Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. . Tea-Table Talk. Every woman who marries becomes a sort of amateur detective.— Atchison Globe. „ ■... The ascent of the balloon is generally a soar point with the aeronaut. — Binghamton Leader. About ail the average drunkard has to support him is a lean On a lamp-post,—Dallas News. The mariner who scours the sea in all sorts of weather needs a great deal of sand.—Lowell Courier. The man who does not comb bis hair looks best with a chrysanthemum in his button-hole.—Picayune. When a man undertakes a piece of ticklish business-he never feels like laughing.—Chicago Inter Ocean. Our “hopeful” called his schoolmistress “Experience, ” because she’s such a “dear teacher. ” —Boston Courier. “I feel quite justified in claiming to be a man of deep research,” said the submarine diver.—Washington Star.

Sporteem —ls McQuick, the sprinter, an amateur? Knowem—Yes-siree —a regular professional amateur.— New York Weekly’. Wife —Why do you buy such a lot of stamps at once? Husband—So there’ll be a few that won’t get stuck together.—New York Weekly. Clara —What shall I sing fafjiyou, Jack? Jack—Have you a song with a refrain? Clara—Yes. .Tack-*-Well, then, please refrain.—Wonder. Nearly every man who is a fool has a faint suspicion or it, bbt in trying to prove that he is not a fool he gets in deeper.-—Atchison Globe. Jagson says that “never trust a man till you know him” is good advice, but you never know some men till you trust them.—Elmira Gazette. The Deacon—Do you know what happens to boys who tell lies? Small youth—Yessir. They gets off, most times, if they tells good. ones.—Life. George —l’m afraid Ethel doesn't love me any more. Jack—What makes you think so? George—Last night she introduced me to her chaperon.

The speed ol railway trains is being brought to a point where even people on bridal tours regard the tunnel as a nuisance.—Washington Star. The medical men say that kleptomania is a disease. We have observed that its victims are always taking something for it. Binghamton Leader. “A fine collection of coins” is what the judge remarked when the prisoner had paid his $lO all in silver, nickels and coppers.—Yonkers Statesman. By serving ox-tail soup at the beginning of dinner and providing calf’s head jelly for dessert, a housekeeper can manage to make both ends meat. —Picayune. School Teacher —“ Why were the prisoners who were executed called ‘poor sinners?’” Scholar—“ Because rich sinners always get off.”—Der Hausfreund. Mother —So you wish my daughter for your wife? He (gallantly)— Partly that, madam, and partly that you may be my mother-in-law.---De-troit Free Press. Old friend (playfully)—And so you married a Boston girl? Can you always understand her when she talks? Mr. Gotham—Um—not when she talks to the baby. The addition of a letter changes the appropriate song of the season. It is now “Meet me at the grate, love.” The gate is locked for the winter season.—Lancaster Examiner. “Well,” said the good-natured man, as he sat in the restaurant, “that is a most accommodating waiter. He probably thinks I am not hungry and is waiting for me to get an appetite.”—Washington Star. Lawyer —The witness will now please state his vocation. You raise chickens, do you not? ’Rastus H. Clay (with marked emotion)— I 'Deed I doesn’t, yo’ honah, only oncet, an’ den I clean forgot myself. —Chicago News Record.

The Groom —You look envious, old man? The best man—l am. The groom (happily supposing he i 3 the envied one) —Of whom? The best man—Of the minister. You say you are going to give him a hundred.—Brooklyn Life. Here is a suggestion worth noting: In many cases, instead of announc--ing a woman’s good deed with the text, “She hath done what she could,” quite as fitting a text would be, “She hath done what she thought she couldn’t.”—Chicago Standard. Mrs. Puggs —How is your son getting along, Mrs. Muggs? Mrs. Muggs —Fine. He’s making money hand over fist as a champion bicycle rider. “But what will he do when that fad wears out?” “By that time he expects to be doubled up so that he can travel round as a freak.”—Street & Smith's Good News.