Democratic Sentinel, Volume 17, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 January 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERB AND THERE. Jokei u 4 Jokelet* that Arc Supposed to Bare Beea Recently Born—Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. • Tea-Table Talk. Paper bustles belong in the waist basket. —New Orleans Picayune. An obtuse angle—fishing for compliments.—Union County Standard. A comet crushed to earth will not rise again.—New Orleans Picayune. An ear of corn is supposed to be attentive to the corn’s-talk. —Boston Courier. The crockery trust is broken. It ran up against the servant girls’ trust.—Texas Siftings. “Mamma,” said Johnny, “if I swallowed a thermometer would I die by degrees?”—Boston Post Talk about your transformations! We have seen a square man turn' round.—Yonkers Gazette.

Many a man who will fight If you kick his dog, lets his wife carry, in all the wood. —Ram’s Horn. Recipe for a d3meStic broil: First catch the hair on your husband’s coat-collar.—Boston Gazette. You never could persualde a horsecar driver that women know enough to vote. —Somerville Journal. The race question at present pertains not so much to immigration as to the America cup.—Philadelphia Record. As there are no railroads in the other world, Mr. Gould has probably seized the toboggan slide.—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. The winter girl who is described as dressed to kill would doubtless be classified as a fom of slay-belle.— Washington Star. No charge to florists for this advice: If you would have your plants start early put them in spring beds. —Lowell Courier.

It is now thdught Jjhat what was regarded a few days “ago as Biela’s comet was only the price of coal.— Binghamton Leader. Roosters are a good deal like men. A rooster never gives notice of finding a worm until after he has swallowed it.—Atchison Globe. If cats could only hold their backfence carnivals in the daytime they wouldn’t mew-till-late nights so.— Rochester Democrat. <• ' A man is satisfied to; make a reputation for himsdlf, but woman, bless her, wants to make one for everybody in the neighborhood.—Elmira Gazette. Officer Erautmeier — I guess Detter as you go to yail. Befuddled Stranger—Not mush I’ll go to Yale. I’m a Harvard man.—lndianapolis Journal.

Adorer —“ When we are married, darling, we shall be one.” Miss Ibsen—“Pm aware of that, Edward; but the question is, which one?” — Funny Folks. “You said you would die for me, but you get discouraged the first time papa kickß you down stairs.” “I never agreed to die for him.”—Detroit Tribune. -V : “I wish you would not take advantage of the relationship seemingly implied in your name to be so familiar,” said the hen to the hatchet. —Washington Star. Teacher James, what is the shortest day of the year? James (from experience) —* The day your father promises to give you a lickin' afore you go tobed.—Puck. Ethel (excitedly)—“He has known me only two days arjd put his arm around, me.” Eva—“ You mean, I suppose, that he knew you two days and only put his arm around you.”— Life.

‘ Tax Assessor —“Do you swear that you own nothing but the clothes you are wearing?” Charlie Lackland—“Well, I also own* a porous plaster, but I am wearing that, too.”—Seattle Soundings. Creditor —“I called to see if you could pay that little bill to-day.” Debtor—“ Come, now, this is a little too much. You press me about that little bill just as though I were a poor man.” —Boston Transcript. Sturgis —We indulge in domestic drama every night at our house. Parkes—lndeed! Who takes part? Sturgis—My 3-months-old daughter is leading lady, and I do a walking gentleman part.—New York Herald. Little Dick — “I- wish I had a pair of skates. ” Father —“Why don’t ,you pray for them?” Little Dick—- ' “Well, skates wouldn’t be any good without ice. I’ll tell you how we’ll fix it. You get the skates and I’ll pcay for the ice.”—Good News. “What a beautiful woman Miss ißarclay is. By Jove, she is a Venus,” said Hicks. “Bosh!” returned Mawson. “Look at her arms; they’re so thin you can’t see ’em. “That’s all right; she’s a Venus of Milo,” explained Hicks. —Harper’s Bazar. Jack— “ Did you lose anything on the game, Maud?” Maud—“No; you see, Jack Holworthy promised me ten pounds of candy if they won, and George Ely promised me the same if they were victorious. It was rather risky, I know, but I won.”—Lampoon.