Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 51, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 January 1893 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERB AND THERE. fsiti and Jokeieta that Its Supposed to Bin Boon Recently Born- Sayings aad Doings that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. Scissored SmUes. The more liquid a man puts down his throat the less chance there seems to be of drowning his voice.—Yonkers Statesman. Some men are born wealthy; Some men are born great; But all men are kicking Forever at fate. Ho man can stand a drain upon his resources so well as the farmer, provided the drain is on wet land.— Lowell Courier. It is running to extremes when prediction that the comet was going to make it hot for us is followed by a snow storm.—Washington Star. Literary Aunt —Are you fond of Crabbe’s tales, Edna? Edna— l don’t know, aunty. I’ve never eaten them, but I love the meat in lobsters’ legs. —Truth. The Maiden—“ Then you find married life happy?” The Wife—“ Yes; but then I seldom see my husband, you know.”—Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Dukane—l believe the physician Is right who said cholera is a crimA Gaswell—That accounts for the effort being made to arrest it.—Pittsburg Chronicle. Satan —Where does this arrival hail from? Charon—Hew York. Satan—Boil him in oil. We can’t afford to catch the cholera.—Hew York Herald.

Mamma —“Why do you put on such airs over that little girl?” Wee Woman—“ Her mother got bought teeth like you lias. ’’—Street & Smith’s Good Itews. Daube —NowsMiss Hunter, please look pleasant; that’s ,!&>—keep that for a moment until I catch it. There! now you may resume your natural expression, if you wish. Patient —“lsn’t $2 rather high foi pulling a tooth?” Dentist—“l think not. Fifty cents for extracting and $1.50 for gas.” Patient—“ One fifty for gas. So that’s why you talk so much.”—Texas Siftings. Mother —“ Dear me, are you through shopping? How did you manage to get back so soon?” Daughter (a bright girl) —“I told them to send the change home with the goods.”—Street & Smith’s Good Hews. fioY (on a bridge)—Say, mister, il you don’t look out you’ll be fined. Teamster—Why will I? Boy—That sign says “walk your horses,” don’t It? Teamster—Jesso. Boy—Well, yours are standing still.—Street & Smith’s Good Hews. Old Lady (reading report of public dinner) —“Some of these were drunk standing.” Think of that, Elizer Jane; so drunk they couldn’t sit down! They must be what thorn papers call people “who stand well Id society. ” —Princeto# Tiger. He —“ The architecture of Europe would interest me most.’* She (Dakota belie, expatiating on her travels) —“Yes, everything Is so quaint.” He —“How did the cathedral of Cologne Impress you?” She—“Oh, of course, that was too sweet for anything.”— Thomas Cat.

“That man Blobbs is a lucky dog." “And why?” “He was going through a tannery the other day and fell into a vat ” “I don’t call that luck. ” “But he had on his light summer suit, and when they pulled him out .it was dyed a beautiful black and he won’t have to buy any winter clothes.”— Buffalo Express. “Jimmy, wot’s an anarchist?” “A anarchist is a feller wot takes wot’s your’n an’ keeps wot isn’t his’n; accordin’ to them if I was ter take ev’ry apple an’ peach from that stand yonder it’d be all right, ’cause that Eyetalian can’t eat ’em, and I’d have a perfect right to ’em!”—“Jimmy, let’s be anarchists!”—Life. Physician —“ The best, thing we can do is to find a healthief location for our hospital.” Hospital Manager —“lf all your colleagues were like you the best thing we could do would be to shut up our hospital altogether. ” Physician “Oh, you compliment me.” Hospital Manager—“ Yes, for then we could start a second cemetery'. ” —Exchange. “Miranda, when my boy first went to college they called him a mossback, and now I see by this paper they’re callin’ him a full-back." “Can our boy be drinkin’, Cyrus?” “I don’t know, but I’ll pack my grip and go right on, and if he is he’ll be a called back quicker than greased lightnin’!”—Pittsburg Dispatch. Teacher—“l have told you of Louis Kossuth and what he did. I have also just said that he recently received a congratulatory ess from the Hungarian diet. Now) who can tell me the Hungarian diet is?” Little Boy (formerly of Hazleton, Pa.) —“Mdst anything thpt they can lay their hands #p.. & Smith's Good News.