Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 February 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

3TORIE3 TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd. Carton*, and Lanpliahl* Phase* of Hunan Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Hay. A Sprinkling of Spice. He began, “Is it cold enough for—" and then froze up.—Cleveland Plaindealer. A. Mussulman is not as a matter of 1 course a vender of oysters.—Lowell Courier. ’ Jagson says that our boon companions can be relied upon because they are our fast friends.—Elmira Gazette. A rich St. Louis girl ig about to marry an Indian.. In fact, fortune seems to favor the brave.—Yonkers Statesman. A man who has lost collars in a laundry refers to the institution as a big Iron and steal syndicate.—Washington Star. A toper’s promises are deemed unreliable, notwithstanding the fact that he Is conceded to be a full-filler. —Boston Courier.

“I always found Hamlet easy,” said the old tragedian, “but I had to hump myself to do justice to Richard the Third.”—Puck. He (anxiously)-— “You are not your own dear self to-night, sweetheart.” She (passively)—“No, darling—l am yours.”—Funny Folks. One could stand some men “going off in a flight of eloquence” if it would only take them out of hearing. —Cleveland Plaindealer. “The air seems fresher in winter than it does in summer.” “Yes, it’s kept on ice most of the time, you know.”—Washington Star. A Second street dry goods dealer advertises the strange fact that his stock of handkerchiefs is not to be sneezed at—Philadelphia Record. Some of our theatrical managers might do well to emulate the example of the heavens in the matter of shooting stars.—Boston transcript. “I’ll be awful glad when paw swears on smokin’ again,” said Tommy. “This is the fourth lickin’ I’ve got in three days.—lndianapolis Journal.” What makes the bicycle popular with many, rich or poor, is that after trying to ride on one they feel they are better off.—Philadelphia Times “Oh, George! you careless creature; here’s another rent in your overcoat.” “Oh, darn the rent! I’ll wear my other coat this evening.”—Philadelphia Record. Spark Why do trolleymen on electric cars wear rubber gloves? Flash—Because they are not conductors.—The Clothiers and Haberdashers’ Weekly.

Miss De Yere —l can trace my ancestors back to the Reformation. Juggins That’s nothing. I can trace back to ancestors beyond reformation. —Taps. A Chicago woman was chloroformed and robbed at Fort Scott the other night. Kansas always endeavors to make her visitors feel at home. —Kansas City Journal. “I see,” said one real estate dealer to another, “that you still have a vacant house in your new row.” “Yes,” was the reply; “it is iast, but not leased.” —Washington Star. Boston Girl —“Has our modern culture penetrated to the far West?” Chicago Girl—“ You just ought to see one of our bean bag sociables.”— Street & Smith’s Good News. Mr. Rappid —“A woman has to live a year in Chicago before she can get a divorce.” Mrs. De Smith—“ Yes, it comes high, but it’s worth it.”— Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. What becomes of the messenger boys? is the question going the rounds. Some of them grow up to be preachers, and are noted for their slow delivery.—Detroit Journal. Fond Mamma —“My son is studying biology now.” Mrs. Storker—“Buyology? Oh, I wish my daughter could study that; it might teach her how to shop!”—Princeton Tiger. Morrison Essex —l’m going to let his wife know of his action with the girls. Franklin Furniss—Are you going to tell her? Morrison Essex— No, I’m going to tell my wife.—Puck. Miss Plane — l think I would have made a successful politician. I never forget a face. Miss Bute —Wouldn’t you be happier, dear, if you could forget your own?—lndianapolis Journal.

(He had come for her in a buggy and she objects to the turnout) —“You are very particular; you put on more airs than a music-box!” She— “ Well, I don’t go with a crank, anyway!”— Quips. Lawyer (tokicking client) —“Well, have you at last decided to take my advice and pay this bill of mine?” Client well; (to clerk) John, add $5 to Mr. Smith’s bill for further advice.”— Puck. Young Mr. Perkins (to little Dolly, who has just been shown off before company)—“Weil, don’t you think I’m nice, Dolly?” Dolly (to her mother) —“Is this where I tell the truth or where I act polite?”—Chicago News-Record. A Dublin newspaper has an advertisement possibly more truthful than intended: “Wanted, a gentleman to undertake the sale of a patent medicine. The advertiser guarantees that it will be profitable to the undertaker.”—Medical Times. “How is my wagon getting along?” asked the butcher. “Youv’e had it six weeks. ” “All ready but the wheels. They’re not tired yet,” returned the wagon maker. “Well, they ought to be, they’ve been waiting so long,” said the butcher.—Harper’s Bazar.