE COMPANY’S FAULT. Disgusted Passenger—lt is nothing but an outrage the way these cars are packed and jammed every evening! Conductor —I know it is, but you see the company won't let us tako the seats out. If the seats was only took out there would be plenty o’ room to stand.—[lndianapolis Journal.

THE BEAR. Exchange of confidences. Mrs. Goircquent —My husband is a bear on 'Change. Mrs. Flyabout —So is mine— never gives me a cent. [Chicago Tribune. THE REASON. Mamma—lsn’t that a nice piece of B[>onge-cake. Rupert? Rupert—First-rate; but it is not as good as raisin-cake. • Mamma—Why not? Rupert—Why, beoause it hasn’t any raisins in it.—[Harper’s Young People. CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE. Charley—Did you kiss that Boston girl you were making such desperate love to a moment ago? Charley—Can’t you see the frost on my mustache?. —Chicago News Record. reelected glory. ' Teacher—What is a hero? Tommy—The man who marries a heroine. PUT ORE VENGEANCE. “You’ll be sorry for this some day,’ howled the son and hoir as his fathei released him from the position which he had ocoupied across the paternal knee. "I’ll be sorry? When?” "When I get to be a man!” “You’ll take revengo by whipping your father when you are big and strong and I am old and feeble, will you, Tommy?" "No, sir," blubbered Tommy, rubbing himself, “bnt I’ll spank your grandchildren till they can’t restl” —[Chicago Tribune. FOLLOW ANYTHING. Old Gentleman —Nice little dog you have. Isn't he a hunting dog? Small Boy—l don't know what that is. Old Gentleman—Will he follow a scont? Small Boy—Yes, indeody. Jus’ roll one. A GENEROUS OFFER. " Bliffkins must be a very generous man. 1 heard him say lust night that he would lend a friend his last dollar." "I know it," was the reply, “ but he’s so rich he never gots down to that." AT tub zoo. “That was a great race yesterday," said the elephant to the tiger. “Yes; 1 understand the giraffe beat tho zebra.” "He did; badly.” "How badly?" "By a neck.”—[Harper’s Young Folks. THE INEXPRESSIVE SHE. Mr. N. E. Verylate— Have you ceased to care for me, Adelo? 1 camo eurlior this afternoon, and you do not even look glad to see me. Miss Adele Sartcnn.—lndeed, I am glad to soo you I Hut this is my hour for resting my features from all expression.—[Vogue.