Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1892 — An Unhappy Bridegroom. [ARTICLE]

An Unhappy Bridegroom.

“There are discomforts connected with petting married that very few people know anything about, except the bridegrooms;’' remarked a young man, who had recently gone through the experience. “I did not suppose the honeymoon period had any drawbacks, Jack,” ventured the bachelor reporter. “Well, it has somo curious incidentals that I never dreamed of. After the public announcements of the date of my wedding—they appeared in most of the city papers—l began to receive a steady stream of circulars. There wore circulars from haberdashers, shoe stores and florists, and two applications from real estate agents to show flats, and three days before my wedding arrived a printed slip, ostensibly a cutting from a newspaper. “This was truly a curiosity. It was headed, *• to Murry,’although all New York were agog at my approaching ceremony, and then under the important line ‘by telegraph’ followed a fulsome account of myself. My brief and uneventful career was padded up to heroic size; every phase of it that could appeal to vanity was dwelt upon, and just as some agreeable remarks were being made about my personal appearance ‘the article’ had been clipped, and I was informed by an accompanying circular that I could obtain copies of the paper, one, or any number, by sending two dollars to a certain box at the New York Postofllee. “Of coufiie/1* ignored this tri-Cky ‘ scheme, - thoUghTas a device for bled®-" ing the vain it was most interesting; but oh my return to New York, after the affair was all over, my real woes began. The legitimate press associations kindly informed me that there were fourteen notices of my marriage, and that I could have them alt' for a consideration.

“I devoted my first hour after returning to business to this class of applicants, when a visitor was announced. He turned out to be an Insurance agent, and for five days i talked insurance, read Insurance, dreamed insurance. The elevator brought the agents in person, the mail brought their letters. I even received two telegrams on the subject. From one company alone came four diflerent canvassers. My business was Interrupted and my patience was exhausted. Late on the sixth day of this plague, when I was in no mood for triflng, the door of my outoffice opened, and a small man, with red whiskers and spectacles, came slowly in. “‘lt’s no use to come any further,’ I called to him. ‘I know your company. There have been four other men ahead of you, so it’s no use. There’s an elevator in the hall. You can ride down in it free, my friend; but if you say insurance around here I’ll give you a chance to go dem 1 the stairs free—ride down, too ’ “I stopped here to draw breath, and the red-headed man said: “‘You were married last month?’ “‘I was. Now, ask my age,’ I suggested, ‘and compute my chances of life.’ “‘Well, you narrled my niece,’continued the man. ‘I have just been calling at your house, and she sent me down to surprise you. I reckon it’s the other way; and now I’ll go out and take that free elevator.’ “I tried to apologize and explain," added the unfortunate bridegroom, sadly, “but it was no use; he went.” The Colorado coal producers anl those of Tennessee are seeking t«: arrange a combine in their respective! localities. As they produce soft coal their task will prove a difficult one, so far as following in the tracks of the anthracite trust is concerned. Vast portions of the country arc underlaid with this bituminous article and attempts at monopoly will only lead to greater development and keener competition. WnEir the Chief of Police in Sacremento reprimanded a patrolman, the latter gave him a thrashing, and then went about his accustomed duty of preserving the peace. The inference that the discipline of the Sacremento force is at a low ebb can hardly be avoided, and the chief when bis closed eye shall open may lie expected to look Into the matter.

' Tin family phyilelan. Mrs. Heir* & ghaUera, 4*o Walnut 6t, Reading, Pa., States; “We always use Bal.vatlon Oil ** I what It is recommended la place of a ’ It never falia "