Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 December 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OP THE PRESS. Hoaj 044. Ciriou. and UifhiM* Phuu of Homan Natura Graphically Portrayed by Kmlneat Word Artists at Oar Own Day. < A Sprinkle of Spice. The hunter’s horn isn’t automatic, but it goes when you wind it. Gazette. It doesn’t take much of a hunter to bag his trousers.—Glens Falls Republican. Positive, good; comparative, better; superlative, better not.—Philadelphia Ledger. . Ball-flaying Is a sort of grab game so far as the cstsbe? 1c •esteemed.—Picayune. It is strange paradox that fast colors are colors that will not run.— Boston Transcript. The liquor question staggers the Intemperate man more than any one else.—Lowell Courier. In his moments *f abstraction even the pickpocket thinks time is money. —Philadelphia Times. The book agent is another thing that never goes without saying.— Binghamton Republican. A drinking-song to be popular should be written with a rest at the bar.—Chicago Inter Ocean. You cannot expect a man to keep an unmoved face when he lets his countenance fall.—Siftings. We can’t blame actors for being superstitious when we contemplate the supers.—Elmira Gazette. If the keeper of the jail is a jailer why isn’t the keeper of the prison a prisoner?—Sheffield Telegraph. Not one man in a dozen will tell the truth if you ask him why he wears a plug hat.—Ram's Horn. Flytime may he over, but in the boarding-house fruit-cake the fly is still currant. —Yonkers Gazette. A new novel is called “There Is No Death.” It is the story of the ballet girl.—Philadelphia Record. True enough, rightly looked into, clothes don’t make a man, but how about habits?—Philadelphia Times. “The man Who just passea is an educated Indian.” “Then I suppose he lives on a mental reservation.”— Puck. Cold contracts. That’s why your pocketbook is so small when you have coaled up for the winter.—Dansville Breeze. *

If oil can still the fury of the waves, why does not eve r y ship take plenty of it in her cruise?—Texas Siftings. An Irish friend insists that the chief pleasure in kissing a pretty girl is when she won’t let you.—Boston Transcript. Perdida —How do you know that he is a gentleman? Penelope—Why, any girl could tell that by the crease in his trousers.—Truth. There’s this to be said of fall fashions, that a man never goes down with the same grace that a woman does.—Philadelphia Times. Bonds —Are you quick at footing figures, Coupons? Coupons—Yes, if 'they’re dudes’ figures. I have an only daughter.—New York Herald. Parker —l know a girl who married a Chinaman. Mrs. Parker.— Mercy I How could she? Parker— She was Chinese herself.—Puck. “I am getting tired of this injustice,” said the trigger to the barrel. “You are the one who gets loaded, and then I get pulled on account of it. ” —lndianapolis Journal. “Do you ever suffer from stage fright?” asked Adlet of the famous tragedian. “Oh, yes,” he replied. “One of the ugliest girls in the ballet is in love with me.”—Judge. Waiter —Er—it’s customary here for the guests to remember the waiter, sir. Irate patron (who has been poorly served) —Well, I should think it would be.—Chicago News. The fact that a public official is the servant of the people does not seem to excite any wild desire to remain one of “the people” and ba waited on.—Washington Star.' “I have such an Indulgent husband,” said little Mrs. Doll. “Yes, so George says,” responded Mr. Spiteful. “Sometimes indulges a little too much, doesn’t he?”—Tid-Bits. It is rather ha r d on the men, but no' unmarrle3 woman ever gets up in prayer-meeting and talks about her trials and burdens being harder ,than she can bear.—Atchison Globe. " “I tell you, ” exclaimed Mr.' Blossom,. of St. Louis, debating with a Chicago man, “I tell you that St. Louis is the banner town.” “Yes,” admitted Mr. Livewayte, of Chicago, “I understand it is a flag station. ” Puck. ' Gentleman— Good evening, my little dear. Is your papa at home? Little Dear—l don’t know; I’ll see. Mamma is, at home, and when she’s around I never can tell whether papa is here or not, he's so quiet.—Exchange. Visitor —“Is that your little son in the next room whistling: ”4 Want to Be a Soldier of the Cross?’ " Fond Mother (making for the door) —“Yes; he’s trying to drown out the sound of the key turning in the pantry lock.” —New York Herald.