Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 February 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO< INGS HERB AND THERE. 11 »« '• IK* « foIHM and Jok»l#U that Art Snpposod ta Hava Baaa Recently Barm- Saying* aad Doing* that Art OdA Corlou* aad X-anghabla. Tea Table Talk. Bakersville will have to he spelled with a capital F in future, —Philadelphia Record. The ascent of the balloon is generally a soar point with the aeronaut. —Binghamton Leader. A new broom sweeps clean; so will an old one in the a new Janitor.—Union-Standard. The merchant finds that his hardest work begins when everything is dun.—Chicago Inter Ocean. The Greeks solved the theater-hat nuisance by not allowing the women to go to the theater.—Detroit Journal. * *• ■

Some claim that the counterpart in the opposite sex of the grass widow should be designated the hay rake.— Philadelphia Times. Pat —“ Have yez an almanac, Moike?” Mike—“l have-not.” Pat—- “ Then we’ll have to take the weather as it comes. ” —Truth. Tommy —“ What’s the turkey strutting around that way for?” Jimmy —“Guess he’s trying to look tough." —lndianapolis Journals By adding a few medical properties to the mucilage the Columbian stamp might be utilized to crush..the. porous plaster trust—Washington Post." Jaleby— l don’t see why Smith calls Miss Harper’s conversation intoxicating. Felton—l suppose because it’s extra dry.—Chicago Intel Ocean.

Jinks —Gallon was dead to the world last night. Filkins—Did he have a storied urn? Jinks—No; just an animated bust.—Field’s Washington. Reggie —“ Van Harding has been expelled from the club." Ferdie—- “ Why?” Reggie—“He was getting too beastly bwainy.”—New York Herald. Tommy— “ Say, paw?” Mr. Figg—“Well?” Tommy—“ When a hole in the ground is filled up with dirt whal becomes of the hole?”—lndianapolis Journal.

“You were out again playing poker last night,” said the father. “No, father,” replied the truthful young man, “1 was in just sl7.”—Washington Star.NeVEHGO— ‘T’m willing to wait one hundred years to gain your love." Miss Tiredtodeath—“lt seeiffs to mi the time must be almost up.”—Detroit Tribune. She—Dudes haven’t more than half sense. Mr. Sappy—Aw, Misi Mawy, are there no exceptions? “Oh, yes, Mr. Sappy; some haven’t any. ” Brooklyn Life. “I have discovered a way to cure cockneys of pronouncing horse as it it were orse.” “How?” “Spell it orse. Then they’ll be sure to saj horse.”—Puck. There' is, no end to New York’s jealousy of Chicago. A street car conductor of Gotham even refused to accept a Columbian half-dollar at Its face value.—Pittsburg Dispatch. “Does your husband pet you?” asked Mrs. McCorkle of Mrs. MeCrackle. “Oh, yes,” was the reply; “when he’s drunk.” “How nice it must be to be petted all the time. Truth.

“What do you mean by thrashing your boy without provocation?" “Well, you see, a busy man like me must discipline his children when he happens to have time. ”—Fliegende Blatter. “John,” said Mrs. Norton, as she seated herself at the hotel breakfast table, “did you call a waiter?” “Yes,” said Norton, looking up from his paper, “I called him and he had a tray full.”—Life.

“Don’t you think you are overdoing this matter of delay?” said the creditor. “Not at all, ” replied the debtor, “but I am satisfied that ycur part ot the transaction' is decidedly overdun.”—Washington Star. Young Husband —What! You are 25 years old to-day? Why, you told me a year ago, just before the wedding, that you were only 20. Young Wife—(wearily)—l have aged rapidly since I married. —Life. He—“ You don’t mean to tell me you are going to marry that old, baldheaded professor?” She—“He is rather bald, but think how many young men of to-day are bald on the inside of their heads. ” —Truth. Editor —You say you want a check for some jokes you left- here two weeks ago? Why, those jokes have been paid for. Mr. ChestnutHow long ago, sir? “Oh, about fifty or a hundred years, I imagine.”— Life.

Brown —There were some things in which the ancients surpassed the moderns. Dunn—What, for instance? Brown—Noah was a better weather-prophet than the fellows who make the predictions nowadays. -Puck. Heading Him Off: Gildersleeve —“When are you going to propose to the wealthy Miss Munn?” Tillinghast —“Never.” Gildersleeve—“What’s the trouble?” Tillinghast—“Well, she sent me as a Christmas gift a book entitled ‘Dou’t.’” —Christmas Puck. Magazine Office Boy —“Oh, there’s been an awful time up in the editorial room to-day.” Business Manager —“Eh! what’s the trouble?” Office Boy—“ The janitor made a mistake and put the No Admittance’ sign at the subscription office and the ‘Welcome’ door mat in front of the editor’s room.”—Good News.