Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 March 1893 — OCR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OCR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Rave Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. Sprinkles of Spice. Seal-fishing out of season is a skin game.—Pickyune. No, Maud, dear; Joan of Arc was not Noah’s wife. —Philadelphia Record. The collector will come round unless you keep him squared.—Elmira Gazette. Ox washday paterfamilias feels that he Is subject to wring rule.— Binghamton Leader. There Is some hope that the fashion magnates will stave off the hoopskirt.—Lowell Courier.

It really wasn’t a punster who introduced in the legislature a bill to cod-ify the fish laws. Cleveland Plaindealer. A little boy was asked what the Sunday school text was. He answered “Many are cold, but few are frozen.” —Newark Call. Dashway—l have just been up in the mountains for a little shooting. Cleverton—Any luck? Dashaway— One guide.—Life. “Do you enjoy your health?” “Of course. Did you ever know of any one who didn’t enjoy good health?” “Yes, the doctors.” —Quibs. “Jack Pendleton must have got married.” “What makes you think so?” “He has quit wearing creases ih his trousers.”—Exchange. Teacher —“ Now, Teddy, is Jerusalem a proper noun or a common noun?” Teddy—“ ’Tain’t either. It’s an ejaculation, mum.”—Truth. Many a mistress would like to command her servant to do this and that, but finds It difficult to rise to the point of order. —Detroit Tribune.

“I feel better about lickin’ this postage stamp, ” said the boy who had been sent to mail a letter. “It’s nearer my size.” —Washington Star. “Thrown Jack over, have you, Kitty?” “Yes.” “I thought you loved him?” “I did, but I discovered that he bought the candy he sent me at a grocery. ” —Buffalo Express. “I got a secrid,” said Molly. “My mamma says maybe if I’m awful good for a whole month papa ’ll try to have me eggztbited at the World’s Fair.”—Harper’s Young People. Barnes (laying,aside a letter) —I’d like t’ git this ’ere feller fer a hired man. Mrs. Barnes —Why, Josh? Barnes—’Cause he signs himself “Your obedient servant.”—Puck. Fond Papa “Tommy, you are learning rapidly. Now tell me what these figures on my new necktie are?” Tommy (reflectively) —“Wiggley things.”—The Clothiers’ Weekly.

“I knew he’d fall. He was awfully extravagant” “Wliat did he do?” “Why, he even went so far as to insist on boiled eggs for breakfast every morning. ” —Buffalo Express. Upson Downes — Parveneer believes in pruning his genealogical tree. Rowne de Bout—How is that? Upson Downes—He cuts his poor re-, lations when he meets them. —Puck. Jimmy —Papa took mo to the cathedral last Sunday, and they burned a lot of insects to make the place smell nice. Tommy—They must have been scentapede3.—Philadelphia Record. “Could you make it convenient to lend me SIOO, Jack?” “I don’t know. If I should lend it to you I should be a man of some distinction. ” “How is that?” “One out of a hundred.”— Yarmouth Item. Jeweler —“ You don’t need a key for that watch. Just turn the crown, so, and it will go.” Farmer Field—- “ Just like a durn caow, ain’t it? G-ive her tail a twist an’ she gits up and gits!”—Jeweler’s Weekly. “That is a pretty big buckwheat cake for a boy of your sizes” said papa at breakfast to Jimmieboy. “It looks big,” said Jimmieboy, “but really it isn’t. It’s got lots of porouses in it. ” —Harper’s Young People. A teacher was explaining to a little girl how the trees developed their foliage in the spring-time. “Ah, yes,” said the wee miss, “I understand; they keep their summer clothes in their trunks.”—Harper’s Bazar. “Did you write James Skidmore’s name on this note?” said the Judge to the prisoner accused of forgery. “I’d like to know, Judge,” replied the culprit, “if Jim Skidmore has a copyright on the letters as happens to form his name?’'—Savannah Press.

belave there’s foul play contemplated agin me at me service place,” said Bridget O’Rafferty. “Do they want to get rid of you?” “Oi ■sushpect that same. ” “Why?” “Ivery noight the missus do be givin’ me tickets to ride home on the trolley t*ailroad.”«—Washington Star. She —"As we are to be married in June, don’t you think you ought to begin to economize?” He—“Oh, I’ve begun already. That very thought occurred to me this evening as I was coming here.” She—“ What did you do?” He—“ Passed the candy store without stopping ” New York Weekly. She was hurrying along toward the railroad statson with her long gown dragging behind and in the way. “Good gracious, Mary,” angrily exclaimed her husband, “what did you ever wear that thing for?” She responded cheerfully, “I’m all right. I wore it so I’d be sure to get to the station before my train did.”—Detroit Free Press.