Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 January 1893 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY PUNNY MBN OP THE PRESS. Msay 044, CarlNi, tad bnckrillt FhuM of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artiata oi Our Own Day. ScUsored Smile*. A fitting tribute—the check for the tailor.—Washington Star. A balky horse is not worth its wait in anything.—Troy Press. Jig-dancing music is the kind that reaches the sole.—Yonkers Statesman. A girl gives her lover a nrttten, we suppose, because a pairis dut of the question.—Binghamton Leader. The best idea of a Sabbath day’s journey is obtained when one tries to run through a Sunday newspaper.— Lowell Courier. “Well,” said the impatient streetcar conductor to the corpulent party trying to catch the car, “come ahead or else go afoot.—Lampoon. She —And so you broke every one of the good resolutions you made a year ago? He—Yes, but I can make more just as good next month. Little Dot —Sister gave me her brass ring. Little Dick—How do you know it’s brass? Little Dot—’Cause she gave it to me.—Good News. Mrs. McCanty— An’ ye’ve raised quolte a big family, Mrs. Murphy? Mrs. Murphy (with pride)—Seven polacemin, Mrs. McCanty.—Tid-Bits. “I proposed to Miss Dingbatts last evening.” “Ah! and how did she take it?” “She didn’t take it at all; she refused it.”—Philadelphia Record.

The claim that the telephone business is conducted on sound principles seems possible; but, really, it is supported merely by hearsay evidence.— Texas Siftings. “John, what’s the Salic law we read about in history?” asked Mrs. John. “It was a law that prevented women becoming kings,” replied John, learnedly.—Life. She —“Oh, James, how grand the sea is! How wonderful! I do like to hear the roar of the ocean.” He —“So do I, Elizabeth; please keep quiet. ” —Modern Society. Will you have another cup of coffee?” the landlady asked the boarder. He shook his head. “The spirit is willing,” he said, “but the coffee is weak.”—New York Press.

Cotton Mills— “ls Coaten Vest a good salesman?” Woolen Hose—- “ The best there is. Why, that fellow could sell ready-made clothing to Ward McAllister.”—Truth. There is nothing novel in the announcement that Mrs. Chanler has abandoned literature. Amelie’s literature has always been more or less abandoned.—Texas Siftings. “I’ve changed my mind twice today, ” said Willie Wishington. “Well,” said - his brutal friend, “you don’t mean to say that you got the worst of the trade?”—Washington Star. Burglar Bill— We are perfectly safe, old man. Pilfering Pete—How do you know? Burglar Bill—The paper says they are working on an important clew.—Brooklyn Eagle. Editor— There is not sufficient action to this comic sketch of yours. Artist —Action! Why, great Scott, It has moved around to nine or ten (papers already.—Texas Siftings. “Well, Rastus, are you used to being rich yet?” “Nor, sah. Kain’t git iised to it sah. Lor’ bless yer! 'I went out into mah own hen-coop larst night an stole one o’ mah own sah.”—Harpar’s Bazar. “It is always best to be earnest,” ! said the man who loves to lecture. “If you do anything do it in italics.” “Yes,” said the youth, “I have several times seen a man fail because he !went into business with a small capital.”—Washington Star.

Mrs- Bingo —Don’t yon think,dear, it would be a good idea for you to give me an expense book, so that the coming year you will know where all the money goes? Bingo—l can tell without any expense book, darling. All I have to do is to look on your back.—New York; Herald. Brjogs —That was a nice thing that young Fiddleback fell into, wasn’t it? The father of the girl he is going to marry gives them a house and lot, and her mother furnishes all her clothes, besides giving her an income. Griggs—What does Fiddleback do? Briggs—l understand, that he is going to buy his own cigarettes.—Puck. Gapt. Sabertash, of the cavalry corps, was an inveterate drill-master. One Sunday the Colonel saw spme of the Captain’s company, and inquired why they were not at church. Corp. Tompion said they had a sermon every day in the week, and therefore thought they might be excused on Sunday. “A sermon every day in the week?” “Yes. Capt. Sabertash gives us a sermon on the mount regularly.”—Boston Transcript.