Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 February 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelet* that Are Snppoped to Have Been Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Carload and Laughable. Sprinkle* of Spice. The poet’s eye in a fine frenzy rolling seldom makes a ten strike.—Boston Gazette. When a man is too dull to see the point he gets little good out or the compass.—Troy Press. A literary man is said to have reached oblivioif when his works get into palace-car libraries.—Buffalo Express. The emery-wheel trust must not complain if everybody looks upon It as a grinding monopoly.—Chicago Tribune. Iron in the blood Is a common physical fact, but the real man of mettle must also have an iron will. Philadelphia Times. Time is generally represented as carrying a scythe. This will probably be kept up till it is no mower.— Philadelphia Times. In a general kick on the question of rank it appears that a number of the rear admirals want to come to the front.—Picayune. A damsel who becomes betrothed to a blockhead is no better than he. He is a wooden one and she a wooed an’ won.—Yonkers Gazette.

An Irish carpenter fell from the roof to the ground, and when picked up remarked: “I was coining down after nails anyway. ’’—Lampoon. Spex —“Didn’t you marry a Boston woman?” Billow—'“No; but I did the next thing to it I married a Miss Bean.”—Detroit Free Press. A Finnish woman in Minnesota has given birth to six children at one time. The father hopes that this will Finnish the family.—Siftings. George— “I wonder why Ethel calls me her chrysanthemum.” Binks —“She may have discovered the fact that you haven’t a cent.”—Brooklyn Life. Kiljordan, and Shadboit simply pointed to the front of it to show that the buttons had all come off.—Chicago Tribune. Nell— “I think it so nice to be married cn one’s birthday, don’t you?” Kate—“l don’t know, I have known it to bring bad luck. Look at Eve!” —Roseleaf.

Before Mr. Goddard is entitled to a fight with Corbett, he should put himself in the first class by licking one of our new postage stamps.— Washington Star. Breathing through the nose is the only proper way to sleep. If you awake in the night and' find your mouth open, get up and shut it.— Tamaqua Recorder. Dooley— “ They may talk about business being bad, but I know a man whose trade is looking up.” Dunn—“lndeed! What is he?” Dooley—“An astronomer. ” —Tid-Bits. “Won’t you try to love me?” he pleaded. “No, Mr. Adams, I cannot,” she answei-ed, “I am not over-strong, and my physician has advised me not to do too much.”—Vogue. “Wiiat extravagance, to buy your wife such an expensive ring!” “On the contrary, since she got it she has bought only half as many pairs of gloves.”—Fliegende Blatter. “There,” said the groeer, as he gave the boy half a dozen onions for a nickel, “I’m doing myself a rank Injustice. I’m giving, you six scents for five. ” —Washington Star. One of the poets says that a young and innocent girl is like a sheet of blank white paper. Hence, perhaps, the disposition of most young men to fold her up.—Philadelphia Times. “I didn’t see anything funny in the story that fellow just told. What made you laugh so over it?” “Do you know who he is?” “No. Who is he?” “He’s the head of our firm.”—Life.

“Dalton said he felt awfully cheap last night when Miss Savecash accepted him.” Morton —“Why?” “Because she never takes anything unless it's a bargain. ” —Chicago Inter Ocean. Magistrate “Now, then, McCarthy, no prevarication. Tell me all that passed between you and the defendant.” McCarthy—“Brickbats, yer honor jist brickbats.” Exchange. Johnnie— “Oh, mamma, what did Cleopatra use that needle for that’s in Central Park?” Father (putting in his par) —“Why, to file her bonnet bills on, if she had as many as your mother. ” —Truth. Rich Father-in-law —“My daughter will, I trust, prove a real helpmeet to you.” Impecunious Son-in-law—“l hope so. I don’t know how I’ll meet expenses without her help.” —Detroit Tribune.